Feel so used and manipulated...yet have fallen so badly, want him back :(

[esstee]

Hey guys,

 

Feeling pretty low right now as I broke up with my boyfriend 3 days ago, so fresh wounds and all. It was only a 3 month thing but I was really strung along, lead to believe he fell for me and thought I was special...turns out I was only his piece of rebound (he split with his ex of a year a month prior...I was so foolish to go along with his assurances that he was over her etc)

 

At first he was an absolute gentleman, spoiling me and treating me so so well. I thought wow he is so nice and mature for our age (we are both 19.) He kept talking about holidays and meeting our families and crazy stuff like that and was treating me so nicely! I was so happy! However everyone warned me he was bad news and that his ex was still on the scene, that I was getting into something strange and bad, but I of course listened to my heart, silly me. Until niggles of his ex came, and he ended it abruptly saying there was 'drama' to sort out - needless to say I was devastated. A week later he says all is well and good and coaxes me back into his life. Throughout this time he had been pressuring me big time to sleep with him but I wanted to wait as its simply my values. He kept pushing and pushing - but in a weird, nice, subtle way so I didnt notice until i reflect back on it, when I see it as disgusting and hugely creepy - and I caved. From that moment on he treated me like dirt, called me 'easy' to my friends and complained about my qualities he hated, all the while talking to his ex. Yet he kept coaxing me in and had this weird hold on me I can't quite put my finger on. But I was getting so so miserable and decided to walk away from it and I think I'm the first girl who has stoodup for herself after realising she has been used (apparently he hasnt had the best history), as he was so shocked by being spoken to like that.

 

Everytime I tried to walk away from him he kept pulling me back in, talking to me, teasing me. Now I've broken up with him he tried to re add me on fb (I deleted him), liked all our tagged photos and messaging asking me to forgive him inspite of the bad stuff he did so we can be friends. I never felt so used and mistreated before...I never knew people could exist like this until I experienced it!! I know hes so so bad for me but why is it so painful to let him go, I feel like there was something wrong with me, that I did something wrong to make him treat me like dirt or keep seeing his ex (still major unfinished business there I think.)

 

How can I try move on and stop him from contacting me? I think he knows I've fallen for him and tries to tempt me back so he can use me I am resisting and employing no contact but it is SO SO HARD and so painful Anyone else been in a similar situation? I seem to have lost all faith ans trust in others, I normally am so cold and have such a guard up and he had such a trusting aura I let him in and now I'm destroyed...I feel more wary about others than before!!

[Quest4_TheLost]

Yes, I recently went throug a similar situation. This guy was completley bad news. I wanted and tried to be friends with him we constantly would break up unofficially because we were never really together. But basically I just get sick of his sh*t and would disapear on him. Then we would reconnect usually me just seeing how he was cause I missed him. I never really wanted him back but fell into this pattern. He also had split from a girl like 7 months before but it was an 8 yr relationship. When I met him I just wanted to be friends, so this whole relationship thing came out of left field and was somthing he wanted. We were like best friends..

 

I have been in long term relationships been in love with others. Somthing about this guy really had me hooked and I still can't explain it. He was also manipulative and could be just down right nasty to me. I knew better. A person like him definetly gives the old saying (with friends like you who needs enemies) the spotlight. I just really didn't want to let go of him. I didn't really want to be with him but to lose him completley, was a devestating thought. I haven't spoken to him for about 3 months now.

He still pops into my head and invades my thoughts daily, just not as often. I still miss him deeply on occassions and I still can't explain it. We did the on and off thing for about 10 months.

 

I would say just be happy you didn't get stuck with him for longer.. You will just have to ignore him and if you can't keep it very limited. Don't say much back when he txts. DON"T go hang out with him!! If you don't want any contact with him just tell him that. I think NC in this situation is better because these ppl are toxic. Like you said so easily to get sucked back in and trust me it won't end well, no matter how long you stick this out.

 

So just tell him- I think its best we don't talk anymore. If he asks why- because the relationship is over and that your not intrested in remaining friends. Don't let him drag it out if he continues to poke at you your going to have to just ignore him. Yea its hard but you'll get through it.

[esstee]

Thank you so much. I feel like I did something wrong as now he is completely blanking me whereas before he would try and contact me - I know its for the best 100 percent but I'm so wrapped up with the image he sold to me and...yeah. But life is exciting now I can do what makes me happy