My ex girlfriend came back, we are going to start a new relationship

[sleed]

Hello! I'll write my story here in the most concise and clear way possible.

 

I've been in a relationship with this girl , that i like a lot, for 2 years and 4 months. The last 4 months i acted like a jerk and dumped her like 3 or 4 times and she just kept coming back until i did a huge mistake i dumped her 3 days before women's day and 5 days before her birthday and also canceled our trip to an other country. I know i was a jerk but believe me she made me pay for that , read on please.

 

I thought she would come back to me even after this really ugly move .. but she didn't. I went full No contact for 3 months and she got a new boyfriend , lets call him "A". "A" was a rebound relationship, nothing serious, she used him to make me jealous.

 

After 3 months of NC( No contact) i contacted her telling her that i miss her and slowly realising that i lost her but at the same time i couldn't believe it , because she was so dependent on me the first time.

 

So after 3 months i come back and find out she has been dating this A guy for 3 months and that she didn't have sex with him for 2 months, hoping i would come back . After 2 months they had sex, so i was 1 month late. I started doing the stupid things that you shouldn't do when you break up. I started begging her to come back, i cried, pleaded , you know...everything.

 

When she saw that i still wanted her back she decided to hurt me really bad , she would drop hints that she would "bed" this A guy when we talked on the phone , she would also meet me outside for dates behind his back (that is when i knew he was a rebound) , i could see that she missed me but was also very mean and hateful towards me , wanted to hurt me really bad. Soooo... she invited me to her home, where the A boyfriend was. She knew that one of my fears was to see ex boyfriends so she wanted me to see her current boyfriend as a means of hurting me.... and i went , i wanted to give her the satisfaction of revenge to permit other feelings to appear. They didn't kiss or anything in front of me, just hugged once and that made me extremely sad.

 

After this she just kept ignoring my crying and desires to get back together. After 5 months her relationship with the rebound guy A was terminated.

 

At this point ( i kinda knew it would die) i tried to beg her again to try a new relationship but i think she thought i deserved to pay some more for treating her really bad for 5 months and her trying to save it(our former relationship).

 

She started a relationship with a guy similar to me , lets call him guy B. She had to chose between me and this guy B. She was still very angry with me and she chosed guy B. I also think that she thought i made her chose the rebound relationship "A" because i left her miserable and broken and thought that relationship B was a logical choice(not a desperate choice like guy "A" was) and revenge also.

 

Long story short i felt really betrayed and hurt. She closed the phone on me while i was crying and stuff like that. I was cruel to her when i dumped her and she was cruel to me now, but she kinda overdid it because boy B was very jealous and told her to go full NC(No contact) with me.

 

I went full NC with her for 2 months. She contacted me out of the blue and wanted to go out with me. We went out and she started apologizing for ignoring and hurting me and said the new boyfriend kinda pushed her into doing this ( but it was also her choice to take him and not me). She also told me she was unhappy with this guy , and gave me hints that she wanted me back because i was better for her then this B guy. When i asked her if she wants to start again with me she started crying so i thought she still wanted me , she had her revenge on me and her better feelings where coming back.

 

I left her alone for an other month and their relationship dissolved. It ended, she called me 1 week ago when it ended and crying told me to come to her.... so i went. We started discussing a new relationship, she said she was up for it, but wanted to be sure i wouldn't be a jerk again and said we need to take it really really slow. She gave me a long hug at the end , a hug i didn't expect , but i was happy at last after 10 months.

 

So we are now starting a new relationship after we had one for 2 years and 4 months. She was my first real girlfriend and we are both 25 now, 22 when we started. I treated her like ****, she treated me like **** in revenge.

We both still care a lot about each other to give ourselves an other chance.

 

I have to get over the fact that she had sex with guy A by me dumping her, that is ok but she also had sex with guy B by her own choice and revenge. I want to forgive her and move on , i really really really want to forgive her , i don't want any spiders in my heart towards her.

 

I would like a response from you guys that aims for healing and a more mature understanding, please don't give me any negative advices cause i don't want that direction of thought , i don't need that degradation to this fragile relationship, i need some advices to make this a strong and really long lasting second chance.

 

1. Please be positive and tell me what do you think i should do to forgive her cruel treatment of me. I know i deserve half of it , but the other half was over the top. Part of her cruelty was a response to mine, i understand that. But how do you forgive this entirely(2 boyfriends in 10 months) ?

 

2. What do you need to do to get a second chance relationship to be very strong and long lasting? Any wise words ? I need something very smart ,healing,durable and positive .

 

I like this girl a lot , a lot , a loooooottt. And i really really really want to make it work . Thank you.

[hudson701]

Great story. The power of NC. It be nice if my situation turned out like that, such long periods of time apart.

[PogoStick]

How old are both of you? You're both very immature with your relationship and everyone deserves what they received. You're probably even more on the hook because she just seems weak and willing to take your abuse.

 

First, you dumped her, so she has all her rights to have any relationships and sex that she wants. What part of breaking up makes you think she's not allowed to move on to someone new? That's just an extension of the manipulative mind games you played while you were together.

 

So she has done nothing wrong and owns no guilt in being with the other guys. Even if you could let that go it would be a mistake for her to get back with you. Any "revenge" you freely took part in, and could have avoided by just leaving her alone.

 

The honest and best thing you could do would be to tell her that you're not a man and that she's better off without you. Sadly, that will probably make her want you even more. The two of you should never get back together. She needs to learn confidence, self-respect, and how to fight for herself. You need to let her go, learn how to be a man and treat women with respect.

 

Tell her to get on LS so we can get her head straight too.

[SharkTooth]

Well, a long time ago, I had a break up-make up like you but we didn't hurt each other intentionally. The similarities for me is, like your break up, she slept with another guy and I thought I could forget about that. We were very happy trying it all over and we both were giving it 110% without really working at it. It was great! As time went by that little seed grew bigger and bigger in my mind and I finally couldn't handle the fact that she slept with another guy. So I ended it. This time for good. Looking back now, I was immature and I had no right to feel that way. The good news here is we became very good friends and still have that going on.

 

Honestly, you both sound very immature and there are lots of red flags in my eyes. If you are super young, I would let her go. Regardless of how you both treated each other and how you feel right now, look down the road and ask yourself, in your mind, if you see her in bed with that guy...

[HaveFaithxx]

Go to couple's therapy. It works wonders. You will learn so much.