the_entertainer1 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Just out of interest, I'm curious to know how long you date someone before sleeping with them, if you are looking for a long term relationship with them? (This is not a "how long should it be before you sleep with someone" question - I'm just interested in different people's situations) The first date? After a three or four? When you're "official"? When you're married? When it feels right? Can you also include your age-range and gender in your response? I suppose what has sparked my question is my own situation - I've been on 3 dates with a guy (going on a fourth on Thursday night, to watch a dvd at his place). I've read all that stuff about the third date being the "sex date" but that wasn't the case for me and I'm nowhere near ready to do that with him yet. He hasn't even kissed me yet! So I'm just wondering about other people's experiences ...
PogoStick Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 35 y/o man. Sex seems to come sooner as I've gotten older. Women just aren't as afraid of it, don't feel the taboo, and are able to enjoy it easier. Less games, less wondering, it's nice. Sex on the first date or two is rushing it, if you're looking for something serious. Doesn't mean it won't work, but sex can obscure potential problems. It's reasonable to wait a handful of dates, 4-5 ish let's say. But sex is pretty much a requirement to progress the relationship to a serious level. 2
MrCastle Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 A month is usually my limit. During that time you're going on a date once a week and communicating 4-5 times a week. Plenty of time for a woman to feel comfortable sleeping with you.
SJC2008 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 To paraphrase an author of a well known dating book: 'When you have sex to early it becomes the glue and the blinders come up'. You have to decide what too early is for you. You may even have a different time frame for different men depending on how you feel. A man truly looking for something meaningful shouldn't have a problem waiting 1-3 months. 2-3 months is my ideal time frame with 3 pretty much being my limit. Somethines it just happens though, I had sex in the 5th date with the last woman I dated.
Andy_K Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 It typically takes 1-3 dates. Very occasionally 4 or 5, but that's rare. I'm a 29 year old male from the UK. When single I typically date girls 22-27 If we're not interested enough in each other to be having sex by then, chances are we've already stopped dating.
TaraMaiden Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Hey, the first night is fine. Providing you just sleep, that is....
MrCastle Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 A month is usually my limit. During that time you're going on a date once a week and communicating 4-5 times a week. Plenty of time for a woman to feel comfortable sleeping with you. Hey, sorry--25 year old male
soccerrprp Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 35 y/o man. Sex seems to come sooner as I've gotten older. Women just aren't as afraid of it, don't feel the taboo, and are able to enjoy it easier. Less games, less wondering, it's nice. Sex on the first date or two is rushing it, if you're looking for something serious. Doesn't mean it won't work, but sex can obscure potential problems. It's reasonable to wait a handful of dates, 4-5 ish let's say. But sex is pretty much a requirement to progress the relationship to a serious level. Only difference is that I have and will have sex on the first date. I am looking for a LTR and as Pogo says, ladies in my age range seem more mature about what they want, willing to do. My having sex on the first or within the first couple doesn't cloud my judgment at all and I am very open about my sexuality. I'm 44 yrs. old. 1
mitchell Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Just out of interest, I'm curious to know how long you date someone before sleeping with them, if you are looking for a long term relationship with them? (This is not a "how long should it be before you sleep with someone" question - I'm just interested in different people's situations) The first date? After a three or four? When you're "official"? When you're married? When it feels right? Can you also include your age-range and gender in your response? I suppose what has sparked my question is my own situation - I've been on 3 dates with a guy (going on a fourth on Thursday night, to watch a dvd at his place). I've read all that stuff about the third date being the "sex date" but that wasn't the case for me and I'm nowhere near ready to do that with him yet. He hasn't even kissed me yet! So I'm just wondering about other people's experiences ... BTW, he's expecting you to sleep with him when you go over his house to "watch a DVD". That's just a euphamism for have sex with me. If you are not ready then don't put yourself in that position.
Emilia Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Age doesn't matter in my case, I feel the same way now as I did when I was 15. Yep, obvious from your posting history 4
silvermercy Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 F, 30. 1-2 months with a date at least once a week. I don't believe I can know a person well enough shorter than that. I also can't separate love from sex and I'd like my man to do the same.
Author the_entertainer1 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 BTW, he's expecting you to sleep with him when you go over his house to "watch a DVD". That's just a euphamism for have sex with me. If you are not ready then don't put yourself in that position. When he first mentioned going to his place, I was a little bit nervous and said I wanted to take things slowly. He seemed to understand, didn't press the issue and said that he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable. I kind of suggested it this time (we've been on another date since he first suggested it) but am still pretty nervous. Why am I nervous? It should be an exciting time, right? Well, here's a little secret. I'm a virgin. It's not that I haven't had opportunities to have sex. I'm confident (apart from when it comes to this stuff!), intelligent, and have been told that I'm pretty (though I'm no model). I'm inexperienced though. I've been on dates with guys but where I'm at with this guy is the furthest it's ever gone because I was probably projecting that nervousness or reluctance, or whatever you want to call it. I was always "scared" of the sex issue. I'm so physically ready for it! lol. I'm more wary of the emotional side. I am a bit of a perfectionist, I suppose, and I want everything to be 'right'. So when I have sex, I want it to be with someone who I love, and who I know loves me. It's a choice that I've been thinking about a lot lately, but I know I don't want it to be with just anyone, just because it's "the next step". Anyway, I don't think that he'll pressure me if I go to his place. If he hasn't even kissed me yet is he really expecting sex? (Though a male friend of mine once told me that all guys always expect sex ...) He just texted me: "what kind of movie will you feel like? I'll get something ... if by coming over for a 'movie' you actually mean watching a 'movie', haha kidding :)" I feel pretty stupid asking this question, but can someone please tell me what I should expect when I go there? Also, I don't know what movie to suggest ... Also ... if it helps ... I'm 23 and he's 22.
