vanek26 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 So I started talking to a girl from OKC a few weeks ago. She's very, very attractive and it was to the point where I told my friend 'I don't even want to bother because I'll be wasting my time,' but I gave it a go anyways. Everything progressed smoothly and she actually said to me 'Let's hang out soon please!' which really took me by surprise. Now she's 18 and I'm 23 so there is definitely a maturity gap that comes into play. But she is stunningly gorgeous and someone I had to pursue. We met for coffee last Tuesday and had a great time. After the fact, she was texting me and going on about how much fun she had and how she wants to see me again. We planned a date at the casino for thursday and we went and had a great time which ended with a kissing session. Again, she was blowing up my phone afterwards about how great of a time she had and how she wants to see me ASAP. Too good to be true, right? My birthday was Saturday so we didn't see each other until Sunday but she spent the weekend constantly in contact with me. She invited me to her dad's super bowl party, and apparently told her parents about me. She also got me tickets to a sporting event on Feb 1st for my birthday, which was very unexpected. I know she's moving fast, but I'm into her so I was flattered. On Sunday she moved into her dorm room and she invited me to come visit. I came up and hung out with her and her friends for a bit. They were all very talkative amongst themselves and I did my best to take part in the conversation but it was very difficult. The girl and I had a few moments alone and we kissed and such but I left with a sinking feeling that she was losing interest. I can't put my finger on why... but I had the feeling nonetheless. Sure enough, her texts with me that night were very brief. To try and see where I stood, I asked her to hang out today and she suggested tomorrow instead because she was still settling into her dorm. Legit excuse? Probably. But it's also something she would say if she was losing interest. It's been a good 15 hours since her last text, which is very odd considering I had been getting them hourly until this point. I know this all seems crazy, but you have to understand the euphoria of nabbing a girl who you feel is out of your league. And now I have this feeling that everything is slipping away and I'm not sure how to reclaim it. I don't want to contact her more aggressively and seem needy, but she may just drift off if left to her own devices. How do I deal?
Lani Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 If you think she's out of your league, then you're always going to analyse every little thing about your relationship. Obviously she's not out of your league, or she never would have been interested in the first place. 15 hours isn't even a day, give her some time. Maybe she's actually busy? Chill out.
MrCastle Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I've had this before. Can't really give you advice because I've never seemed to right this either. It's pretty elusive. It's like, I'll have a girl who is super into me, make all the contact, do all the legwork, and when I'm ready to swoop in and get down to business, she's ghost. It's like out of nowhere she develops acute self awareness and says "whoa, I'm coming across as really clingy. I should probably cool off". So then, since I'm used to the previous set up of her initiating everything, I think she's lost interest and I end up stopping the pursuit. Or, she's super into me to the point that it's a turn off and scares me away, and I just give her short answers via text until she gets the message that I'm not as into her as she's into me.
darkmoon Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 (edited) it is one of my dealbreakers, seeing if a man spends his birthday (and Christmas NYE) with me - it's part of being a couple - i would draw the conclusion that i'll need other friends/people than my boyf to celebrate my own big days on if i'm not to be lonely on them in the future in turn, i might not bother inviting you to my stuff, in case it's how you like things, detached, sorry, just my two cents maybe, it's not moving too fast, it's part of serious dating the league thing idk, a man can be sexy or whatever without being so classically handsome, it's all good Edited January 15, 2013 by darkmoon
todreaminblue Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 So I started talking to a girl from OKC a few weeks ago. She's very, very attractive and it was to the point where I told my friend 'I don't even want to bother because I'll be wasting my time,' but I gave it a go anyways. Everything progressed smoothly and she actually said to me 'Let's hang out soon please!' which really took me by surprise. Now she's 18 and I'm 23 so there is definitely a maturity gap that comes into play. But she is stunningly gorgeous and someone I had to pursue. We met for coffee last Tuesday and had a great time. After the fact, she was texting me and going on about how much fun she had and how she wants to see me again. We planned a date at the casino for thursday and we went and had a great time which ended with a kissing session. Again, she was blowing up my phone afterwards about how great of a time she had and how she wants to see me ASAP. Too good to be true, right? My birthday was Saturday so we didn't see each other until Sunday but she spent the weekend constantly in contact with me. She invited me to her dad's super bowl party, and apparently told her parents about me. She also got me tickets to a sporting event on Feb 1st for my birthday, which was very unexpected. I know she's moving fast, but I'm into her so I was flattered. On Sunday she moved into her dorm room and she invited me to come visit. I came up and hung out with her and her friends for a bit. They were all very talkative amongst themselves and I did my best to take part in the conversation but it was very difficult. The girl and I had a few moments alone and we kissed and such but I left with a