Bitter betrayed spouses.

[Realist3]

Lol. Ah, infidelity humor.

 

I actually stole that from a radio talk show host friend of mine. He often uses that on callers who get upset.

[Realist3]

You aren't fooling anyone.

 

It was a joke. You should hear my friend say it. Imagine a Maître d at a reataurant. And that is exactly how it was intended.

[Decorative]

I actually stole that from a radio talk show host friend of mine. He often uses that on callers who get upset.

 

He stole it from the movie Hitch.

[seren]

There are some posters who routinely trundle out the 'bitter' BS phrase in a thread where the support is not what the poster wants to hear, very often it is the same poster using this term and no matter how they protest otherwise, it never, ever comes across as being used as anything other than derogatory, a few others don't do this and show an understanding of how a BS might be angry, hurt and lash out. TBH, there are also people who call AP's derogatory names, not many on an individual basis, but a lumping together of all AP's as having less than desirable characteristics.

 

I think that to tumble people into groups and assign a characteristic on that group is not helpful and usually is done when nothing constructive is being added to the thread. I have noticed that when an AP posts that the A has ended and they are hurt and need support a lot of BS chip in, maybe because they can relate to the hurt being felt - separating the person from the action. I will never agree that an A is right, I will always be angry when I see someone boast about how they can lie or decieve someone, that doesn't make me bitter, it makes me remember how dammed awful the hurt was.

 

Maybe it depends on how we interpret the word, I associate it, when ascribed to another person, as meaning bitter and twisted, in that the person is unable to move along and has been so damaged by life events that they are unable to show joy, love or happiness and suggests a personal failing.

If I were to say that the person was hurt, lost or betrayed, that suggests that they are that way because of something done to them - maybe that's why it is deemed offensive. Bitter suggests a personal failing whereas hurt suggests that someone else has been the cause of this personality change or characteristic, maybe.

 

Either way, it says more about the caller than the one being called, but I am further along the healing path than some and maybe that should be taken into account before hurtful words are thrown about, maybe.

[dreamingoftigers]

The time I heard "bitter" most memorably was when I was trying to show a very "flaunty" OW the red flags that her MM had shown her. Including saying he slept with his "STBXW" to get her to play nice and sign the divorce settlement and that it "meant nothing because she had gained a lot of weight."

 

Now frankly, if I hadnt been engaging in an affair but was simply dating someone that went to bang their ex but it "meant nothing with fatty. I just fuc*ed her to get my stuff back." um, that wouldn't be a red flag. That would be like the whole Chinese army showing up at my door with fireworks on Chinese New Year and having a death match with the Calgary Flames and Stampeders. I would be done with him and his supposedly "negotiator penis."

 

And there it was: " your so BITTER you can't stop our love!"

 

Um, what? My mind actually took a second here to try to work this out.

 

I've figured it out. OW, a lot of times, have been told that the W is just unimaginable in the cruel ways she deals her H. The mean things she does. The way she goes around entitled. The way she has some expectation of loyalty despite her being a faulted human being. She might even have the nerve to criticize MM.

 

OW often buys this by the truckload and in a very strong way is MMs KISA the same way he is hers. Both sitting on the dysfunction triangle as victim and rescuer to the OW bully. Often as BSs, were stand here quite literally and symbolically as that BS bully that OW has heard about and so rarely meets.

 

Therefore offering up any red flags and suggestions is viewed as a "threat" to either MM or the A. Blowback ensues.

 

It had never been my intent to "stop their love." I didn't see him as being loving to her or to his BW. I saw him as manipulative right down to the sexual/emotional/intimate level. And that was going to cause damage to any trusting woman he was with. Despite the flags (see:Chinese New Year) she trusted him. That was more threatening than any online perspective I could've offered her. I hope she hasn't invested a whole lot of time into him since. We haven't heard from her in awhile. I wanted to help HER see what he was doing to her. How he was degrading her just like his BW. She couldn't see it. She just saw me getting on my high horse giving her what-for because her relationship was "unconventional."

