spooky48 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Suppose you've tried many dating sites, paid & non paid for several YEARS but, nothing has come out of them. You've been on those sites too, for more than a 6 month time period each too, both paid & non-paid. Suppose you've done the clubs, bars, shore scene, sporting events, church, community activities and volunteerism but, nothing has come out of them. Suppose you've even went on sites that were specified to a direct audience (fetish, religion, band-related) but, nothing has come out of them either. When do you realize that it's just not happening or maybe, just maybe love, marriage, children are not meant in the cards dealt for you? Maybe your life was designed for other purposes? Is it fully possible that people are NOT meant for this? Have you ever been given a sign like this if so, what was it? Or, what would be a truly identifiable sign indicating this? YEARS w/no love, sex, partners, dates? What more can be done if you've revamped yourself, your profiles, went out nightly/weekly, participated in forums/online sites nightly/weekly? What more else can be done to meet someone or is it a sign you're not a people person or not designed for love, marriage kids? Any help would be appreciated, thank you.
BillyBinkins Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 (edited) If I was still in my drinking days, I'd be tempted to say that I'd written this very post and forgotten about it. Alas, though, that's not the case. This is something I find myself wondering every day. Like you, I have a multitude of dating site accounts, have been to a plethora of bars, and have talked to more women than most people have ever seen in their lifetime...and no dice. Seems to me that, like you said, maybe some people are meant for other things. Hopefully, you know, "better" things, but I suppose that's relative. As far as a "sign" indicative of our utter inability to find love/sex/relationships? I really don't know. In a lot of ways, I think that even just asking if there's such a potential is almost evidence enough. Anyway, maybe at least it'll help you to know you're not alone. Edited January 14, 2013 by BillyBinkins Didn't really answer the question. 1
outsidethebox Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Spooky, I'm new here and new to a couple of other sites, so I don't have your experience, but while this is a great discussion site I think that even a free site that focuses on some information about others and their location that allows you to search and message is what it will take. In my opinion you should search and send a nice hello and connection invite to every man in your search results you could develop an interest in. You've tried everything else, now is the time to market yourself. It's clear from your post that you're smart, so all you have to add to that is as much sex appeal as you can muster. Curvy is sexy, fit is sexy, short skirts with good legs are sexy, there's different sexy's but to attract men you have to display a sexier behavior. At least when you've tried everything else.
Author spooky48 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 1) I go out weekly to a rock concert, community event, a restaurant, comedy club, sporting event or a church event. I am BUSY besides being on websites, band forums & Facebook. 2) I volunteer in my community so I do interact with a lot of other people but, there's no one single. I at least am helping others. 3) I go shopping alone where I go for hours to the stores to see if a man will talk to me besides shopping. 4) I am a member of meetup.com where I go to events based upon hobbies & interests (where I either go with a friend or mostly alone). I do NOT have ANY single friends but, if someone goes with me, they do NOT bring their spouse because, that person is trying to be either my wing man or wing woman. I have done the listed above for many years now besides being on websites (which I have been a member of MANY of but, I don't check them or "hang around them" nightly either)! Therefore, I can honestly say, I do work to try to find someone, don't you think?
El Brujo Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Push for the legalization of adoptable relationship cloned humans (ARCHes) so that you can have one.
NoMagicBullet Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I don't believe in "meant to be" or that certain people are either meant to be single or paired or whatever. But having been in your shoes -- still am, I guess -- I understand where you're coming from. Personally, I have stopped beating myself up about past "failures" when it comes to relationships or lack thereof, and try to not worry too much about the future. I consciously try to enjoy what I do have, this moment, right now. It isn't easy. I'm glad the holidays are over now, but I know I'm still going to have some rough days as Valentine's Day approaches. But I guess the one thing helping me the most is that for now, I have given up. I'm not doing all that stuff looking for someone; I have other things to worry about right now, and I really don't have the time, energy or money to even be looking for dates. If you've been doing all of those things continuously for years, you might try giving yourself a few months off, maybe do different things for a while, stuff just for you. Then go back to it when you feel more optimistic about it. I know very well how the search for love wears you down over time.
