diamond92115 Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 i'm in a 3-way relationship and things are starting to get bad. i am confused and need help bad!!! We all grew up together and started dating at the age of 14. we are all now 28-32. They have 2 kids together and we just all moved into a new home. we three share a room and the kids both have a room of their own. much of our relationship is built on our loss of family stability. we all three have had abandonement issues with parents and so forth so we have clung onto eachother over these years. i dated him for 3 years age 14- 17 when he sat me down and told me that he and his girl cousin that was always around us had a baby and have been hiding it from everyone for a couple years and although he loved me because i was his first love he also loved her. we all cried together, i was devestated but forgave them and understood the importance of them working it out for the kid. i moved on and tried to date other people. they continued to hide their relationship from people because of fear of acceptance by having relationships with other people. but they were always together. he was my first love, the first man to teach me about my sexuality and a father figure as well. throughout the years we have always kept in contact and shared a special friendship. every once in a while we would sleep together but remained friends. we had this magic when we were together and talked about how amazing it would be when we were together, the feeling was intense and he would always not want to have sex because he said that he saw me as innocent and didnt want to corrupt me. During this time as i ventured out into new relationships, they became swingers (in a sense), he watched from a distance as i grew into a woman and tried to give me advice along the way but says that it hurt him to see me with other people. we always talked about moving far away to start a new life and be together all of us. now we all moved to this new house and things have changed so much. i left a couple months ago out of anger and returned when they asked me to come back. they say that i am different than they are and that they have never had to have a real relationship with someone else. they have always slept with "ho's" who knew the rules and had their own lives. well, i am different. i have always loved this man. and the reality is that i am second in his life. they have this strong bond and i feel so left out all of the time. the relationship has turned into something sour. they used to enjoy my company and want me around now it seems like everytime i come home they go from happy to sad. i ask them if they want space from me and they hate talking about things. they say things will be the way i want eventually. what i want is equality and for him to try to have a true interest in me. but it has turned into a situation where they feel drained by my emotions. they say if i am not happy then lets all be friends. they seem to try to walk into other rooms to get away from me. i have cried so much. i feel like i am questioning all of my morals and beliefs. i never thought that i would be in a relatioship like this but they said if we loved eachother we could make it. there is so much tension in the house. i am angry that they convinced me to come back and said that they would make an effort to make me feel more included. they say that i am not equipped for this type of relationship. but i cant image just being friends, for some reason, i dont want to let go. i am in counseling myself and i know this relationship is toxic but i dont want to loose them and for some reason it hurts my pride that i cant make this work. i guess they feel that i am more needy than they expected. sometimes i cry so much that i feel like leaving this life. they are all i have and i dont know what to do. someone help.
Mr Spock Posted August 21, 2004 Posted August 21, 2004 Oh my. Oh my. He has had a baby with his cousin. (two?) Is it his first cousin? I don't know where to begin. Why did you move back? Do they need you, or the rent money? Why does she put up with your presence?
Mr Spock Posted August 21, 2004 Posted August 21, 2004 PS-Do you have anywhere else to go at the moment?
rubie Posted August 21, 2004 Posted August 21, 2004 Holy freakin crap, that wins the "Most Screwed Up Story of the Year" award. No, seriously. I am not being mean, you have to admit, it's a very -um- unconventional situation to say the least. Ok, so, I have a little room to talk here because for a while my best friend and I shared a guy that was initially her lover and then things got weird. I loved both of them but it just didn't work. She and I are not nearly as close as we once were and he is out of the picture entirely. He was also much older than we were. ANYWAY LETS TALK ABOUT YOU!!! Dear, first of all, how much older is he than you? Second, do you love his COUSIN/GIRLFRIEND and does she love you? Third, why is he with his cousin? How is this acceptable? Fourth, if you know it's "toxic" as you put it, why are you sticking around? Get out! You don't have a child with this guy and even if you love him, that isn't gonna make it better for you in any way. Get out. It's for the best. Move on and get away from that totally weird situation. ALSO... one final burning question... If he has children with his first cousin, are they mentally disabled in any way? I know there are sometimes complications....
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