joystickd Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I know I'm just tired of pursuing single women in the hopes of something more only to get told some BS. I'm at the point of my life where I wonder what's going on. I seem to have only women in LTRs flocking to me and wanting to have more with me than single women. I've spent a long time trying to figure out why and the only thing I can think of is it's the area I'm in I guess. After I vented about what happened recently it doesn't bother me because I get the feeling once it turns to an LTR she may seek me out for some fun. I do know I change from the cool laid back guy with women in LTRs to some guy that overthinks things when I talk to single women. I guess because there is a lot more BS with single women. I know where I stand with women in LTRs. My experiences led me to the conclusion that men make better partners to be in affairs with than women. All a woman has to do is say hey call me at this time and all we are doing is having sex and he is cool with that. Most of the time with women they want more and it's understandable why. Men just get caught because they either don't care or the other woman put them in a bad position because of their feelings. Anyway I wonder are any of you like me and just tired of dating altogether.
ThaWholigan Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I just don't take it seriously. On one level I do, but on another I don't. I generally don't take life too seriously - it actually enables me to do better for myself and for others. So things that seem to infuriate others don't really get to me as much. It makes me laugh in fact - I got blown off not too long ago and I wasn't that bothered in the end even though I liked her. I don't know if that makes me a freak but I just didn't care. I keep an even keel and don't get in over my head. 1
Author joystickd Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 I just don't take it seriously. On one level I do, but on another I don't. I generally don't take life too seriously - it actually enables me to do better for myself and for others. So things that seem to infuriate others don't really get to me as much. It makes me laugh in fact - I got blown off not too long ago and I wasn't that bothered in the end even though I liked her. I don't know if that makes me a freak but I just didn't care. I keep an even keel and don't get in over my head. It don't make mad like it used to, but I'm at the point where I'm just tired of it. I spent all the way til 25 just getting rejected. Then I met someone that just really did me wrong and currently spreads lies about me saying I stalk her. I stopped trying to date after that. When I got back to dating it was a series of meeting single women for only one date and then meeting women in LTRs where it would last for months. I approach and do all the usual stuff.
StanMusial Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Take a break from it. That's what I've done in the past. Put that stuff in the rearview mirror. 1
Author joystickd Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 Take a break from it. That's what I've done in the past. Put that stuff in the rearview mirror. I took a year break from it and nothing has changed.
StanMusial Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I took a year break from it and nothing has changed. I went two years once without going on one date. I focused on my career and my hobbies. It sucks and it gets lonely sometimes but that's the only way I could get myself sorted and ready to find a gf.
Author joystickd Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 I went two years once without going on one date. I focused on my career and my hobbies. It sucks and it gets lonely sometimes but that's the only way I could get myself sorted and ready to find a gf. I'm just tired of being alone in general. I stay with my family but its like I'm a foreigner to them. I'm not extroverted like them. The few friends I do have I've lost contact with. I just don't have the energy anymore for it.
DC4 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 It's taken me about six months of getting back into dating where I finally don't want to shoot myself when thinking about it. I didn't date for like 18 months after my divorce. Theoretically I want a LTR but when I think about being in one, I'm pretty sure I'm not ready and that has to really put a subconscious ding in my dating life.
StanMusial Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I'm just tired of being alone in general. I stay with my family but its like I'm a foreigner to them. I'm not extroverted like them. The few friends I do have I've lost contact with. I just don't have the energy anymore for it. What is your age range? It sucks but after 30 it just gets harder, and to compound that problem you have less time and energy to deal with it. Exercise helps me stay sharp, and clean living. It's taken me about six months of getting back into dating where I finally don't want to shoot myself when thinking about it. I didn't date for like 18 months after my divorce. Theoretically I want a LTR but when I think about being in one, I'm pretty sure I'm not ready and that has to really put a subconscious ding in my dating life. How long were you married? If I was coming out of a situation like that I would just be hounding as much tail as possible.
DC4 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 How long were you married? If I was coming out of a situation like that I would just be hounding as much tail as possible. We were only married a couple of years but together for eight. I felt pretty beaten up emotionally and very gun shy regarding having a man in my life. My ex dictated just about everything and I went along with it. Long story short: I just wanted to be left alone and really only started dating because I thought I should before I wrote it off forever. I have a great FWB so that really helps me navigate through the dating scene. 1
Author joystickd Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 What is your age range? It sucks but after 30 it just gets harder, and to compound that problem you have less time and energy to deal with it. Exercise helps me stay sharp, and clean living. How long were you married? If I was coming out of a situation like that I would just be hounding as much tail as possible. Im 30. I just dont know anymore
StanMusial Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 We were only married a couple of years but together for eight. I felt pretty beaten up emotionally and very gun shy regarding having a man in my life. My ex dictated just about everything and I went along with it. Long story short: I just wanted to be left alone and really only started dating because I thought I should before I wrote it off forever. I have a great FWB so that really helps me navigate through the dating scene. Sorry, thought you were a dude. Never mind my advice.
DC4 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Sorry, thought you were a dude. Never mind my advice. Women want to have a lot of sex too, you know. That's pretty much what keeps me dating. I got all my one night stand hook ups out of the way in my 20s. Now I at least want to sort of know the guy.
