skweezd Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 What do you do when you're in a dating relationship and only 249 of the 250 piece puzzle is there? What if, on paper, he's perfect for you? What if he's smart, funny, ambitious, hard working, respectful and always going out if his way to make you happy? What if, after 2 1/2 years, you still don't have that powerful love/lust feeling for him?
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 It seems as if you do not love him. All I can draw from it...shame, in a way, seems like a worthy Guy. Not many of those anymore. The heart vs mind? Well, the heart is the mind. That is what "heart" means in this sense; most people do not know that. But the heart is the mind and the mind is the heart. That is where you hurt at. It is where you feel love at. Or hatred. 1
HitMeNow Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Make him take a psychology course to learn what makes people get turned on and how to make you love him
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Make him take a psychology course to learn what makes people get turned on and how to make you love him According to her, he is a great Guy all around. Doubt he needs lessons. Some people just won't attract, no matter what. What more could he do?
MrCastle Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I keep saying that attraction is not a choice. Some people on here balk at that. At our core, we are instinctual animals. We can advance and evolve mentally and technologically as much as we want. The animal is still in there. It's why you see a lot of odd pairings. Girls that swear off x type of guys but then end up dating one. People in abusive or messed up relationships that just can't end it. We are victims of our hearts. If your heart isn't in it, your relationship will never work. The logical part of your brain doesn't dictate attraction. You could have a guy that meets 9 out of 10 things on your list of expectations, and a guy who meets 1 out of 10, but if you have attraction to that second guy, it makes no difference that the first guy has more stuff to offer. If relationships were logical, every single human being would have a compatible mate and would have a long lasting, happy relationship. People break up because they got involved with the wrong person purely due to a level of attraction. It's not until the fog clears and the attraction is lost that people wake up and say "wow, um, yeah, this guy/girl is totally wrong for me".
Author skweezd Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 I don't think a psychology class will help unfortunately. There just has never really been the spark. My question is, if most of the puzzle is there, do you stay in the relationship? We are best friends and he truly loves me. I have love for him too, just not desire and this has greatly affected our sex life. When I address that I just don't want to, he settles for my lack of desire. Now I feel guilty. I don't feel like I'm giving him the affection he deserves but he wants to stay with me thinking I will come around. I don't think I will.
Author skweezd Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 Thank you Mr Castle. That helped clear up some of my fog 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Unfortunately, this is the rare situation that is tough to advise on. I refuse to tell you, you should breakup, with Mister awesome, since you do have a "love" for him. This is about desire(desire can come/go.) I just don't feel comfortable telling someone in a rather good relationship to break-up. Might be worse.... Explain why you feel as though you have this lack of desire? Seems as if it is sexual desire; gotta be a reason. Maybe you are not into it as much.
Author skweezd Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 I thought at first that I was just incapable. I had been in some bad relationships in my younger days. Something happened this past summer that made me realize that it's not me. I had a desire, a very strong desire , for someone I met at volleyball and in a running group. Please understand Mr Wonderful and I were not together at the time and I wasn't heart broken about it. Once again Mr Wonderful persistently pursues me and it goes from "lets just get together one night for a drink and catch up" to "I love you so much". This situation sucks!!! But ever since I realized that I can feel that spark, I know that's what I really want.
Author skweezd Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 I think talking through this has helped me tremendously. Thank you everyone. I'm answering my own question.
HitMeNow Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 According to her, he is a great Guy all around. Doubt he needs lessons. Some people just won't attract, no matter what. What more could he do? Actually in psychology they will teach you why the "all around good guy" won't make it with women. Im pretty sure that if he starts behaving a bit differently. (More confident, masculine and challenging) the OP starter would be at home trying to figure out how to make this guy not go away 1
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