RichieBoy Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Hello there peeps, this is my first post so please forgive any long structure issues but I have been quite a fan of this forum for quite awhile and recently something happened with a girl I'm head over heels with that I require guidance of to lessen my chances of blowing it with her in the future. My scenario is basically this: I being a third year student aged 22 with another 4 years to go at uni. The girl is called Laura (19) and she is currently one of my flatmates at Uni in her first year (out of 4) who last semester I ended up looking after due to her being really homesick thus very emotional thus improving her first year uni experience. Now I was just being nice being the nice guy I am and due to her emotional state etc, she always came to visit me in my room when she needed to talk etc and have gain some reassurance due to her lack of confidence in her own work in her design degree which has always been great, and has done this for the first few months. At the time I was just being a good friend to her with going out with her during freshers week due to her not having many friends and our other flatmates doing their own things, therefore it was mainly just me and her going out and doing things together like walks at night, some jogging together, watch films together in the flat, christmas shopping etc since its among other things we both like doing. Now during the first few months she had a Hungarian "boyfriend" who she loved dearly, been going out for a few months and was very devoted to him because he made her feel special being a complete gentleman, and it was her first real relationship outside college who lived abroad but worked in the UK in the same place she works (they met through him asking her out and they hit it off). Up till the point one night that he dumped her over their daily Skype chat because things were going too slow for him, for his Ex which as you would expect, out of the blue crushed her emotionally. At the time I knew about her boyfriend because she trusted me dearly thus telling me all about him etc which i respected at the time being content with just being a friend with a slight crush on her. Shortly after she ended up coming to me for comfort and reassurance which I gave as per and as it was nearing christmas I decided to give her her present early since i knew it would cheer her up so i suprised her with a scented teddy bear I noticed she was after the last time we went shopping which she was really grateful and it was there we had our first real hug and was later during that month that I had proper feelings for her. Once I knew this I knew I had to come up with a plan due to us being flat mates and what prior experiance with her has taught me (2 of her friends who are flat mates got together temporarily and she expressed her awkwardness of the situation) thus I decided to wait till next year where we are living in separate accommodation to make my advances on her. Now I am just about to start Semester 2 and I was back at uni temporarily for an exam and was excited to see her and with the texts she sent me it sounded very much like she was too and I was all up for hugging her but never got one in in the end due to her being laid out watching the tv at the time. Now after the exam I was heading back home and we were both adamant about seeing each other before I was going back to say bye, in the end I didn't get a hug out of it even asking for a goodbye hug, she said she was ill and didn't want to give me anything which of course gave me an inkling about something being wrong, so I shrugged it off, told her to take care etc and left but not without saying jokingly that I expect a hug when I return later. Now just recently she hasn't been responding to any of my texts after I said to her I would of taken her out if I wasn't at home (due to her telling me her friend bailed on her so shes not off out) which I found very strange then just yesterday night I received a long text. This basically asked how I was, answering some of my texts she hadn't responded to earlier but then I came across the line "I just want to get something off my chest" which she then detailed her appreciation on how much i have supported her through uni so far and how she values me as a friend with doing things together, then she mentions how she worries I may be looking at things differently and expresses her being uncomfortable with me asking her for hugs. So after thinking about it over night I sent her a text this morning apologizing for the awkwardness I have inflicted and that we should talk about this when I get back due to it being of a sensitive nature. The question is thus: I get back this Wednesday so I am stuck as to whether apologise and confess my affections for her and my plan about waiting till next year where it won't be awkward OR just apologize for my actions and not mention anything about my affections for her? AND What is it you think of the current situation as this hasn't happened before Cheers Peeps and sorry for the in depth scenario.
TheZebra Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 then she mentions how she worries I may be looking at things differently and expresses her being uncomfortable with me asking her for hugs. I think this line answers all of your questions. She has just made it clear that she doesn't see you in that way. You can wait by the sidelines for her to *maybe* change her mind about you for another year, or you can just move on. Telling her how you feel might give you closure when she explicitly says 'I don't see you that way', but that's probably all that will happen.
will1988 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 This has happened to me plenty of times... not with any room mates, but with girls in general. She made it clear she just wants to be friends. So next time you see her tell her sorry if signals were mixed and just end the note on you two being friends. Who knows, she may actually have feelings for you one day. You honestly never know, for that has happend to me. I'd say just continue with things as how they were before winter break. Also you are in college, so have the time of your life. There are more fish in the sea. Also, do not feel insecure about beinig in your 3rd year at 22 with 4 more years to go. When all is said and done for me, it will be 8 years of college to get my degree. lol. I messed up in the past, twice, and am paying for that now... but oddly enough I got into a better college than the one I started at. Anyway, as my grandma always says "It's not where you start, but where you finish!" Good luck with your friend, future women, and your classes!
Author RichieBoy Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 Also, do not feel insecure about beinig in your 3rd year at 22 with 4 more years to go. When all is said and done for me, it will be 8 years of college to get my degree I'm not insecure about my degree lols, sorry if I sounded like I was, quite content really, her last boyfriend was 23 also so in terms with age I'm not really concerned.
Author RichieBoy Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 Thanks for your help though, its undecided still but I think i'm just going to go with apologizing and sticking with being a good friend even when i don't plan to be in the future and see how it plays out with her next year when I'll have an advance on her. At least this year I can get to know her much much more making it a tad easier for me next year to get it right with knowing what she likes. Valentines Day this year is gonna be a hard one to resist though .
Author RichieBoy Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 UPDATE: Just recently got a text from her distressing about not needing to talk about it in person and just about clarifying a few things. Looks like she's determined to get an answer out of me before I get back
Author RichieBoy Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 Just got back yesterday and things seem to be going well with Laura, still me for help and bothers to visit me in my room when im in usually so no clear change of behaviour over the texting business before. Think what im going to do is, because shes only been out of her first real relationship for a month, im gonna continue as a concerned friend when helps needed etc, think I will send her a valentines gift but have it sent through the post anonymously as a secret admirer in order to pipe her interest, though im 50/50 on this as the plan is to not advance on her strongly where she knows it's 100% me untill october/november time whereby then we're in separate accommodations so it isn't awkward for her. Any thoughts peeps ?
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