Mrlonelyone Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Here is my problem. At school where I work as a grad student I've been talking to and drawing closer to a younger student. I've written about this ad nauseum. This third person was, at first, totally indifferent to me. Being the friendly person I am I asked them if they'd like to go to the bar and have a drink. The same bar that many people go to chat or whatever. They actually laughed at me. Then they picked up on the mutual attraction/tension/ intimate friendship/ budding romance or whatever the hell it is I have with that much younger student. After that they were all up in our business. If we were conversating they would join in. If we spoke of doing something together she would want to tag along...or turn it into a department wide event. ugh. Running interference any way they could. Today that third person came in and while we had some time alone they gave me a big full chested breasty body contact hug. Then had a nice long chat with me about my sick father. Among other things. They voiced support for me and my way of life. Which while nice and sweet seemed a stark contrast to their laughing at going to get a beer with me just a few short months ago. So what say the sages of Love shack. Is this third person genuinely interested, or am I just the shiny red ball that she wants to play with so that someone else won't get to?
will1988 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 hmmm maybe she did develop feelings for you since that time months ago... or it could be as my grandma always used to say "we want most what we can't have!". As you've said, you've taken a shining towards a younger and I prosume more attractive student... maybe this has sparked the other girl's competitive nature, or she may now want you because of that. Maybe go for it and see how it goes, but be gaurded. 1
Author Mrlonelyone Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 hmmm maybe she did develop feelings for you since that time months ago... or it could be as my grandma always used to say "we want most what we can't have!". As you've said, you've taken a shining towards a younger and I prosume more attractive student... maybe this has sparked the other girl's competitive nature, or she may now want you because of that. Maybe go for it and see how it goes, but be gaurded. There's the problem. Me and this younger student have built up a certain rapport. We are more than friends but less than in a relationship. We are more than hanging out when we hang out but we are less than dating. We are, like so many these days, in a situation where we are free to date others but it would be insensitive to smear it in the other persons face. For me to date this third person I would have to smear it all over her face, day after day live and in person. It would be a really cruel thing to do to a person. On the other hand, maybe this third person would be a better fit. If they are making things easy for me? I honestly don't feel as much for them. I wish I could just cut my feelings off and on like a light switch.
StanMusial Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 There's the problem. Me and this younger student have built up a certain rapport. We are more than friends but less than in a relationship. We are more than hanging out when we hang out but we are less than dating. We are, like so many these days, in a situation where we are free to date others but it would be insensitive to smear it in the other persons face. For me to date this third person I would have to smear it all over her face, day after day live and in person. It would be a really cruel thing to do to a person. On the other hand, maybe this third person would be a better fit. If they are making things easy for me? I honestly don't feel as much for them. I wish I could just cut my feelings off and on like a light switch. I would say you're in a pretty good position... never hurts to have options.
ja123 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I'd say that now that someone else likes you that that's a vouch that you're OK, and perhaps has allayed her fears. If that's the case, she doesn't seem to be of very strong character because she couldn't make up her own mind about you without influence. Maybe she just needed outside influence to help her feel comfortable with the fact that you're transgendered. I mean, she wasn't keen on inviting you for drinks previously. I would be suspect of her intentions. I'm thinking that to her you are the new, shiny red ball. I'd be graciuos with her, but distant. And protect your personal space and information. She might very well be a gossip. Am I too harsh?
