becks77 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 So today is 2 months since I last saw him and 7 weeks NC - I have been up and down - some days feeling like I'm making progress and then days like today when I feel so blue... I stupidly looked at his online dating profile - weirdly it comforted me to see when he was still active on there because at least it meant he was still looking and hadn't met someone special - now it says he hasn't been active for over a month which made me break down. All I'm imagining now is that he has met someone and that's why he isn't on the dating site much now. I need some tough love - someone tell me how to get this guy out of my head!!! I have put him and the relationship on a pedestal and it's not right - why do we do that? He wasn't a bad guy but I always had a feeling that he wasn't right for me so why do I want him and think he's the answer to all my troubles now? God, I wish there was something that would make me forget him like in that film Eternal Sunshine...
Own Worst Enemy Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 if he isn't already. the only thing that stops me looking is knowing that neither result will make me feel better. just remember how you feel the next time you are tempted to look. however, the prosaic reality is that online dating sucks. more likely he got bored with it than anything else. after all, if he were dating someone, she'd have made da.mn sure he took it down! the sad reality on top of that comfort is that it doesn't matter to you, just like it doesn't matter to me, and so i know how painful that statement is. stay strong. the next one WILL be better.
cavalier99 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Your doing great on the NC..not so much on the profile checking..which some might say isn't NC. Simple solution is to stop this and decide that he is already in a loving relationship. Otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy trying to decipher things that are impossible to know minus a phone call..and that would be a big NO NO. Yeah this sucks sometimes. I had one of my roughest days in a while and im over 3 months NC. Hang in the. That is all we can do until the storm subsides.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 oh I can't count how many times I wish my memory would be erased! That way I won't have to have urges that make me want to check on him! But it's the worst idea EVER! I know this but when urges come. I can't resist either. But you know now that he is trying to find someone. Meanining you weren't the one. You should be angry! how can he move onto another already. He doesn't even need to grieve. So why are you? it's weird how all the bad things seem to have faded but the good memories keep reminding us of the relationships. Causing more pain. There will be! Has to be! One day we wake up and nt think of them!
Author becks77 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 It really helps to post and get replies from you guys - I wish none of us were feeling like this! When I'm planning meetings and stuff for work for later in the year, I keep thinking 'oh I'll be ok by then' and 'I won't be thinking about him by that point...' I really hope that in a few weeks/months I'll stop this constant dwelling in the past. I do try to tell myself that he has moved on and he isn;t sitting at home thinking about me and crying - so why should I? But it only works sometimes. Cav99 - I read your earlier post and see that you're finding it tough at the moment - me too - but you are strong and you give such great advice so I know you'll be ok So i will now take a vow that I will not look at his internet profile again!!! 1
FailedFirstLove Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Unfortunately today isnt the day I wake up without thinking of him... Currently trying to say. NO YOU DON'T WANT HIM. Not exactly working when two seconds later I'm wondering what his doing. I had like 1% hope he was going to call because yesterday would have been 4 years. And if there was any urge at all. It would have been then. But nope nothing
Author becks77 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 Unfortunately today isnt the day I wake up without thinking of him... Currently trying to say. NO YOU DON'T WANT HIM. Not exactly working when two seconds later I'm wondering what his doing. I had like 1% hope he was going to call because yesterday would have been 4 years. And if there was any urge at all. It would have been then. But nope nothing I'm the same - I keep trying to think of all the bad things about him but next minute I'm thinking of something nice he did - it really sucks - but we both have to keep remembering the bad stuff - it's the only way - how long have you guys been apart/NC? Why did you break up?
na49 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Did you dump him? If you did, you may not want him, but may not want anyone else to have him either. You know what you did wrong. Nothing good EVER comes from checking their facebook/twitter/online dating profile. Whatever it is! If it belongs to them. WE DON'T WANT TO SEE IT! Don't torture yourself again. Don't look at his profile. It may have been nice and refreshing to see he hasn't found someone. but in a month, you'll check again and he will have a picture of him and his new girlfriend hanging out where you guys used to hang out. Kissing, holding hands, taking funny pictures just like you used to. How would that feel? Exactly. You've been doing well. 7 weeks NC isn't easy. Keep up the good work.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I'm the same - I keep trying to think of all the bad things about him but next minute I'm thinking of something nice he did - it really sucks - but we both have to keep remembering the bad stuff - it's the only way - how long have you guys been apart/NC? Why did you break up? broke up a month ago. No contact at all REALY started 2-3 weeks. but his friend called so that majorly out me back into a dark hole. Sighh! Long story short. We were long distance for 3.5 years. I convinced him to come down. He moved down with us. He probably felt pressure. His mum asked him to go up. We had fights before he went because I knew she wud keep him tere. He told me his coming down. All flights booked. 2 hours before he called me and told me his never coming back. this was just after midnight. I was devastated!!! first he told me its because of me being too demanding. Then there was all this other stuff like he was comfortable up there. Can wake up as late as he wants to. Ended up being he was too selfish to give up his comfortable life to be with me. when he wasnt working or studying down here. All expenses paid for. But no partying for him. we will be ok in the end. It's just the longest and hardest road we got to take. we know they don't care and can't help care for them. together we will make it through just be happy when each day passes
SharkTooth Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 What helps me is to think about how great I felt about myself the few days before I met my ex and knew nothing about her. I don't know about you but I was on top of the world and that's what attracted her and the others. That place is my goal and I'll keep working on it daily.
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