Having things to look forward to that are at varying distances away this year

January 14, 2013

I am now able to see that I CAN be fairly happy in 3 months, 6 months, 12 months, etc. Before it was a big black hole of loss and emptiness, looking that far ahead.

Right now, I am able to look forward to going to see Joan Armatrading play a live show and then stay in a nice hotel in the big city, an hour from where I live. (this is at the end of March)

I’m also looking forward to going to Sydney (I’m in Australia) later in the year. I feel that if not already accomplished, this will really help get me totally back on track. Sydney refreshes me and makes me come alive whenever I go there.

Also, I’ve just found out that my favourite band of all time, Fleetwood Mac, are coming here probably in December of this year. I know it’s far away, but I am really looking forward to seeing them again (I see them every time they come).

Is anyone else also now able to see a future that isn’t JUST about your broken relationship?

January 14, 2013

When I'm not mourning of the lost love, I am excited to be finishing uni in 6 months. Begin a whole new life! I'm speaking to old high school friends that I haven't spoken to for awhile. I can go anywhere knowing I don't have to think of what he feels. I don't have to be waiting around for him to call. And be disappinted when he doesn't! I can look at my future and not having to worry about his as well!

January 14, 2013

I can see my future and it's miserable. I'm being honest here. I will still be heartbroken in 6months, 12months time. And by then my ex will probably be married to this guy. The more each day passes, the more I think what will happen.

She wanted me looking after her, her 3 children, discussions about having more kids, housing, where we would live, her maybe working again etc etc. Discussions about wanting a engagement, a ring! Everything was discussed. And the look in her eyes at the time was that she wanted them with me. Clearly not. She's instantly replaced me with another guy, and then carrying on with those plans.

I'm being completely realistic when I say I will be single, alone, afraid and fearing for my future come 6months, 12months time.

Sydney... my ex came from Sydney. She even asked me if I would want to move back there with her as it would mean she could get alot of work there. Then apparently in her breakup fb msg, she was not happy that I wanted her to work!! WTF, and she just wanted to look after the kids. Crazy, insane and nothing makes sense. I only did what I could, cared for her the best of my ability, loved her 1000% and now I have a very high price to pay for my kindness.

My future is dead. There is NOTHING to look forward to.

January 14, 2013

I am now able to see that I CAN be fairly happy in 3 months, 6 months, 12 months, etc. Before it was a big black hole of loss and emptiness, looking that far ahead.

Right now, I am able to look forward to going to see Joan Armatrading play a live show and then stay in a nice hotel in the big city, an hour from where I live. (this is at the end of March)

I’m also looking forward to going to Sydney (I’m in Australia) later in the year. I feel that if not already accomplished, this will really help get me totally back on track. Sydney refreshes me and makes me come alive whenever I go there.

Also, I’ve just found out that my favourite band of all time, Fleetwood Mac, are coming here probably in December of this year. I know it’s far away, but I am really looking forward to seeing them again (I see them every time they come).

Is anyone else also now able to see a future that isn’t JUST about your broken relationship?

this is a really great post! i find it similar to how i move forward too - by planning things that i really want to do. and your trip will definitely help!!!

January 14, 2013

I can see my future and it's miserable. I'm being honest here. I will still be heartbroken in 6months, 12months time. And by then my ex will probably be married to this guy. The more each day passes, the more I think what will happen.

She wanted me looking after her, her 3 children, discussions about having more kids, housing, where we would live, her maybe working again etc etc. Discussions about wanting a engagement, a ring! Everything was discussed. And the look in her eyes at the time was that she wanted them with me. Clearly not. She's instantly replaced me with another guy, and then carrying on with those plans.

I'm being completely realistic when I say I will be single, alone, afraid and fearing for my future come 6months, 12months time.

Sydney... my ex came from Sydney. She even asked me if I would want to move back there with her as it would mean she could get alot of work there. Then apparently in her breakup fb msg, she was not happy that I wanted her to work!! WTF, and she just wanted to look after the kids. Crazy, insane and nothing makes sense. I only did what I could, cared for her the best of my ability, loved her 1000% and now I have a very high price to pay for my kindness.

My future is dead. There is NOTHING to look forward to.

Argh my ex moved to be with me for abit in Sydney. Obviously there was going to be struggles. He had to enroll into class and stuff to get friends but he came at a bad timing. Then he went up to qld to visit and never came back. He said he was comfortable up there. Well of course. he hasn't even given it a proper go down here. If he waited he would of haf friends.

My future was all planned with him too. I was motivated to finish uni and all. I was determined to move out with him properly. Get our own place. That's why I'm a mess now!

