Mycteria Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Starting seeing a great guy recently. Three "dates" so far, which were not traditional in any sense. I feel like I've known him forever already. No sex yet, but we have fooled around. He's met all my friends and I've met some of his. His daughter is 2, mom isn't in the picture much at all. He's raising her by himself. He wants me to meet her because he says he's a package deal and he wants me to meet her before I "decide if I want to keep him around or not." we tentatively made plans for me to maybe meet her on Tuesday. I'm nervous as hell because I have never been around kids. I'm worried it's too soon, but I REALLY wanna meet her. The main thing I was initially concerned about was a negative impact on her if we don't work out. But at two years old, she probably wouldn't even remember me right? I mean it wouldn't be any different than her meeting one of his friends. What do you guys think?
D-Lish Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I's say, if you feel it's too soon, then you should voice that and dictate when you're ready. I don't understand why meeting his daughter this soon would influence how you feel about him. You already know it's a package deal.
walfootrot2 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 If you have doubts then I suggest not. Although why he would want you to meet his child so quickly is odd IMO. When I dated women with children they both had me wait more than a month before they introduced their kids to me. Makes a lot of sense to me.
sabre80 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I'm nervous as hell because I have never been around kids. I'm worried it's too soon, but I REALLY wanna meet her. The main thing I was initially concerned about was a negative impact on her if we don't work out. But at two years old, she probably wouldn't even remember me right? I mean it wouldn't be any different than her meeting one of his friends. What do you guys think? Bolded is the important part. I am a father of two mother no longer in picture. Mine are 9 and 7 and I wouldn't dream of having a girl around them that soon. It is a chicken or egg scenario though so I can understand where he is coming from. You do not want to get serious with a woman who is not going to be good with your kids. But you do not want them to be around kids unless you are serious. His daughter being only 2 does make it more manageable however. But you need to also consider your own feelings too. It is just as likely that you become attached to his daughter as she you. So if things do not work out you could be feeling twice the loss. Another thing he might be dealing with is time. I am dating a single mom of a 3yo boy. Between her schedule and mine we were only able to see each other one night a week. After months of dating we finally introduced each other to kids and our time together has increased to 3x a week because we have 2 nights where its time with kids and one night with just us. Thing to note here though is we only introduced kids AFTER we were both sure we are in this for the long haul. If things do not work out in my situation there is going to be a lot of pain to go around. So it could be his way of arranging more time with you. My advice would be to sit him down and explain you are really excited to get to know him but to hold off on meeting his daughter. Explain that you are patient and understand that he may have to cancel plans to take care of kid related responsibilities. My advice to him would be that it is good to keep things seperate packages in the begining. He needs to take care of his needs and not make his daughter his whole world while never neglecting to love and care for his baby. But an unhappy man cannot take care of nor love anything. He needs to know that she should not be the center of his world but he be the center to hers. She lives in his life not the other way around. She will grow up turn 18 go to college and leave him a very misserable and lonely man if he neglects to live his own life. Also keep in mind that a childs mind though immature can be very manipulating. You could be the most wonderful woman and perfect for his daughter. But she may (i say may) see you as a threat to her relationship with her dad and become selfish and jealous (especialy at 2). So she may not like you and that should not be read as an indicator of you're not worthy relationship material. He should be the one to dictate weather or not you fit in the package not his daughter. Anyway hope this helps. 1
FitChick Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I think all time with the daughter should be spent away from the home. You are just a friend of Daddy's. "Accidentally" bump into him at the park, for example. That way she is less likely to become attached if you split. She probably craves a mother figure just like kids crave a father figure if they don't have one. Kids need two parents and definitely feel the lack.
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