One of those days

[justinje]

A couple weeks ago I posted on the "2nd Chance" board on here. Me and my ex dated for 7 months, things were absolutely great with us. It was my first relationship after college where I was dating someone who had a real job, real goals, real ambitions. I love it and I loved her. But the last month things changed, not sure what happened but I was overly stressed with work and studying and we started arguing a lot. She said I didn't do the things I used to and that she thought I had gotten complacent. By the end of November I was considering ending it with her after I got the rest of my, at that point, hellishly stressful and busy life worked out. I didn't think I could make the right decision at the time due to my mind being mush with all I was dealing with.

 

Well, the first week of December, just as all the things that had been stressing me out were ending she ended it. We had a fight, I slept on the coach and the next morning we both said we needed time to think about it. A couple days later I called her and she said she couldn't do it anymore, I told her it was just the situation we were in and that I thought once the month had past we'd be find but she didn't want to hear it.

 

Now to the coping.............I tried to get a second chance with her to no avail, so now I know I have to move on. I have to get over it. But the funny thing is I think the reason I'm a wreck now isn't so much losing her as it is being alone again.

 

I was fine with not having a gf before her, but now I feel so lonely. I used to love my job, used to crave the excitement it gave me, had a passion for it. Now I"m struggling to focus, don't want to do it, lost my passion almost. I feel depressed with my life even though I know in my head I'm doing pretty good for my age (24).

 

I think I stress about not finding anyone again for awhile. About not having that person to call every day good or bad. About being alone. I have an amazing family and some great friends that have tried to help me. I even had the chance to sleep with two girls in the last month but both times I passed on the opportunity. I honestly couldn't even get into at the time.

 

So now here I sit, just got back from a week off of work to try to get my head right by spending it at my parents house and visiting friends. I was good for 80% of the time I was there but now that I'm back to where I live I'm feeling down again. I know I need to forge ahead, but the lonliness is killing me. Any kind words, motivational stories, advice, anything would be appreciated. Sorry for the long post.

[Renard99]

To start with, the way you're feeling is the exactly way I felt, and that, in turn, is totally normal. In some ways you just have to let it take its course whilst looking to the future.

 

I know the loneliness hurts but you need to be happy with being you and the life you have as it is right now. I also know that at this point in time for you this seems like a massive thing that's nearly impossible. I know because I've been there too. However, the one thing I can say is that when you get to that point a lot of things change. The most noticable thing I found was that I received much more attention from women. It seems a great irony that, as soon as you feel the least lonely that you have done for a long time, you get more chances to be with women, but it's true none the less.

 

I'm not saying you'll have women falling at your feet but they certainly start to notice someone who seems to be loving the life they have.

 

You just have to get to that point. The way I did it was to fill my days with things that fool my brain into thinking I'm not lonely. Spend a lot of time with friends, play team sports, go to events where you're surrounded by people (like gigs) even if you're there alone, go to a gym where you know others will be. The good memories from these events will also show your brain that you don't need your ex in order to make happy memories.

 

Just keep at it mate, you'll get there

[hudson701]

I live alone in the loneliest city in the World (London), work evenings and weekends and am going through the exact same thing as you. The loneliness is absolutely crippling. I am also clinically depressed and loaded on medication. I am taking it day by day but it so hard to not think of her. She has a great support network around her, excellent social life and plenty of opportunity to meet new boys, which she is doing and so is moving on quite quickly. I can't help but get jealous and unfavourably compare my life to hers. I'm also panicking about getting older and not meeting anyone as I am due to turn 30 in April, which I'm dreading. I don't get to meet women in my daily life which is depressing.

 

I suggest keep grinding through each day. I'm on day 16 NC and have been told it will get easier however can't see it myself at the moment. She's only 21 and has her whole life ahead of her, gets plenty of attention off men which of course is a nice distraction to help you heal faster.

[justinje]

Thanks for the replies guys, if more people have more positive things to say please keep them coming because I'm going to need them in the month ahead.

 

In the mean time I was feeling so down today and was having such a problem focusing at work, and giving everything my normal 110%, it was bad, I kept having "anxiety" when I thought about never seeing her again. Never having her tell me she loves me, never having her folded in my arms. Heck I even at one point entertained the idea about contacting her again.

 

But I fought back, one of my best buddies moved to ATL (I'm in MD), and we were texting yesterday about the NFL playoff game. Turns out he was thinking of going but didn't have anyone to go with. Hello spur of the moment trip to Atlanta, as soon as I bought the plane tickets and he was talking about the fun we are going to have, the girls we're going to meet, how crazy the town is right now. I instantly felt better, literally instantly. I'm sure it's only temporary and by the end of tonight I'll be back to being down in the dumps but for now I'm going to the gym!