spooner Posted August 21, 2004 Posted August 21, 2004 Hi All, I'll try to make this as short as possible, I have been with my Girlfriend for 3 years now, And 1 month ago I found out she slept with my best friend 4 months ago. She then became pregnenet and never told me about sleeping with my best friend and neither did he. I found out by chance, when I found a letter in her bag that someone else had written her, a 4 page dirty letter. I did some investigation, only to find out why this guy wrote her a letter, then I find out on the way, that My Best friend slept with her. I immediattly questioned her about it, and she admitted to it. Saying that at the time she didn't feel loved by me, and because he was always round 'being a friend' (watching films, talking etc.) she thought she loved him, so went to his house to tell him and then had unprotected sex. (My Ex best friend is a BIG womanizer) She then said, after it happened she realized she loved me and not him. Unfortunatly she lost the baby that could have been mine or his, two weeks ago, (That I will never find out now) I am still with her today, I love her I really do, But I can't get over the fact that A. She cheated on me and B. When pregnent NEITHER of hte two of them, had the guts to own up to me, I had to find out myself, What if she'd had the baby and never told me, I could have been raising someone elses kid!!! Like I said, I am still with but very confused, because now since I took her back, she seems tpo think that I should forget about it and NEver think about it again! We are as normal again, and I get blamed for making comments about girls on TV as I ALWAYS used to do, as a joke! I am so confused, can someone please help, whether you see things from the girlfriends point of view, or mine.
seahorse Posted August 21, 2004 Posted August 21, 2004 Hi, I don't blame you one bit for feeling as you do. You hit a low spot in your relationship with your gf (maybe totally unknown to yourself) and she turned to someone else instead of communicating how she was feeling to you. Did you feel at the time that things weren't very good? Did you notice she might have been feeling neglected? Your Ex best friend was also well to blame here. What a dirty trick!! They BOTH cheated on you. However it happened, a baby was the result, and your gf will have had a lot to deal with. First at being pregnant and then at losing it. No easy thing for any woman, no matter who the father was. You must feel that you have much to grieve over, first the loss of trust in your gf, and a possible child too. I am so sorry. I know what it's like to have a partner cheat, and it's very very tough. I think you are fantastic in wishing to carry on with the relationship despite what has happened. Far more forgiving than I am. This is the hardest part now tho'; if you really and truly forgive her, and love her, and she says she loves you, and you are willing to carry on, then you HAVE to try and move on. Your gf should be doing her best to reassure you, and boost your esteem and do whatever she can to make up to you for what she did. Don't forget, however, that in her mind, she has suffered too. She was pregnant and lost a child. Maybe she sees that as her penance, I have no idea. I have never been in that situation. The comments about girls on tv; did you always do it and she ALWAYS was narky about it; or is that a new thing? You say that I am still with her today, I love her I really do, But I can't get over the fact that A. She cheated on me and B. When pregnent NEITHER of hte two of them, had the guts to own up to me, I had to find out myself, I think that you still have a lot of unresolved issues with this whole thing. Have you told your gf how you still feel, or are you bottling all this up? If you really and truly feel that you don't want to lose the relationship, you can't go on feeling this way or it will destroy you in the end, and probably the relationship too, through jealousy and resentment. You either need to A. sit down and have a real heart to heart with your gf, and say to her more or less what you've posted above, or B. See a counsellor together to get these issues out of the way before it poisons what you have left. Actually, maybe you should do both A and B. I couldn't forgive my husband because I knew I could never forget what he did, and we are getting a divorce, so trust me, I know what suspicion can do to a relationship.
The_Analyzer Posted August 21, 2004 Posted August 21, 2004 Of course she wants you to forget about it. She doesn't want to truly own up to what she did. I understand you love/care for her, however ask youself do you want to remain in a relationship where you're always wondering what she may or may not be doing? Wondering if she were to become pregnant again, if the child could be yours or someone elses? Just a few things to think about. Good luck.
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