youngnlove89 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 "To let go isn’t to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy or regret. Letting go isn’t winning, and it isn’t losing. It’s not about pride, and it’s not about how you appear, it’s not about obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, it doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. It’s not giving up or giving in. Letting go isn’t about loss, and it isn’t defeat. To let go of something is to cherish the memories, to overcome and move on. It’s having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting, it’s learning, it’s experiencing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that once made you cry, laugh, love and grow. It’s about all that you had and all you still have. Letting go is having the courage to accept change and the strength to keep moving. It’s growing up, realising that a heart can sometimes change and it can also be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, clear a path and set yourself free." Letting go is me. Letting go is you. For the first time in awhile, I have that feeling listed above. I wallowed in my emotions, I became my emotions, I was chained by my emotions and now I feel free. I feel this weight lifted off. I no longer let my feelings parade me. I've accepted what isn't meant to be. And I'm darn happy. It isn't easy to let go. And for some it takes months. It took me a year. My ex and I were in this off and on relationship for 1.5 years. It should have been over a year ago. But I couldn't let go and neither could he. NO CONTACT isn't a game. It's a rule. It's serious. If you want to get over your ex, you need to stop making excuses and do it. It is the only way to move on. And I know most of you are scared of them forgetting you. Or them finding someone else. But I promise you, once you let go none of that matters anymore. You find peace in the past. Letting go isn't about them. It isn't wondering if they miss you too. It isn't wondering what they are doing late at night. This is all about YOU. This is your time to be selfish. I'm not ready to date again, but I am ready to smile again. To be me again. And I'm here to help you now. Because I know how hard it is. It's a commitment to let someone go. It's a day to day, moment to moment commitment. It's learning to love yourself again. It's learning to find happiness in things you couldn't before. It's realizing the only person you have control over...is you. 19
cavalier99 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Daaamn Younglove. You are the resident LS poet/ philosopher recently. Love it! ..maybe start a inspirational blog or something lol 1
mutant Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Awesome post and your signature summarizes it all. 1
na49 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 You have a great attitude. I remember reading your threads when you were feeling miserable about your BU, so it's nice to see that you've picked yourself up and are starting to feel good about yourself again. You blocked your ex's number right? I finally went through with blocking mine. How'd you deal with that? It sucks so much that I'll never hear from her again. 1
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Aw, bless..... She's turning into me. but much younger. And much, much nicer..... 1
MyAngel Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Thank you for your words. It all makes complete sense to me but I'm still clinging on to the past after a month of sadness. I need to let this go and I can't wait for the peace I will feel when it finally happens. 1
Zammo25 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 "To let go isn’t to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy or regret. Letting go isn’t winning, and it isn’t losing. It’s not about pride, and it’s not about how you appear, it’s not about obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, it doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. It’s not giving up or giving in. Letting go isn’t about loss, and it isn’t defeat. To let go of something is to cherish the memories, to overcome and move on. It’s having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting, it’s learning, it’s experiencing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that once made you cry, laugh, love and grow. It’s about all that you had and all you still have. Letting go is having the courage to accept change and the strength to keep moving. It’s growing up, realising that a heart can sometimes change and it can also be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, clear a path and set yourself free." Letting go is me. Letting go is you. For the first time in awhile, I have that feeling listed above. I wallowed in my emotions, I became my emotions, I was chained by my emotions and now I feel free. I feel this weight lifted off. I no longer let my feelings parade me. I've accepted what isn't meant to be. And I'm darn happy. It isn't easy to let go. And for some it takes months. It took me a year. My ex and I were in this off and on relationship for 1.5 years. It should have been over a year ago. But I couldn't let go and neither could he. NO CONTACT isn't a game. It's a rule. It's serious. If you want to get over your ex, you need to stop making excuses and do it. It is the only way to move on. And I know most of you are scared of them forgetting you. Or them finding someone else. But I promise you, once you let go none of that matters anymore. You find peace in the past. Letting go isn't about them. It isn't wondering if they miss you too. It isn't wondering what they are doing late at night. This is all about YOU. This is your time to be selfish. I'm not ready to date again, but I am ready to smile again. To be me again. And I'm here to help you now. Because I know how hard it is. It's a commitment to let someone go. It's a day to day, moment to moment commitment. It's learning to love yourself again. It's learning to find happiness in things you couldn't before. It's realizing the only person you have control over...is you. I guess you are quite young. See how you feel when you are 50.
