Stoic44 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Dated a girl for about three weeks intensely. Lots of emotional and physical intimacy. Two weeks in she says she wasn't looking for commitment. She had previous plans for NYE w/ a gf but she texts me she loves me; wishes I was there. Two days later she's back with the ex, and says that while she would have "loved to explore everything we might have been" her and the ex have a lot of history and her heart tells her she has to give it a second chance. Tells me I am an amazing guy and lists all my positive qualities. I tell her if she goes there's no chance of winning me back as I make no compromises on loyalty or trust (I never knew about the ex). She wants to meet and talk and be friends but I decline because I am too hurt and blindsided. Is NC the best route here? If I can stay in the game as friends w/o being emotionally attached, is that a better route?
veggirl Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 yes NC. she sounds crazy. she doesn't know what she wants. after 2 wks she is telling you she loves you and then a week later she is back with her ex? what a trainwreck.
na49 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Yes go NC and don't get wrapped up with this chick. She has no idea what she wants, but you don't want her. I'd imagine that's tough to deal with, I'm sorry that you have to. but you'll heal very quickly if you go NC and stick with it. She'll probably feel guilty for hurting you. Don't let her ease her guilt. You don't deserve the treatment she gave you. 1
Quest4_TheLost Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I think its really up to you.. If you don't mind being friends with her and thats what you want go for it. If your feeling hurt then being friends atleast for the time being might not be such a good idea.
Author Stoic44 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Yes go NC and don't get wrapped up with this chick. She has no idea what she wants, but you don't want her. I'd imagine that's tough to deal with, I'm sorry that you have to. but you'll heal very quickly if you go NC and stick with it. She'll probably feel guilty for hurting you. Don't let her ease her guilt. You don't deserve the treatment she gave you. Right, totally did not deserve it. She should have been honest but wasn't. I have unanswered questions, which is killing me, but I figure if she's really sorry she'll try to contact me again.
Author Stoic44 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Why did she go into a relationship w. me if she had feelings for the love of her life? Why not be upfront about it?
CptSaveAho Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Dated a girl for about three weeks intensely. Lots of emotional and physical intimacy. Two weeks in she says she wasn't looking for commitment. She didnt.... she "dated" you.... had fun with you
Author Stoic44 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 And yet it's easy to see how a guy can get led on when she's talking to.him.for hours a day, saying she loves him, misses him, is so happy with the way they communicate, using birth control, and talking of the future.
CptSaveAho Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 (edited) Ugh.... 3 weeks planning for the future already... use common sense next time Edited January 15, 2013 by CptSaveAho 1
RespectfullyAlone Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 And yet it's easy to see how a guy can get led on when she's talking to.him.for hours a day, saying she loves him, misses him, is so happy with the way they communicate, using birth control, and talking of the future. Sounds like my situation. She did all that. Talked engagement, wanting a ring, where to live, all things about the future. Even having more kids... or not having more kids. And just like that, she replaced me in a matter of days with this new guy, and then went ahead even faster with him, almost to the point we were, actually even faster. It is easy to be led on, when you see a girl so into the relationship, so happy, so romantic, telling you they are in love etc. None of the self preservation things kicked in with me, nothign felt off or out of place, at no moment did I feel she was faking anything or not being herself. Easy for people to say now you should have known better, but I guess I was the only one being honest. I did not detect a thing wrong, until she just instantly vanished out of my life.
LduKaZ Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 It makes me wonder, why is there people like that?? What do they accomplish?? Are they playing all along? Or do they actually believe they are madly in love and the next day they are not?? How do this sick brains work!? I wish nothing but a lonely life to girls like that, its bad enough they are skanks, but emotionsl skams really?? How come they can sleep at night, while a perfect gentleman like myself struggles? Are we the ones who should change perhaps?
