thanksforthat Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Hi, Since my breakup (with partner of nearly 4 years) just over a year ago I have been thinking how to get back on it and find somone more suited to me. I've always had slight intimacy issues - which got worse the longer I was dating my ex.. I'd happily go 2 weeks without sex, but struggled a day without a kiss and cuddle. I tried the one night stand thing (after being told 'you need to go out and have fun' by friends) and the **** buddy thing...but none of it made me happy.. and to tell the truth of the 5 experiences since my ex.. I haven't enjoyed one. Also, I had to be slightly inebriated for them all. That's the short history of why i've recently decided that for at least the next 6 months I am going celibate. In hope i'll be able to concentrate on the more important things in life, sort my life out and also to stop thinking about crushes and why i cant have certain people. this is not a strict thing.. i mean if i meet sombody i really connect with and want to take it further I may do that. what are your thoughts on celibacy?? How would you react if a friend/potential love interest made this decision? Any thoughts welcome - either replies to my q's or comments on my issues above. I fancy a discussion and although i know this isn't an unheard of thing to do, some friends are finding it a tad wierd! I haven't had sex in 2 months so far and feel better about myself because of it.. though i do miss physical contact (cuddles, handholding kisses mainly) .. I dont want to be taken advantage of anymore.
carhill Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Invigorating and clarifying..... I see the mind-fµcks coming a lot farther away now. Let's see...November 2008, the night I closed on the house I gave to my exW in our divorce... My, how time flies.
FitChick Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Celibacy never killed anyone but sex has been the cause of many deaths.
AMusing Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I've never heard of anyone who regretted a period of celibacy (by choice, that is, not because they couldn't find a partner). Taking time away from men was the best thing I've done for myself in a very long time. I grew in ways I didn't anticipate, gained self-esteem, learned about better boundaries for myself, and built up a stronger social base. It's like hitting a reset button; once I started dating again everything was a little different, a little more thoughtful. Obviously I'm not perfect, but definitely better than I was.
Emilia Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 what are your thoughts on celibacy?? How would you react if a friend/potential love interest made this decision? It's an adult decision. I tend to keep quiet whether I'm dating or not dating (unless it's something serious) because I find it tiring and childish how people speculate on my sex life I'd say don't go strict on it. Don't say 'I'll do this for 6 months' just don't seek out intimacy/sex for a while. don't focus on it and do other things instead. Take it easy, don't make it much of a plan.
monicaelise Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I think the overwhelming people who have done this voluntarily will tell you essentially the same thing. It's an excellent way to clear your head and sort out your priorities in life. You can add me to that list. There's a related thread in the sex & reproductive health section that might be of interest to you.. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/365993-believe-not
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