spooky48 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Ok, it's the year 2013. The world is overly objected because of the media, social networking sites & the "me" personas of reality. It is disgusting, I mean, think about it of all that self-absorbed unreality. However, when it comes in terms of dating, is it old-fashioned, unpractical or even unrealistic if someone believes in the following theory: "If a man loves a woman THAT much, he'll find any way be it money, time, energy to approach/ask-out that woman. If he loves her "that" much, he'll find a way to do so if not then, he is simply not "into" her or interested". Is this wrong for today's dating standards & if so, how do you "break-away" from this theory? What if someone was raised this way (even if it is old-fashioned or seems very old) & has that belief that, if a woman asks out or approaches a man then, she's considered desperate, needy, clingy or dependent (on a man)? What are your thoughts on this?
MrCastle Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 My thoughts are people should be themselves and stop caring about protecting ego and image. If a girl likes a man and he hasn't approached her, she should approach him. Someone has to make a move. I wonder how many potential relationships never came to fruition because both sides were in a stalemate. 5
EasyHeart Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 It's more like this: "If a man loves a woman THAT much, he'll find any way be it money, time, energy to approach/ask-out that woman. If he loves her "that" much, he'll find a way to do so. Then she'll have him arrested for stalking her and get a restraining order against him". 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Spooky - you should be asking men out. Sometimes the sweetest men have fear of approach/rejection or are too shy and are single because of it. 2
Imported Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Only if you're hot and I was open to it. Sometimes, even if you're hot, I'm not open to it. I am not thinking you're needy, desperate or anything like that. However I do prefer to do the actual approaching because it keeps things a lot simpler for me.
aed Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I have bin approached by women, and most of them didnt seem desperate! Most of them where just confidend. But women mostly never pick you up directly. Even asking you to come over, is never 100% garrentee for a hook up. I dated a girl. and she asked me out etc, she put all the effort in it. Later when things grew serious, she made some comments that I didn't went after her????
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Most of my friends asked out guys that are now their husbands. 1
StanMusial Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 But women mostly never pick you up directly. I have observed the same thing. I have had girls come stand beside me at the bar and wait for me to talk to them. I've also had girls come up to a table of me and my buddies and ask a question or something.
TheZebra Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 When I was younger I used to be shy about this type of stuff. Nowadays, if I see a guy I like, I'll go for it and strike up a conversation. There's nothing to lose! 1
somedude81 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I'm an open minded guy and I'll think nothing less of a woman that asks me out or makes the first move. Hell, I'd even think she'd be more attractive because I know that it takes guts to ask somebody out. 1
Author spooky48 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Seriously though, you all really don't believe that it appears as desperation, needy, clingy or overly dependent (meaning she'll stay at home, milk-off him w/ his money & not take care of herself)? I mean, it has nothing to do with fear of rejection either. I'm talking about societal standards and how some were raised? Are there any women out here who were raised with this mentality too, that the man should take ask out/approach a woman because, if she does do that, she's appeared as desperate, needy, clingy or too dependent? If so, what did you do to change your life regarding this?
TouchedByViolet Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Seriously though, you all really don't believe that it appears as desperation, needy, clingy or overly dependent (meaning she'll stay at home, milk-off him w/ his money & not take care of herself)? I mean, it has nothing to do with fear of rejection either. I'm talking about societal standards and how some were raised? Are there any women out here who were raised with this mentality too, that the man should take ask out/approach a woman because, if she does do that, she's appeared as desperate, needy, clingy or too dependent? If so, what did you do to change your life regarding this? I don't think so. As long as the woman backs off if the guy is not interested no harm. 1
Violet11 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Seriously though, you all really don't believe that it appears as desperation, needy, clingy or overly dependent (meaning she'll stay at home, milk-off him w/ his money & not take care of herself)? I mean, it has nothing to do with fear of rejection either. I'm talking about societal standards and how some were raised? Are there any women out here who were raised with this mentality too, that the man should take ask out/approach a woman because, if she does do that, she's appeared as desperate, needy, clingy or too dependent? If so, what did you do to change your life regarding this? That's what I don't get...you think a girl who had the guts to ask you out would mooch off of you? That sounds like the type of person who is independent and knows what she wants. On that note, I've only asked out two guys in my life, each of them I saw as real deal to me. One I was involved with probably close to 20 years, the more recent one I pretty much fell for while talking to him a lot, I asked him out only because he seemed really nervous but I think he felt the need to be the one asking so I let him do that.
