LduKaZ Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 So, this is my first message here, and as I read from other users sometimes it helps to just write it all down. Long story short, I was in this relationship with a girl for over a year. I thought she was the one and all of the sudden I made the biggest mistake a guy can do. I started talking about the future, and told her Id like to move with her to a different city (which was her goal after graduating). This triggered inmediate GIGS. Not knowing about this theory till now, I pressured her till she dumped me without a reason.. She kept calling me after saying how lonely she felt, and I kept begging her to come back, telling her I loved her almost everyday and ****. She used that as a pinpoint to get over me, and boom, after a month she was ****ing another guy. She is still with him and seems really happy. Its been almost a year from that and trust me, it was the most horrible 6 months of my life.. I didnt eat, didnt sleep, developed depression and anxiety disorders. Basically I started dying. And then I found this girl. She was my savior.. She loved my life from the moment she met me. She wanted to be with me all the time, she was a drinker but not a partier, so me and her would just party together, stick together. We took things slow but we really loved how much fun and happiness we brought into each others lives.. We became bf and gf and everything was going great. We planned a trip together to South America, and she seemed so excited about it.
Author LduKaZ Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 And then it happened. On Xmas day I was mad that she didnt even txt me, I dont have any family in this country and my buddies were all out of town, so this was a lonely and emotional day for me. She txtd me at 6 in the morning, and said she wouldnt come to SA with me. She said she really needed the time alone to figure her **** out (she dropped out of college a few months earlier and wasnt happy with her job). I told her it was ok and I understood. She said she really wants to be with me, and she would never consider breaking up, but she just couldnt cope with being girlfriend material for the time being). I told her it was ok, that we'd take it slow cuz I didnt need things to be crazy serious either.. We spent New Years together and the next week was pretty wonderful. Then it hit her again. She stopped coming over, making excuses, etc. Didnt see her for like a week, and then she said we needed to talk. She came over today and told me she didnt wanna break up, and she swore she only wants me and nobody else in the world. But she just doesnt want to be my GF. Basically said she still wanted to be together but without the responsability of being a "girlfriend". I know I couldve given her some time, maybe suggest a break. But I got scared, I dont wanna go through hell again like it happened with my ex. So I told her Im sorry she felt that way, and that I love her, but that was the end. She left my house crying, asking me what if she needed to talk to me. I told her not to contact me, I dont believe in fiendship after a relationship. So unless she wanted to be with me I didnt wanna hear anything. Its been 3 hours since she left my house. And i feel like ****. I didnt wanna lose her, but i dont know what else to do. Im gonna apply No Contact. Should I delete her phone number already? I need some strenght.
Author LduKaZ Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Id love to hear some feedback and advise on this. Did I make a mistake by ending it? Im 24 btw, shes 22. Doesnt help that shes the hottest girl Ive ever been with (perfect 10). Im a pretty good looking guy, but not a 10, and I dont have much game.
Author LduKaZ Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Its been over 6 hours from the breakup. And I think it finally hit me.. I was only with her for a couple months, but oh how Im gonna miss her. I think what hurts me the most is wondering how amazing it could've been.. And deep inside me I still hope she realizes. I found a tear coming out, and it made me doubt my decision. I want to call her and tell her how I feel, but I wont. Im about to go get drunk, or maybe smoke some weed. I just want something to entertain me... My friends and the TV are not helping that much.
Author LduKaZ Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 (edited) 8 hours, and I just can't get her out of my head anymore. I start noticing things that never crossed my mind before, like the fact that during our entire relationship, there was only two or three days we didnt text each other.. I miss her text tonight. I want to crumble. I want to just pick up the phone and call her, ask her what happened, and why dont we just try to work it out. I know I shouldnt. Why was I feeling so confident about this NC thing earlier? Why was I feeling like I could get over her? And now I feel like its even hard to breath... Tonight is gonna be a very very long one.. Ive always suffered from insomnia, so sleep with this empty gut feeling is not even an option. Edited January 15, 2013 by LduKaZ
Missing Him Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 It's only been 8 hours! I know that it seems intense right now, but the feelings will subside. You might be regretting the decision, but remember that you did it for a reason. You don't want to have a girlfriend who doesn't want to be your girlfriend, right? I imagine that right now she's kind of a mess as well. She may even contact you soon. But initiating contact after you've told her not to contact you will just tell her that she can get whatever she wants out of you.
