Warning signs you never saw before - turning them to positives

[stevie_23]

Ok, so…there were a few warning signs I either didn’t notice at all or kind of pushed to the side about my ex…I pushed them to the side because I was, and we were, “different”.

 

• He had told me that he had in the past made sudden and complete changes in his life, walked away from situations and people abruptly and never looked back. I used to think (and he told me) that he’d never do that to me.
  

• He turned his back on 3 of his 4 kids. 2 of them were from his second marriage and are in their 20s now. The other 2 are in their late teens and from his third marriage. He sees the older son of those 2 occasionally and they get on well.
  

• He’s been married 5 times in total over the past 40 years. This is a warning sign, though he always had fairly logical reasons for how this happened. He’s never asked anyone to marry him, but rather kind of “fell” into each marriage.
  

• He has cheated on 3 of his 5 wives (and when he cheated the first time, it was when his wife was pregnant). Now, this is a bit of a HUGE warning sign, right? He told me of his relationship history early on and I was fine with it. His current wife doesn’t even know about it and shows no interest in asking or knowing (maybe that’s for the best. Lol)
  

So…the positive spin on this is…as per the above numbered points…

 

• Yes, he completely turned his back on me and made that change in his life completely and totally and suddenly, as he mentioned he’d done in the past. But hey, for him to have to do that means I at least made an impact on him. He considered it a requirement to make such a drastic change and leave me completely in order to try to live his life and move on. So at least he cared and was immersed in our relationship while it was in existence.
  

• If he is able to turn his back on his own kids and live without them in his life at all, this shows me that he has a bit of a glitch in his personality and can cut people off even when it’s simply not necessary, like he’s done to me. It also shows he is able to live with fairly unsatisfactory conditions for long lengths of time and just deal with it. Either way, the way he’s treated me by leaving my suddenly without explanation is ALL about HIM and NOTHING to do with me. No matter how amazing or “perfect” a person and a partner I could be to him, it’d make no difference since it’s something inside him.
  

• The fact he has been married that many times shows me he enters into situations either too passively (like letting himself “fall” into marriages he didn’t want to be in really) and/or he is ultra romantic and in a fantasy land at first and then when things change, he becomes unhappy and makes those big drastic changes in his life and walks away, maintaining no further relationship with anyone from his past.
  

• The fact he has cheated on 3 out of his 5 wives is huge, though he did explain about cheating on his second wife while she was pregnant. He never wanted kids but she just went ahead and got pregnant anyway, secretly. Back in those days if the man walked away, it was abhorrent so he stayed but was so lost and unhappy he got into drugs and obviously, as I said, cheated on his wife I guess to try to obtain some type of happiness in the form of escapism. It still sucks though, but I never wanted kids so it didn’t bother me THAT much. Also, he cheated on his second wife with who later became his third wife. And he cheated on his fourth wife with who later became his current wife. And then he’s been cheating on his current wife with me for over half the time they’ve been together. SO it shows me that at least when he’s cheated it’s been with people he’s actually fallen in love with and has then been in proper relationships with afterwards, you know? The woman who he cheated on his second wife with, who became his third wife, they were together for 10 years and he never cheated on her because he was happy. So…yeah.
  

What were the (if any) warning signs about your ex you didn’t see until after you broke up?