insertnamehere Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 This one strikes me a little weird, so . . . I ask. First off, she and I haven't met face-to-face. We met on PoF and we had a misfire trying to meetup our first time due to her losing her cell phone (or so the story goes). Then she was sick for a while (whatever). Finally we get to messaging and things seem to go well. To the point she's sending rather naughty stuff and telling me she has feelings. Yes, I realize there are bigger red flags here, but . . . Anyhow, we were talking about Friday night. I suggested we get dinner and maybe a drink afterward depending on how things go. She said OK to dinner and basically said she wants to get slopping drunk. She does nursing school five to sic days a week, so I get it. Thing is, in my experience, slopping drunk is usually a woman laying the groundwork for bad behavior and then having the plausible deniability of "well I was wasted!" to make herself feel better. Frankly, if that's what I wanted to do, I could have skipped all the other bull**** of messaging and missed connections and just gone straight to the bar and found a drunk chick. So, to me this feels like a decided change of plans. Things were going well messaging and texting, but this one just is setting off alarm bells. I've never had a positive experience with a heavy drinking woman. I mean, not anything that might go for a real relationship. Thoughts?
c57dood Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 This one strikes me a little weird, so . . . I ask. First off, she and I haven't met face-to-face. We met on PoF and we had a misfire trying to meetup our first time due to her losing her cell phone (or so the story goes). Then she was sick for a while (whatever). Finally we get to messaging and things seem to go well. To the point she's sending rather naughty stuff and telling me she has feelings. Yes, I realize there are bigger red flags here, but . . . Anyhow, we were talking about Friday night. I suggested we get dinner and maybe a drink afterward depending on how things go. She said OK to dinner and basically said she wants to get slopping drunk. She does nursing school five to sic days a week, so I get it. Thing is, in my experience, slopping drunk is usually a woman laying the groundwork for bad behavior and then having the plausible deniability of "well I was wasted!" to make herself feel better. Frankly, if that's what I wanted to do, I could have skipped all the other bull**** of messaging and missed connections and just gone straight to the bar and found a drunk chick. So, to me this feels like a decided change of plans. Things were going well messaging and texting, but this one just is setting off alarm bells. I've never had a positive experience with a heavy drinking woman. I mean, not anything that might go for a real relationship. Thoughts? You haven't met face-to-face, so there are a lot of unknown variables here. Try to get a sense if this comment is more along the lines of "I'm under a lot of stress lately and I need to let loose for a night", as opposed to "I'm a raging alcoholic". 2
ascendotum Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I would have the same reservations you would have if I was looking for a relationship minded girl. She sounds like a sure thing for some fun but not to be taken seriously given that, she is posting nudey pics straight off and plans to get drunk on your first date. I agree with the above poster, maybe she just worded it poorly, you can go along and meet her and get a sense of what she is really like in person. It likely wont be a boring night if you see it out. 1
Phateless Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Sounds like she wants to have a good time, get drunk, and sleep with you. Not the end of the world. Trust your gut and size her up during the date. A lot can be misinterpreted. 1
Author insertnamehere Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 I asked her about it and response was basically to try to pin it on me for thinking she was a drunk. What bothers me there is she dropped several hints a little earlier in the convo about drinking, including a past blackout incident and another one that was passed off as "sleepy" but sure sounds like a blackout to me. I get that people live their lives and not always as well as I would hope. It's easy for me to judge, because I'm physically incapable of getting drunk enough to blackout (I tried in my younger days). I guess, the thing is to just play through and see what happens. Honestly, I was just hoping to steer a different direction with this one. Frankly, it's a lot of labor for the same damned result.
stillafool Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 How old is she? TBH she sounds like an alcoholic. She probably said the thing about "I want to get sloppy drunk" to sort of warn you that this is the only way she knows how to drink. Try spending time with her and not include alcohol and see how that works out. 1
Author insertnamehere Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 She's 25 years old. She probably said the thing about "I want to get sloppy drunk" to sort of warn you that this is the only way she knows how to drink. Precisely my concern.
StanMusial Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I'm just happy you got a response from a girl on POF. Nice work. 1
carhill Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I've never had a positive experience with a heavy drinking woman. Thoughts? Same here, at all levels of interaction from friendship to romantic intimacy. There have been blips of positive but the dynamics are so unpredictable and often devastating that IMO the winning move is not to play. As you've never met this woman and hence not interacted at any depth in person, it's hard to really know exactly how things go with her. IME, other than a few women who said straight out they were/are alcoholics, most have minimized or hidden behavior and wouldn't/didn't throw out disclaimers like you heard. YMMV on that part. TBH, if I were looking for a dating/relationship type path, I'd pass.
mammasita Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 As a former "lets get fcked up" girl, I would say be afraid of her. She's bound to black out, do things she conveniently doesn't rememeber and be more likely to blame her actions on alcohol. IMO, nothing good will come from a woman who is not afraid to admit that she likes to get sloppy drunk. Hell, I used to like to get sloppy drunk my damn self, but I would never make that proclaimation (present point excluded LOL)- especially to a potential date. If you want to have a good time and can throw back a few yourself, go for it. Otherwise, steer clear until she matures a bit.
april38 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Hmmm...I don't know what this chick is thinking. I'm a party girl, I like to drink, get crazy, get wild, its great fun for me, but on a first date?? NO WAY!! Not for the first few dates....it's something I do when I'm in a safe environment of friends with no fear of being judged. I'm sorry, I have no advice, just had to comment on her choice of "first date".... :-S 1
Author insertnamehere Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Now she's acting like she just meant a couple drinks. I get that she has a tough week and that's why I'm trying to not go overboard here. To be blunt, it feels to me like she basically wants a casual relationship but knows what a dumb idea that is to admit over the internet. I've very tempted to just ask her how she sees this playing out.
carhill Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 So, go on the date and she buys her own drinks. 2
Author insertnamehere Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 So, go on the date and she buys her own drinks. I might buy a drink or two for a chick, but I refuse to pay for her to get smashed on my dime.
