ThaWholigan Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I have my own ideas about what I want in terms of dating - obviously my ultimate goal is LTR/Marriage (if it comes to that) w/kids. So I wonder if the fact that I don't take the entire process of dating and getting to know women too seriously hampers me. I genuinely don't assign too much anxiety or problem to it as much as when I was 20 and completely sh*t with women. Obviously, I'm nowhere near a casanova now either, but I'm generally not that bothered by the bad sh*t that happens. I was rejected for an exclusive relationship relatively recently and in the end I actually didn't care at all. I wasn't even mildly upset. That sounds like a good thing when written out, but it made me think. Am I supposed to take it seriously? Because I genuinely don't. I am more focused on my other goals, and although I think a serious girlfriend who is on my wavelength can seriously complement that, I'm not going to sacrifice too much time looking or assigning much importance to dating - to the point where I am becoming anxious or bitter about it anyway. I keep an even keel most of the time, and even when dating the last girl (who rejected), it wasn't any trouble for me to stay there - even when we made out. I think it's a good thing personally, but I want to know what anyone else thinks, or if it's bad.....
MrCastle Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 If you want a LTR, you probably will have to take dating a little more serious. Having a casual attitude will give the female the idea that you just want to be casual and nothing more. 2
Author ThaWholigan Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 If you want a LTR, you probably will have to take dating a little more serious. Having a casual attitude will give the female the idea that you just want to be casual and nothing more. Probably. I am all in when I am dating, as I was with the last girl even though it never went anywhere. Where I reckon I lack the amount of importance I give it, is in the part where I get rejected - or whenever something bad happens. It is like I don't even care. So when I come to this forum and everyone is fretting about their dates or the guys are bitter because some girl acted like a bitch or a bunch of women are dating "alphas" or whatever.......I genuinely am not bothered by any of that at all, and it comes across when I date now. I'm becoming more comfortable, but I don't know if that's good. I don't want to be complacent.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I think it's great to be at ease with whatever happens in your life. But you generally get out of dating and relationships what you're looking for - and we tend to attract people on whatever wavelength we're on. If you set out to find something serious and meaningful that inspires you to bring your best, and align your actions and decision-making with that goal, that's what you get. You tend to attract other people on that same wavelength. Since you just started dating relatively recently, I wouldn't worry too much about this stuff yet - unless it starts to feel like you need to. I'm realizing that I've been hazy in my own approach to dating since my last big breakup a few years ago, though I'm getting clearer all the time. The two guys I dated before the guy I broke up with recently are already back in touch with me and asking me out again - but I feel like I'm on a totally different wavelength now, and it most likely wouldn't work. 1
sweetkiwi Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I think you're fine the way you are. If you can't care about any specific girl, that's when you need to worry. But being calm and collected is generally considered a good thing in dating. 1
Star Gazer Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Probably. I am all in when I am dating, as I was with the last girl even though it never went anywhere. Where I reckon I lack the amount of importance I give it, is in the part where I get rejected - or whenever something bad happens. It is like I don't even care. You don't care, but I'm not sure you can make yourself care, ya know? I'm sure women are picking up on your don't give a sh*t attitude. We like to feel special to you, and that you want to keep us around for the long term, and demonstrate as much. If you want marriage and kids, or some other long-term relationship, you're gonna have to care about finding and having a serious relationship...and thus yes, you're going to have to take it more seriously. You don't have to take yourself seriously, but you do get back what you put in...eventually. 1
Author ThaWholigan Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 You don't care, but I'm not sure you can make yourself care, ya know? I'm sure women are picking up on your don't give a sh*t attitude. We like to feel special to you, and that you want to keep us around for the long term, and demonstrate as much. If you want marriage and kids, or some other long-term relationship, you're gonna have to care about finding and having a serious relationship...and thus yes, you're going to have to take it more seriously. You don't have to take yourself seriously, but you do get back what you put in...eventually. Seen . Definitely something I should think about. I think where I'm trying to rectify this is to take it more seriously but maintain an even keel at the same time. OR..... Should I go all in to test myself and see how much I can deal with emotionally? Because I'm probably treading the fine line between emotional control and lack of emotional expression. I'm an extremely emotional person, but I've become much more reserved about how I express them, lest my mind and my emotions control me.