 

I believe "bitter" is often a projection of "you guys just don't get how wonderful he is because YOURS wasn't and you can't see past HIM!" but honestly, the behavior describes the position more than the title. Many of us wouldn't put up with the same crap the typical MM dishes out if he was a

single guy. And honestly, the VAST VAST majority of these follow a script. The pattern so obvious, even the more intelligent and articulate posters with a justification-a-minute that sometimes makes you go hmm. They fall into the same deal every single thread I have EVER read on here. I'm sure there are success stories but I honest to God haven't SEEN one user go from OW to GF to the end of the line where the MM was honest and divorced and she was happy and they adjusted alright. I haven't seen ONE. In almost THREE years.

 

So many As depend on the drama and the externals. Because so many WS and OW tend to depend on externals and external validation. That's often why so many of them cheat to begin with!

 

Their version of bitter is my version of reality. Not that WS are evil blah blahs but that some people are mire dependent on that ego boost and external validation. And they behave like that. In fact the BS gets blamed a lot for "not having validated them enough" to keep them loyal. That's ridiculous! How can one claim the full benefits of a relationship that they have quit playing an active part in to improve? So it's up to the BS alone to generate a good-enough marriage while staying loyal for the sole benefit of the WS who may give back in physical presence and some earnings alone? That sounds more like a parent-child relationship than a partnership. BS has take take care of the home and relationship so WS can go play. And if she isn't fun enough, he'll go play somewhere else. OW often can't see that because they only get the "play" parts and not the temper tantrums that come with any parent-child relationship.

 

I will be fair though. There are some truly bitter-seeming BS. There are some damn ridiculous, misogynistic even abusive BSs. I can honestly see in at least one case why she cheated. Even if she hadn't, he would've treated her like she had anyway. And his opinions about women are so unhealthy I don't see how anyone could have married him and not had their self-esteem broken to the point where she would've left in the night with nothing, killed herself or cheated. But generally most of the BSs on here have a pretty clear message to other BSs, WS and OM/OW.

 

The message is: in order:

 

BS, stop taking that crap from WS, it isn't worth it. Stand up and change this now for yourself. You will get stronger. You will surprise yourself. You will

make it through whether or not your marriage will survive. This staying the way it is, is not worth it.

 

WS, stop dishing put that crap, it isn't worth it. You are hurting everyone that you supposedly care about with your actions. You may not see the consequences now, but you are destroying parts of your family and marriage that you can't easily get back. The high that you are feeling in the affair comes on loan from your future happiness and your partner's and family's future happiness. You are robbing yourself of an honest relationship and therefore honest acceptance. You affair partner cannot see all of you, no matter how you present. They cannot see you because you are not ALL THERE either at home or at you affair. You live between two worlds, a person divided in dishonesty and the threat of instability. No one can accept you and live you fully because you aren't offering that to anyone. You play games to get moments. Moments like piles of bricks with no mortar. Essentially you are pulling apart your family and leaving behind rubble. This as it is, is not worth it.

 

OW/OM: Stop taking this crap and stop buying into it and defending it. What a married person is saying in an affair with you is clearly a lot different than what they are doing. If they will lie on this level of a relationship, they will lie to you IF your relationship ever makes it that far. The odds are steeped stacked against you. You are in live with smoke and mirrors because you do not even have the option to see the full picture. Because you have to be hidden from those he lives with. If you are like the standard affair partner, which I have RARELY seem deviations from, you are on standby for a quick flight with your MP regularly. It impacts your social life and friendships often. You are in collusion to tear and family apart and traumatically hurt a spouse. To gain what? Someone who will lie to you? Waste your time? What of your own life and goals and dreams. Do not waste time trying to cultivate a serious relationship with someone that spits in the face of a serious relationship with TWO or more different people AT THE SAME TIME. It's worse than a commitment-phobe, it is a commitment-FRAUD. these behaviors are NOT circumstantial and are often CYCLICAL. Your MP has no reason to respect you, you are setting a strong enough standard for them to respect you. This as it is, is not worth it.

