JuneBug79 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Met a guy a couple weeks ago from online and we went out for drinks...Before we met he told me he was just looking for friends. I had an GREAT TIME! One the way home he texted me that he couldn't resist and that I was "absolutely amazing'.... YAY! He texted after that several times a day every day and calls pretty much every day at some point. During our conversations it's come up that HE thinks women just want sex?? WHAT?! and that he jumped into the sack with his ex too fast? wierd to me because I would say it's usually the other way around. He said that he is looking for friendship first and the next person he is with is going to mean something. Also during our conversations hes made references about having kids with me which I thought was a little over the top and honestly scary and clingy... But I've given it a chance and we went out again... and it was really nice, a walk on the water and a couple short kisses, including a couple goodnight kisses. More texts and calls every darn day... and he's gotten flirty, even sexually flirty, knowing full well that I am not going to do that yet and he doesn't want to either supposedly. So tonight we talked about meeting up again and he instead decided to stay in instead. I think maybe I gave him the impression that I didn't want to go out because I encouraged him to get some rest because he felt tired from work. ugh... miscommunication (he did say he misses me and wants to see me etc) Even staying in he continued to text me this evening. During the conversation we somehow got on the subject of what we want (he asked I didn't), and he got kinda distant and keeps saying things like "I don't know" and "time will tell" and "we'll see" .... and told me again that hes only looking for friends. He even said at one point that he doesn't date.... Now we are both adults in our 30's so you would think that we would have this down... If you are going out with someone, calling them all the time, and kissing them... to me that's dating and getting to know each other. Maybe building a friendship and possibly a relationship at the same time...If we are just going to be friends then the kissing and flirtation doesnt need to be happening right? I will not be sleeping with him until I know where he stands, and maybe not ever, but I guess I'm just confused right now...I don't want to get attached to him in other ways if he's just looking for friendship in the end... I guess my question is this... anyone been here before??? I think he is "into me" but I don't get his style at all because I don't feel like he's going for the FWB either... Shedding light on this mindset would be helpful...
walfootrot2 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I would think he is both insecure and manipulative. I would say his words are not matching his actions. On one hand he is trying to play both hard to get elusive at the same time with his comments. I would say he really wants sex and so he spins it around and puts on women. He is projecting here. He is not looking for friends. He wants to get you to make some kind of weird long term commitment. He is not looking for friends. He is trying to have you soothe his insecurities. He needs therapy IMO and unless he is receiving it I would give him a wide berth.
Author JuneBug79 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 wow.. you got all that from my post and I even left some stuff out?! But the stuff I left out fits your analysis perfectly. I found another thread on another site last night about being "friends first" though and started feeling bad for posting this. I'm sort of glad you validated it. I can tell there is something off here and I havent directly been able to put my finger on it and IDK if I ever will.. but after only 2 weeks I was trying to be open minded.. Thanks again!
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