Rewriting history......

[woogy]

When the WS rewrites the marriage history, is this how they truly feel? Or is this just what they say to make the affair okay in their mind? My H said some terrible things about me and our history together, just wondering if this could be how he truly feels and doesn't want to tell me because it will hurt me again. Do I believe what he told his AP about me or not? It's so hard to get over all the hateful things that were said.

[Realist3]

Probably a little bit of both. Don't underestimate the use of exaggeration to gain sympathy from the OW.

[MsDecember]

I understand this rewriting of history. I think it's done to ease the guilt and to obtain sympathies. My ex H rewrote our history to his family and some friends. I was sickened to hear that he felt our plus 20 years were so horrible. I know he is not be fair or truthful and hopes that the white lies he tells gives him sympathy for having an affair. Well, it doesn't. He didn't turn out the be the guy I loved or knew, but I know we had amazing times, amazing kids and a real friendship and love. He threw it all away for a chance to have money with a well to do girl who happily bought him. It saddens me most that he had something real and now has a fake relationship built on such lies and deceit. I heard from a friend of a friend that he and OW are claiming I had an affair first, so I am doubling over in laughter and then heartbreak that he needs to drag me thru the mud to feel better about himself. The saddest thing is the OW doesn't know anything close to the truth, and I found out a lot after the fact. He had several flings, affairs, one night stands in the beginning of our relationship and a couple during the same time as the current OW/GF. So I think someone who truly rewrites history has lies to cover up and guilt to bury.

 

I say feel with your heart and remember the memories and find the truth of how you want to remember your relationship. Don't let someone make you question if everything is a lie, as that is a very difficult place to put yourself and very sad, hurtful and unproductive.

 

Hugs to you!

[Woggle]

They are simply delusional. Cheaters just make up the rules as they go along.

[MsDecember]

They are simply delusional. Cheaters just make up the rules as they go along.

 

 

OH YES THEY DO!!!!

and to that I simply say who needs them???!!!! BUH BYE :0)

[Woggle]

OH YES THEY DO!!!!

and to that I simply say who needs them???!!!! BUH BYE :0)

 

I agree. They also have a major persecution complex and think they are the victim whenever they are held accountable for their actions. They seriously think they are some oppressed group.

[dreamingoftigers]

I agree. They also have a major persecution complex and think they are the victim whenever they are held accountable for their actions. They seriously think they are some oppressed group.

 

"I'm so oppressed by this marriage I volunteered that I could get out of so easily in this country but I don't want to have to move my clothes and toothbrush. I hate you! It's all your fault I'm in this situation!"

 

Arg. So many of them just don't GET it!

[dreamingoftigers]

OP, I will be a little bit fair to your cheating spouse.

 

But not too kind. Because cheating is damaging and it sucks!

 

But I havebeen watching my perception of events over the last six months or so. I am a bit of a nut, but I am also a bit of an armchair-scientist-crackpot nut that reads everything under the Sun I can get my hand in regarding brain function.

 

We all have historical coloring when it comes to our memories.

 

For me, example 1: my daughter was away from me for a time last year. I noticed that she developed a slight Filipina accent. (I am speak like people born 2nd generation in Alberta, Canada speak. (Most (born and lived here) Canadians West of Quebec have a similar accent, slight variation around Ontario. Around the Maritimes and Newfoundland there are strong regional accents that a trained ear could easily pick apart.)

 

I noticed a "slight" accent. She would say "neck-a-lace" instead of "necklace."

I had been in contact a minimum of twice weekly while she was away. So I only noticed a slight shift during the duration.

 

When we were reunited, we took quite a few little vids together. Tonight was the first night I have watched them since that time. 8 months. She's list the accent completely (from what I can tell).

 

But Oh-Me-Gawd, when we were first together she didn't have "a bit of" an accent. She had a FULL THICK FILIPINA ACCENT. The video is not lying to me. I had a child that sounded like she was born in Manila (well, maybe). I couldn't hear it at the time, probably because my brain noticed the slight shift and corrected for it. I heard my daughter's voice with a very slight syllabic variation. My brain had put the spin on it.

 

Example 2: I notice too that if I am gone for a few weeks or so, when I come

home that my family members look a little different to me, maybe even average or I notice something different about them. It is a frequent enough phenom to take note of it. Probably the sane way that one has to regather an impression on a relative one has not seen in awhile. Your brain takes their visual image in, milliseconds later, it doesn't recognize them, and then milliseconds later deconstructs the image and matches it to other close pathways identifying it as Aunt Mildred, but ten years older.

