Coolchica94 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Here's the story. I'm a 19 year old girl and I've been working at a casual restaurant for 2 years now. The general manager is a guy about 9 years older than me and he tends to be a big flirt who's dated 2 other girls my age that worked there, before they quit to continue dating him. For the last year or so, my relationship with him has not always been professional either, even while he was dating them. I've had a huge crush on him almost the whole time, and he seems to like flirting with me. We keep it pretty low-key at work, but he flirts a lot more with me while chatting online. The most recent conversations were this week. He knows my parents really don't like him, it's because of his player reputation that they don't trust him. I live with them for right now, and they're very strict about dating anyway. So they don't know I talk to him outside of work. Anyway, one day this week he messaged me and asked if I would date someone my parents disliked. I told him it depends on who it is, and we started talking about something else. Later on, he found out he got off work 2 hours before I did the next night, and he offered to stay and give me a ride home since I don't have a car right now. He's also offered to give me a ride home from work a couple other times this week, including saying he could come by at 2AM after I finished closing at work and take me home. I've turned him down each time b/c of how my parents would react. Later on in the conversation, he asked me if I remembered him sending me a text message that said "xoxo" in it and then he repeated the xoxo part, as if those letters mean something. He asked me when I will be getting my own car, and when I said soon, he said that was great and that I could pick him up and go see a movie together. Then later he told me to delete his messages in case my parents saw them and hate him even more. I should add that at one point my parents temporarily made me quit b/c of him, and during that time I continued to talk to him. He had a girlfriend at that time, but still said some things that were inappropriate, such as about touching me or grabbing my butt when I visited him at work. But he hasn't talked like that since I started working there again. He seems a little more professional now. Does it sound like he likes me enough to ask me out, and if he does should I say yes? I really want to, but I don't know how to hide it from my folks if I still live with them. What should I do?
darkmoon Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 (edited) I'm suspicious of the ride home and butt touching - I'd want week-end dates leading to a promotion, he just wants a screw, I think you should take it slowly and date for a while, see if he treats you well - and not as somebody who might also have to leave her job - what's all that about?? your parents are protective and I am too. Has he declared and proven any affection yet? Any meaningful convos? Edited January 14, 2013 by darkmoon
D-Lish Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 ...He had a girlfriend at that time, but still said some things that were inappropriate, such as about touching me or grabbing my butt when I visited him at work. That should tell you everything you need to know about this guy to make a good choice regarding dating him. A guy that makes sexual advances toward you when he's dating someone else WILL make sexual advances toward someone else when he's dating YOU. 1
Author Coolchica94 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 He actually is a sweet, mostly decent guy most of the time. He just likes to flirt and doesn't always keep it as professional as a manager should. I'm partly to blame too b/c I flirt back just as much. And we do talk about a lot of other, more innocent things other than just flirting. I'm just wondering if I should take the chance on him if he does ask me out, or if there are too many reasons not to and I should just try to keep it professional. The reason his two girlfriends had to quit is b/c the restaurant does have a corporate policy that managers can't date employees...
ScreamingTrees Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 He actually is a sweet, mostly decent guy most of the time. He just likes to flirt and doesn't always keep it as professional as a manager should. I'm partly to blame too b/c I flirt back just as much. And we do talk about a lot of other, more innocent things other than just flirting. I'm just wondering if I should take the chance on him if he does ask me out, or if there are too many reasons not to and I should just try to keep it professional. The reason his two girlfriends had to quit is b/c the restaurant does have a corporate policy that managers can't date employees... He's still a decade older than you, it's creepy if you ask me, not that I really care what they do as long as it's legal, I guess. I've known attractive guys who were in their 30s drooling over girls YOUNGER than I am.. Obvious jailbait. And I'm your age, kiddo.. :sick::sick: 1
darkmoon Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 He actually is a sweet, mostly decent guy most of the time. He just likes to flirt and doesn't always keep it as professional as a manager should. I'm partly to blame too b/c I flirt back just as much. And we do talk about a lot of other, more innocent things other than just flirting. I'm just wondering if I should take the chance on him if he does ask me out, or if there are too many reasons not to and I should just try to keep it professional. The reason his two girlfriends had to quit is b/c the restaurant does have a corporate policy that managers can't date employees... he's not offering you much except to be girl #3 if he asks you out, I'd keep it platonic, I assume you can be friends with him and that your company allows that - don't make the mistakes the other 2 made - I mean - where are they now? In his past.
veggirl Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 How are you gonna feel if you start dating him, then he's flirting with other girls at work like he did with you? He has a pretty obvious pattern here... and yes it is sleazy for a manager to be hitting on teenage employees.
D-Lish Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 He actually is a sweet, mostly decent guy most of the time. He just likes to flirt and doesn't always keep it as professional as a manager should. I'm partly to blame too b/c I flirt back just as much. And we do talk about a lot of other, more innocent things other than just flirting. I'm just wondering if I should take the chance on him if he does ask me out, or if there are too many reasons not to and I should just try to keep it professional. The reason his two girlfriends had to quit is b/c the restaurant does have a corporate policy that managers can't date employees... You're the one that has laid the information for us on the table- so you should have everything you need to make a decision. You yourself wrote what you deem to be red flags- and most of us are agreeing that they are red flags, as have your parents. What does your gut tell you?