stevie_23 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 You always post things just when I’m at the right stage in my healing process to read and properly absorb them! Lol This morning I was realising that only I can choose how to be, how to feel. Why punish myself by feeling upset, distressed and sad over something I didn’t choose and cannot control? Something that is nobody’s fault even, but just…happened. Feelings change. Circumstances change. Sometimes drastically and suddenly. We are all swept along for the ride and deal with things as best we can, but sometimes even our best still results in pain. And that’s ok. To hurt is to grow. And to grow is to live. Or something like that anyway, lol. I also found myself in bed this morning, NOT crying, but beginning to dwell on thoughts of him (not angry but not positive either) and before I got to into the dwelling, I effortlessly segued from whatever specific thing I was thinking to “Blah, blah, blah, whatever.” And then thought about something completely unrelated instead. I had an underlying sense of mild guilt and regret about that, and realised when I delved deeper into introspection that I had a slight fear that if I seem not to care anymore, that it might mean I’ve lost hope of any chance of ever being with my ex again. Then I realised, it isn’t up to me or how I feel as to whether there’s ever a chance of us being together again. And I don’t think there is anyway. And even if there WAS, I believe sometimes things (new or old. Meaning a new love entirely or the old one re-started) tend to come to those who do NOT wait. They move on and when they STOP hoping and waiting, things happen. In one way or another. Maybe not the way they expected or thought they even wanted. I also feel NO guilt over however I feel right now and how I choose to try to be ok and adapt and move on, because I did not make this choice to end things. However I feel is fine and right for me. I have no regrets. No guilt. I did nothing wrong. And I am ok. 4
stevie_23 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I guess you are quite young. See how you feel when you are 50. I suspect she will be even wiser when she’s 50. Are you 50? From your response, it seems to me you could learn something from the OP no matter how old either of you are. 3
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I guess you are quite young. See how you feel when you are 50. Zammo - she's over it. You're not. That's the difference. Don't make all your posts bitter. Your experience - is just that. Your experience. But without exception, positivity is a healer, and negativity isn't. It debilitates, hinders, impedes, and prevents healing. Be negative if you want, but don't rain on someone else's parade. Particularly when there are countless people here, who can prove you wrong. What you don't get is that it shouldn't be - "Huh, wait until you get like me..." it should be - "Wow, I have to work on being more like you." Keep on like this, and people will begin to give up on the same old same-old. And that would be a shame. "By all means call on 'God' - but at least row AWAY from the rocks." 2
RespectfullyAlone Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 You always post things just when I’m at the right stage in my healing process to read and properly absorb them! Lol This morning I was realising that only I can choose how to be, how to feel. Why punish myself by feeling upset, distressed and sad over something I didn’t choose and cannot control? Something that is nobody’s fault even, but just…happened. Feelings change. Circumstances change. Sometimes drastically and suddenly. We are all swept along for the ride and deal with things as best we can, but sometimes even our best still results in pain. And that’s ok. To hurt is to grow. And to grow is to live. Or something like that anyway, lol. I also found myself in bed this morning, NOT crying, but beginning to dwell on thoughts of him (not angry but not positive either) and before I got to into the dwelling, I effortlessly segued from whatever specific thing I was thinking to “Blah, blah, blah, whatever.” And then thought about something completely unrelated instead. I had an underlying sense of mild guilt and regret about that, and realised when I delved deeper into introspection that I had a slight fear that if I seem not to care anymore, that it might mean I’ve lost hope of any chance of ever being with my ex again. Then I realised, it isn’t up to me or how I feel as to whether there’s ever a chance of us being together again. And I don’t think there is anyway. And even if there WAS, I believe sometimes things (new or old. Meaning a new love entirely or the old one re-started) tend to come to those who do NOT wait. They move on and when they STOP hoping and waiting, things happen. In one way or another. Maybe not the way they expected or thought they even wanted. I also feel NO guilt over however I feel right now and how I choose to try to be ok and adapt and move on, because I did not make this choice to end things. However I feel is fine and right for me. I have no regrets. No guilt. I did nothing wrong. And I am ok. I think I feel this way too. Feelings like, I still love her, in my own way I will continue to fight for her, for us. But she asked me not to change her mind, she ran back to this other guy I didn't even know about. She's moved on very very fast in 14 days. From what I can tell, it only took her 2/3 days to bail. I still feel regret, I still feel guilty, wondering and thinking I could have done this, I should have asked her in the beginning if there were any other guys. But since she was 1yr separated from her husband and getting divorce papers signed, it never occurred to me, she'd have another guy on the side as well. So I feel stupid, used, ashamed, and hurt. How could I let my guard down and not see she was just playing me. She seemed so genuine, so caring, so sure of what she wanted... me!