 

Example 3: Last time I had to be away was for three weeks. I had a horrible trip. Lots of little irritating annoying things caused losses of time and therefore productivity and therefore earnings. Arg. During this period I was also alone a great deal and some of the areas I was in had no cell service and were actually area I had been in with my husband around the time we first got together. Plus I saw my mother-in-law. That was harsh. Quite harsh. I gave also been recovering, albeit slowly from my husband's infidelity and I am beginning to work through the harder emotions regarding that. Needless to say, I felt isolated (as I had during my husband's and my separation) burned out and frustrated (also something that I felt during our separation) and I truly thought a lot about his emotionally manipulative behaviours that he had done to me (his mother really gave me quite the reminder, she makes my husband look golden, frankly). And all of this right smack in the middle of where we had are early romance take place. I went home just detesting him. Every frustrating, isolating, pissy thing that happened on that trip neurally associated with "husband." "Husband" was the scape goat of the weekend when I got home.

 

Don't get me wrong. I wasn't out of line with him at all. He's been slacking and hiding a tad since just before holidays on some relational work we agreed to. Under normal circumstances I might serve him a reminder. Under these circumstances I pulled out what I term are my "big guns." I was nice, civil and decent to him. I asked if he got the work done. He hadn't. I told him to let me know when he had. He knew I was out off, I slept on the couch for three nights. (it takes him a couple days to process the anxiety of knowing we have to talk specifically about our relationship at some point, it doesn't bother me in the least. Besides the cough is more comfortable).

 

I didn't behave any differently than I normally would BUT inside I was seething. At an almost toxic to me level. I just hated him for three days. But I knew it was largely because of my trip and his mother. Not him. Sure he needed to do his stuff, but I also knew it wasn't fair to completely unload and run off to the courthouse and file for divorce and throw his clothes out the window or what have you. But I WANTED to SO BADLY. Finally day three comes up and we both have time and energy for the talk. He's done some work. He apologizes, asks me what's on my mind. I share my frustration. He LISTENS, EMPATHIZES steps up to the plate and just is the guy I took back after the separation.

 

Within five minutes. Of course I don't tell him "I wanted a D for three days. O hated you." I knew that it was an unhealthy scapegoat reaction on my part. I knew he wasn't a monster and HAD overall come a long way in the last year. And no, just for the record, the couch thing is not a me-holding-him-hostage thing. Or an isolation thing. We still function on friendly and reasonable terms through the day. The stress level of either one of us didn't hit the roof with one another. Nobody was avoiding anything aside from forcing a tough convo at the wrong time. He deals much better with me pulling back, I deal with him much better drawing near.

 

WHERE have I gone with my insane ramblings?

 

Our experiences, contexts, histories and perceptions all clang into each other on a neural level creating something more akin to a work of art than an accurate taping. Our emotional state colours things probably more than any other factor. In fact our limbic (emotional) center is crucial to regulating and protecting us as a whole.

 

Your husband was colored by his previous issues (I find make cheaters have mommy issues, usually to the extreme that they feel the need to rebel against).

 

This is a guy who is lying to two women at once to gain acceptance. This is a guy who genuinely thinks that women will not genuinely accept him than, no?

 

That screams to me that he can't tell **** from shinola. Most cheaters can't because their context is so screwed.

 

A lot of them feel trapped in the homes and marriages of their own making. Like they've got to get out and escape but at the same token can't handle the shame of making that "great escape."

 

Why do they feel that? No one can pinpoint exactly. I tend to think childhood crapola in general. Too scared to hurt mommy, but I want my own this, that and other thing and mommy would never let me do xyz.

 

Even though you aren't his mother and you were once the mate he chose to spite Momsnd become independent with. Somewhere along the line he stopped being a man with a wife and became more dependent on you, and then somewhere along the line further down he realized he was not a man anymore. Where did that manhood go?

 

Dammit he's been duped into giving it over to you! You grabbed itehile he was sleeping and hid it didn't you? Cheaters, sigh....

 

So what's a man to do without his manhood? Since he was clearly a man when he first met you because you were this amazing woman until he discovered he was dependent on you as a child..... Why it must mean that another woman has the same super-powers! She can give him back that manhood!

