monicaelise Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Oh...hmmm, ...say about 20 min or however long it takes to get out of my clothes, whichever comes first. Just Kidding!!! Seriously, wait until the idea of sex with this person no longer makes you uncomfortable. That could be days, weeks, or months (let's hope not though). You'll be nervous no matter what, but when it becomes good nervous, not "should-I-be-doing-this-or-will-he-just-bail-if-I-don't?" nervous, you'll be ready. Each relationship is different. 42, female. 3
Ross MwcFan Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Nah, to be honest I think I would rather wait until I felt more comfortable, as I think the more comfortable and non nervous I'd feel with someone, the better it would be. But hey, if the opportunity presented itself to have sex straight away, I wouldn't pass it up as it might be the only chance I'd ever get. I'm 37 and male.
monicaelise Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I think the longer I have gone out with her before having sex the better. I personally will not have sex with a woman if she has not asked me to be her boyfriend. That's the key there. If she hasn't asked me to be the boyfriend I don't care how much she is sexually attacking me. I need to know where I stand and I want to get to know her before thinking of having sex. That's just me. My dating views are more conservative as I get older. Women actually ask you to be their boyfriend? I can honestly say I have never heard of a woman asking a man to be her boyfriend. Where are you finding these women? I'm sure there are many men on this board are dying to find out where such females exist and you've certainly piqued my curiosity. 1
Keenly Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Well...if as you mentioned, were looking at a serious relationship...if I really like her I'd be willing to wait six months tops. When I say tops I mean that's when I would start verbally complaining to her about it. Don't get me wrong, I would be trying to seduce her the entire time.
Ami1uwant Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I agree with others...generally ate 3-5 depending on how much you talk between dates. You have a grat weekend with 3 consecutive dates on a Friday, Saturday and Sunday...its still too early to do it Sunday night. Similarly if you just have a dinner date every wednesday but you dont tlk much in between dates then its also too early. I have said this for years...sleeping on the first date generally leads to trouble in the relationship. The enjoied sex clouds judgement or she feels cheap/ashmamed of being too easy...thus ending the relationship.
KungFuJoe Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I don't think you should set a "time limit" on anything. Just let it happen. Sounds like a cliche, but you can't force love. And all rules go out the window when you meet the right one. I've had sex within hours of "hanging out", sex on the first date, and the longest I've had to wait was probably a week and a half (first gf). I never gave it much thought but to be honest. I was never the one to push for sex...they all pretty much initiated it...I just went along for the ride.
Star Gazer Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I think I tend to average around 4 or 5 dates and being exclusive (but not necessarily a couple).
Author the_entertainer1 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 Thanks for all the input so far ... it's interesting. So I'm going to his place tonight, for the first time. We're going to get a pizza and "watch a DVD". He actually asked what I wanted to watch, but I'm not sure how much attention either of us will be paying to it! I think he's expecting to kiss and make out, and I hinted that I'm willing to do that but not more. But just in case he wants to go further, how do I say no without him feeling like he's being 'rejected'? (I think I mentioned before - the reason I don't want to go further is because I haven't had sex before and think it should be when I'm in a loving and committed relationship. Interesting, seeing as it seems that a lot of people here think that sex is a prerequisite for a loving and committed relationship. Just an observation.)
suladas Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Depends but 2nd date before and had no complaints. I would have waited longer but she made the move. It did move quite quick, considering the 2nd date was a whole weekend together at her place having sex the whole time. 23 male.
todreaminblue Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Thanks for all the input so far ... it's interesting. So I'm going to his place tonight, for the first time. We're going to get a pizza and "watch a DVD". He actually asked what I wanted to watch, but I'm not sure how much attention either of us will be paying to it! I think he's expecting to kiss and make out, and I hinted that I'm willing to do that but not more. But just in case he wants to go further, how do I say no without him feeling like he's being 'rejected'? (I think I mentioned before - the reason I don't want to go further is because I haven't had sex before and think it should be when I'm in a loving and committed relationship. Interesting, seeing as it seems that a lot of people here think that sex is a prerequisite for a loving and committed relationship. Just an observation.) In an ideal world, sex would only be for loving committed relationships, a lot less broken hearts out there if this was the case....reality bites however and people are more desensitized to sex.....deb 1
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I have failed miserably at waiting, 2 of the guys I hooked up with it was on the second date (within 2 days of meeting :/) 1 was a hook up, we met solely to have sex, my ex I waited about a month.. 5 dates in we did it. I thought that was some serious waiting, and I never intended to sleep with him the first date, I was going over there to hang out and we were gonna do oral because I had never been eaten out before and he wanted to be the first but then he got down there and he was like can I please put it in and I was like.. ok.
