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Should I leave her while I am deployed in Afghan?

StreetIllegal335i

By StreetIllegal335i
in General Relationship Discussion

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StreetIllegal335i New Member

StreetIllegal335i

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I have been deployed for almost a 2 years now. I have been in Japan and then now I am in Afghan while my wife is in NY. We for the most part in a great relationship till it gets to the weekends. I told her many times I hate when she goes out to CLubs/Bars and stays out with her friends till 6 am. I have seen her friends on videos of them out in the streets and they were so drunk getting half naked and acting like idiots. But she tells me not to judge here friends. So she continues to do it cause she says it makes her happy since im not there to go out with her. I dont understand why i have to make all the sacrifices being overseas dealing with not a bar around for months and she lives and does whatever she wants. I am to the point where I rather be by myself and deal with everything on my own. I dont see a need for a married women in the streets especially NYC streets till 6am. I am lost and dont know what to do! By the way my wife is 23 and I am 26. So this has been going on since she has been around 21 and we been together since she was 17. So its been going on 6 years this November.. Thanks in advance for any help!

CptObvious Established Member

CptObvious

Posted
Posted

shoulda studied a lil harder in high school bud.

 

Aight so here's whats happening:

 

1. half the people in NY have run a train on her.

2. You're not making sacrifices. You made a decision, and you're going to pay for all the consequences. You value your life at $30,000 a year and that's what you're getting. You also made the decision to get married, which you're also going to pay for. Women aren't special, they're all the same on the inside. Yours certainly wasn't an exception. You came on here so we can all gang up on your soon to be ex wife. You want a crowd of people rallying behind you. You're not getting it. You know what you have to do already. You know what the right decision is.

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StreetIllegal335i New Member

StreetIllegal335i

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shoulda studied a lil harder in high school bud.

 

Aight so here's whats happening:

 

1. half the people in NY have run a train on her.

2. You're not making sacrifices. You made a decision, and you're going to pay for all the consequences. You value your life at $30,000 a year and that's what you're getting. You also made the decision to get married, which you're also going to pay for. Women aren't special, they're all the same on the inside. Yours certainly wasn't an exception. You came on here so we can all gang up on your soon to be ex wife. You want a crowd of people rallying behind you. You're not getting it. You know what you have to do already. You know what the right decision is.

 

I should have studied harder in school? How is that relevant to anything I asked for?

 

Half the people in NY are running a train on her? Really thats your best logical explanation or advice?

 

I decided to come out here to Afghanistan and make a difference so yes I am sacrificing my time and efforts for the U.S.

 

I actually make 8,954 dollars a month according to my Leave and Earnings statements i receive every month. According to my calculations thats way more then 30,000 a year.

 

And for your information I didnt post this thread to have anyone gang up on anybody or to back me up with anything. I came to see if this is what maybe others wife are doing or maybe there is something Im not seeing. So Captain Obvious thanks for your comment but Im back at square one!

darkmoon Established Member

darkmoon

Posted
Posted

don't do anything you might just regret

 

i'm not saying your situation is great, but she has nobody to go home to, until you live with her again, you both only have a shadow of a marriage, 23 is still quite girly, she is at a silly age really, being silly

CptObvious Established Member

CptObvious

Posted
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9 grand a month? lol **** dealing drugs then. The real money is in the military.

CptObvious Established Member

CptObvious

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Posted
I decided to come out here to Afghanistan and make a difference so yes I am sacrificing my time and efforts for the U.S.

 

I actually make 8,954 dollars a month according to my Leave and Earnings statements i receive every month. According to my calculations thats way more then 30,000 a year.

 

And for your information I didnt post this thread to have anyone gang up on anybody or to back me up with anything. I came to see if this is what maybe others wife are doing or maybe there is something Im not seeing. So Captain Obvious thanks for your comment but Im back at square one!

 

You're not missing anything. Get rid of the trash.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted
I should have studied harder in school? How is that relevant to anything I asked for?

 

 

Don't take it personally, it's a beta male's attempt to have a dig at you. Put him on your ignore list on this site, it's what I did ;)

 

The thing is, the two of you are married but you never see each other so how is she supposed to spend her spare time? You have been together since she was 17, she never really had the chance to do all the stuff her single friends could do. This is the issue with committing to someone so young, you miss out on a lot of those younger years you never get back. Being with someone who is in the armed forces is a lot of strain on that person (I'm speaking from experience) and to do that for years....

 

Of course I realise it's actually YOU who does the dangerous job but it's her who is stuck at home and the only things she is supposed to do is working or sitting at home worrying about you at the age of 23? Or just go out for the odd glass of wine? With whom? All her friends who are out partying? It's all very well to have expectations for a 'married woman' but really what's in it for her?

 

Would you guys be even married if it wasn't for your career? How well do you know each other? How much time do you even spend together?

NervisPervis Established Member

NervisPervis

Posted
Posted
You have been together since she was 17, she never really had the chance to do all the stuff her single friends could do.

 

Well, too late to tell you not to marry someone who hasn't had a chance to grow up before you met her.

