carlwinslow Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 So I've been browsing through here for a few weeks now and finally decided to post my story. Any help/advice would be appreciated. The relationship: 3 Months Entire length of courtship: 5 Months I had known this girl as an acquaintance/friend for years before we began dating towards the end of the summer. Our relationship was great before November rolled around. We had a series of meaningless arguments, all were resolved within a day or two. Fast forward to the end of November, we had been arguing at my house one evening, when she decided to leave. Normally, I would've walked her to the door and would've left things at that. However, something had come over me and I decided to walk out after her. As she was getting in her car, I told her that I loved her. She looked confused and said "That's not cool" and drove off on me, leaving me in the street. We didn't talk for over a day when I txt'd her to let her know that a family member was very sick and could be dying and that I needed someone to talk to. She said we should meet later in the evening to talk. It was later that night that she dumped me, saying she didn't love me, and never could. This was understandable I suppose, as honestly, I didn't love her either, but assured her that we could make it work, and I didn't feel that way either. Her mind had been made up, although she told me if I hadn't told her I loved her that we could probably still be together. Naturally, I cried a bit, engaged in the standard trying to negotiate to make things work, before accepting the reality and walking away. The next week of my life was a blur. I cried quite a bit the first night, but I was seemingly in denial after that, not really sad but just lost. I used this time as a period of motivation. Re-enrolling in school, saving, making plans to purchase a car. Nothing could seem to fill that void that she had left, however. One week in, I receive a txt message from her asking if she could have one of her books back she had left at my house. I responded, stating I would leave it in my mailbox for her. She arrived later that night to pick up the book, along with a birthday gift I had purchased for her days before the breakup. She picked up the book and called me to thank me for the birthday gift. I picked up, was brief with her, and explained to her that I "should probably go". That was it. The next 5 weeks week were ****ing awful. I sank into a depression, the winter isn't helping either. I wake up, go to work, browse Loveshack in combination with other breakup articles, I just kind of submerged myself in the situation. Trying to find that perfect arrangement of words that would make me feel better on here, although LS has helped immensely, I never found it. I have been going out with my friends as much as I can, although nothing seems to help. Everything reminds me of her, or things we had done together, and I found myself associating almost everything with her/us and I became even more miserable. I was actually feeling okay about everything until last week, when she txt'd me out of nowhere. I have since deleted the txt thread from my phone, as seeing her name was a visual trigger and wasn't helping things. The txt was something to the effect of "Hey __, I thought I'd see how you were doing, I haven't heard from you in a while and was curious." I responded a few hours later with "Hi, yeah, it has been a while. I'm fine, how are you?" She then txt'd me back moments later, saying "I didn't know if it was too soon, but you always told me you were great friends with your exes, and I wanted to take you up on it. It's good to hear that you're doing well." I used this as an opportunity to say Maybe we can get coffee sometime and catch up. She said she'd love to and just let her know when. That was all. I have been going NC since the first night we broke up, deleted her from Facebook, Twitter, etc. I don't think I would have maintained my sanity if it wasn't for that. The thing is, her txting me really set me back quite a bit. To the point where I felt worse than I did initially. I suspect the txt is her way of dealing with guilt/remorse for breaking up with me. Although I know she was thinking about me in some form to even pick up the phone and initiate the txt? I'm now really confused and have more things to overthink. Hence, I've sunk back into my depression. I know this deep of a depression is uncommon with a breakup from a 3 month relationship, but how am I supposed to move on when there are no negatives to focus on? She is a genuinely great person, and no longer wants to be with me because of my own mistake. The relationship also wasn't long enough for me to drift away. She came into my life, shook things up, and just left. I feel dead inside, and I no longer want to live sometimes. The thing is: What do I do if I still want her back? I'm aware of the dangers of breaking NC but I absolutely need closure at the least. Should I wait a couple weeks until I'm in control of my emotions and initiate the coffee date? I'd prefer to do this sooner than later as I feel like my window of opportunity is closing and I couldn't bear to hear about her with someone new. It would kill me at this point. Any tips towards moving on? I'm back in NC, going out as much as I can. I have moved all her belongings, etc. out of my sight. I struggle with not calling her EVERY day, however, and think about her pretty much all day. Please help, LS.
Chi townD Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 She then txt'd me back moments later, saying "I didn't know if it was too soon, but you always told me you were great friends with your exes, and I wanted to take you up on it. It's good to hear that you're doing well." DING!!! DING!!! "Friend zone" crap! Move on, move on..... Go back to NC. You are not her friend. You didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with the end result being that your are nothing more than a "friend" to her. NC and move on.
Axee Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I know it feels like they want us back when they text, but let me tell you.. For your own good , you need to continue NC inspite of it being the most difficult thing in the world and move on .. She doesnt want you, she has mentioned "ex" in her text also..And something tells me she will NEVER show up on the coffee date, although she will like that you mentioned it.. She left you because of you , so take that learning from this and apply it to your life...
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