Author joystickd Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 I wish I knew how to get out of this rut I'm in
dreamingoftigers Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Im 30. I just dont know anymore Oh jeez, you are my age! You talk like you are older. You said you live in a small town. How small? I once lived in a town of 280 people. Never again! Is what you do for a living transferrable, have you spent a lot of time in a city? I almost wonder if your reputation (rightly or wrongly, small town, right?) is colouring your dating life. I really hear not that you don't want an LTR but you are kind of defeated by the process. But it does lend some credibilty to a side theory I have about OMs and attachment.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 To answer your question yes I get tired of it. I've written it before so here's the short version. I'm transgendered and a very mixed Afroamerindian...lots of people look at me and think I'm from latin america or something. This means many people see me as an exotified sex object and nothing more. That is true of men, women, and couples (of every combination and sexual orientation). This makes it easy to find casual sex through various means and hard to find a committed lover. What's worse, as you know Joystickd, is the same people will get into relationships with people who they may not even really like or respect let alone truly love (if they did they wouldn't dream of trying to go behind their back.) Then they cheat. It makes one think what's the point of a relationship and dating if most of the people one runs into are either not in a committed relationship but not willing to date you OR in what they portray to the world as a truly committed relationship and are only willing to cheat with you? It's soul draining. That's why I gave up totally on online dating. I'm either gonna make a go of things with someone I already know or I'm just going to be quite fine with no one.
Author joystickd Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 Oh jeez, you are my age! You talk like you are older. You said you live in a small town. How small? I once lived in a town of 280 people. Never again! Is what you do for a living transferrable, have you spent a lot of time in a city? I almost wonder if your reputation (rightly or wrongly, small town, right?) is colouring your dating life. I really hear not that you don't want an LTR but you are kind of defeated by the process. But it does lend some credibilty to a side theory I have about OMs and attachment. maybe about 1,000 people. I am open to moving but at the moment it's not possible. I really don't have a reputation except maybe in high school people thought I was a loner. Few people in my age group know me in the area except maybe one that went to high school with me. I think that may be part of the problem. I actually work as a nurse in long term care. I work in a facility about 20 min away in another small town. The nearest city bigger than mine is Fayetteville/Ft Bragg area. Dating kind of sucks there if you are not military. What's your theory? I'm more of an introverted person. I took myer briggs tests enough times officially I am an INTJ personality. It kind of explains why I have better success with women at my job than outside the workplace. I don't do bars and clubs because I am a horrible person under the influence of alcohol so I just avoid them to avoid the temptation of drinking.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 What about Raleigh or Winston-Salem? It sounds like situation I was in the town I lived in, I worked about 40 mins from home in the next largest center: 4000 people. It was very clausterphobic and there just wasn't anyone new. I honestly can't imagine dating anyone from that area if I was there alone. Maybe the town of 4000, but definitely not in my own backyard. The School would graduate around a dozen kids a year. Just not enough of a pool to draw from. I would get pretty disillusioned and give up too. Have you travelled around much? As a young man with a transferable job, you much want to consider it, even just to give yourself a boost.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I did the Myers-Briggs as well, My "Es" and "Is" were almost evenly split, as were my "Js" and "Ps" I can't remember what the others were. That "I" can be a great thing but a hard thing to break out of to meet people for sure.
DollWelch Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 maybe about 1,000 people. I am open to moving but at the moment it's not possible. I really don't have a reputation except maybe in high school people thought I was a loner. Few people in my age group know me in the area except maybe one that went to high school with me. I think that may be part of the problem. I actually work as a nurse in long term care. I work in a facility about 20 min away in another small town. The nearest city bigger than mine is Fayetteville/Ft Bragg area. Dating kind of sucks there if you are not military. What's your theory? I'm more of an introverted person. I took myer briggs tests enough times officially I am an INTJ personality. It kind of explains why I have better success with women at my job than outside the workplace. I don't do bars and clubs because I am a horrible person under the influence of alcohol so I just avoid them to avoid the temptation of drinking. Perhaps it is time to relocate to another town (preferably city) in the coming years. The relocation might open doors for you. But look on the bright side, you have a good 10 years to truly find a sincere woman. It's not over yet; take it one step at a time. I am INTJ as well. INTJs unite!
Author joystickd Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 What about Raleigh or Winston-Salem? It sounds like situation I was in the town I lived in, I worked about 40 mins from home in the next largest center: 4000 people. It was very clausterphobic and there just wasn't anyone new. I honestly can't imagine dating anyone from that area if I was there alone. Maybe the town of 4000, but definitely not in my own backyard. The School would graduate around a dozen kids a year. Just not enough of a pool to draw from. I would get pretty disillusioned and give up too. Have you travelled around much? As a young man with a transferable job, you much want to consider it, even just to give yourself a boost. Well right now moving is out of the question. I got family members with health issues
phineas Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 disabled my online dating accounts yesterday. Feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Going into beast mode now so I look good come summer. Been doing better with women in real life however unless they make some kind of effort when I contact them i got other things to do.
El Brujo Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Not tired of dating, just tired of all the people who think they're an authority on it, and all their BS little rules.
Author joystickd Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 A lot of the BS, games and waiting I just don't have the patience for it anymore. I get mad about it vent and then I'm cool. I know for me if I'm interested its nothing to figure out. It's either I am or not. I just want to get that same treatment. If you are not interested then cool but don't BS me then say I'm not interested or I'm seeing someone like you getting back together or dating or whatever. If the situation was reversed I know these women would feel the way I feel.
phineas Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 A lot of the BS, games and waiting I just don't have the patience for it anymore. I get mad about it vent and then I'm cool. I know for me if I'm interested its nothing to figure out. It's either I am or not. I just want to get that same treatment. If you are not interested then cool but don't BS me then say I'm not interested or I'm seeing someone like you getting back together or dating or whatever. If the situation was reversed I know these women would feel the way I feel. I don't vent but say when I call someone or send a text I do wind up checking my phone for an hr or two regularly. Then I'm over it, realize it's game time & guess when she will respond. Tonight for instance I guessed a particular woman would respond to a 5pm text at 10. 9:50. LOL! Oh and she accepted my invite at the same time. I'll get back to her in the morning. ROTFLMAO!
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