Author Mrlonelyone Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 I would say you're in a pretty good position... never hurts to have options. Well, if anything this person showing interest in me raises my stock.
sweetkiwi Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 IME showing someone interest only after they realize you are interested in OTHERS is a mistake. As soon as they acquire you their desire diminishes and completely disappears. I hope for you sweetie that these girls deserve your prolonged interest.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 @Ja123 , and SweetKiwi. Your probably right. That someone needed the seal of approval from others to show interest in me is not a good sign of character. I am colored in such a way that I could be taken for black or hispanic and a very out transgendered person. As part of a couple I and my parter whoever they are will either look like an interracial straight couple, or a gay/lesbian couple. Either way whoever I'm with will have to be able to weather the dirty looks of biggots.
sweetkiwi Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 @Ja123 , and SweetKiwi. Your probably right. That someone needed the seal of approval from others to show interest in me is not a good sign of character. I am colored in such a way that I could be taken for black or hispanic and a very out transgendered person. As part of a couple I and my parter whoever they are will either look like an interracial straight couple, or a gay/lesbian couple. Either way whoever I'm with will have to be able to weather the dirty looks of biggots. I don't think its a seal of approval thing. I think its a simple circumstance of wanting something another has and realizing too late what that SOMETHING is. I wont try to pretend I have any idea what its like to be in your shoes. But I do know how much I despise bigoted attitudes and behaviors. Even in my own family I fight constantly with them about using certain words and phases. To those who think that way I say fhuck you. You can think as you wish but IMHO IME IRL you cannot hold these ridiculously strict requirements to be a "worthy" human. And like my family EVEN THEY DONT FIT THEIR OWN REQUIREMENTS.............Wth 1
Author Mrlonelyone Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 I don't think its a seal of approval thing. I think its a simple circumstance of wanting something another has and realizing too late what that SOMETHING is. Sadly. I'd rather have not been noticed at all. I wont try to pretend I have any idea what its like to be in your shoes. But I do know how much I despise bigoted attitudes and behaviors. Even in my own family I fight constantly with them about using certain words and phases. To those who think that way I say fhuck you. You can think as you wish but IMHO IME IRL you cannot hold these ridiculously strict requirements to be a "worthy" human. And like my family EVEN THEY DONT FIT THEIR OWN REQUIREMENTS.............Wth Yeah. in so many ways. You have to have done XYZ by a certain age with certain kinds of people or else your strange and people judgeyou. This whole situation is such a mess. It's doubly depressing. I wish I could have one straightforward simple relationship.
sweetkiwi Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Straughtfirwardsimplerelationship. Oh man how exhausting writing that was. I think only if we're lucky we have one in our entire lives. Can't stay that way forever anyway. That's when love and communication and reaching a middle ground come into play. I think you're lovely lonelyone. And you will find what you have searched long and hard for. When they will come I cannot say. I can only pray you keep your big heart through the treacherous waters of dating and come out intact. And this girl who LAUGHED at you. Ditch her. Don't give people like that the time of day. Thats a huge pet peeve of mine.
charlietheginger Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Often times people just want attention the lady Who rejected you didnt like you but didnt mind The attention you gave her. Now that your over Her and your attention is being drawn from her To the young student she wants the attention back. Not sure if she wants you but def does not want to Lose the attention. Also you might have grown on het And she actually does like you.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Often times people just want attention the lady Who rejected you didnt like you but didnt mind The attention you gave her. Now that your over Her and your attention is being drawn from her To the young student she wants the attention back. The thing is I didn't even ask that one out in that sense. The first two or three years at this school the other grad students and I used to hang out at the bar around lunch timeish or after an evening class. I wanted to hang out with them and some other people close to my age like that. Not sure if she wants you but def does not want to Lose the attention. Also you might have grown on her And she actually does like you. Yeah I know. It is possible they feel sincere feelings towards me but it's like this. When I speak to this new woman who's suddenly into me it's like the emotion I read from her is not genuine. She can say a million words and I feel little... it is as if she's saying only what she's supposed to. When I speak to the one I've worked to get to know all this time and started to build a real rapport with, it feels much more honest. With her all it takes is a glance and a knowing smile. There are times it's like she knows what's on my mind (non sexual) and what I'm gonna say before I do. It's amazing! I wonder if I am experiencing a bit of what is described in this thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/367795-easy-make-excuses-low-interest-level Then just fooling myself into being amazed by really mundane things.
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