stevie_23 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Excellent post. When small things go wrong for me, I am usually negative and melodramatic. I make things worse for myself, I know, but find it hard to stop the behaviour. However, when faced with bigger problems, such as my ex recently leaving me suddenly, I go into survival mode, which as soon as possible means being positive and trying to be understanding so I can obtain some peace.
stevie_23 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I think I feel this way too. Feelings like, I still love her, in my own way I will continue to fight for her, for us. But she asked me not to change her mind, she ran back to this other guy I didn't even know about. She's moved on very very fast in 14 days. From what I can tell, it only took her 2/3 days to bail. I still feel regret, I still feel guilty, wondering and thinking I could have done this, I should have asked her in the beginning if there were any other guys. But since she was 1yr separated from her husband and getting divorce papers signed, it never occurred to me, she'd have another guy on the side as well. So I feel stupid, used, ashamed, and hurt. How could I let my guard down and not see she was just playing me. She seemed so genuine, so caring, so sure of what she wanted... me! I feel you. I also feel that you will eventually find ways to let that all go…it’s still in your mind, swirling around, you’re dwelling on it still and it’s bothering you and causing you pain…and you then add to it the background fear / guilt of if you STOP holding onto those feelings for her, you will lose your chance of ever being with her again. Believe me, it’s safe to let go. It really is. It doesn’t mean you never cared for her. It doesn’t mean you don’t want to be with her now or don’t care for her now and love her as much as you did before. It doesn’t affect her, how you do or don’t feel now either.
stevie_23 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Oops, when I said "excellent post" up there, I meant to be quoting this Zammo - she's over it. You're not. That's the difference. Don't make all your posts bitter. Your experience - is just that. Your experience. But without exception, positivity is a healer, and negativity isn't. It debilitates, hinders, impedes, and prevents healing. Be negative if you want, but don't rain on someone else's parade. Particularly when there are countless people here, who can prove you wrong. What you don't get is that it shouldn't be - "Huh, wait until you get like me..." it should be - "Wow, I have to work on being more like you." Keep on like this, and people will begin to give up on the same old same-old. And that would be a shame. "By all means call on 'God' - but at least row AWAY from the rocks."
Lovedup8 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Amen sister Amen....or should that be Awoman 1
Panda87 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Hi younglove, i really admire your maturity to handle all of this. Im in the stage of letting go, i just cant bare the pain everytime i see her. Esp knowing she is with someone else, move on and happy. She is nice person, it was me who never really treasure her and understand her enough. But im done blaming myself, its my past. It happens, i only can move forward. This pain makes me learn alot of things, Like you when i love someone, i really fall hard but i dont realize it until its gone. She told me i love her too much it gives her pressure. but when she told me that, it was too late she doesnt love anymore. nothing i could to fix it or change her mind. she is the one that got away. I hope one day i can be in your position right now
Panda87 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Hi younglove, it will be great if you can share your email to me? Hope you dont mind hear my story
KatZee Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 It seems as if you've most certainly come a long way.
Coping Vortex Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 I think I feel this way too. Feelings like, I still love her, in my own way I will continue to fight for her, for us. But she asked me not to change her mind, she ran back to this other guy I didn't even know about. She's moved on very very fast in 14 days. From what I can tell, it only took her 2/3 days to bail. I still feel regret, I still feel guilty, wondering and thinking I could have done this, I should have asked her in the beginning if there were any other guys. But since she was 1yr separated from her husband and getting divorce papers signed, it never occurred to me, she'd have another guy on the side as well. So I feel stupid, used, ashamed, and hurt. How could I let my guard down and not see she was just playing me. She seemed so genuine, so caring, so sure of what she wanted... me! Wow eerily similar experience for me.