 

It's almost like the BS on here figure like investment advisors regarding relationships. I've seen BS on here suggest when a WS is genuinely sorry and working on his or her stuff too. Usually when the WS comes to the BS remorseful and reveals the affair, answers BSs questions. Agrees to counseling and says honest with their spouse.

[dreamingoftigers]

Honestly, I don't think this is the first thread about this. It's a pretty common theme on OW/OM boards plus the "BS, why are you over here, go back to YOUR board." But then those same OW/OM would post in infidelity section and let the BS have what-for.

 

At the best - case scenario, you'd be the catalyst for this thread, but hardly the recurring theme. Don't worry too much about it. You're aware of the phenom now. Yay.

 

Well then I'll apologize again if I offended anyone by my use of the word. So far this week I've realized that I apparently unintentionally offend people all the time. I am sorry about that. Sincerely.

 

I'm not going to stop posting, but I will try and make the effort to be conscious of my word choices.

 

My post to Loredo (I think that's how she spells it) is the thread I've been thinking of the entire time I've been talking here, becuase honestly I don't even use the term very often. I'm done debating, I know what my intention was, but if someone can read my response over there, it's on page 1, where I used the term without making the assumption that I was trying to be a bitch and let me know HONESTLY if the way I used it was offensive, and PM me to give me your assessment I'd appreciate it. It would be helpful to me in the way I interact.

Thanks.

[Steen719]

The time I heard "bitter" most memorably was when I was trying to show a very "flaunty" OW the red flags that her MM had shown her. Including saying he slept with his "STBXW" to get her to play nice and sign the divorce settlement and that it "meant nothing because she had gained a lot of weight."

 

Now frankly, if I hadnt been engaging in an affair but was simply dating someone that went to bang their ex but it "meant nothing with fatty. I just fuc*ed her to get my stuff back." um, that wouldn't be a red flag. That would be like the whole Chinese army showing up at my door with fireworks on Chinese New Year and having a death match with the Calgary Flames and Stampeders. I would be done with him and his supposedly "negotiator penis."

 

And there it was: " your so BITTER you can't stop our love!"

 

Um, what? My mind actually took a second here to try to work this out.

I've figured it out. OW, a lot of times, have been told that the W is just unimaginable in the cruel ways she deals her H. The mean things she does. The way she goes around entitled. The way she has some expectation of loyalty despite her being a faulted human being. She might even have the nerve to criticize MM.

 

OW often buys this by the truckload and in a very strong way is MMs KISA the same way he is hers. Both sitting on the dysfunction triangle as victim and rescuer to the OW bully. Often as BSs, were stand here quite literally and symbolically as that BS bully that OW has heard about and so rarely meets.

 

Therefore offering up any red flags and suggestions is viewed as a "threat" to either MM or the A. Blowback ensues.

 

It had never been my intent to "stop their love." I didn't see him as being loving to her or to his BW. I saw him as manipulative right down to the sexual/emotional/intimate level. And that was going to cause damage to any trusting woman he was with. Despite the flags (see:Chinese New Year) she trusted him. That was more threatening than any online perspective I could've offered her. I hope she hasn't invested a whole lot of time into him since. We haven't heard from her in awhile. I wanted to help HER see what he was doing to her. How he was degrading her just like his BW. She couldn't see it. She just saw me getting on my high horse giving her what-for because her relationship was "unconventional."