 

Same delusion, different woman. He needs you to be the villan in order to be a super-hero. No villan, no superhero. No real reason to leave a marriage and cast aside a loving wife.

 

Sure, she "looks" loving until she asks why you don't share in the chores or could we watch a romantic comedy on movie night this one time. Or she crabs at you for tracking your muddy boots all over her freshly cleaned floor. Than you know what her true colours are.

 

Not like this new woman. She wouldn't do that, and if he does he's so cranked up on hormones that he can justify her shanking goats in her living room to sacrifice to the Voodoo gods. "she's quirky and fun and different. Not like you with your clean floors and romantic comedies."

 

Pretty soon your whole marriage becomes this hyperbole of clean floors and romantic comedies. The story grows bigger each time he tells it. Soon you are locking him in a room for three days to watch Sleepless in Seattle on loop because he failed to tiptoe in slippers across your floor.

 

The Voodoo Lady "saved" him from a life of Meg Ryan and an overwaxed fear of falling and breaking one's neck. They have a "special connection" Voodoo Lady and him. He has to believe it, the divorce is costing him a ton. Voodoo Lady has to stick around. She can't be a bad bet now. She has his manhood after all. That ticket cost more than enough to get self-cleaning linoleum.

 

And so he sells the farm: "it was awful from day one, she was just like my mother trapping me and being mean and treating me like a child."

 

Meanwhile, you start cleaning your new floor with the settlement and you notice some other, smarter men who possess their own manliness, manliness that isn't on loan from an imaginary source. Men that say, "have you seen that new Sandra Bullock film? I brought popcorn. Wow this place looks great, should I leave my shoes on the shelf or mat?"

 

And husband, who care what happened to him. He doesn't even know what happened to him? He wanted his storyline so badly that he lost the plot.

:bunny::bunny:

[dreamingoftigers]

Oh shoot, such a long post and you, OP, didn't leave him and he didn't run off with Voodoo Lady.

 

In this case I would guess that at the time there was an underlying impression of that fueled by a desire to lash back at you to get with her.

 

I am willing to bet that since he is staying with you that that storyline (even in his head) has tempered somewhat but his feelings in the moment were real. Even if they were somewhat artificially generated by himself.

 

Has he done work on self-honesty and emotional regulation. You will see a consistency if he had restored himself to an emotional sanity or if he is still defensive and edgy about the affair etc.

 

I know that doesn't help you in the meantime but unfortunately when one opens "Cheater doors" and all of the hormonal craziness that comes with it, the truth remains a "floating commodity" for awhile.

 

Similarly an addict caught up under the influence can tell you how they felt at the time even though they can recognize in the future that their actions were

self-destructive or overreactions as well.

 

Honestly, infatuation is very similar to a chemical high. And most MM who cheat isolated themselves or have underlying shame issues that cause them to hit crisis and cheat mode to pull themselves out of the rut they were in. This rut may or may not be connected to you. Some guys even take job loss really hard. Parental loss is often a precursor to cheating.

 

They just need something. They often don't know what it is or why or really think that their spouse can listen or understand. They cut themselves off and seek an external. For some it's booze for others its women. Some it's both. Filling a void isn't just a cliche.

 

You'll know if he straightens out emotionally and he's willing to talk about it. But honestly if he isn't willing to do either, kick him to the curb and get yourself a new floor.

[waterwoman]

LOL! tigers - you are funny

 

When H was in his affair he told he, out of the blue that he'd hated The Cranberries and there was a time when I *made* him listen to them. .

 

A. He could have told me at the time.

B. I listened to them mostly when I was driving to work alone.

C. It was one album that I listened to for about 3 m in all about 15 years ago!

 

There were other things he told me about myself when he was trying to convince himself he wanted to leave (rather than actually admit the truth about his A) . Utterly absurd things that I simply didn't recognise. Weird.

[Woggle]

My ex told me when I left her over her cheating that it was no different than what the Taliban does to women and that it was similiar to how they whipped slaves who tried to escape. How is that for a persecution complex. Also if the marriage was so horrible for her why was she mad when I left. Shouldn't she have been glad that I released from those shackles?

[dreamingoftigers]

LOL! tigers - you are funny

 

When H was in his affair he told he, out of the blue that he'd hated The Cranberries and there was a time when I *made* him listen to them. .