January 14, 2013

Argh my ex moved to be with me for abit in Sydney. Obviously there was going to be struggles. He had to enroll into class and stuff to get friends but he came at a bad timing. Then he went up to qld to visit and never came back. He said he was comfortable up there. Well of course. he hasn't even given it a proper go down here. If he waited he would of haf friends.
My future was all planned with him too. I was motivated to finish uni and all. I was determined to move out with him properly. Get our own place. That's why I'm a mess now!

My ex moved from Sydney to the Gold Coast (where I live), after she brokeup with her husband and has been up here nearly a year. She likes it up here, but had asked me what my thoughts were about maybe moving back down there. Obviously just a light hearted discussion, but all our discussions where that way, until the breakup fb msg. Then suddenly she had been keeping score and unleashed all the things she didn't like about me. Never mind that she was the instigator in all these discussions lol, and my views were not definitive, final or absolute. I would have moved, anywhere, done whatever, so long as we were together.

I've had to move back with my parents I can't cope anymore and I'm 38. I don't care what anyone thinks about it, but right now I just don't care about anything, my job, nothing. Since all our friends are mutual and I mean ALL, I've secluded myself from everyone accept my immediate family. I want her to wonder what happened to me, where I ended up. And I don't want that info to be known to anyone.

January 14, 2013

My ex moved from Sydney to the Gold Coast (where I live), after she brokeup with her husband and has been up here nearly a year. She likes it up here, but had asked me what my thoughts were about maybe moving back down there. Obviously just a light hearted discussion, but all our discussions where that way, until the breakup fb msg. Then suddenly she had been keeping score and unleashed all the things she didn't like about me. Never mind that she was the instigator in all these discussions lol, and my views were not definitive, final or absolute. I would have moved, anywhere, done whatever, so long as we were together.

I've had to move back with my parents I can't cope anymore and I'm 38. I don't care what anyone thinks about it, but right now I just don't care about anything, my job, nothing. Since all our friends are mutual and I mean ALL, I've secluded myself from everyone accept my immediate family. I want her to wonder what happened to me, where I ended up. And I don't want that info to be known to anyone.

I tried that. I usually annoy him like crazy. Contacting begging pleading. Then I disappeared. Asked friend to get his address to send his stuff. He replied to me asked if I wanted to talk as friends... I was. Over it at that time. Told him I wanted it final. He was quite annoyed he thought I was provoking. That was it until his friend contacted for his belongings. But I don't see mine coming in the mail

January 14, 2013

My ex moved from Sydney to the Gold Coast (where I live)

Hey, I'm on the Gold Coast too! I'm originally from Melbourne but moved up here 9 years ago. Hey neighbour! lol

To Failed First Love...does it help you in some way to tell yourself so definitively that you WILL NOT be happy or ok in 6 months, 12 months, etc? Does it give you some sort of security in “knowing” this about your life?

Nobody can know how they will feel in any length of time, especially not 6-12 months in advance. I’m not arguing with how you feel right now, and you are the one who knows yourself best obviously, so perhaps you will still feel the same in a year’s time, but…things do change.

Would it be easier or harder for you to maybe loosen the strings on your beliefs of how you will be and feel in the future? To not necessarily expect to be ok or any happier, but to at least not say you WILL NOT be. Give yourself a chance. Don’t have any expectations of how you should or will feel in any time period.

January 14, 2013

Hey, I'm on the Gold Coast too! I'm originally from Melbourne but moved up here 9 years ago. Hey neighbour! lol

To Failed First Love...does it help you in some way to tell yourself so definitively that you WILL NOT be happy or ok in 6 months, 12 months, etc? Does it give you some sort of security in “knowing” this about your life?

Nobody can know how they will feel in any length of time, especially not 6-12 months in advance. I’m not arguing with how you feel right now, and you are the one who knows yourself best obviously, so perhaps you will still feel the same in a year’s time, but…things do change.

Would it be easier or harder for you to maybe loosen the strings on your beliefs of how you will be and feel in the future? To not necessarily expect to be ok or any happier, but to at least not say you WILL NOT be. Give yourself a chance. Don’t have any expectations of how you should or will feel in any time period.

Yes the Gold Coast, full of beautiful beaches we used to goto. Now I can't even leave the house, and when I did a few days ago to go for a swim, I found myself driving to beaches in her direction, then I kept driving around the area, looking for her, thinking she might be out walking with the 3 kids. Stupid I know, but at least I didn't go near her street this time.

I think your reply was probably meant for me. I know I will not be ok, in 6months, 12months time from experience. That's the depressing thing about it. I know it's going to play out like that, even if I try and pretend I'm ok. I'm not. Secondly it takes me a long time to meet new people. Several years can go by, where I am alone, and hoping maybe soon someone will appear in my life. It totally sucks. I don't have a huge pool of mutual friends to meet potential partners from. I don't club, I don't drink. Most of all my friends are married, and at times have tried to hook me up, but there's been no desire, or interest on my part. No attraction nothing. So much so, that I hate being hooked up as it's never with anyone I would have chosen myself.