 

I believe "bitter" is often a projection of "you guys just don't get how wonderful he is because YOURS wasn't and you can't see past HIM!" but honestly, the behavior describes the position more than the title. Many of us wouldn't put up with the same crap the typical MM dishes out if he was a

single guy. And honestly, the VAST VAST majority of these follow a script. The pattern so obvious, even the more intelligent and articulate posters with a justification-a-minute that sometimes makes you go hmm. They fall into the same deal every single thread I have EVER read on here. I'm sure there are success stories but I honest to God haven't SEEN one user go from OW to GF to the end of the line where the MM was honest and divorced and she was happy and they adjusted alright. I haven't seen ONE. In almost THREE years.

 

So many As depend on the drama and the externals. Because so many WS and OW tend to depend on externals and external validation. That's often why so many of them cheat to begin with!

 

Their version of bitter is my version of reality. Not that WS are evil blah blahs but that some people are mire dependent on that ego boost and external validation. And they behave like that. In fact the BS gets blamed a lot for "not having validated them enough" to keep them loyal. That's ridiculous! How can one claim the full benefits of a relationship that they have quit playing an active part in to improve? So it's up to the BS alone to generate a good-enough marriage while staying loyal for the sole benefit of the WS who may give back in physical presence and some earnings alone? That sounds more like a parent-child relationship than a partnership. BS has take take care of the home and relationship so WS can go play. And if she isn't fun enough, he'll go play somewhere else. OW often can't see that because they only get the "play" parts and not the temper tantrums that come with any parent-child relationship.

 

I will be fair though. There are some truly bitter-seeming BS. There are some damn ridiculous, misogynistic even abusive BSs. I can honestly see in at least one case why she cheated. Even if she hadn't, he would've treated her like she had anyway. And his opinions about women are so unhealthy I don't see how anyone could have married him and not had their self-esteem broken to the point where she would've left in the night with nothing, killed herself or cheated. But generally most of the BSs on here have a pretty clear message to other BSs, WS and OM/OW.

 

The message is: in order:

 

BS, stop taking that crap from WS, it isn't worth it. Stand up and change this now for yourself. You will get stronger. You will surprise yourself. You will

make it through whether or not your marriage will survive. This staying the way it is, is not worth it.

 

WS, stop dishing put that crap, it isn't worth it. You are hurting everyone that you supposedly care about with your actions. You may not see the consequences now, but you are destroying parts of your family and marriage that you can't easily get back. The high that you are feeling in the affair comes on loan from your future happiness and your partner's and family's future happiness. You are robbing yourself of an honest relationship and therefore honest acceptance. You affair partner cannot see all of you, no matter how you present. They cannot see you because you are not ALL THERE either at home or at you affair. You live between two worlds, a person divided in dishonesty and the threat of instability. No one can accept you and live you fully because you aren't offering that to anyone. You play games to get moments. Moments like piles of bricks with no mortar. Essentially you are pulling apart your family and leaving behind rubble. This as it is, is not worth it.

 

OW/OM: Stop taking this crap and stop buying into it and defending it. What a married person is saying in an affair with you is clearly a lot different than what they are doing. If they will lie on this level of a relationship, they will lie to you IF your relationship ever makes it that far. The odds are steeped stacked against you. You are in live with smoke and mirrors because you do not even have the option to see the full picture. Because you have to be hidden from those he lives with. If you are like the standard affair partner, which I have RARELY seem deviations from, you are on standby for a quick flight with your MP regularly. It impacts your social life and friendships often. You are in collusion to tear and family apart and traumatically hurt a spouse. To gain what? Someone who will lie to you? Waste your time? What of your own life and goals and dreams. Do not waste time trying to cultivate a serious relationship with someone that spits in the face of a serious relationship with TWO or more different people AT THE SAME TIME. It's worse than a commitment-phobe, it is a commitment-FRAUD. these behaviors are NOT circumstantial and are often CYCLICAL. Your MP has no reason to respect you, you are setting a strong enough standard for them to respect you. This as it is, is not worth it.

 

It's almost like the BS on here figure like investment advisors regarding relationships. I've seen BS on here suggest when a WS is genuinely sorry and working on his or her stuff too. Usually when the WS comes to the BS remorseful and reveals the affair, answers BSs questions. Agrees to counseling and says honest with their spouse.