 

A. He could have told me at the time.

B. I listened to them mostly when I was driving to work alone.

C. It was one album that I listened to for about 3 m in all about 15 years ago!

 

There were other things he told me about myself when he was trying to convince himself he wanted to leave (rather than actually admit the truth about his A) . Utterly absurd things that I simply didn't recognise. Weird.

 

The Cranberries!

OMG. your lucky he didn't divorce you and have a neighborhood meeting about your inherent insolence!

 

Kidding, I don't mind them.

 

Oh jeez I heard some thing from Planet Neptune too. I honestly had to think of it as something whispering responses in my husband's ear. Something that I could not and would not negotiate with. The accusation of me cheating was pretty priceless though. I think he really thought it too.

 

We had moved next door to where we used to live and since it was such a step-up classy move, we just threw everything over the fence and stored the remainder of what we didn't need in the garage.

 

Sometime just after the final D-day we cleaned it out and organized it. One thing that was in there was some condoms from when we lived next door and we had been doing the deed but I wasn't 100% sure he was safe. They were ours. We RARELY used condoms over the course of our M. And they were the Off-beat packaging etc. I mentioned them and pocketed them to bring on the house. Well later on we went out (swimming I think) so I changed out of the jeans, threw em in my swimbag after coming back from swimming and tossed the whole thing in the laundry downstairs.

 

Well we switch up laundry and he though he had a find almighty! Flip out central. "blah blah wife! What's this are you slutting it up! Isnt this the bag you take out of town!? Are you meeting someone!?"

 

Half a dozen D-days and treatment with this clown of a husband and he's hitting the roof like he can shake free Mars bars from the sky.

 

I looked at him like he was crackers, explained they were ours, explained where they were from and that I SHOWED them to him when we cleaned the garage. I tried checking the expiry to see if that would disqualify my "guilt." sure enough the damn things were still good to be used. Finally I just looked him straight in the face and said. "Try this, do you really feel in your gut at all, even a little bit that with everything going on and my stance on this insane marriage that I'm cheating on you. I'll take a poly if you need me to, right after you take yours, but you'll get a better reading from your gut."

 

He completely 180d, stopped and said "no, I don't think you are at all. It must have really sucked for you."

 

Amazing. I should start packing condoms in our lunch bag or something to see if he comes up with any other revelations.

 

My ex told me when I left her over her cheating that it was no different than what the Taliban does to women and that it was similiar to how they whipped slaves who tried to escape. How is that for a persecution complex. Also if the marriage was so horrible for her why was she mad when I left. Shouldn't she have been glad that I released from those shackles?

 

Because YOU weren't supposed to leave because everything was ALL YOUR FAULT. You were supposed to let her leave when she wanted to and tried to fight for her for the rest of your life because she's so wonderful and you're the Taliban.

 

When all else fails scream about how it's everyone else's fault and you're the victim.

 

Woggle, how's it going?

[Spark1111]

DOT....very funny today. You are on a roll....

 

Screaming about cheating by the cheater is of course, projection. They realized during their affair(s) how easy it is to lie to the face of someone who loves and trusts them. Not they think you must be doing it to them.

 

So agree that so much of the marriage can be mired in FOO issues, especially a distant or disapproving or manipulating mommy or daddy, and YES! the affair partner becomes the new rebellion against the spouse.

 

Isn't rebelling and then blaming you for their behavior something errant children do when in a tantrum?

 

Lots of similiarities.

 

Unfortunately, the spouse becomes the target for all this baggage.

[dreamingoftigers]

DOT....very funny today. You are on a roll....

 

Screaming about cheating by the cheater is of course, projection. They realized during their affair(s) how easy it is to lie to the face of someone who loves and trusts them. Not they think you must be doing it to them.

 

So agree that so much of the marriage can be mired in FOO issues, especially a distant or disapproving or manipulating mommy or daddy, and YES! the affair partner becomes the new rebellion against the spouse.

 

Isn't rebelling and then blaming you for their behavior something errant children do when in a tantrum?

 

Lots of similiarities.

 

Unfortunately, the spouse becomes the target for all this baggage.

 

Sometimes I honest to God see mental pictures of some of these guys and gals having tantrums. Or saying things in a high-pitched whiny voice: "but I want two....:(:("

 

As I am sure has been mentioned before my father is a narcissist and adulterer, and honestly he has thrown temper tantrums. Full, spectacle temper tantrums. Yelling, crying, blaming, name-calling, kicking, hitting, guilting, nuttery.