somedude81 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 1) I go out weekly to a rock concert, community event, a restaurant, comedy club, sporting event or a church event. I am BUSY besides being on websites, band forums & Facebook. 2) I volunteer in my community so I do interact with a lot of other people but, there's no one single. I at least am helping others. 3) I go shopping alone where I go for hours to the stores to see if a man will talk to me besides shopping. 4) I am a member of meetup.com where I go to events based upon hobbies & interests (where I either go with a friend or mostly alone). I do NOT have ANY single friends but, if someone goes with me, they do NOT bring their spouse because, that person is trying to be either my wing man or wing woman. I have done the listed above for many years now besides being on websites (which I have been a member of MANY of but, I don't check them or "hang around them" nightly either)! Therefore, I can honestly say, I do work to try to find someone, don't you think? So you're not going on dates or getting asked out at all?
trevzilla Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Obviously you were putting yourself out there, so you wanted it. It just hasn't happened, so I don't think it's meant to be if your desire is going unfulfilled. I just think life it tough and bad things happen. I'm in the same boat, I come from a broken home and it's obvious that that has impaired my ability to attract women even though I'm told I'm good looking all the time. Unfortunately that takes the back seat to confidence for men which honestly I don't have a lot of thanks to the constant verbal and sometimes physical abuse I got from my mother(if I were an equivalent attractiveness woman, I'd have no problem getting dates). So I've just resigned myself to being alone. Am I meant to be alone forever, I don't think so, because I have the same deep desire for love and companionship as most people, it's just not going to happen for me. I noticed that things got a lot worse after my cat died last February after my cat died, so I think it's time to get another pet. It's good to have something to love, even if it is an animal. I've been planning to start traveling as I've settled into a new career. Instead of going somewhere alone like Mexico or whatever and being miserable because I know I'll just see couples everywhere which is like a dagger to the heart and I'm at an age where traveling with friends isn't realistic as my peers have families and careers, I'm going to look into a short term mission with a church or something. Go somewhere and help build a well or a school or something worthwhile for people who need it. I guess leave the door open and keep doing what you enjoy doing and be healthy and fun. I hope you have a good support network of friends and family and pets definitely help. I wish you all the best and hope someone special comes into your life to brighten things up for you.
gaius Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Therefore, I can honestly say, I do work to try to find someone, don't you think? I guess, but are you doing the right kind of work? That's a long time to be single. I have no idea what you look like or how you come off in real life, but every person I've met has had some kind of opportunity for love come their way. Sometimes they didn't recognize it, sometimes purposely sabotaged it, other times they weren't really into love even when they thought there were so nothing was ever good enough. I wonder if there is something deeper going on with you that you might not recognize? In your case I might seek out a good friend who would tell me the truth or maybe even a therapist. Just to get a different perspective and figure out what's really going on. I know there's a huge stigma with therapists for some people but they really can just help you understand yourself better
Esoteric Elf Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Not all people are designed to be in relationships; the numbers certainly are not conducive to one-to-one ratios nor will it ever be: some will be loved by many; some will be loved by none. The important aspect here to realize is that there are so many other beautiful and wonderful facets of life that lend themselves to pleasing you. Choose any and all of them. I used to long for a relationship and someone to show attention to me (yes, in my degenerate states, attention = attraction), but, about ten months ago, I stopped the trying altogether, and I have been a pleased and content man ever since. Before, I used to wake in the morning angry and frustrated (believe me, this is a terrible thing to feel), but I haven't been discontent since that day I decided to go my own way. One thing also to bear in mind, in the way of coping, is to see what relationships are these days. Weigh the costs of trying to obtain and sustain one against the rewards of having one. According to your efforts, in my opinion, you should get a great relationship. Now, think of the likelihood of that in addition to the probability of you keeping it. Only you can answer a question like this.
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