CptSaveAho Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 It makes me wonder, why is there people like that?? What do they accomplish?? Are they playing all along? Or do they actually believe they are madly in love and the next day they are not?? How do this sick brains work!? I wish nothing but a lonely life to girls like that, its bad enough they are skanks, but emotionsl skams really?? How come they can sleep at night, while a perfect gentleman like myself struggles? Are we the ones who should change perhaps? they are in essence hurt people... the saying hurt people hurt people rings true. its more a transference of feelings, maybe a bit of projecting as well guys do it too... most of the time they don't realize what they did till much much later. perfect gentlemen don't fall for this, know its a bad situation and walk away... i made a joke a while ago and said back in my days when I did/fell for this... i was an idiot (I was at the time)
Author Stoic44 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Yeah it is just an awful thing to do to someone. You wonder what kind of cognitive dissonance goes on. Is it flat-out manipulation, or did they deceive themselves into thinking they were in love with us? This girl was all over me conversationally and physically in a way that girls only with extremely high interest usually are. Yeah I made my mistakes--went too fast--but it's not as if she wasn't egging it on. And I had known her for months before we even started getting involved. I've had my rebounds before but I always made it clear I wasn't emotionally available. I can't bring myself to say "love you/miss you" and have unprotected sex with a person when I am hung up still on someone else. It just doesn't feel right. But there's a good song out there, called "The Stranger" by Billy Joel: Well we all fall in love But we disregard the danger Though we share so many secrets There are some we never tell Why were you so surprised That you never saw the stranger Did you ever let your lover see The stranger in yourself? 1
LduKaZ Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Well said guys. One thing I do believe thou Stoic, is that getting over this girl wont be as painfully long. Despite the fact that we always want what we can't have, at least here you know shes really messed up and not a good person.. You can base your healing process on pity, maybe even disgust. Its a lot worse when you know the person was amazing, and all of the sudden ****ed you over but she still seems like a wonderful GF. Those are the hardest. 1
Author Stoic44 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 This is true. I was talking with a friend the other day and I said, "I can't determine whether to feel sorry for her or to be angry at her." She did apologize at one point for "causing me any pain." And I told her: "Look, the only pain I feel is for you and the ex."
todreaminblue Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I am sorry this happened to you,Captain save a ho is right once again when he said hurt people hurt people....whether it is intentional or not doesn't really count when someone gets hurt.I am careful when i get in a relationship.....I dont go into a relationship with doubts for starters, and I let the guy know i have mental illnesses, and see how he feels about continuing.i pretty much put my heart into relationship and i do it from the beginning...i am intense and a bit ocd...smilin...this is annoying to most men.......so i am self aware.... this girl doesnt sound self aware who you were dating, and didnt disclose to you she had feelings for another, that was wrong......hurt or not...it is still wrong..we all have to follow guidelines and know the difference between right and wrong...sick or not ...hurt or not......I would go no contact ...it would be hard for you to trust her if she did come back though...you just wont know if it was intentional o rnot....with her choice of non disclosure to you and how intense she was with you....doesnt bode well..im pissed i agree with captain save a ho....damn again..i think i must be getting sick in the head again.....best wishes next time....deb
sharkbite Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 this is a girl that has options........ if you stick with no contact, it foreces them to make serious decisions, your able to keep your pride, and though it may be the hardest thing not contacting the one you used to go to everyday, you should breathe a sigh of relief that it wasn't you who faltered. rest easy and move on.....there are a lot better things waiting for you out in this world than question marks
Author Stoic44 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Right, I told her it was catastrophic and whimsical to return to an ex and gamble on something that previously failed when we had so much potential, and that the chances of successfully reuniting w/ an ex when you've built emotional and physical intimacy with someone else are slim. It struck me as a tragedy: The most likely outcome of her decision is that two relationships are destroyed: The one with the ex that was already damaged, and everything ours could have been. Also told her I make no compromises on loyalty or trust so if she goes, her chances of returning to me are none. She said she too values trust so that's why she's telling me this (kind of a non-sequitur). Wished them both good luck and told her that under the circumstances, we can't be friends. Not sure if all that was the best thing to say, but oh well. Maybe I made her think twice.
brokengirl3 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Glike mou he dumped you for his ex and you still rethiking?COME ON!!!!!!!wake up !live your life!
flitzanu Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Dated a girl for about three weeks intensely. Lots of emotional and physical intimacy. Two weeks in she says she wasn't looking for commitment. She had previous plans for NYE w/ a gf but she texts me she loves me; wishes I was there. Two days later she's back with the ex, and says that while she would have "loved to explore everything we might have been" her and the ex have a lot of history and her heart tells her she has to give it a second chance. Tells me I am an amazing guy and lists all my positive qualities. I tell her if she goes there's no chance of winning me back as I make no compromises on loyalty or trust (I never knew about the ex). She wants to meet and talk and be friends but I decline because I am too hurt and blindsided. Is NC the best route here? If I can stay in the game as friends w/o being emotionally attached, is that a better route? regardless of being her friend or not, she's still banging her ex and not you. being her friend is not going to "keep you in the game". find an available chick and not one that just left you for her ex.
Author Stoic44 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 You are right, kardia mou. It is easy to give advice but harder to take it. About those tickets...
brokengirl3 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 It is easy to give advice but harder to take it. Indeed it is very easy to give an advice than take an advice!Glike mou ,you should focus on yourself and you will find a great woman !im sure!
Author Stoic44 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Yes it is time to focus on myself. Going to learn Greek. You know of anyone who speaks it?
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