tic404 Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 Because of my insecurities and trust issues with my girlfriend we have decided to do a 2 week no contact, (We have also agreed to stay committed to each other for these 2 weeks)...She never did anything directly to me for her not to trust her, basically i am basing our relationship on some bad ones that i had in the past. I am trying not to get hurt again so i still have my guard up after all this time but at the same time i know and trust that she is not going to cheat or anyting like that. After a counseling session she recommend that i do not contact my girlfriend for 2 weeks. She said that it is supposed to make our relationship stronger. My girlfriend of almost 2 years have agreed to no contact for 2 weeks. This is about to kill me because i love her so much. What do i do guys because i am used to talking to her multiple times again, then for it to go to no contact it is really hard...what do you guys think about this. Link to post Share on other sites
blue636 Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 After what I've been going through this last month it seems as though 2 weeks is absolutely nothing. You'll make it just fine. Before my wife and I separated on the 1st of this month, she took a two week vacation with the in-laws up north. She had our daughter with her so I was by myself for two entire weeks - and I loved every minute of it! Of course, the last few days I really started missing her and my daughter so much and I was so thrilled when she got back home. Of course, I never would've forseen our separation coming just two weeks after her return, but such is life. Good luck, you may just learn some patience. Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 I think that your neediness / desperation for her is not a good sign of a healthy attachment. You are probably deriving too much of your sense of happiness and even safety / security in the world from your relationship with your girlfriend. You need to work on establishing a sense of self that is valued, independent, and effective in the world. Think of your sharing that with a partner who has that same sense of self. The chief sign that you aren't yet there is your fear of abandonment / infidelity. Yes, that hurts anyone when it happens. It's a terrible feeling -- and can turn anyone's life upside down for a time. But, the degree to which you are fearing this -- even in absence of evidence and in anticipation of the event -- suggests that you don't trust yourself to handle it, to have a life during and after it, and have placed too much of your self-worth and security in someone else. Work on yourself during this two weeks. When you think about contacting her, ask what you could be doing to make your life more productive and your self-image healthier. Set some material goals (two or three) and begin taking concrete steps toward them. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 She never did anything directly to me for her not to trust her, basically i am basing our relationship on some bad ones that i had in the past. I am trying not to get hurt again so i still have my guard up after all this time but at the same time i know and trust that she is not going to cheat or anyting like that. Are you still in counseling? I know past injuries can be hard to get over, but in order for a relationship to work you really need to try. It's not fair to hammer someone over things that someone else did in the past. You really need to work on this. My wife & I have both dealt with a lot of what we call "old garbage." I went through a divorce from an adulteress a few years ago, she had been in several bad relationships before we met. We've both been through counseling, & we've both committed to open, loving, & supportive communication, & remembering that we are not the person that hurt them in the past. We recently celebrated our 8th anniversary, & we look forward to many more! Link to post Share on other sites
Author tic404 Posted August 25, 2004 Author Share Posted August 25, 2004 Yes we are still in counseling but We broke off our no contact rule. I called her phone on sunday morning after she went out with a friend and there was this guy on her voicemail saying "hey baby call me when you get in" all types of thoughts was running through my head, like maybe it was my fault, to this is what she wanted the no contact for, and why did she do it. She said that she met this guy 2 weeks ago and it went no further than phone conversations, now it is going to definately be hard for me to trust her now, as a result of this we broke off our relationship but we are still committed to each other. She had no idea how much she hurt me because i was totally commited to her and she was unfaithful. We still talk to each other as a matter of fact we were "together" last night, she also said that she is not ready to "jump" back into a relationship with me right now because iwill run the situation into the ground, so what do i do now...I am willing to give her another chance what do you all think. Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 Reread my earlier post. What she's done isn't right. But, she's doing it because you are far too clingy / needy / desperate / insecure. Rather than couples counseling, I'd recommend individual counseling for you. No, it's not your fault that she's been unfaithful. That was HER choice -- and a bad one. However, you are contributing to her distancing herself from the relationship -- and that won't get better until you do. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
Author tic404 Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 Yes i am in individual counseling, she has made it clear the she wants a future with me but she does not want ot jump back into a relationship with me right now....she still wants to spend time with me just like we are together though. Link to post Share on other sites
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