Author crashvector Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 (edited) How are you feeling now? I can see improvements! Your fixing it at the core I stead of the problem with her. Are you dealing with acceptance much easier now that you understand yourself? Well, the triple-does of mood stabilizers are starting to lift me up a bit. I still feel an immense amount of pain, but they are keeping me from doing quite as far down. that's the beauty of those kinds of meds for people like me, they REALLY work, but the side effects (that i talked about earlier) remove a lot of the things I am used to having at my disposal that allow me to carry on a "normal life", because I used them to compensate for parts of my disorder that I can't change no matter how much I want to. Like: reading the body language of everyone I see like a book....the ability to process information extremely quickly, etc. Part of why ppl who have bipolar disorder make good partners (when they aren't manic of course) is that we are extremely aware of what our partners need from us because we are almost psychic in our ability to read our companions and give them what the need from us. Its not some "mysterious power" we have...its that we are hyper-perceptive. Our brains do not filter ANYTHING out if it relates to emotion in any way...including our perception of what OTHER people are feeling. Think of it like this except dealing with emotions: You know you are wearing a shirt right? However, your brain filters out the fact that you should be feeling it rubbing your back because otherwise, it would drive you nuts. same with your socks..you know you have them on, but you aren't always AWARE of them bc your brain filters out that stimuli. Now, pretend all that isnt clothes but the body language of everyone around you. You filter out like 99% of it bc to YOUR brain, its just not important. To OURS, it IS, and it doesnt get filtered out. We are consciously aware of it every second. People with bipolar disorder CANT filter that out. We feel all of it...and we can tell if your socks are bugging you, too....if you know what I mean...because we can see it ALL OVER your body language. Because YOU aren't really even aware of the signals you are giving off, it seems to YOU that we are somehow "reading your mind" when any other person with bipolar disorder in the room would be thinking to themselves "How could you NOT notice?!" that's where we have a distinct advantage with our lack of ability to filter out such things: Most people are NOT aware of their body language. They aren't capable of processing SO much information about someone else fast enough. We, on the other hand, ARE capable of processing it all, and doing it REALLY fast. I'm talking split-second fast here. any other person with bipolar disorder that reads this (or BPD to nearly the same extent) will know EXACTLY what I'm talking about here. I hope that's an adequate picture of what is just one small part of what it feels like to be someone who has what I have. This is something that happens every second that I am awake....I wont get into the hyper-vivid dreams and memories, it would be too much. I've only been manic once in my life, and it wasn't pretty. I'm not the angry manic though...I'm the elated kind...the flying on cloud nine kind. Edited January 15, 2013 by crashvector
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