Author the_entertainer1 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 I suppose what has sparked my question is my own situation - I've been on 3 dates with a guy (going on a fourth on Thursday night, to watch a dvd at his place). I've read all that stuff about the third date being the "sex date" but that wasn't the case for me and I'm nowhere near ready to do that with him yet. He hasn't even kissed me yet! So I'm just wondering about other people's experiences ... So we had our date on Thursday night. I thought it went quite well for the most part. We had pizza and watched a movie (Risky Business) and he had his arm around me while we were sitting on the couch. When the movie finished we sat there in the dark for a few minutes making awkward conversation and then he kissed me. We kissed for a while and then he kind of hinted that he wanted a bit more than kissing; he asked about my 'experience' so we weren't doing anything I felt uncomfortable with. So then I had to basically tell him that I hadn't had sex before (he was shocked, I think) and we had a pretty awkward conversation about my views on sex (I want it to be when I'm in a loving relationship ... I'm kind of undecided on other sexual stuff but felt it wasn't yet the right time on Thursday). Then we kissed some more. He said he was getting "pretty turned on", which was nice to know, but truth be told, I wasn't sure what to do to show him I was getting into it as well. Ok, I'm going to admit ... it was my first kiss. I didn't tell him that. But for someone who's not used to making the first move, how can I show him (if there is a next time) that I'm getting into it as well? Fast-forward 2 days later. We've sent a couple of texts asking about eachother's day, etc., but to me it feels different. Do you think he's turned off by the fact that I haven't had sex before? We met on an online dating site. He says he's looking for a long term relationship but is it possible that he might just look for someone who is willing to have sex a bit sooner than I am?
Ruby Slippers Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 If the guy really likes you and wants a relationship with you, he'll wait and be respectful. Don't let a guy pressure you or set the pace for you. You're waiting for love, and that's a good thing. Don't be shy about stating that. You can feel good about that stance. If the guy doesn't respect it - well, he's obviously not being very caring or loving toward you. 2
suladas Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I'm surprised you actually watched the movie, usually that's code for making out for a few hours and barely catching any of the movie. The way it has moved to more in my experience is just start touching, usually the guy starts that but if you want to get into more you could guide his hands on your boobs, etc. Again it's the guy who does it more but kissing neck, collarbone, chest, etc. It's more on the guy to make the moves. It is perfectly fine if you want to take it slow, based on his comment that he was "pretty turned on" I think he was either hinting at sex or a BJ for sure which isn't really cool IMO. Don't feel pressured to do anything before you're ready, if he doesn't like it just find someone else. 1
mortensorchid Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I think it would be right to wait for 3-5 dates. I mean, you don't really KNOW the person until you've had a few get togethers.
Star Gazer Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 What? That doesn't make sense. You are exclusive but not a couple? Yes. Being exclusive with someone doesn't necessarily carry the same level of emotional investment and time commitment that being a couple does. I'd prefer they be one and the same, but usually couplehood follows exclusivity by a couple weeks.
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I'd prefer to wait at least 6 months. Never gotten that far though so who knows if that's a good idea...
candie13 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Fast-forward 2 days later. We've sent a couple of texts asking about eachother's day, etc., but to me it feels different. Do you think he's turned off by the fact that I haven't had sex before? We met on an online dating site. He says he's looking for a long term relationship but is it possible that he might just look for someone who is willing to have sex a bit sooner than I am? Online dating sites are fishy . Please think about you and what you want first and foremost and then about what he wants. You want a relationship. You want a connection with someone before having sex. So, stick by your guns, focus on yourself and on your needs. He's not game anymore? That is GREAT, because you know and can move on! Don't mean to be cynical, but lots of guys will give you BS to get you into bed, so you are actually lucky to understand what this particular guys is after so soon. There's obviously a lot of curiosity for you to understand what's the deal with "the sex issue", but wait until you meet someone special, it'll be really worth while.
miss_jaclynrae Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 My boyfriend and I waited... not that long. Date one: public place Date two: Dinner at his plave Date three: Dinner at his place and spent the night [no sex] Date four: Fort making night and footie PJ sleepover [no sex] Date five: Dinner at his place and spent the night [totally did it] Met a week before first date, and all of those five "dates" happened in five consecutive days. I tried to do the whole "I want to wait" thing but by the third night sleeping over, it just sorta happened naturally. We have been inseparable since, and have spent every night together other than Christmas eve. There is no time limit. It happens when it happens.
miss_jaclynrae Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 What? That doesn't make sense. You are exclusive but not a couple? Loveshack, you did it again. I feel like my brain is pouring out my ears. Makes sense to me, you aren't dating anyone else but aren't exactly "boyfriend/girlfriend".
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 Seems like a lot of people want sex really early on...
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