 

DOT, sometimes I forget you are young enough to have a little toddler. You must have lived more than you should have from your youth on.

 

I think some of your thoughts on this are spot on. It is complicated and not easily answered by one or two line answers or quips. "It" (infidelity) affects people's entire lives and changes the course of almost everyone on here, whether you are a BS or a WS or an OW/OM.

 

No one wants to hear what they don't want to hear. A BS doesn't want to hear they contributed to a "bad" marriage, an OW/OM doesn't want to hear that they often come out on the outside after not winning their liar/cheater and the WS doesn't want to hear about the havoc they wreaked on their families. No one wins in this and if someone wasn't bitter, it would be a miracle.

[seren]

Now frankly, if I hadnt been engaging in an affair but was simply dating someone that went to bang their ex but it "meant nothing with fatty. I just fuc*ed her to get my stuff back." um, that wouldn't be a red flag. That would be like the whole Chinese army showing up at my door with fireworks on Chinese New Year and having a death match with the Calgary Flames and Stampeders. I would be done with him and his supposedly "negotiator penis."

 

This made my early hours insomnia worth it - brilliant and so funny.

 

LFH, you certainly were not who I was thinking about when I mentioned posters who threw the word bitter about.

[BetrayedH]

Remarkable post, dot.

[Steen719]

Now frankly, if I hadnt been engaging in an affair but was simply dating someone that went to bang their ex but it "meant nothing with fatty. I just fuc*ed her to get my stuff back." um, that wouldn't be a red flag. That would be like the whole Chinese army showing up at my door with fireworks on Chinese New Year and having a death match with the Calgary Flames and Stampeders. I would be done with him and his supposedly "negotiator penis."

 

This made my early hours insomnia worth it - brilliant and so funny.

I know, right????

 

LFH, you certainly were not who I was thinking about when I mentioned posters who threw the word bitter about.

 

Such a smart one!

[skylarblue]

I wasn't going to respond, but since I'm just hangin' around right now here's my 2¢...

 

I think calling someone "bitter" and name-calling are two different things. To me, name-calling connotes referring to someone in a vulgar manner like MFer, a-hole, or a racial slur or in a taunting, derogatory manner. Simply refferring to someone as an unpleasant adjective to describe him/her or the perceived manner/behavior of him/her like bitter doesn't in itself constitute name-calling or insult in my book.

 

No one is perfect. No one is going to be perceived as doing/acting/thinking/saying accordingly every single time to every individual. Therefore, not everything everyone does is going to be perceived and related to in a favorable way. If I describe an individual as bitter, arrogant, etc, it is because I see him/her as such due to my perception of their behavior. Adjectives are adjectives, and they're meant to describe people places and things whether favorable or unfavorable. It doesn't make it true (though it can be); it doesn't make it untrue (though it can be). No one has to accept the description being apply to them. However, it's a part of life and a part of human nature that we all should be used to.

 

I think any negatively perceived word like "bitter" is only an insult in and of itself when it's assigned to an entire group. Saying a particular BS is bitter is not an insult. It can be said insultingly and it can be received insultingly, but is overall subjective to individual intent and reception.

[SidLyon]

Well then I'll apologize again if I offended anyone by my use of the word. So far this week I've realized that I apparently unintentionally offend people all the time. I am sorry about that. Sincerely.

 

I'm not going to stop posting, but I will try and make the effort to be conscious of my word choices.

 

My post to Loredo (I think that's how she spells it) is the thread I've been thinking of the entire time I've been talking here, becuase honestly I don't even use the term very often. I'm done debating, I know what my intention was, but if someone can read my response over there, it's on page 1, where I used the term without making the assumption that I was trying to be a bitch and let me know HONESTLY if the way I used it was offensive, and PM me to give me your assessment I'd appreciate it. It would be helpful to me in the way I interact.