sinking feeling that she was losing interest. I can't put my finger on why... but I had the feeling nonetheless. Sure enough, her texts with me that night were very brief. To try and see where I stood, I asked her to hang out today and she suggested tomorrow instead because she was still settling into her dorm. Legit excuse? Probably. But it's also something she would say if she was losing interest. It's been a good 15 hours since her last text, which is very odd considering I had been getting them hourly until this point. I know this all seems crazy, but you have to understand the euphoria of nabbing a girl who you feel is out of your league. And now I have this feeling that everything is slipping away and I'm not sure how to reclaim it. I don't want to contact her more aggressively and seem needy, but she may just drift off if left to her own devices. How do I deal? I agree with the other poster who said about leagues, if she is interested in you then you are her idea of someone suitable for her so you must be in her league is logical..... i hate leagues by the way dating isn't rugby,even though rucks can be fun.....without the spiky boots for either guys or girls......i am tangenting..... she just moved into a new dorm so she is trying to find her place, see if it settles and goes back to what it was before with the texting, you might have a pleasant surprise.The part where you said they were talking amongst themselves.Did they try and include you in the conversation? I know you said you are shy, but you may have to step it up when communicating with friends and family of hers, try and join in conversations or show interest at least.Just a hint...best wishes ....deb 1
HitMeNow Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 WTF buddy. Just keep your **** together. I ll let you know what happened. You felt out of place and now project your insecurities to "her not liking you". Just chill and remember that you have to do some of the work in the relationship too.
Author vanek26 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 This is one of those situations where being a man comes into play... She's just another female bro, think about something else... focus on a project of some kind, When she does contact you ignore it and wait for the next one... Then when she asks what's going on, tell her you thought she was going cold so you brushed it off your shoulder and thought nothing of it... Take control of yourself, u da man! She can know you're into her, and there's a chance that she might be able to get you... But she can't know you're REALLY into her, that takes away her sense of challenge and excitement, Your actions should be a very fine and concentrated mix of interest and narcissism, too much or too less of any is the reason why they go cold like this... having the right amount of both is what creates her DESIRE for you... This makes a lot of sense, thanks for the advice. I'm just wondering if the damage has already been done. It's now been a full 24 hours since her last text which is a very strange departure from how things were before. I know if I ask her what's up she's just going to say she has been busy with school, so there's no point in asking at all. So you think I should just go cold on her and hope that it entices some sort of reaction from her? Again, I hope it isn't too late for that. It will be devastating if after all the build up I don't even get to at least sleep with this chick!
KraftDinner Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 This is one of those situations where being a man comes into play... She's just another female bro, think about something else... focus on a project of some kind, When she does contact you ignore it and wait for the next one... Then when she asks what's going on, tell her you thought she was going cold so you brushed it off your shoulder and thought nothing of it... Take control of yourself, u da man! She can know you're into her, and there's a chance that she might be able to get you... But she can't know you're REALLY into her, that takes away her sense of challenge and excitement, Your actions should be a very fine and concentrated mix of interest and narcissism, too much or too less of any is the reason why they go cold like this... having the right amount of both is what creates her DESIRE for you... Yes, great, play games and treat her like garbage because she doesn't contact you in 15 hours (which, I should point out, includes SLEEP time). So if she doesn't contact you every hour, on the hour, she gets punished with the cold shoulder? That's one of the stupidest things I've heard on this board lately. 1
sabre80 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Dude you gotta chill out man. It's only been 15 hours. Add this to the fact that she is moving into a new dorm. Is she just starting college? This could be a very stressful and uneasy time for her. Going from living with mommy and daddy to suddenly being all on your own can be very intimidating and a shock to the system once realized for some people. 2
Author vanek26 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Don't go cold on her... Just be "indifferent"... the last time you seen her she left you with the impression she's losing interest, and she hasn't contacted you since... So regardless of whether you're over-thinking it and maybe nothing is wrong, (Even though it's probably likely that she is in fact losing interest because you've shown too much of it)... If I was in this situation, I would ignore her until she gets frustrated and demands to know where she stands... I would say.. "I got the impression that you're busy with other **** or maybe not as into this is I thought... so I thought cool I'll just leave you to it", If not anything else this at least tells her that you're not really bothered if she's losing interested and you were ready to "in a sense" move on from it... and that you're not in the palm of her hand as much as she thought... restoring that sense of challenge that you killed earlier (which lead to her losing interest), But