 

He was the only adult in close proximity to me that pulled anything like that. Then over holidays I visited my mother-in-law. Same scene. Mood dysregulation. Husband met me when I had mood regulation issues. He had massive mood regulation issues in his addiction and during his adulterous times. Temper tantrums. Literal ones.

 

I'm soooo glad I got some help. I'm glad he got help too. Honestly. If this was 1985, with the marital stuff they had available back then, our marriage would've been toast. With our histories, it's a statistical miracle that we are both alive, much less married.

 

I swear, my daughter at two years old was more empathetic that the adults listed above. (except me, I had therapy before then and I actually had the converse of being TOO empathetic and sympathetic like my mother)

 

Although she's three now....

I had to take something away yesterday and was met with:

"I am going to tell Daddee you did something Mommee :("

 

Followed-up with "Daaaddeeee, Moommmee did something!"

 

Verbatim.

[Furious]

I've noticed that many WS are like rebellious teenagers, who complain their parents suck, meanwhile asking for the car, money, new cell phone, money and then more money cause they need more stuff...and oh yeah the car cause they need it to get to the mall where all the stuff is.

 

Only their friend's understand how much parents suck, and they talk about how cool it would be to move out and get an apartment,...yeah that would be awesome. It would be the coolest apartment, and they could do whatever they want and no sucky parents to bring them down.

 

If only they had money and a car, they'd be so out of there:laugh:

[dreamingoftigers]

I've noticed that many WS are like rebellious teenagers, who complain their parents suck, meanwhile asking for the car, money, new cell phone, money and then more money cause they need more stuff...and oh yeah the car cause they need it to get to the mall where all the stuff is.

 

Only their friend's understand how much parents suck, and they talk about how cool it would be to move out and get an apartment,...yeah that would be awesome. It would be the coolest apartment, and they could do whatever they want and no sucky parents to bring them down.

 

If only they had money and a car, they'd be so out of there:laugh:

 

God I hit 16 and I was so out of there. LOL.

 

My parents were more teenaged than I was....to this day!

 

Cripes my Dad would hit me up for money and guilt me if I didn't fork it over.

 

I got two jobs and my own place. It WAS awesome.:laugh:

 

I guess I know why I'd make such an awful wayward spouse.

 

Here is a list of the following ways that blameshifting, guilting, lying etc to my spouse about the status of the marriage would be a good idea:

[Woggle]

Maybe the fact that my parents truly did suck and anything in life I needed or wanted I had to go out and get myself is one of the reasons I don't have the cheaters mentality.

[Furious]

God I hit 16 and I was so out of there. LOL.

 

My parents were more teenaged than I was....to this day!

 

Cripes my Dad would hit me up for money and guilt me if I didn't fork it over.

 

I got two jobs and my own place. It WAS awesome.:laugh:

 

I guess I know why I'd make such an awful wayward spouse.

 

Here is a list of the following ways that blameshifting, guilting, lying etc to my spouse about the status of the marriage would be a good idea:

 

 

Dot

 

Geez...you did a 180, you rebelled by being responsible.

 

Seriously though, I think many betrayed spouses are the one's who seem to have had to grow up sooner than most, who perhaps always took on the bigger load in getting things done. Perhaps guilty of doing too much.

[woogy]

Oh shoot, such a long post and you, OP, didn't leave him and he didn't run off with Voodoo Lady.

 

In this case I would guess that at the time there was an underlying impression of that fueled by a desire to lash back at you to get with her.

 

I am willing to bet that since he is staying with you that that storyline (even in his head) has tempered somewhat but his feelings in the moment were real. Even if they were somewhat artificially generated by himself.

 

Has he done work on self-honesty and emotional regulation. You will see a consistency if he had restored himself to an emotional sanity or if he is still defensive and edgy about the affair etc.

 

I know that doesn't help you in the meantime but unfortunately when one opens "Cheater doors" and all of the hormonal craziness that comes with it, the truth remains a "floating commodity" for awhile.

 

Similarly an addict caught up under the influence can tell you how they felt at the time even though they can recognize in the future that their actions were

self-destructive or overreactions as well.