Thanks.

 

To be honest yes it appeared to me to be a barb, softened by your saying in some cases it was rightly so. The word "bitter" has more than one meaning as you correctly pointed out. I have rewritten what you wrote, below, using less ambiguous words as a substitute for "bitter". To me the meaning of both is crystal clear. Nobody could claim the first to be offensive and the second may or may not earn you an infraction. I can see how people might use "bitter" in lieu of a stronger word because they can innocently claim to have meant no offence. Sorry not to PM I'm almost out of space.

 

"Go visit the infidelity board. Read there for a little bit. I know some people don't like it pointed out that they might be hurt, many aren't.. but there are a lot that are, and in many cases, I think RIGHTLY so, but they don't get over it."

 

OR

 

"Go visit the infidelity board. Read there for a little bit. I know some people don't like it pointed out that they might be malicious, many aren't.. but there are a lot that are, and in many cases, I think RIGHTLY so, but they don't get over it."

[Summer Breeze]

To be honest yes it appeared to me to be a barb, softened by your saying in some cases it was rightly so. The word "bitter" has more than one meaning as you correctly pointed out. I have rewritten what you wrote, below, using less ambiguous words as a substitute for "bitter". To me the meaning of both is crystal clear. Nobody could claim the first to be offensive and the second may or may not earn you an infraction. I can see how people might use "bitter" in lieu of a stronger word because they can innocently claim to have meant no offence. Sorry not to PM I'm almost out of space.

 

"Go visit the infidelity board. Read there for a little bit. I know some people don't like it pointed out that they might be hurt, many aren't.. but there are a lot that are, and in many cases, I think RIGHTLY so, but they don't get over it."

 

OR

 

"Go visit the infidelity board. Read there for a little bit. I know some people don't like it pointed out that they might be malicious, many aren't.. but there are a lot that are, and in many cases, I think RIGHTLY so, but they don't get over it."

 

I understand what you're saying but I look at it this way. Being hurt as a BS is a given. It may have deadened after time but if the hurt isn't as strong as before the memory of it is. Being hurt is much different to being bitter. Do I think some people (both BS and OW/OM) come across as bitter? You bet your bippy I do. Everyone is hurt but not everyone is bitter. I think malicious is different yet again.

 

Being bitter is fine as long as you're in a stage and working through it. I think if someone is bitter for an excessively long period of time it could be a sign of being stuck and may need a nudge by some professional help. Staying bitter and letting it suck the life out of you is something entirely different. There are plenty of cases of both on both sides of the board.

 

Most of the time I see bitter being used it does come across as an insult and I don't believe I've ever said it. If I have I apologize here and now. I also see people looking for trash being called trash and wh0re. To me both are totally counterproductive and really pi22 me off.

 

Back to my first post on this thread. It's not what's said normally, it's how posters are saying it.

[Spark1111]

I think we all have to be cognizant that for some, they WILL NEVER get over the betrayal by a spouse.

 

just as some will NEVER stop grieving the loss of a parent, child or friend, or AP.

 

It just is. And yes, it may color their perceptions and their posts.

 

Anger is often a mask for deep, unhealed pain. So is depression.

 

And if that is the case, then I choose to have empathy for them and not feel personally insulted by their posts on an anonymous Internet forum.

 

they have a lesson to teach me, and others too, IMHO.

[Summer Breeze]

I think we all have to be cognizant that for some, they WILL NEVER get over the betrayal by a spouse.

 

just as some will NEVER stop grieving the loss of a parent, child or friend, or AP.

 

It just is. And yes, it may color their perceptions and their posts.

 

Anger is often a mask for deep, unhealed pain. So is depression.

 

And if that is the case, then I choose to have empathy for them and not feel personally insulted by their posts on an anonymous Internet forum.

 

they have a lesson to teach me, and others too, IMHO.