mitchell Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 He just texted me: "what kind of movie will you feel like? I'll get something ... if by coming over for a 'movie' you actually mean watching a 'movie', haha kidding :)" Well, he's throwing it out there and testing the waters with that text! He wants to have sex with you. If you are not ready, I'd be leery of going over to his place to "watch a DVD". You could let him know you are not ready to have intercourse. Perhaps you two are ready for making out. Maybe a BJ or he could even go down on you.
silvermercy Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Seriously if you're not ready yet don't do it! If you're not ready then you're not ready!! Simples! You don't want to regret your first time just because he's expecting "something" after the 3rd or 4th date. He literally tested you with that text message! If he does anything else that feels like he's pressuring you to give in sooner than you feel, your gut feeling to wait was right. 2
Author the_entertainer1 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 He literally tested you with that text message! If he does anything else that feels like he's pressuring you to give in sooner than you feel, your gut feeling to wait was right. Well, he's throwing it out there and testing the waters with that text! So how on earth do I reply to that message? And does he definitely mean sex, or maybe just making out?
silvermercy Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 (edited) So how on earth do I reply to that message? And does he definitely mean sex, or maybe just making out? He could mean anything of that sort, but my guess is he does means sex indeed (otherwise he wouldn't be "kidding". You don't make jokes and innuendos about simple kissing. So yeah, he was not kidding about the sex part). He may hope for some kissing at first (which I guess it's ok) but it's almost certain he hopes this will escalate since you'll be indoors. And it will if you let him. How do you respond? Well, that's up to you. You can either be upfront with him and state that you don't feel comfortable just yet with anything sexual. (On this he may reply again that he has just kidding. lol) or take the bait and send him a whole list of new DVD releases. LOL You can also play dumb and ask him what else is there to do? Cooking? Gardening? Playing videogames? But seriously, I would go with honesty. If he gets upset, cold, distant, defensive etc on the following dates... then you've been right to wait. Edited January 15, 2013 by silvermercy 1
sadpanda87 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 26 male usually when i 'date' it ends up happening by the second night out or so. however right now im seeing a girl that i want to have a LTR with. been two weeks seeing her almost every second day. havnt even really kissed so taking it real slow.... totally fine with it i think it depends on what you want out of the relationship 1
carhill Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Just out of interest, I'm curious to know how long you date someone before sleeping with them, if you are looking for a long term relationship with them? Historically, between two and three months of weekly dating. Each such dynamic has developed into a 'girlfriend' or a 'wife'.
mitchell Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 So how on earth do I reply to that message? And does he definitely mean sex, or maybe just making out? Well, what are you comfortable doing? Do you want to go over their and make out or do you actually want to go over their and just watch a movie?
Balzac Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 (edited) So how on earth do I reply to that message? And does he definitely mean sex, or maybe just making out? YOU hold total power of consent. I'm a guy and even I can admit to male desires but we don't know this guy. If he's looking for love & LTR he'll be sensitive to your pacing. He'll give it his best shot but easily accept what's offered. How eager are you to have him be your first? Have all previous dates been in a public forum? Edited January 15, 2013 by Balzac Has he been tested for STD? Are you using a contraceptive?
Author the_entertainer1 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Well, what are you comfortable doing? Do you want to go over their and make out or do you actually want to go over their and just watch a movie? Well, both! I'm kind of worried I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to making out, but I like the idea of it How eager are you to have him be your first? Have all previous dates been in a public forum? How eager am I for him to be my first? At the moment, not that eager. I don't feel enough of a connection yet. And yes, all our other dates have been in a public forum. We went out for coffee and then to a bar for the first date. The second date we went to dinner and then to a dessert bar. The third date we went to a cricket match (that date wasn't so good, lol).
mitchell Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Well, both! I'm kind of worried I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to making out, but I like the idea of it Well then I like MJ's suggestion, of just going over there, watch a little movie and make out a little. Do what you are comfortable and let him know when you are done. Then go home.
Balzac Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 (edited) My recommendation to you is thus. IF you are not using a contraceptive, be default you're choosing Coitus Interruptus/Condom. You need to understand the statics of "perfect use". Risk is a fact, what is your thought/decision regarding unplanned pregnancy? In the adult world of intimate encounters, having such discussions is a fact. IF you cannot ask about his testing status, discuss your contraception responsibility, how can sex happen on DVD movie night? Edited January 15, 2013 by Balzac It's a 5 min convo.
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