Stoic44 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 (edited) Zammo - she's over it. You're not. That's the difference. Don't make all your posts bitter. Your experience - is just that. Your experience. But without exception, positivity is a healer, and negativity isn't. It debilitates, hinders, impedes, and prevents healing. Be negative if you want, but don't rain on someone else's parade. Particularly when there are countless people here, who can prove you wrong. What you don't get is that it shouldn't be - "Huh, wait until you get like me..." it should be - "Wow, I have to work on being more like you." Keep on like this, and people will begin to give up on the same old same-old. And that would be a shame. "By all means call on 'God' - but at least row AWAY from the rocks." While youngnlove's post was eloquent, it's an indisputable fact that it is harder to "let go" the older one gets and the longer the relationship lasted. I had a college relationship that lasted three years. We discussed marriage; where to live. I was over it in a few months because my future was spread out before me; I am social; I could meet a bunch of other people quickly. At that age, I was able to quickly thank my ex for the memories and move on. But in my 30s, as friends got married and paired off, and my circle of single friends dwindled, it got harder to "let go." I think youngnlove hit on the spiritual aspect of letting go. which is gratitude for what you had: "To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that once made you cry, laugh, love and grow." There are people out there, after all, due to physical or mental illness, that have no chance at a romantic relationship. So be thankful for what you did have. Some complications: Should you be grateful somebody cheated on you? Tough one. And it is not as if one can compose a poem about "letting go," drop it in the ocean, and undergo some kind of spiritual transformation and voila! You're all better! One must make hard steps forging a better future. Those hard steps include self-improvement, getting out there and meeting new people/making new friendships, and not remaining in contact with an ex. Once you see that there are other possibilities, that there are other routes to happiness than in the arms of the ex, the past fades away. The best way to let go of the past is to make plans for the future. Edited January 25, 2013 by Stoic44 2
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 "To let go isn’t to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy or regret. Letting go isn’t winning, and it isn’t losing. It’s not about pride, and it’s not about how you appear, it’s not about obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, it doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. It’s not giving up or giving in. Letting go isn’t about loss, and it isn’t defeat. To let go of something is to cherish the memories, to overcome and move on. It’s having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting, it’s learning, it’s experiencing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that once made you cry, laugh, love and grow. It’s about all that you had and all you still have. Letting go is having the courage to accept change and the strength to keep moving. It’s growing up, realising that a heart can sometimes change and it can also be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, clear a path and set yourself free." Letting go is me. Letting go is you. For the first time in awhile, I have that feeling listed above. I wallowed in my emotions, I became my emotions, I was chained by my emotions and now I feel free. I feel this weight lifted off. I no longer let my feelings parade me. I've accepted what isn't meant to be. And I'm darn happy. It isn't easy to let go. And for some it takes months. It took me a year. My ex and I were in this off and on relationship for 1.5 years. It should have been over a year ago. But I couldn't let go and neither could he. NO CONTACT isn't a game. It's a rule. It's serious. If you want to get over your ex, you need to stop making excuses and do it. It is the only way to move on. And I know most of you are scared of them forgetting you. Or them finding someone else. But I promise you, once you let go none of that matters anymore. You find peace in the past. Letting go isn't about them. It isn't wondering if they miss you too. It isn't wondering what they are doing late at night. This is all about YOU. This is your time to be selfish. I'm not ready to date again, but I am ready to smile again. To be me again. And I'm here to help you now. Because I know how hard it is. It's a commitment to let someone go. It's a day to day, moment to moment commitment. It's learning to love yourself again. It's learning to find happiness in things you couldn't before. It's realizing the only person you have control over...is you. Wish I were here..
Kaiten Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Yep. I used to think NC was a means of getting my ex to contact me. But when it didnt work. I felt even worse. All that extra pain i felt came from my attitude about NC. If i had made it about me really moving on i would have saved myself some extra heartache. Changing the way you think changes your life
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