of course I don't know the situation fully, I'm just telling you my best theory from the info you provided... Makes sense to me. Of course, there's an alternative scenario that's really the killer for me. Let's look at the facts first. I met her face to face only a week ago. We've hung out a total of three times. In that incredibly short time frame she has: -texted me nonstop and sent me probably about 20 pictures (nothing dirty) -told her parents about me -invited me to a Super Bowl party at her house -bought me tickets to a sporting event that isn't for another two weeks -had some of her friends add me on Facebook So this girl seems to have been rushing into things pretty quickly. All the while I was just going with the flow and letting her come to me. Now, suddenly, there's a change. And it makes me think... if she could fall for me so quickly, she could easily lose interest just as quickly. What if I did something that turned her off the other day? She noticed something ugly about me, or her friend made a negative comment to her... there's a lot of possibilities. And if that is the case, there's literally nothing I can do. Her interest has already vanished, and now she's just putting her head in the sand until I go away. If I text her, she'll be short with me and say she's really busy. And if I just let things be, she will continue to drift away. I hope it's not too late to reclaim the interest level. In my experience, once it's gone it's gone. That's why I usually capitalize and at least sleep with the girl before she flakes. ugh...
OJ loved Nicole Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 How do I deal? You don't. Either she lost interest, met someone else worth pursuing, got really busy, lost her phone, forgot, etc. If she's interested she'll let you know (has let you know before), if not, she's not worth another second of your time. You are you, you want women that want you for YOU! No exceptions. If she doesn't want you for you, GREAT!! You've just avoided weeks/months/years of being with someone who isn't 100% into you. Furthermore, you don't try/convince someone to be with you. Not your job. Delete her number, she already knows your interested (you tried to make plans, she declined). If/when she comes calling to see you, don't jump at her call. You're not some little puppy dog that is waiting for her command.
Imajerk17 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 My take: 1. Thing is, 18-year-old girls are notoriously fickle. 2. Sounds to me that she was the one leading the relationship. Sounds like you were playing the girl here. You went into her world while she didn't really go into yours. Nothing wrong with the girl being more into you, but it sounds like she was the one deciding the pace and whatnot.
TheZebra Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I read this thread and all I can think of is 'Much Ado About Nothing' You know what probably happened? What MrCastle suggested. She probably was told by her friends that she was coming onto you too strong and being too clingy so she backed away a bit. Or she's doubtful about how you feel (it seems like you've been a little laid back?) and wants to see if you're as interested in her as she is in you. But it's way too early to freak out.
Imported Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Now, I always close out with a girl before going for another. My instincts for how to behave has become fine and usually correct regardless. However, there use to be a time when I put too much into nothing and my behavior because of this would usually cause me to fail. But during college, women were just too easy and were very aggressive, that not only did I have a sort of girlfriend, but several other girls that I got to experience on intimate levels as well. I believe in being faithful and giving a girl I am interested in my respect, but when I was juggling having a lot of different girls, how I behaved to any one of them was exactly how I needed to behave to get what I want and it was all natural. You need to take your mind off the one girl. Talk with a different girl romantically. You two aren't serious and it seems any minute thing she does is world ending for you. That will ruin you and almost guarantee you fail.
ascendotum Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 You have received some good posts here. Like MC I have had wow too good to be true girls be a part of my life, then ghost on me and it can do your head in wondering about what happened, what went wrong, what did I do wrong. I agree that its just bad timing that you have just met her at a very busy/life changing point in her life. Give her a break on her world revolving around you for a few days. I also get the impression that the communication is one sided, with it being her that does all the initiation. You don't have to sit there by the phone stressing out over why she has not called. You can actually keep the lines of communication open, without future thinking that she will react negatively if you do. Look you have a couple cards still to play here...an invite to her dad's Super Bowl party + arrangement to go to a sporting event in a few weeks. Unless she tells you otherwise, you should assume they are still on and you are still a part of her life and have a reason to stay in touch with her. if she could fall for me so quickly, she could easily lose interest just as quickly. Yes. Young girls can be fickle. Her interest has already vanished, and now she's just putting her head in the sand until I go away. No it hasn't. She has just cooled things off. She was too over eager before. If I text her, she'll be short with me and say she's really busy. Maybe, maybe not. Find out. I hope it's not too late to reclaim the interest level. In my experience, once it's gone it's gone. That's been my experience and a number of my friends, but you are not there yet. Its just 24 hrs on NC while she has moved out of home and met a bunch of new roommates. Its not like she has changed her demeanor towards you (beyond not blowing up your phone).