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I have my own ideas about what I want in terms of dating - obviously my ultimate goal is LTR/Marriage (if it comes to that) w/kids. So I wonder if the fact that I don't take the entire process of dating and getting to know women too seriously hampers me. I genuinely don't assign too much anxiety or problem to it as much as when I was 20 and completely sh*t with women. Obviously, I'm nowhere near a casanova now either, but I'm generally not that bothered by the bad sh*t that happens. I was rejected for an exclusive relationship relatively recently and in the end I actually didn't care at all. I wasn't even mildly upset. That sounds like a good thing when written out, but it made me think. Am I supposed to take it seriously? Because I genuinely don't. I am more focused on my other goals, and although I think a serious girlfriend who is on my wavelength can seriously complement that, I'm not going to sacrifice too much time looking or assigning much importance to dating - to the point where I am becoming anxious or bitter about it anyway. I keep an even keel most of the time, and even when dating the last girl (who rejected), it wasn't any trouble for me to stay there - even when we made out. I think it's a good thing personally, but I want to know what anyone else thinks, or if it's bad..... It's good. Awesome. The best. I wish I could be like that. I have a friend who is like that. Never invests too much emotion into anything. He's never gotten upset over anything that has happened to him relationship wise. If only I could be like that, I'd be a totally different person. It helps that he has done well with women, but still. The less emotion you invest, the better.
TheBigQuestion Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I think the key is to find a way to keep your emotional/ego investment low while gradually increasing the amount of effort you put into dating. 3
Anela Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 You're just getting your feet wet really, aren't you? Going by today's standards, I think you're doing okay right now. You've met more than one young woman in how many months? I like that I didn't care so much about it when I was younger, but I wish I'd put in just a little more effort. 2
Green Light Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I have my own ideas about what I want in terms of dating - obviously my ultimate goal is LTR/Marriage (if it comes to that) w/kids. So I wonder if the fact that I don't take the entire process of dating and getting to know women too seriously hampers me. I genuinely don't assign too much anxiety or problem to it as much as when I was 20 and completely sh*t with women. Obviously, I'm nowhere near a casanova now either, but I'm generally not that bothered by the bad sh*t that happens. I was rejected for an exclusive relationship relatively recently and in the end I actually didn't care at all. I wasn't even mildly upset. That sounds like a good thing when written out, but it made me think. Am I supposed to take it seriously? Because I genuinely don't. I am more focused on my other goals, and although I think a serious girlfriend who is on my wavelength can seriously complement that, I'm not going to sacrifice too much time looking or assigning much importance to dating - to the point where I am becoming anxious or bitter about it anyway. I keep an even keel most of the time, and even when dating the last girl (who rejected), it wasn't any trouble for me to stay there - even when we made out. I think it's a good thing personally, but I want to know what anyone else thinks, or if it's bad..... I think that the fact that you are here asking about it means that you care more than you think you do. Really I think that all of us on here probably care more about this stuff than we care to admit. 1
Author ThaWholigan Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 I think that the fact that you are here asking about it means that you care more than you think you do. Really I think that all of us on here probably care more about this stuff than we care to admit. Possibly. I care enough to find out why it hasn't affected me the way it has others.
Author ThaWholigan Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 Bro in my opinion don't take it serious until you meet a girl who you're REALLY into, and not only that... but when you know for a fact that she's WORTH IT - and you already know what I mean by worth it. If the girl you're seeing/dating/faffing about with isn't that girl, then keep banging it until it fizzles out... after that shout "next" and keep swimming. "banging it". You're a charmer, aren't you lol. 1
Bristolius Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 You may not be serious about dating, but you seem to take people seriously. If you had a girlfriend I imagine you'd be appropiately serious about the relationship. I think you'll be fine. 2
KungFuJoe Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I have my own ideas about what I want in terms of dating - obviously my ultimate goal is LTR/Marriage (if it comes to that) w/kids. So I wonder if the fact that I don't take the entire process of dating and getting to know women too seriously hampers me. I genuinely don't assign too much anxiety or problem to it as much as when I was 20 and completely sh*t with women. Obviously, I'm nowhere near a casanova now either, but I'm generally not that bothered by the bad sh*t that happens. I was rejected for an exclusive relationship relatively recently and in the end I actually didn't care at all. I wasn't even mildly upset. That sounds like a good thing when written out, but it made me think. Am I supposed to take it seriously? Because I genuinely don't. I am more focused on my other goals, and although I think a serious girlfriend who is on my wavelength can seriously complement that, I'm not going to sacrifice too much time looking or assigning much importance to dating - to the point where I am becoming anxious or bitter about it anyway. I keep an even keel most of the time, and even when dating the last girl (who rejected), it wasn't any trouble for me to stay there - even when we made out. I think it's a good thing personally, but I want to know what anyone else thinks, or if it's bad..... I think you're perfectly fine. All that matters is that you're well grounded, have common sense, and, above all, a good sense of self-awareness. I think that's what most people lack. Self awareness. You seem to have a pretty good grip of who you are, what your strengths are, and what your weaknesses are. You're one of the best posters in LS. I know that doesn't mean much considering the type of people on here, but even outside of LS, I'd consider you more well grounded than most people I know. I find that as long as you have those qualities, everything just seems to "fall in place". Life, love, careers, everything. 4