 

How much longer are you in for? If you can stick it out until you get home for good, do it. But it looks like she got a taste of the party girl lifestyle and LIKES it. When will you see her again? How much time will you be together then? A month? I'll bet she can't stay away from her party pals for that long. That will tell you something.

 

Look. I'll get crucified for this but I'll say it anyway. A place where people go with the intent of drinking and hooking up for casual sex is NO PLACE for a wife to hang out. The chances of an "innocent mistake" are great. Depending on how often she goes, it's almost guaranteed.

 

Have a friend that doesn;t know her tail her one night. Better yet, if you make $100,000 a year, you can afford a PI. I can GUARANTEE he will get cell video footage of your wife partying that will result in some...interesting conversations with her. I GUARANTEE she doesn't tell you all that goes on during these nights out.

 

Actually, I'm pretty sure she doesn't tell you ANYTHING about these nights out. Am I right? Does she tell you who she meets while she's out? Does she tell you who buys her drinks? Does she tell you she dances with strange men she's just met? Does she tell you how she deals with the men that hit on her ALL NIGHT?

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monicaelise Established Member

monicaelise

Posted
Posted
I have been deployed for almost a 2 years now. I have been in Japan and then now I am in Afghan while my wife is in NY. We for the most part in a great relationship till it gets to the weekends. I told her many times I hate when she goes out to CLubs/Bars and stays out with her friends till 6 am. I have seen her friends on videos of them out in the streets and they were so drunk getting half naked and acting like idiots. But she tells me not to judge here friends. So she continues to do it cause she says it makes her happy since im not there to go out with her. I dont understand why i have to make all the sacrifices being overseas dealing with not a bar around for months and she lives and does whatever she wants. I am to the point where I rather be by myself and deal with everything on my own. I dont see a need for a married women in the streets especially NYC streets till 6am. I am lost and dont know what to do! By the way my wife is 23 and I am 26. So this has been going on since she has been around 21 and we been together since she was 17. So its been going on 6 years this November.. Thanks in advance for any help!

 

Having been married to military for almost a decade, I can tell you this isn't going to end well. She's enjoying the single life on your paycheck.

 

It doesn't matter whether you're deployed or not. If you're married and you're not okay with what she's doing, you have a right to end it. There are plenty of young women who will not feel the need to go out and sow their oats every weekend just because you're away.

 

You've got enough to worry about right now without adding an unfaithful wife to the list. If she's going out all night drinking, she will eventually land in someone else's bed if she hasn't already.

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silvermane187 Established Member

silvermane187

Posted
Posted (edited)

If you have to ask the answer is that it's probably not going to work out. Long distance relationships take a ton of trust and dedication and loyalty. From reading your post your relationship with your wife isn't exactly strong in those areas. Sorry dude.

 

And don't listen to that CptObvious dickhead. "All women are the same on the inside". The guy is clearly a weak little bitch and shouldn't be taken seriously.

Edited by silvermane187
walfootrot2 Member

walfootrot2

Posted
Posted

Buddy you are in the military. You knew going in the military was hard on married couples. But, both you and she made that choice. I was in the navy and army too, but decided against marriage while I was in.

 

I would let her do as she pleases. I also wonder what you are doing in your off time in Japan when she is not around. I am sure you are going out with your buddies drinking right? I know combat deployments are different. But even in combat zones soldiers/marines are flirting and hooking up with. I am not saying you are, but I saw it a lot when I was in and deployed to Haji countries.

 

You are not making all the sacrifices. The family at homes sacrifices too, but in a different way from deployed soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen. You sound like you want control and domination over her.

monicaelise Established Member

monicaelise

Posted
Posted

Even as a very happily single woman, who greatly cherishes her freedom, the OP's wish to have his wife not troll the bars of NYC til six am without him doesn't strike me as controlling. Being gone doesn't mean he's no longer her husband. If she wants the single life, she should be single. There are lots of ways wives/girlfriends can occupy their time during deployments (trust me I know allll about long deployments) that don't involve blatantly disrespecting their partners' wishes. I think it would be a different story if they'd both agreed that they were essentially "free agents" during deployments, but that doesn't appear to be the case here. There's no reason for him to tolerate that, it's never that hard for the spouse/family back home.

oohlala Established Member

oohlala

Posted
Posted
Buddy you are in the military. You knew going in the military was hard on married couples. But, both you and she made that choice. I was in the navy and army too, but decided against marriage while I was in.

 

I would let her do as she pleases. I also wonder what you are doing in your off time in Japan when she is not around. I am sure you are going out with your buddies drinking right? I know combat deployments are different. But even in combat zones soldiers/marines are flirting and hooking up with. I am not saying you are, but I saw it a lot when I was in and deployed to Haji countries.

 

You are not making all the sacrifices. The family at homes sacrifices too, but in a different way from deployed soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen. You sound like you want control and domination over her.

 

^^this x1000. I come from a military family and large military town, a lot of my cousins, old schoolmates, etc. are deployed and I absolutely agree with this.

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