Author vanek26 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Great responses guys, as usual there is some insightful stuff on here. It's so perplexing to me that the communication just ended like this. It's as if she literally can read my mind and see how insecure I'm feeling and it is turning her off. I wonder what she's thinking right now. One way or another, she has to be wondering why I haven't talked to her either. The funny thing is, I have been seeing a bunch of different girls. Last week was a pretty wild week for me because I had a little time off of work and I met up with at least 8 different girls from OLD. More than half of them were only people I would consider good for an occasional bang but there were a few cuties in the mix. The girl I posted the topic about though is far and away the prettiest. And so even though I have other things going on she's still dominating my thoughts right now.
Author vanek26 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 We're now at two + days since the last text. This is so bizarre, I figured she would at least have her interest tail off a bit before quitting cold turkey. Part of me really wants to call her out and ask what's up. But then I'll get the inevitable excuse about her being busy and that will bury me. I just find it hard to believe that there's anything I can do to convince this girl that I'm that same guy she was drooling over, texting, updating her Facebook status about, just a week ago
Failboy Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I think I know what is going on. This may be brutal to say but I don't mean it that way. She is indeed out of your league, but she liked you anyways. So far so good. Then she invited you to meet her friends, who are probably also out of your league. It was probably a casting. The friends more or less told her (even if only through subtle things like not involving you in their conversations) that she can do much better and that she shouldn't settle for someone like you. That it would be weird. So she called it off. This is how it goes, especially with young girls. If their social circle believes you are not hot or popular enough, you are done. No matter how much she would like to be with you on an isolated island.
Author vanek26 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 Interesting development. I decided to cave in and send her a 'hey' text today. And got no response. I at least expected an excuse of some sort. This is so bizarre.
ascendotum Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 (edited) Interesting development. I decided to cave in and send her a 'hey' text today. And got no response. I at least expected an excuse of some sort. This is so bizarre. You should have called her that way you show more interest in her and can get a better feel for where you are with her now through her enthusiasm in conversation on the phone. Find out one way of the other, if you are still going out with her in the coming weeks. Or if you do txt her you should asked her if she's loving dorm life or something that would hopefully inspire her to reply or feel some sort of encouragement that you feel she worth more than a 'hey' after a number of days of no contact. I know you want her to keep up with her eagerness, but if she a bit of a hottie, well you need to put some effort in to stay on her radar, coz with you not on the scene now, plenty of other guys in the dorm are going to give her attention. I see others here say sit back and let her pick up the chase, well after she put in most of the effort early on she's backed off (for whatever reason). Is she worth more than a 'hey' to you? (given you created this post I think she is) Edited January 18, 2013 by ascendotum
tom22 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I agree with the previous post. Give her a phonecall, just for a little chat. Don't address the situation with her directly, but I'm sure you will be able to answer alot of your own questions from the way she talks to you. One way or the other, speaking to her will help you out I think.
todreaminblue Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I can hear your sissy voice from deep within that friend zone... Why is it some men seem to forget they have balls when women are the topic...? man up lol sissy voice ....man up....testosterone city eh....real men dont talk like that telling others to man up and talking about forgotten balls.....deb
KraftDinner Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 This is one of those situations where being a man comes into play... She's just another female bro, think about something else... focus on a project of some kind, When she does contact you ignore it and wait for the next one... Then when she asks what's going on, tell her you thought she was going cold so you brushed it off your shoulder and thought nothing of it... Take control of yourself, u da man! She can know you're into her, and there's a chance that she might be able to get you... But she can't know you're REALLY into her, that takes away her sense of challenge and excitement, Your actions should be a very fine and concentrated mix of interest and narcissism, too much or too less of any is the reason why they go cold like this... having the right amount of both is what creates her DESIRE for you... lol sissy voice ....man up....testosterone city eh....real men dont talk like that telling others to man up and talking about forgotten balls.....deb Especially since I'm the one he was talking about, and I'm a woman! Haha! Seriously though, what's with the game playing?
Recommended Posts