HitMeNow Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Ok so long story short. Girl I am seeing casually, meaning we have slept together and (I assume) are into each other. I just came back in town and called her up to hang out. She suggested we hang out (yesterday) after work. She texts me an hour after she gets off work saying she's sorry and asking if we could reschedule to tomorrow. My main problem is that she texted me a bit after we were supposed to hang out, which put my time in jeopardy. My second problem is that she doesn't seem madly into me. I mean if I hadn't seen someone I cared about for a month I would probably just rush there. The only thing that makes me kind of want to accept it is that I know she's on her period at this time of the month, but still WTF. It's probably the third time that flopping happens (in ~5 months). I am a pretty easy going guy (never make a big deal, or want drama), but I feel like I don't wanna tolerate this in the slightest. My time is very important to me. So at this point Im thinking I can either 1) play it nice and cool and accept the reschedule and just w.e. 2) play it nice and cool, accept the reschedule and talk to her about this. 3) play it nice and cool and say I'm busy on that day and see if she's willing to put in more effort. 4) tell her I am not pleased with her efforts at all and that she should have texted me sooner, if she knew she wasnt gonna make it. Thanks
Eddie Edirol Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Dont do anything. Dont contact her until she contacts you from now on. Let her chase you. If she isnt into you, this will show it, by her not contacting you often, if at all. Let her suggest when to see you, and assume she will flake on you. 5 months? HAve you had sex with her often, or just once? If you get the feeling she isnt really into you, after months, she probably isnt. So dont be her B plan, and let her do all the work. If she isnt contacting you enough, let her go, dump her, find someone who is into you. 2
StanMusial Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Just out of curiosity, how old are you? I have reached the age now where I just take it like it is. If I make plans with a girl and she flakes out, I just assume she isn't that interested.
KungFuJoe Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I hate flopping. It is ruining the game of basketball.
sydneysider1978 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Seems like you're expecting girlfriend behaviour from someone you're seeing casually. After five months, even if I really liked the guy, I'd be looking elsewhere if the relationship didn't look like it was going to progress. Do you like this girl a lot? Enough to be your girlfriend? If so, step it up! If not, then I don't think you can expect much more.
NoMagicBullet Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 She offered to reschedule. I'd think you'd have a problem if she didn't offer to reschedule. 3 times she's done this in 5 months? How often have you been seeing each other over that time? Doesn't seem like it's that often that she cancelled, unless you only go out twice a month. Have you been 100% available for everything you two scheduled? Life happens. People aren't perfect. They have other things going in their lives besides us, and from time to time, they will let us down, whether they meant to or not. I think you're making a big deal out of a small thing... unless there are other things going on that are bothering you.
Author HitMeNow Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 We have been having sex regularly once or twice a week. (and sometime her initiating). Sydney, things are progressing slowly. Again I don't know if to accept her reschedule or not :/. One part of me says to just say I am busy and let her be and if she never contacts again... oh well, too bad. Another side of me just wants to see her and hold her tight and thinks that after I do that I can play it cool and let her come to me. The other thing is: I hear here, let her come to you, but again she suggested we see each other today. I really dont understand. NoMagicBullet, I know things happen, but it's up to us to deal with them. If she flops and sees it as normal to waste my time, I definitely do not wanna be with a person like that.
D-Lish Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 We have been having sex regularly once or twice a week. (and sometime her initiating). If she flops and sees it as normal to waste my time, I definitely do not wanna be with a person like that. This is a FWB situation, but you're holding her to a higher standard. She's not your gf, and you seem to have agreed to this arrangement. This is the problem with FWB situations, one person will always have stronger feelings and will therefore hold all the cards. I'd suggest moving on and seeking a real relationship if that's what you actually desire. It doesn't seem like she desires anything more serious that what you're getting out of this now.
Author HitMeNow Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 This is a FWB situation, but you're holding her to a higher standard. She's not your gf, and you seem to have agreed to this arrangement. This is the problem with FWB situations, one person will always have stronger feelings and will therefore hold all the cards. I'd suggest moving on and seeking a real relationship if that's what you actually desire. It doesn't seem like she desires anything more serious that what you're getting out of this now. **** this. To higher standard my ass. I expect people I make plans with to respect and appreciate the time we spend together. If they cannot, then I will give them less of my time. It's a pretty simple idea. I ll give her a small amount of time on the rescheduled date and then (almost) never initiate again. My main problem with accepting the reschedule is that I am rewarding bad behavior when I should be punishing it.
travelbug1996 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 You called her to "hangout". What does that mean? You don't seem to have a plan for this woman.
crude Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Like D-Lish said, this is FWB, which is fine with me. The problem has nothing to do with the type of relationship that you have or might want, it's strictly a case of someone who is impolite and doesn't care about wasting someone else's time. If that bugs you as much as you said, then the best thing to do is to dump her.
Author HitMeNow Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 @travelbug - hangout is just hangout. Chilling and appreciating the time with one another. Relaxing, cuddling, listening to music. You play it by ear. You do it with friends, family and lovers. What kind of "plan" do you want me to have? Honestly going to a bar or a restaurant is a million times worse compared to just relaxing in your bed with a good friend. @crude. Thanks, I am thinking about it. Definitely have to see where it goes in the next few days.
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