 

 

I agree with you Spark. In ways I never got over my xH cheating on me. I guess I see a big difference between holding onto the pain and holding onto bitterness that can eat you up inside and spread to everyone around you. That's kind of why I made the comment that if someone is 'stuck' in it for an unhealthy time or it affects their life then they may need some help.

 

I agree about lessons. There isn't a person here who hasn't got at least one to teach and at least a hundred to learn.

[Summer Breeze]

But Summer Breeze why do you get to say how long she's allowed to be "bitter" or whether it's pain or bitterness or whether it's eating her up inside?? Seems to me you'd interpret things you didn't like or that didn't conform to some prior of yours and say that's bitter, that's eating her up...when it might be pain. Whyxwould anyone else ever get a say in what was grief and pain and what was unhealthy. I once had a grief counselor tell me I was unhealthy for being "still upset" about how my dying brother was treated by a hospital staff member. Excuse me? When did they get to be jury? And for an OW to judge is just off frankly.

If you'd like to read my post I didn't say there was a time frame for the pain. I said my concern was allowing bitterness to eat you up inside. I look at some of the BS here and know their pain hasn't ever gone away 100% but they're not feeling the bitterness they may have felt in earlier days. I never once have said that there should be a time limit on feeling pain, any pain.

 

I know my mother has never recovered from either my brothers death or my fathers cheating. I don't see that as holding onto bitterness I see that as directly proportional to how deeply she loved them. I'd gonzo far as to say those who move on easily didn't really care that much, and the ones who went on to do it to someone else (in the case of cheating) are either vengeful and malicious or really were so uninvested that it was not such a big deal.

As I said above. I don't expect your mother will recover completely from either event and if she does it'll be at her own time. I think your opinion that people who can move past aren't invested or don't love as much is completely wrong. It can be a matter of coping skills, support from people around them, support from professionals. There could be a number of things and circumstances that may help some get through things easier than others but I find your comment they're not feeling as deeply to be very insensitive and rude. You're saying no one can judge how long someone can take to get over something but on the other hand you're taking the right to judge someone for not taking as long as others.

 

I know you'll protest. I know you wear your BS badge when it suits. I think it's probably best to be honest and say I find that offensive. Angelica who had been an OW and learned the hard way what she had done to someone else- that I can respect. But to be a BS then do it to some other woman is so inexplicable to me, I cannot fathom the warped conscience that allows it.

In all honesty your opinion of me means nothing. I normally find your judgemental posts very offensive but tend to ignore them unless you address me specifically. Your respect means nothing to me either so we're both equal on that front. There are a lot of things in As that are inexplicable to me too. I could never stay with someone who betrayed me the way my xH but I completely accept that others do and try my best to learn from what they say and their experiences.

 

And I know you say you never found the OW responsible and that HAS to be true. If you'd found her accountable you'd have cut your arm off before doing it to someone else. But I just think that of *i* find wearing the BS badge offensive and sickening after being the OW , and a "victorious" one at that! I don't believe for a second his marriage would now be ended if you'd been honorable- no matter what a prick he might have been to her. Anyway if I find that really off I can't be the only one here or in the world.

Again your opinion on anything means very little to me after what I've read of your posts. If you find me so offensive you're welcome to use the ignore button to rid yourself of the problem altogether.

 

Ok now that's off my chest you can call me the bitter sister/daughter/friend/former counsellor all you like.

I don't care to call you anything actually. Your posts speak for themselves and we all are making our own opinions on them as you have your opinion about me.

 

My responses in bold.

Edited January 16, 2013 by Summer Breeze

[waterwoman]

MH - summer seems to be one of the most humble and untriumphant OW I have seen on here. And a kind and warm human being.

 

One thing LS has helped me with is the ability to see things in a few more colours than black and white. It's quite liberating.

[Michael Johnson]

So what! I was entitled. lol

 

Entitled to what?