So my fear is real, because time and time again I have experienced. Do you know what it is like to have pretty much every relationship you have ever been in, that you cared about, end before it's time, or because in nearly all of them, I was the unknowing 3rd wheel? Some people just can't catch a break and I'm one of those. This breakup has literally destroyed me. As I am reminded yet again of how I cannot trust anyone. Thus all the things I want, positive thinking is garbage. I can tell myself I am wonderful, amazing, worthwhile to the cows come home, that I am happy, things will be ok. Thus far it's never been ok. That's all I know now. My fear and dread is very real. Only a considerable amount of years going by will remove that edge, then due to age, you start getting desperate and that never gets you anywhere either. So it's lose lose lose. I have always been on the losing end of relationships. I guess I then must be a loser.

January 14, 2013

You’re not a loser. Nobody is. Or if anyone is, it’s the people who hurt and betray their unsuspecting partners.

It IS hard to meet people these days. The easiest way is to literally have to spend a lot of regular time with them, like at school, university, work, etc. Otherwise it’s too hard, I find.

I have met my last 2 partners online. This is easier for me. I am the sort who has NO interest in being with ANYONE until I’ve already developed feelings for them. And the only way to do that with no real effort (before the feelings come) is either spending a heap of involuntary time with them or being online. Not on a dating site, but just any place you regularly go, like a forum for instance, where there are people with common interests.

And oops, yes, I did mean my post to be directed at you, my fellow Gold Coaster. Got a bit lost with who had posted what there, sorry.

My now finished relationship was long distance and online only, and even that I find really hard to go places I always used to “take” him (I’d film videos for him, talk to him and stuff, on camera). The beach is hard now. Pacific Fair, etc. Places I always go. Yeah.

I still think you COULD be happy in time…call me stubborn, but I do believe it’s possible.

January 14, 2013

I am now able to see that I CAN be fairly happy in 3 months, 6 months, 12 months, etc. Before it was a big black hole of loss and emptiness, looking that far ahead.

I'm like you Stevie_23...I can definitely see me being happy. Ive been at 3 months post BU and I'm doing great! I give it another 3 months and I should be over this!!! This is coming out of a 9 year relationship!

It sucked in the beginning but as time went by I can see myself getting better. Now I cant believe how great it is to be single. All that time I spent taking care of her making sure her needs were met meanwhile neglecting myself. That's definitely not going to happen again. 2012 was miserable for me. 2013 is starting out great! My career is going great (recently promoted), i'm reinventing myself, discovering me again and more importantly doing this that I want to do! Gone are the days that I have to ask permission to do things or permission to buy things with my own money! Like is good! Im in the process of looking to buy a house so yeah in short....the future is looking great!!!

January 14, 2013

I think your reply was probably meant for me. I know I will not be ok, in 6months, 12months time from experience.

it takes me a long time to meet new people. Several years can go by, where I am alone, and hoping maybe soon someone will appear in my life. It totally sucks.

Some people just can't catch a break and I'm one of those. This breakup has literally destroyed me.

Alright RespectfullyAlone I'm going to give you some tough love cause I think you need it right now.

First, you are capable of being happy. Never let your source of happiness come from anyone else. It should ALWAYS come from within. Right now you are reeling from a heart break and it sucks I know. I'm not sure how far out you are post BU but from my impression it seems like its fairly recent. Give yourself some time to mourn the loss but after a certain period you need to pick yourself up and focus on you. Hurt and pain does not necessarily have to be bad things. Lean into the pain and use that as motivation to work and improve yourself. Take a hard look at yourself and find areas where you can improve on and begin that process. Make yourself better so that 6-12 mos down the line when your ex runs into you they will regret losing you.

Secondly, you are in control of your own destiny. Don't let life dictate the direction you are going in. Instead take control of life and make it what you want it to be. If you have a hard time meeting people then do something about it. Don't just sit there and accept that. Do things that are outside your comfort zone. For example, take dance classes, take community college classes, go on meetup groups. There are plenty of opportunities out there to go and meet people. You dont have to necessarily go out to clubs and drink to meet people. Right now dont focus on trying to get into a relationship rather, focus on making yourself happy first then the rest will fall into place. Trust me when you are happy others will see you happy and that in itself is an endearing quality. Take it from me, Ive been where you are now. Take control of your life and take the actions necessary to make yourself happy and the rest will come I promise. Good Luck.

January 14, 2013

Thank you!

I am at...*checking calendar* 5.5 weeks. I'm doing ok considering. It was a tough break too. Sudden...it went from deeply in love to suddenly not hearing from him at all. Nothing for 8 days. Then he wrote a song and "told me" that way though he still didn't actually say anything directly. Didn't even send me the song directly. I had to find it online.

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Having things to look forward to that are at varying distances away this year

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