palmbeach Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 First post on this forum and I have found plenty of solace (and frustration) by the advice here. So here goes my first question/scenario If you were to break up after you cheated on your partner but without telling them, then see other people, but then got back together in the future.... Should you tell that partner about past indiscretions in the relationship or can you start from a "clean slate" and admit that there were trust/control issues, etc. before but that you want to have an essentially new relationship? Please advise as I know someone that this is happening to
stevie_23 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I myself would tell them. If you’re willing to start again at all, it should be with a clean slate. A firm foundation is required to build a stable house on, so to speak. It also depends however on why you broke up in the first place. Why your partner thinks you broke up, anyway.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I'm with Stevie. I would tell them. Otherwise your holding on that guilt and it will ruin ur relationship. If u want a fresh start and to give it a good go don't let that one thing bug you until you explode
Keenly Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Moral thing to do : tell them about. Successful way to keep said person after telling them : ???
Stoic44 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 (edited) Yeah I wonder how these discussions pan out. I would think it's really tough to get back together with an ex after a breakup. You start at the end of the relationship--what went wrong--and not the beginning. If one or more partners got heavily involved with someone else during the breakup, jealousy/trust issues could surface. There would always be that lingering question: When are they going to leave again and bang someone else? Although sex is sex, an affair of the heart during the breakup, I think, be difficult to overcome--and the party who carried it out will probably not admit it. There's also the possibility of one of the partners feeling guilty about how they treated one of the transitional people. For these reasons, I could never imagine getting back together with an ex after a breakup where they carried on with others. A break that was circumstantial, where both partners take the time to sort things out, or even if they dated other people during the break without sex or emotional intimacy, can be easily overcome...but in other cases it would seem the hurdle would be much higher. Overall, it's a road fraught with peril: Can the issues leading to the breakup be solved? (If it has to do with personality, likely not). If those issues are solved, there remains the minefield of trust--someone already has left somebody else--will they do it again? If they carried on with someone else, there could be latent trust/guilt issues that will resurface. Where once there was a primrose path, it is now an emotional minefield. Edited January 15, 2013 by Stoic44 1
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