Author LduKaZ Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Thank you for reading me. I was starting to think I made this too long and boring... I do appreciate it and yeah you are right. I didnt think it was a big deal. I always thought I was starting to fall for her, but its not till now that I realize I really do love her. I just wish she'd let me help her, Id love to be her support while she figures out what she wants to do.. I forgot to mention something thou. The first night we got together, she confessed she had a boyfriend. I told her Id never do anything till they broke up, and 3 days later she dumped him to be with me... Do you think I was just a way out of her last relationship? Or a rebound?
Missing Him Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 It's possible, but there's no way for me or even you to know that, really. Right now I think that the important thing to do is realize you're still in the kind of "tornado phase" immediately following the breakup. You feel kind of out of control and not sure of what to do. The best thing you can do right now is to just take some time for yourself to settle down. You can deal with all of the other feelings later. Right now, focus on getting yourself feeling more calm and clear about the situation. I wouldn't recommend getting drunk or high because I think that might make the situation worse for you, but do something to distract yourself, at least for today/tonight.
Author LduKaZ Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Thanks. Its weird, I never told her I loved her till the moment she was leaving my life. She tried to mumble something, I think it went along the lines of "why now?". But I stopped her with a "goodbye", so she just turned around and walked to her car with her eyes covered in tears. I dont know if I said that just to try to cause her second thoughts, or if I really meant it. Right now I feel like it was the second. Do you have any recommendations of what I can do? Ive tried eating, watching TV, a movie, and even been trying to talk to girls on Plenty of Fish all night. Non of those things seem to help me calm down much..
Missing Him Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Right now you might feel like you "meant it" because the breakup is so fresh. For a lot of people, once the relationship ends, they put their ex on a pedestal and suddenly begin to believe that their ex was the best person in the world for them, that they loved their ex more than they've ever loved anyone, and that the relationship was the best thing to ever happen to them. Taking time will give you clarity about how you really felt. All of that is what I would have recommended. I've found that working out and going for walks has helped me a lot, but right now all of those things you're doing are helping to keep you distracted. That's what you need, really. You might not feel calm right away but that will come.
Author LduKaZ Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Thank you Missing Him, you've been really helpful. Its been around 10-11 hours since the break up. I feel more calm, and Im laying on the couch texting people and browsing through the forums of LS. I still get images of her pop up in my head randomly, but at least the feeling of emptiness is gone. Im sure it'll be back. Everytime I hear a car door, I look outside, hoping for some reason its her.. I wonder if shes sleeping, and I wonder if she misses me at all. Were her tears real? I dont know if Ill ever know. I started texting this girl I used to like, and we chatted for a bit. But in my head Im terrified of the fact that I could never see myself with her anymore, my GF (or ex) just seems irreplaceable in my head at the moment... Lets see if I can get some sleep. Wish me luck.
Author LduKaZ Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Here we go. Day 1 of NC. I finally managed to fall asleep around 3 AM last night, woke up around 9. I guess 6 hours of sleep is really not that bad. I did dream about her thou. Its funny how while we were together, I almost never dreamt of her, but as soon as we break up our bodies decide to torture us hardcore. Im wondering if she slept ok, if she thought about me. Im getting out of bed now. Im thinkimg of going to the gym, and later tonight going out to a bar. I feel like I want rebound sex, just to prove myself that I can find someone else and I didnt make the wrong decision. I still miss her like crazy, but I see light at the end of the long tunnel.
Author LduKaZ Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Luka.. I just wanted to tell you a couple things since I was lost for words yesterday and didn't even fully know how things were going to turn out.. You don't even have to respond to this... After you said that you Love me, it broke my heart that we were parting . I feel so lucky for you to give yourself to me like that. You are absolutely a one of a kind gem. I'm sorry that I can't be anything you deserve. I want to SO bad. I'm sorry I'm so afraid. I don't want anything to hold you back right now. I want you to be SO happy! You have so much to offer and accomplish and you are so smart. I am thankful I've known you. And it was beautiful and fun and so many things. Thank you for letting me in your life, thank you for what you've taught me and the fun times and things we shared. I hope our paths will cross again someday.. I will always hold you close to my heart Luka <3 This just came in, and it broke my heart. I knew she was going to text me eventually, I just didn't think she would be so positive and nice so soon. It hurts me even more that she is just so scared to be with me. What do you guys think? Do I have any chance of changing her mind? Do you think she has moved on in one day, really? I can't read her at all... And everytime I am more positive that I am in love with this girl.
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