Should I tell my ex boyfriend about something that just turned my life upside down?

[jnmizell]

Hello all. I need some advice about the strange situation I'm in. I'll try to make this as short as possible. To start off with, I was in a very serious relationship with my ex for 3 years. We had a lot of ups and downs but we still talked about getting engaged, getting married, etc. He was the ideal boyfriend. Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse when he couldn't put up with my mood swings and paranoid behavior anymore. He and his family branded me as "psychotic" and "verbally abusive". My ex boyfriend completely cut me off. I began to think I was mentally ill and that there was no way of ever getting better. The breakup was in may 2012. In october, he finally contacted me letting me know that his dad was about to die. He was thinking about getting back together with me. I told him I'd give him time and space to make a decision. After not responding for 2 months, I contacted him again. On December 4th, he told me it can never work out between us and that we're done. The relationship ended badly and he still thinks I'm insane. Little did he know that I've been getting very sick. I used to think my behavioral and personality changes, headaches, memory loss, confusion, etc. were just part of anxiety. It turns out I have a massive brain tumor in my left temporal lobe. Should I tell my ex in spite of all that happened between us? I still love him dearly and I want to talk to him. I'm scheduled for an open craniaotomy in a few weeks and I don't know what to expect. Is it too wrong to tell him what's been going on? I'm only 21 years old. There's not a lot I know in life but I know I love my ex more than anything.

Edited January 14, 2013 by jnmizell

[stevie_23]

Oh boy. I’m so sorry to hear about this. After your surgery, do they expect you will make a full recovery and be ok?

 

It seems as if you and your ex are still…”around” each other a little. Like you’ve still been in contact on and off since you initially broke up back in May of last year.

 

If his main or only reason for feeling he doesn’t want to, and can’t, be with you is your erratic / unstable / unpleasant behaviour, and that otherwise he would’ve been happy with you, then I suppose, if it were me, I’d tell him what’s going on.

 

Normally I’d say no, there’s no point since you haven’t been together for a really long time, but…in this specific case, I don’t think it’d be a complete waste of time. You’ve had specific reasons for your behaviour, and he (I think) had those same specific reasons for not being able to be with you. So if those reasons both vanished if your surgery is a success, well…it COULD potentially make the break-up invalid, if you know what I mean? Maybe? Unless too much time has gone by for him and he has moved on and even if you and him could be perfect together, he may simply not be looking to do that at this time in his life.

 

In short, I’d tell him. If nothing else, at least then he’d know you’re NOT insane.

 

Good luck.

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

First, I'm soooooo sorry to hear that you are going through this.

 

Secondly, I think you should tell him but its all in the delivery. Here is how I would approach it. I would them that you recently learned that you had a brain tumor and that was the cause of what you thought was your anxiety. I would also tell him that you wanted to let him know this because he was a big part of your life and he deserved to know and by you telling him this was by no means a method to get him back.

 

Again, i'm so sorry you are going through this and I hope everything works out for you.

[Pinky777]

Wow I am very sorry to hear that. *hugs* I wish you all the best no matter what happens with the ex. I hope the stress of that isn't making your health any worse. Do you think your ex will talk to you? This is something you want to tell him over the phone at least so you will need him to give you a chance and listen. I think you should tell him. He should know those behaviors are not your true personality. I'm sure there's a lot of hurt he's feeling from the things you did and said, and knowing they didn't come from your heart will go a long way towards mending things between you two. Still, if there was a lot of hurt there it may take a long time for him to get past it all & rebuild that trust.

 

He obviously missed you & what you had, just not your bad behavior. I do think there's a chance to try again after your surgery, to really get to know each other again without the tumor affecting your personality.

 

What's your prognosis once you have the surgery? Is your personality expected to be the way it was before the tumor?

[LostOne1]

Hello all. I need some advice about the strange situation I'm in. I'll try to make this as short as possible. To start off with, I was in a very serious relationship with my ex for 3 years. We had a lot of ups and downs but we still talked about getting engaged, getting married, etc. He was the ideal boyfriend. Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse when he couldn't put up with my mood swings and paranoid behavior anymore. He and his family branded me as "psychotic" and "verbally abusive". My ex boyfriend completely cut me off. I began to think I was mentally ill and that there was no way of ever getting better. The breakup was in may 2012. In october, he finally contacted me letting me know that his dad was about to die. He was thinking about getting back together with me. I told him I'd give him time and space to make a decision. After not responding for 2 months, I contacted him again. On December 4th, he told me it can never work out between us and that we're done. The relationship ended badly and he still thinks I'm insane. Little did he know that I've been getting very sick. I used to think my behavioral and personality changes, headaches, memory loss, confusion, etc. were just part of anxiety. It turns out I have a massive brain tumor in my left temporal lobe. Should I tell my ex in spite of all that happened between us? I still love him dearly and I want to talk to him. I'm scheduled for an open craniaotomy in a few weeks and I don't know what to expect. Is it too wrong to tell him what's been going on? I'm only 21 years old. There's not a lot I know in life but I know I love my ex more than anything.

sounds like my relationship. My ex BU with me. I gave her a month to cool off after begging and pleading. I contacted her after a month we talked every week but nothing.. eventually I felt lead on and just said screw it and returned her stuff which caused a bigger fight.. and then I went NC. I was with her for 3 yrs she BU with me the week of our anniversary

[MyAngel]

I am so sorry to hear of your brain tumor. That is so awful. Will they expect you to be okay after the op? You poor thing. I hope it all goes well.

 

During this difficult time you should think about yourself and put yourself first. If anything were to happen to you, would you prefer to have told him about it, maybe it will be good to tell him. It's up to you but you need to look after yourself during this difficult time.