Writing a letter detailing where you went wrong? yes or no?

[cottom]

Im writing a letter detailing everything that was wrong and right about our relationship, what we did wrong as a couple, what we did wrong individually and then what we did right, how we were together etc.

 

I just want her to look and realise where we went wrong and want her to work on it.

 

We went on a break a month ago so she could find out what she wants in life, she met another boy (just like me) and she likes him, they just kissed but theyre in the same uni course, same group of friends and same building so he is more convenient.

 

Letter a good idea or no?

[Yellowteacup]

The letter isn't going to do much, considering she's already met someone else. She has moved on and so should you.

[dreamingoftigers]

I always liked those.

 

I know a lot of people are like: just move on. Don't bug them. They're gone blah blah

 

You know what I say: annoy them a little. And make them think if you can. Life's too short to hold it in anyways.

[CarrieT]

Very bad idea.

[becks77]

I sent one of those letters - it didn't work - it just made me feel like I'd given him my heart and soul and he didn't want it.

[Own Worst Enemy]

if writing it is keeping you glued to the relationship when you should be out having fun, then no.

 

you sound young, if you're in college. i wasted 3 years of university on the same guy, and i haven't seen him since i was 21 and we graduated. don't make that mistake! get out there and meet lots of other hotties.

 

which would you be more glad that you did when you turn 80? nobody ever sat in a bath chair saying, "da.mn i wish i'd gotten LESS s*x in college"...

[geegirl]

Im writing a letter detailing everything that was wrong and right about our relationship, what we did wrong as a couple, what we did wrong individually and then what we did right, how we were together etc.

 

I just want her to look and realise where we went wrong and want her to work on it.

 

We went on a break a month ago so she could find out what she wants in life, she met another boy (just like me) and she likes him, they just kissed but theyre in the same uni course, same group of friends and same building so he is more convenient.

 

Letter a good idea or no?

 

She's already moved on. You're "feeling" this from your emotional space. She is on a different level, emotionally -- her full focus is on him.

[cottom]

Im 20, i finish university this year and graduate, she just started university

 

I do Engineering and live at home, commuting in. So meeting another girl is completely out the picture. I do not have mutual friends with any girls so meeting a girl as a friend of a friend is a no-go. This girl was the love of my life, i was with her for 2 years and i want her back really :/

 

Also if i go clubbing im not attractive in the slightest A_8L1CECEAAHeth.jpg large | Flickr - Photo Sharing! so girls would not like me to come near them, so approaching random women is also not going to get results

[Madman81]

Write it, and then file it away without sending it to her.

 

The others are right. As of right now, she's moved on. If you still hold out hope of her coming back, the letter will inevitably sound weepy and weak. It'll have the exact opposite effect you want it to.

 

The best possible way for you to make her want to get back with you is for you to get on with your life. Get out with your friends. Do some fun activities. Take photos of the stuff you're doing and post them on Facebook. Make sure that the photos show you having the time of your life. If you're not still FB friends with her, make your settings public to her, so that she can see them all. The aim is to project the image of a fun, cool guy who doesn't "need" her and is doing just fine without her, thanks very much.

 

If she sees all this, she may become curious, and a little bit jealous, and start making overtures to you. And if she doesn't, well, you'll be well into building your own life post-her. And you'll have kept your dignity and your self respect.

[geegirl]

im not attractive in the slightest A_8L1CECEAAHeth.jpg large | Flickr - Photo Sharing! so girls would not like me to come near them, so approaching random women is also not going to get results

 

You're cute! Quit it!

[cottom]

Well i wrote it, it turned out to be a more "enjoy your life and i hope everything goes well for you, thanks for your time" letter

 

is there any way of attaching it so people can have a read through see if it is okay?

[MyAngel]

If it's typed, just copy and paste. If not, take a pic with your phone and upload it somewhere private so she can't see.

 

I don't think writing and dwelling on all the bad things is a good idea. Maybe you could acknowledge that there were isses but I personally wouldn't outline them.

[cottom]

Its two pages, ill give you the jist of the paragraphs

 

 

• Intro, outlining what went on, my friend died, we argued because she wouldnt come and see me off as i went to sort out his stuff, we went on break to find ourselves, she met someone but i saw counsilling and did relationship classed
  
• My fauts, jealousy, insecurity, emotionally unstable,reacting to everything she did
  
• Her faults, always lying about what she was doing (home when at a club etc), lying to her friends about us being in a terrible relationship and we werent in love to keep a public image she wasnt tied down and was young and free, and her not appreciating anything i did for her, cook her a 3 course candlit dinner, take her out and pay for everything, buy her jewellry and perfume and she never says thankyou.
  
• Neither of us were perfect but two perfect people dont make a perfect relationship, two people that bring out flaws in the other and then help each other to work on them problems to actually become a better person, thats a perfect relationship.
  
• How 95% of our relationship we was madly in love, we talked marriage and kids and we could not talk for a few hours but still love every second we were together.
  
• What i have done in the month to sort my life out, put other commitments such as working to the side to show a girl more attention and how i am more able to control emotions and i have grown up.
  
• How she spent the month finding out what she wants from her life by getting all over this boy. He was introduced to her by his best friend who is in love with her, on the best friend and my ex's bday they went out and he got on her in front of his best friend. So if he puts what he wants over hurting his best friend then he will do the same to her and not to come running back to me when it doesnt work out.
  
• I hope you have a great life, ive had an amazing two years and have memories i will take on my life journey, i learnt a lot about myself and i hope you have learnt a lot too, good luck with university, goodbye.
  

 

 

Thats the letter summarised, any good?

[MyAngel]

I still don't think detailing all the bad things you both did is any good. I'd like to see what others think. I would probably tone it down and make it less emotional but I like the goodbye bit.

 

I wrote a goodbye email but never sent it. I'd sit on yours for a few days. Make sure that you're making the right decision by sending it.

[SharkTooth]

I've got the same letter sitting on my desk in a stamped envelope I wrote 2 weeks ago. I got so close to sending it but I finally started listening to the words of wisdom here and will never send it. I know you think that everything has to be done right now but you will see that time is going to be your best and worst enemy. At least give it 4-5 days to sink in about what you are about to do and make your decision then. Trust me on this one. 4-5 days.

[TopCat22]

Really bad idea. I know what you think it will do: make her think about how to fix things. Actually all it will do is annoy her. It will make her feel like you are telling her what to do. That she doesn't know her own mind and isn't capable of deciding who she wants to be with. She will not see the letter in the same way as you. In fact she won't even be concentrating on the words, she'll be judging your actions and you will end up pushing her towards this other guy even quicker.

 

If it helps you then write the letter, but don't send it, it will only cause you more pain when you don't get what you want.

[veggirl]

Imagine her showing that letter to her friends and new guy. I would not send it. I know it's tempting, esp at your age, but it's a bad idea and it won't make her come back. Also, you're very cute so don't worry about that part.