[nofool4u]

As a fow, I've been called bitter and angry and yes I was. So what! I was entitled. lol

 

No offense, but if you knew from the start the guy you were with was married, then no, you weren't entitled. You knew the score going in and went in anyway.

 

Now if the MM lied to you and you didn't know he was married, then I'd say you are entitled and very much justified in being angry, and I wouldn't call it bitter.

[Spark1111]

No offense, but if you knew from the start the guy you were with was married, then no, you weren't entitled. You knew the score going in and went in anyway.

 

Now if the MM lied to you and you didn't know he was married, then I'd say you are entitled and very much justified in being angry, and I wouldn't call it bitter.

 

he said he was separated. he wasn't. She has every right to be angry or bitter or whatever for as long as she needs to be.

[buckeyeblue]

No offense, but if you knew from the start the guy you were with was married, then no, you weren't entitled. You knew the score going in and went in anyway.

 

 

 

Nofool - I hear where you are coming from, but EVERYBODY has the right to their feelings. Feelings don't have to be justified.

[nofool4u]

he said he was separated. he wasn't. She has every right to be angry or bitter or whatever for as long as she needs to be.

 

If that is the case, then you are correct and she has every right.

 

As long as once she found out she dumped him flat.

[HonestNeurotic]

Surely there are all times in our lives or experiences that we have had that have left a bitter taste in our mouths.

 

I have a few of them right now. But they do not make me a bitter person.

 

I think that when "bitterness" is used to describe our totality of being, then it's a problem. i.e., if you ask several people that know you personally, from different levels on the acquaintance level, some friends, some family, to describe you in one word, and the word they come back with is "Bitter" - well, you're probably just not a pleasant person to be around.

 

Myself, I'm bitter on a few subjects in my life. But I'm not a bitter person.

 

It seems that a few BS's or OW's or MM's, or heck - PEOPLE that are here on this forum and others - are truly bitter people. They have let the betrayal by another rule their own personal happiness, and this is reflected to the world in all that they do. It overpowers them. I know, I've been there.

 

Feelings are really never right or wrong. They just ARE. But if one is bitter over their love life, or that their partner has done them wrong, then it's not a good idea to be bitter about EVERYTHING. I learned to find what makes me happy and go for it. Sometimes I lose. Sometimes I am bitter over a situation, but never a bitter person. Nope. Just an honest neurotic. Those are the two words that to this day, people will tell you I am if asked. I can deal with that.

[Realist3]

No one here can determine if someone is "bitter" in their lives. But it sure is evident when 'bitterness' is present in responses to other posters on this board.

 

There was a BS who posted on the OM/OW board the other day saying he didn't want to post over here because of the 'angry/bitter' people over here. He wasn't imagining that. It is a fact. It is easy to see. If you are feeling bitter you have every right. Good for you. It is the projecting that bitterness on others here that I don't think has much of a place.

[HonestNeurotic]

Not passing judgments - just sharing my observations.

 

The only person that can change me is ME. Surely, we all have a "right" to how we feel. We all heal at different paces, in different manners.

 

I avoid the bitter people in life. Those that no matter what assistance one offers, they want to stay mired in their bitterness. And that's OKAY. They just have no need of my assistance. Some people want to drag you in, you have to be a part of their bitterness.

 

Yet they won't own it for themselves. That's my reason for posting. Being bitter isn't Good or Bad. It just IS. I once wrote an article where Bitter was the subject of my temperament on a particular subject that effected my life at the time. Still does. But I'm not a bitter person, per se.

 

When we are at these down times in our lives, when we feel betrayed and hurt by those that we trusted our feeling with, we tend to need the empathy of others to get us through. Overly bitter and negative people will eventually just push others away, cuz they give off the vibe that they just want to wallow in their bitterness and if you're not agreeable with it, well, then they are angry and bitter towards YOU.

 

And again - these are just my observations. Not judgments. When I get that Queen of the Universe position that I applied for, well, perhaps I'll pass judgments down on folks then.