darkmoon Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I think you're perfectly fine. All that matters is that you're well grounded, have common sense, and, above all, a good sense of self-awareness. I think that's what most people lack. Self awareness. You seem to have a pretty good grip of who you are, what your strengths are, and what your weaknesses are. You're one of the best posters in LS. I know that doesn't mean much considering the type of people on here, but even outside of LS, I'd consider you more well grounded than most people I know. I find that as long as you have those qualities, everything just seems to "fall in place". Life, love, careers, everything. KFJoe knows, I applaud his happy marriage, he knows what he's talking about, a good lead 1
edgygirl Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I agree with Joe and I think you're a great guy and I'm sure when the right girl comes by you'll know exactly what to do. I have to say though that as you may know from my posts here, I've been, like you, trying to take things easy in my 20s and 30s as I didn't want to invest too much in someone while younger. I felt i had too many other interesting things to do before that. The thing is it gets more difficult later, difficult to meet varied people who we find interesting, so my advice is that you slowly try to start investing a little more in trying to find someone cool while there are more still multiple options out there. No hurries though
Author ThaWholigan Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 I've been worried for you Whol. Truth is I gave up when you liked every feminist post. Don't worry about me, I'm fine. And why are you so worried about what I'm "liking". I like a lot of posts.
Star Gazer Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Possibly. I care enough to find out why it hasn't affected me the way it has others. Well, I also think you should consider that LS isn't really representative of your average person. This is where people come for help when they're hurting and struggling...so you're primarily seeing the strugglers. 1
EasyHeart Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I have my own ideas about what I want in terms of dating - obviously my ultimate goal is LTR/Marriage (if it comes to that) w/kids. So I wonder if the fact that I don't take the entire process of dating and getting to know women too seriously hampers me. I genuinely don't assign too much anxiety or problem to it as much as when I was 20 and completely sh*t with women. Obviously, I'm nowhere near a casanova now either, but I'm generally not that bothered by the bad sh*t that happens. I was rejected for an exclusive relationship relatively recently and in the end I actually didn't care at all. I wasn't even mildly upset. That sounds like a good thing when written out, but it made me think. Am I supposed to take it seriously? Because I genuinely don't. I am more focused on my other goals, and although I think a serious girlfriend who is on my wavelength can seriously complement that, I'm not going to sacrifice too much time looking or assigning much importance to dating - to the point where I am becoming anxious or bitter about it anyway. I keep an even keel most of the time, and even when dating the last girl (who rejected), it wasn't any trouble for me to stay there - even when we made out. I think it's a good thing personally, but I want to know what anyone else thinks, or if it's bad.....You're doing great. Dating is never supposed to be serious. Relationships are serious, but dating is supposed to be fun. Especially at your age -- when I was in my 20s I never once thought about 'dating'; I just met lots of women and went on lots of dates. That's how you figure out what you like and dislike about women. And I guarantee that in ten years you won't be attracted to the same women you like now; your tastes will evolve as you gain more experience with different kinds of people. At this point in your life, your primary goal should be figuring out what you want to do with your life, developing skills and starting a career. Dating is for getting practice interacting with women and figuring out character traits you want in a lifetime partners (and, even more importantly, finding out what you don't want! ) Some of those dates will turn into relationships and maybe one will turn into a wife, but relationships (and marriage) shouldn't be a goal; a good relationship will happen organically. In other words, you don't have to marry every girl you date, so don't think about whether you want to marry her, think about whether you want to spend Saturday night with her. And of the love of God, do NOT take the people here as romantic role models. This is a place for dysfunctional people to air their dirty laundry, not a place to look for positive examples of happy relationships!
monicaelise Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Why take it seriously? It's absurd when you really think about it. Enjoy your life. You'll know when you're ready to get serious. If you try and force yourself to get serious, you'll just end disappointed and disappointing. There's plenty of time to get yourself tied down in the future, when (and if) you decide that's what you want.
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