 

Honestly, infatuation is very similar to a chemical high. And most MM who cheat isolated themselves or have underlying shame issues that cause them to hit crisis and cheat mode to pull themselves out of the rut they were in. This rut may or may not be connected to you. Some guys even take job loss really hard. Parental loss is often a precursor to cheating.

 

They just need something. They often don't know what it is or why or really think that their spouse can listen or understand. They cut themselves off and seek an external. For some it's booze for others its women. Some it's both. Filling a void isn't just a cliche.

 

You'll know if he straightens out emotionally and he's willing to talk about it. But honestly if he isn't willing to do either, kick him to the curb and get yourself a new floor.

 

Thank you for your posts. They both make a lot of sense. At first when we got back together he would get angry whenever I brought up anything with his EA. Now he's starting to understand how this has affected me and my need to know what happened and is truly trying to work it out with me. I know it's a long road ahead of us, it's just so hard to forget all the hurtful things he said about me and our marriage. On my bad days, I always question did he only come back because she dumped him and because he wants to be with his kids or does he truly want our marriage to work? It's frustrating and sad but I know in time it will get better.

[freestyle]

I've noticed that many WS are like rebellious teenagers,

 

 

I see a lot of truth in this theory.

 

(and I've witnessed it...)

 

I've read that people will sometimes re-enact their childhood drama as adults--

 

That became painfully apparent when my SO had his EA--he was maneuvering me into the role of "The Mean Mommy" who he needed to rebel against.

 

What's funny---at the time, I had no problems with him having a female friend, I trusted him completely, and wasn't one to need continual attention from him.......So, he really had to stretch the truth to find any complaints about me...

[Decorative]

Dot

 

Geez...you did a 180, you rebelled by being responsible.

 

Seriously though, I think many betrayed spouses are the one's who seem to have had to grow up sooner than most, who perhaps always took on the bigger load in getting things done. Perhaps guilty of doing too much.

 

You described me. Yup.

[dreamingoftigers]

I see a lot of truth in this theory.

 

(and I've witnessed it...)

 

I've read that people will sometimes re-enact their childhood drama as adults--

 

That became painfully apparent when my SO had his EA--he was maneuvering me into the role of "The Mean Mommy" who he needed to rebel against.

 

What's funny---at the time, I had no problems with him having a female friend, I trusted him completely, and wasn't one to need continual attention from him.......So, he really had to stretch the truth to find any complaints about me...

 

I found this too. It was really odd. He would talk to me like I was his mother and that he just couldn't take my crap. Then I would cry, which really reminded him of his crazy, cry all the time, mother. Then he would rage and to me he seemed just like my Dad and my anxiety would go sky-high.

 

I having to actually snap back about not being his mother a lot. Literally show veeerrrryyyy slowly that he was being reactive to something that wasn't even happening in our marriage.

 

It was tough. I did a 180 for about six months. Even the slightest abusive language lost my attention right away. I had to ignore him and have initiate most of the conversations. Even then, if he phoned, I ignored a third of them. To this day, if I am in the midst of doing something, I wait until I am done to call him back. Tough beans. He doesn't get my undivided attention 24/7. It wasn't healthy how he had me so trained to jump up when he would call. It came as quite a shock when I stopped showing up and when I clipped contact until he actually went and got help, instead of another empty promise.

[dreamingoftigers]

Maybe it isn't so much rewriting history as re-doing history.

[woogy]

Well I thought my H was getting better at understanding my need to know everything and not the trickle truth he has been giving me. Just the other day he told me he was there for me but then when I ask him some questions about his EA and other things I get the response that he's not going to keep going over this. He's done with it and I should be to. Like I should just be okay with not knowing everything, not getting my questions answered. Really? WTH! Why can't he realize that I need to talk about what happened, why it happened, why he came back, what we need to do so it doesn't happen again??

[Spark1111]

Well I thought my H was getting better at understanding my need to know everything and not the trickle truth he has been giving me. Just the other day he told me he was there for me but then when I ask him some questions about his EA and other things I get the response that he's not going to keep going over this. He's done with it and I should be to. Like I should just be okay with not knowing everything, not getting my questions answered. Really? WTH! Why can't he realize that I need to talk about what happened, why it happened, why he came back, what we need to do so it doesn't happen again??

 

Put your foot down. draw your line in the sand.

 

Do you have her name and contact info?

 

did you contact her or expose him and their emails to anyone?

 

Exactly, woog....what sort of consequences did he have at DDay?