IT Geek Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Spooky - you should be asking men out. Sometimes the sweetest men have fear of approach/rejection or are too shy and are single because of it. That would be me. LOL! 1
chex Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Seriously though, you all really don't believe that it appears as desperation, needy, clingy or overly dependent (meaning she'll stay at home, milk-off him w/ his money & not take care of herself)? I mean, it has nothing to do with fear of rejection either. I'm talking about societal standards and how some were raised? Are there any women out here who were raised with this mentality too, that the man should take ask out/approach a woman because, if she does do that, she's appeared as desperate, needy, clingy or too dependent? If so, what did you do to change your life regarding this? is a guy who asks a girl out accused of being desperate and needy? it's just another one of those silly double standards based in an archaic courtship system.
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Ask out but don't pursue him. If you back away after he shows lack of interest you won't seem clingy.
Star Gazer Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Ask out but don't pursue him. Huh? To ask out *is* to pursue.
NateC Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Spooky - you should be asking men out. Sometimes the sweetest men have fear of approach/rejection or are too shy and are single because of it. Agreed. It works both ways!
somedude81 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Huh? To ask out *is* to pursue. Pursuing is a process. Ask out. Make plans. Confirm plans. Try to arrange the next date and repeat the cycle. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Huh? To ask out *is* to pursue. Asking is making your interest clearly known. Pursuing is consistently initiating beyond that.
ScreamingTrees Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Huh? To ask out *is* to pursue. It's not a difficult thing to really do, unless someone cares what other people think. It's as simple and easy as asking someone a question, it requires very little physical effort or time spent if one just does it without wracking their brains over it. How will anyone else really know that a girl asked a guy out, if she asks privately? Why should they care or judge, when it's none of their business? The guy can either be receptive or decline her attempts to get closer. I think ANYONE, be they male or female, can ask someone out while coming across as either independent or clingy. Depends on whether that person is actually desperate or just a confident go-getter, I'd guess.
carhill Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 "If a man loves a woman THAT much, he'll find any way be it money, time, energy to approach/ask-out that woman. If he loves her "that" much, he'll find a way to do so if not then, he is simply not "into" her or interested". Is this wrong for today's dating standards & if so, how do you "break-away" from this theory? IME, pretty normal in my age and geographical demographic, in addition to there being more men than women so supply and demand necessarily dictate a more assertive approach to achieve success or at least a chance of it. That said, in listening to the anecdotes of friend's children and grandchildren, I do note that 'traditions' are evidently changing. In most cases, these young people have left our area for school or work so perhaps reflect as much their local demographic as any differences due to age. If that has traction, then one way to 'break away' would be to align oneself in a demographic which embraces similar attitudes regarding dating and mating. What if someone was raised this way (even if it is old-fashioned or seems very old) & has that belief that, if a woman asks out or approaches a man then, she's considered desperate, needy, clingy or dependent (on a man)? What are your thoughts on this? As a member of the 'old fashioned' clan, even though all of my dating experiences have been through my initiative, I don't assign judgment to women who chose to be proactive and assertive. I haven't experienced any of them personally, but feel they are entitled to pursue relationships in a way which is healthy for them. If that means approaching men they find attractive and asking them on dates, it does. If they choose to date the 'old fashioned' way, that. So, perhaps I've reconciled that, indeed, times may have changed but also that I need to respect the preferences and proclivities of my dating contemporaries as they will be the group from which relationship partners are selected. If they're used to men asking them out and feel it 'weird' to ask a man out, that's how it is. Trust me, another man around here will ask them out
todreaminblue Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Ok, it's the year 2013. The world is overly objected because of the media, social networking sites & the "me" personas of reality. It is disgusting, I mean, think about it of all that self-absorbed unreality. However, when it comes in terms of dating, is it old-fashioned, unpractical or even unrealistic if someone believes in the following theory: "If a man loves a woman THAT much, he'll find any way be it money, time, energy to approach/ask-out that woman. If he loves her "that" much, he'll find a way to do so if not then, he is simply not "into" her or interested". Is this wrong for today's dating standards & if so, how do you "break-away" from this theory? What if someone was raised this way (even if it is old-fashioned or seems very old) & has that belief that, if a woman asks out or approaches a man then, she's considered desperate, needy, clingy or dependent (on a man)? What are your thoughts on this? I was bought up the old fashioned way...dino dating is not "in" though...that sucks....deb
Els Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 You should do what you feel works for you. If something isn't working, then you should consider changing your approach.
Charlie Harper Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 If a woman asks you out, be it a casual coffee or a date, it speaks volumes of her confidence and that she likes you. So in a way its a a HUGE check mark that you are going in the right direction. There are tons of guys who are shy and will not have the balls to ask a woman or even approach to talk. But women have great sensibility and sometimes they initiate contact or ask. The real problem is when guys think they may be sluts, players etc because of it, or worse they dont even read the signs correctly, so they pass a lot of opportunities without even knowing. If you really like someone and feel great when with that person GO FOR IT... you only catch fish if you are near water, not in the mountains.
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