bluelights Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 my mom passed away 2 weeks ago. she was my best friend and she was always there for me. noone will EVER love me the way she did, and that's depressing. i just feel so upset because i never told her how much i loved her, i was there when she died but i didn't believe she would die, i thought she'd just get better in the hospital like she always did. the doctor told me she had little chance of surviving, because the bleeding in her brain was already near the brainstem, and she was in a coma for 2-3 days and she couldn't speak and she couldn't see and even before she went to the hospital she barely could speak. she wanted to live. my last words weren't "i love you", and i think she died thinking she was a bad mother becauuse of all the things she felt guilty for (like not being able to afford us (my brothers and I) a proper house, etc). we were always a low-income family. im in university and i miss her and think about her everyday. i dream about her at night and the dreams are terrible, it's always me crying and telling her what i should've told her, and then she sobs too, and everyone's crying and i wake up heaving and a mess. i know "obviously it hurts" and "everyone goes through this eventually", but i can't seem to handle it. i'm 18 years old and im struggling to focus on school. please, advice about how to cope with death ? especially of someone you love like your mom, who left and you left so many things unsaid?
TaraMaiden Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Is there a student Counselling facility within your school? You shouldn't - and don't - have to cope with this on your own. Grief is a really heavy burden, and for one so young, at such a critical time in their lives, it must be overwhelming. Speak to your year tutor, tell him, or her, that you are still grief-stricken, and you need support and understanding. Losing a mother is traumatic. To do so at your age... well, i can't imagine how sad you must feel. Please, find professional counsel, because you need some help in learning how to make this bearable, without losing any of the quality of grief you feel. Coping, doesn't mean caring less. Coping means accepting, and knowing that you did nothing to regret. What you feel is understandable, but I'm sure your mother would hate to know this is weighing you down so hard..... 1
Sari Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 bluelights, I'm so very sorry to hear of this. You poor love. I know this won't be much help, but try to take comfort that of course your mum knew how much you loved her. These things don't need to be said all the time. I'm going through a hard time with my parents at the moment, but we all know we love each other underneath. It's the same with all families, there are fights and resentments, sometimes stretching back over decades, but when the love is there, you know it, even if it goes unsaid. Big big hugs to you sweetheart x 1
todreaminblue Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I am sorry you lost your mum,I am a mum o fthree teen girls and two boys in thier twenties, we have had some really rough spots....teens is a time for pushing boundaries and i am sure you have with your mum, heated disagreements, you might have even told her you hated her at one time or another when you didnt see eye to eye....none of it matters its just part of you growing up... you are not a bad daughter you are loved daughter then, now and always, she gave birth to you she will always love you in this life and the next, where she is now.....a mothers love for a daughter or a son is unconditional......she went loving you and will continue to love you and be cheering you on,and wanting to hold you when you are sad,Your mum is in your heart and in the blood that courses through your body she is with you now and forever....do not doubt this......she gave you life so that you could have happiness and peace. You will grieve that's part of loving someone....be assured.....you will see your mum again......just not in this life she gave you.Your mum is at peace now and eventually you will feel that...let yourself mourn, and if you find it hard seek counsel to help pull you through it......your mother knows how much you love her through everything good and bad....she physically left you for now, knowing just how much you care and giving it back at you through all her hopes and wishes and dreams she had for you in having a great life. Huge hugs to ya.. ..debxo
Author bluelights Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Is there a student Counselling facility within your school? You shouldn't - and don't - have to cope with this on your own. Grief is a really heavy burden, and for one so young, at such a critical time in their lives, it must be overwhelming. Speak to your year tutor, tell him, or her, that you are still grief-stricken, and you need support and understanding. Losing a mother is traumatic. To do so at your age... well, i can't imagine how sad you must feel. Please, find professional counsel, because you need some help in learning how to make this bearable, without losing any of the quality of grief you feel. Coping, doesn't mean caring less. Coping means accepting, and knowing that you did nothing to regret. What you feel is understandable, but I'm sure your mother would hate to know this is weighing you down so hard..... thank you everyone. yes there is counselling at my school, and i just went to see a counsellor today. it's relieving. i don't have many friends so this is very, very hard for me. i'm contemplating whether or not i should drop 1 or 2 courses, but education is important to me and i don't want to graduate 'later'. and also i don't wanna have spare time where i think about my mom all the time.. i need something to focus on. thank you for the reassurance.
Gingerxr2 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 thank you everyone. yes there is counselling at my school, and i just went to see a counsellor today. it's relieving. i don't have many friends so this is very, very hard for me. i'm contemplating whether or not i should drop 1 or 2 courses, but education is important to me and i don't want to graduate 'later'. and also i don't wanna have spare time where i think about my mom all the time.. i need something to focus on. thank you for the reassurance. Hi , I totally understand what your going through , my mum died a few years ago around Xmas time , mum was my best friend and I still miss her everyday , I got called to hospital to sit with her as my dad has been by her side for three day straight no sleep and bless him he was shattered , I got there and within 3 hours she was died , within that till she was in so much pain and was screaming so loud I lost it with her and shouted , 10 mins later she dropped unconcouis and i stepped out the room to go to toilet and she died . I never got the chance to say sorry ! Or that I loved her ! I was heart broken !! it will take along time , but the shock and pain gets better, it won't happen over night ! Your mum will know you loved her and you know she loved you ! Don't forget that x Keep going to get help ! And don't keep it in is my advice to you . Keep us updated , my heart goes out to you xx 1
TouchedByViolet Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 There is no shortcut for you. The best thing you can do is keep your friends and family close and stay busy with school. Time will help. Also, you were blessed to have such a great mother, not everyone is so lucky.
Recommended Posts