ScreamingTrees Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 If anything, this guy just wants to mess around with fresh meat. If you're cool with that, more power to you. OP will likely do whatever her heart desires in the end, despite the warnings in this thread, even if whatever she chooses to do ends up a rather dull move on her part. You live, you learn, I guess...
Author Coolchica94 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 My heart is telling me that I like him a looooot, but my gut is telling me that if I go out with him, I will lose the respect and support of my family and of my friends that have met him, b/c they don't like him either. Basically no one I know likes him but me. So I genuinely don't know what to do at this point.
darkmoon Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 (edited) My heart is telling me that I like him a looooot, but my gut is telling me that if I go out with him, I will lose the respect and support of my family and of my friends that have met him, b/c they don't like him either. Basically no one I know likes him but me. So I genuinely don't know what to do at this point. if he's got a massive crush on you, if he's looking for a girl to marry/love ok, but to date can just mean to have an apointment/s for sex. Does your gut tell you he's the one? He's obviuosly a good-looking man - three colleagues screwed is quite a score! Edited January 14, 2013 by darkmoon
D-Lish Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 My heart is telling me that I like him a looooot, but my gut is telling me that if I go out with him, I will lose the respect and support of my family and of my friends that have met him, b/c they don't like him either. Basically no one I know likes him but me. So I genuinely don't know what to do at this point. What about the red flags you know to be true about him? He has a pattern of dating young girls (not a bad thing on its own), he has a pattern of short lived relationships, he has a pattern of being inappropriate with women at work, he has a pattern of dating women from work even though it's not allowed- and lastly, he has a pattern of flirting with other women when he is in a relationship. I think you're hoping this guy is going to turn out to be a good guy despite evidence to the contrary. 2
ScreamingTrees Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Creepy... sick sick sick... when did you become a woman? ScreamingTrees you're troubling me. I don't care if an older guy chooses to go for any girl of legal age, that's none of my business, but I was talking of guys who were REALLY checking out girls who did NOT look the part. Even if these girls were 18 or older, I don't know what these guys were seeing in them that I didn't, they had the bodies of thin young boys. Hell, these guys might as well have been physically attracted to me if I had long hair.
veggirl Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 girl you will learn sooner or later (hopefully sooner) that when everyone you know hates someone, except you, there is a problem and you are just not seeing it. and for the love of god don't ever buy into any sort of "us against the world" type of fantasy. that's like the slogan of bad relationships everywhere. 1
TheFinalWord Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 My heart is telling me that I like him a looooot, but my gut is telling me that if I go out with him, I will lose the respect and support of my family and of my friends that have met him, b/c they don't like him either. Basically no one I know likes him but me. So I genuinely don't know what to do at this point. When others warn you about someone, please pay attention. I always look at people's facial reactions when I mention a name. "A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches" If your friends have good morals and sense, and their face shows disgust or dread when you mention a guy's name that should be a warning. Especially your parents; they're not trying to prevent you from having a good life but from making a big mistake.
ScreamingTrees Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 A girl who does not look the part even if they are 18 and older... You're really losing me here buddy. You're a very physically attractive young man and you should grow your hair long that would be awesome. Good way to get the girls! You haven't seen "Waiting" have you? I meant that the girls were clearly not 18 or older. Even if they were, they did not have the bodies of someone that was. So it was creepy to me regardless of their age, which was most likely noticeably below 18.
Lani Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 He actually is a sweet, mostly decent guy most of the time. This should tell you everything you need to know.. You're already trying to defend him, and failing, before you've even gone out. But, given that you're 19, you're probably going to go out with him anyway because that's what I would have done at that age. Please be careful, and meet up with him in public, don't let him pick you up or take you home. I'm pretty sure he just wants to bang you, and the car ride is his best opportunity to do this. Unless of course this is what you want, in which case, use a condom.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 You know why he seems like a pretty nice guy?....BECAUSE HE'S OLDER THAN YOU! Ok Ninja...keep it down...breathe...breaaathe.. Anywayz! Yes, he's going to put on the "nice guy" jacket and pretend to be your nice, considerate and charming little buddy...although, he's clearly trying to take advantage of every nice piece of @ss that walks through the door...aaand, guess who his next target is? That's riiiight little girl!, youuu! ::puts golden star on your forehead:: And you know what the greatest part is? comes closer, closer, closer.... ::whispers in your ear:: You're too young and stupid to see through it ::giggles like a little girl flapping hands like when you're excited when a guy you like shows a shred of interest in you:: All the information in the world to a 19 year old girl is useless! because she knows absolutely nothing about life or love...what could be more perfect for a guy in his late 20's? It's about as hard as catching a speeding turtle! all it takes is some conditioning, warming you up and bam...you're ready to be pounded into a powder. But hey? what could be more exciting and dangerous than rebelling against your parents who clearly know what this guy is after? of course, being super sneaky and living life on the edge by being with a douchebag who takes advantage of his position at work to prey on little pretties such as yourself. I'm sure he'll hire more 19 year old naive girls to replace you after he's passed you along the assembly line like the other two. But by all means....live and learn...after all, why trust the world when your little beating heart is telling you this is true love? because in a world of looove, anything is possible! weeeeeeeee! ::spins around in a magical confetti shower with arms open wide:: 2
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