Manbrodude26 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 (edited) I have been dating my girlfriend for a year this month, I feel I really love her, but this is my first real relationship of my life. when we first got together she would tell me about her "guy friend" once in a while.. I know who he is in our small town, She had a friends with benefit kind of relationship with him.. After we'd been dating a couple of months I went through her phone and found they'd been texting, went like this: Guy: Hi GF: Hi Guy how have you been? Guy: good, been working here and there GF: I've been busy with work too GF: I miss your hot tub. Guy: You're welcome to it anytime GF: you're too much of a temptation Guy: No.. you are GF: no you are Guy: it's all you Guy: (after sometime passes) you out? Now after I saw this, I confronted her, she told me she told him and another guy to stop texting/talking with her, because she was in a relationship. I was going through her phone again and looking at old Facebook messages (yeah, I'm nosey sometimes).. In July she had talked with the guy..I read this, won't post the whole conversation this time.. it's irrelevant. Guy: are you still seeing the same guy? GF: yes Guy: I want to see you GF: I want to see you too, but I don't want to hurt my boyfriend. After I read this it hurt a lot, I have mixed feelings about it.. I'm glad she said no, I knew they would still talk because she really likes him but he is not a "relationship kind of guy". So the fact that they were talking doesn't suprise or hurt me too much.. It hurts that she said she would like to see him too.. What would you think? Edited January 14, 2013 by Manbrodude26
Balzac Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 She's chosen you. I'd be thinking of where to take her that has a private hot tub! But that's just how my mind works.
will1988 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I think you were being nosey. However, with that being said it seems like there is something there, between the two of them. The real question is has she acted on those urges? You should either confront her about it, and show her the message... or you should just leave her, because eventually she will cheat on you. Sorry man this does not look good, not goot at all. Good luck. 1
Author Manbrodude26 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 leaving her may be the right decision, I cannot do it yet. I need more time and evidence to think about it before I make that decision. I don't know if confronting her would do any good, I think she already knows I looked.. I don't know..
Balzac Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Evidence hmmm. Don't pick up rocks if you're scared of bugs. If however you're 'goin fishing: dig deep for night crawlers.
Author Manbrodude26 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 Yeah I cannot leave her just yet, I would like to let it slide for now and just observe things in silence, then make a decision This is really eating me up this morning though, I cannot focus on things, I may have to confront her about it at some point, which will not go well... I don't know
KungFuJoe Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 If this happened to me I would be out faster than you can read this sentence.
ScienceGal Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 (edited) Life was so much easier before cell phones and the Internet. Seriously, the temptation to reach out is just too much for some. It's so easy, and people are getting hurt left and right by conversations that never should've happened, and likely wouldn't have happened in real life. How have things been since July? If you love her, stay with her. But, try to improve your communication and build some trust (stop snooping!). If you can't, the relationship won't be as great as it could be because the constant worrying will eat you alive. Edited January 14, 2013 by ScienceGal
KungFuJoe Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I seriously can't believe anyone would suggest to stay. 1
Author Manbrodude26 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 I do love her very much, She is basically my best friend one of the few I have in this town.. Only friend I really talk to.. She does alot of things for me she cooks for me, does my laundry, takes me out, talks and listens to what I have to say., (I only live with her on the weekends) I talk to her everyday and sleep in her bed almost every night. Just not there during the day (she works).. Overall it has been really good since July, She has a quick temper at times. But I've never walked out or anything.. Every night I hold her tight..
Author Manbrodude26 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 The decision is just not that easy for me. I have invested alot in this relationship (obviously won't invest any more just to lose it all and then some..) Thank you all for your replies
KungFuJoe Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Investment analogy? I got one for you. Your stock is about to take a nose dive. Do you hold on or do you sell? 1
Author Manbrodude26 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 sell :/ I can't sell it yet though.. I'm taking a gamble and hoping the stock will rise..
KungFuJoe Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 sell :/ I can't sell it yet though.. I'm taking a gamble and hoping the stock will rise.. It's too late. And I think you know this already. You'll never trust her. Never. And I wouldn't either.
Balzac Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Investment analogy? I got one for you. Your stock is about to take a nose dive. Do you hold on or do you sell? That's easy he shorts the stock. 1
Author Manbrodude26 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 That trust issue is one of my problems I may never get over though, In my whole life I have only trusted two people .. My Grandmother and my Brother(don't trust him anymore) .. Everyone else has lied or stolen from me in one way or another.. Yes even my parents..
Author Manbrodude26 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 Sorry, I'm slow what do you mean exactly?
ChatroomHero Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Well her wanting to see him is not going to go away. It seems she misses his hot tub and his 'temptation'. It is only a matter of time before he pushes the envelope and something happens. I know I wouldn't have a conversation like that with an ex if I was happy with my current relationship. In fact, my texts with exes are usually pretty defensive as in I leave nothing to misinterpret. I have no issues if my gf is exclusive and checks my phone because I would rather be with her and I get no rise out of "you still tempt me" conversations. Run before you get the slow wind down where she is mysteriously working later, out with "friends" more, "sick" every weekend...all so she can see him and keep from hurting you. If I were you I'd rather she said she wouldn't see him because she was really happy with me rather than she didn't want to hurt my feelings. Factor in that if she read a text like that from you to an old gf she would be out of your life and back in his hot tub and leave nothing but a cloud of dust Roadrunner style.
Balzac Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 You're not "slow" you're in shock and dismay. You've invested a year, fallen in love and coming to this knowledge has rocked all of that. Most of us have been there.
ChatroomHero Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 You're not "slow" you're in shock and dismay. You've invested a year, fallen in love and coming to this knowledge has rocked all of that. Most of us have been there. Yeah and he's already clearly picked up on it, knows something is wrong, but is in the stage of rationalizing how a woman can do a bunch of nice things for him and at the same time be be thinking of someone else. I always see it like I can sit there by myself and admit that I need to move on, know in my head I need to move on, know I will actually be better off and know I am right, but somehow then I stand up and say, "Nope, I must have trust issues" and then watch like a 3rd party with no power to do anything as the relationship breaks down in front of my eyes. I guess that's the shock part.
TheZebra Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 She does alot of things for me she cooks for me, does my laundry, takes me out, talks and listens to what I have to say., (I only live with her on the weekends) I talk to her everyday and sleep in her bed almost every night. Just not there during the day (she works).. Outside of sleeping on the same bed, sounds like the relationship I have with my mother. If these are the reasons you're staying, then I would leave.
Balzac Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Nah that's the paralyzed by fear dealyo. Shock is picking up the rock, seeing bugs, slaming the rock down.
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