FailedFirstLove Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Would have been our exact 4 years today... I'm feeling like complete ****. I'm hoping he will feel the same and call. But I know that he definitely won't. why can't I let him go.... I'm trying to think of how it wudnt work out and all this stuff. right now I feel so alone. My friends fed up with me going on about this. Even the bestfriend who I thought wud always be here is too busy with the bf. will contacting him be such a bad idea... I haven't talked talked to him in a month...
Lovedup8 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 So sorry to hear what you are going through. I too am about to break up with someone i have been seeing for just over 4yrs. It will be my 5th long term breakup and i know this may sound glib, but it does get easier as time goes on. the way i get through is by remembering often what caused the break up. i find writing down on a piece of paper the negatives and positives, for me, always reminds me its time to move on Hope things heal for you soon
Author FailedFirstLove Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 So sorry to hear what you are going through. I too am about to break up with someone i have been seeing for just over 4yrs. It will be my 5th long term breakup and i know this may sound glib, but it does get easier as time goes on. the way i get through is by remembering often what caused the break up. i find writing down on a piece of paper the negatives and positives, for me, always reminds me its time to move on Hope things heal for you soon Can I ask u please. When u break up. Is it because u don't love them anymore. And do u think about them? Tempted to call? Or do u just completely cut it out and lost all feelings? I wonder if e will REMEBER what today is. If he even think of me while meeting new people and partying
Lovedup8 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I end a relationship when the guy isnt treating me right .... this isnt something i decide easily or quickly, its a gradual process and sometimes i let it drag on so long, that i then become really pissed off with him. As for the *love* thing, its often not to do with that, more that i am being disrespected and not honoured by him. Sometimes love isnt enough...i need to be treated well and that dont happen to me with most men, sadly. On the calling thing, very tempted, yes of course, and as for the feelings, i cry a lot and let it out....feel disappointed and then realise i am dealing with a man......enough said?
Author FailedFirstLove Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 I end a relationship when the guy isnt treating me right .... this isnt something i decide easily or quickly, its a gradual process and sometimes i let it drag on so long, that i then become really pissed off with him. As for the *love* thing, its often not to do with that, more that i am being disrespected and not honoured by him. Sometimes love isnt enough...i need to be treated well and that dont happen to me with most men, sadly. On the calling thing, very tempted, yes of course, and as for the feelings, i cry a lot and let it out....feel disappointed and then realise i am dealing with a man......enough said? It's completely awful to be the dumpee I'm struggling so bad! I miss him so much knowing his moved on. I guess there r times we don't treat each other well. Although he thinks its ALL me. But I wish he came to me and told me that.... I wish we spoke about it. Wudnt u want to tell him and if he wants a chance to fix it then try work it out?
Lovedup8 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 But he is a man and they dont always communicate too well, do they? Yes i would give it my best shot of course....but you cant change people, so i would suggest you grieve for the loss of the relationship, try to be kind to yourself and learn from it if you can. God knows i have allowed men to bring me to my knees plenty of times only to find that ultimately, with time, things have healed. I have also tried to stop understanding them and more importantly changing them....we cant...all we can do is change ourselves and put our health and sanity first
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Could I ask you to type properly...? Not 'u' but 'you'....not 'r' but 'are'...'would/wouldn't' instead of wud/wudnt'.... This isn't a text forum... you don't have limited time or space.... but it's extremely irritating to keep reading abbreviated posts.... And maybe this post will make you irritated enough with me to have taken your ex- off your mind for a second. You need to start being angry about the way he treated you and broke up with you... it was cowardly, low and despicable, and yes - it IS about time you dropped it and began to move on.... You've wasted 4 years and are now mourning something that screwed you over and brought your life crashing round your ears. But yes - you need to move on. How can we help you do that? because you now seem stuck in a place where you mourn - but still don't move.... How can we help you help yourself....?
Lovedup8 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Well said Tara ~ very positive and helpful words you speak there!
Author FailedFirstLove Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 Could I ask you to type properly...? Not 'u' but 'you'....not 'r' but 'are'...'would/wouldn't' instead of wud/wudnt'.... This isn't a text forum... you don't have limited time or space.... but it's extremely irritating to keep reading abbreviated posts.... And maybe this post will make you irritated enough with me to have taken your ex- off your mind for a second. You need to start being angry about the way he treated you and broke up with you... it was cowardly, low and despicable, and yes - it IS about time you dropped it and began to move on.... You've wasted 4 years and are now mourning something that screwed you over and brought your life crashing round your ears. But yes - you need to move on. How can we help you do that? because you now seem stuck in a place where you mourn - but still don't move.... How can we help you help yourself....? Sorry I'm usually on my phone and a lot of the time it auto corrects to what I normally type. Which is the abbreviated version. I know what you mean. I'm even sick of myself going back and forth like this. Even when I force myself to think his not coming back I'm still constantly going through these emotions. Yes it takes time but I think I'll reach insanity before then. I guess it will get better once uni starts. And since his long distance I won't have to see him. Which I don't know if that would be better.
TaraMaiden Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I hate the pain this causes. I hate what 'love' puts people through. I hate how people become so weakened by a broken heart, that they lose all sense of identity. I hate how grief is all-consuming, and made all the worse by the fact that no-one's died... I hate how people think this is the end, when in fact it's just another day... I hate how much dependence we put on the other person without knowing it, so that when they withdraw, they take the best of us with them... I hate how it makes us believe we're unlovable, whereas the truth of the matter is that they were just less stable than us in the relationship.... Does any of that ring true? Because I hate that it does..... But sometimes, the truth wakes us up to how ridiculous, stagnating is.... 1
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