ASG Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I tend to say I want to go out and get drunk a lot... Bt that doesn't actually happen. Maybe that's what she meant? Go with the flow. If you think she really IS drinking too much for your taste, just finish the date and drop her home. But maybe she just wants to let her hair down and enjoy a few drinks, in a way that she will be perfectly capable of even getting a taxi home if need be! 1
april38 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I've very tempted to just ask her how she sees this playing out. if I were you I wouldn't ask her that because the question is being raised as a result of all of these assumptions about her that we are all making. I would just go on the date. We might all be reading way too much into this. And if not, you'll figure it out when you get there. But for now, just go finish what you started - you got a date, now go on it. And sincerely - Good luck!! 1
vanek26 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I'm surprised nobody brought this up yet, but I would definitely question whether or not she will actually go through with this and meet up with you on Friday. I mean, it seems like she flaked on you before with the awful 'I lost my phone' excuse and then she said she was sick for a while. Maybe she just likes the attention you're giving her? 3
Author insertnamehere Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 she will be perfectly capable of even getting a taxi home if need be! This isn't a hail a taxi part of the country. This is more of a desperately call everyone you know and hope someone is willing to drive you 20 miles area. Maybe she just likes the attention you're giving her? A genuine concern. Truth is, as a person prone to jumping to conclusions, I've learned to give people the benefit of the doubt.
Taramere Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Thoughts? How would you feel about saying something like "getting sloppy drunk wasn't really the kind of date I had in mind. If you're having a stressful time at work and feel like cutting loose with friends, we could always meet up some other time..."?
monicaelise Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Why would you want to go out with a woman who wants to get "sloppy drunk" on a first date? Call me prude, but this is just kind of foul. It's bad enough when a guy does it, but really drunk women are gross on a whole other level. It's one thing if you're out with friends and it sneaks up on you, but who intentionally goes out with a new guy aiming to get sloppy drunk??
Author insertnamehere Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Why would you want to go out with a woman who wants to get "sloppy drunk" on a first date? I don't get along well with most people. I seem to get along well with her. She's very intelligent, which is hard to find . . . especially where I live. I'm 34 and I'm just ****ing sick of going out and trying to find someone. I'm not religious, so there go a source of potential mates. I work for myself from home, so there goes another source of potential mates -- I have literally never met an unmarried woman through the course of my work. I haven't been in school for over ten years . . . subtract another source of mates. Basically, all I have are bars, online and women I run into on vacations. None of those are good sources for dates let alone real relationships.
It's Just Me Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 So... switch things up, and just have coffee in the daytime. See what happens.
monicaelise Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I don't get along well with most people. I seem to get along well with her. She's very intelligent, which is hard to find . . . especially where I live. I'm 34 and I'm just ****ing sick of going out and trying to find someone. I'm not religious, so there go a source of potential mates. I work for myself from home, so there goes another source of potential mates -- I have literally never met an unmarried woman through the course of my work. I haven't been in school for over ten years . . . subtract another source of mates. Basically, all I have are bars, online and women I run into on vacations. None of those are good sources for dates let alone real relationships. I hate to be a ball buster here, but "very intelligent" women don't go out intending to "get sloppy drunk" with men they don't know. This is not the behaviour of an intelligent person, if for no other reason than it screams of a total lack of self preservation, and that is flat out dumb. I am totally sympathetic with your desire to meet someone, but unless you have a penchant for cleaning up vomit and/or urine, this is not a great choice. I've mentioned this in a few other threads, where people have expressed similar complaints regarding meeting people, but have you considered taking up a hobby or perhaps volunteer work? You don't need to be religious (I'm definitely not) to do those things and your odds of meeting a reasonably sane, healthy person are considerably higher than if you rely on bars. Don't get me wrong, bars are fine if you want to hit it and quit it, but drunks don't make for good relationship partners. For what it's worth, I don't have a problem with people who drink, ...but drunks are just ecccch.
KungFuJoe Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 insertnamehere, You sound like the main character from Swingers when he gets that girl's number then proceeds to leave her 10 voice mails, finally "breaking up" with her in the end. YOU HAVEN'T EVEN GONE OUT WITH HER YET and you're already talking about how fed up you are!!! Do you see how ridiculous that sounds? Man, if you are going to take every little thing someone says and twist it around and around and around in your head, posting it on Loveshack, asking your mother what she thinks and talking to your pastor about it, good luck in a real relationship when you have to do more than just respond to a text message or two.
phineas Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 To have sex with her. Then to tell her "stay classy" right after you throw her in the cab.
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