What do you talk about in Counseling?

[BrokenPrincess]

So I finally got started IC, and I've had 2 sessions with her. She focuses on family &marital issues, and recovering from infidelity.

 

The first session we talked a little about my background with H & my M, and then a rough outline of my A and what's been going on post DDay. It felt good to finally say it all out loud & she gave me some ideas on how to try to manage my obsessing on xMM.

 

The second session was a week later and we ended spending almost the entire time discussing some insecurities and disconnect I'm feeling from my family and in my role as his mother. She encouraged me to set some better boundaries with my mother (who watches my son while we work)

 

So my question for those if you in IC, do you talk about your A and xAP during all of your sessions? If so, does your counselor drive those discussions with questions for you?

 

I think I still have a lot of issues I need to work through on what drove me to participate in an A, plus all the roller coaster of emotions now, but in a way, I feel kind of stupid & shy to talk about it with a virtual stranger and since she didn't push me back to those topics, I went with it. I do still have some painful & illigical thoughts and insecurities post-A, and I am still thinking about xMM every day, but I am embarrassed to tell her.

 

Or is this normal as you're first starting with a new Counselor?

 

Thanks for sharing your experiences...

[BrokenPrincess]

I'm pretty sure the embarrassment would be with anyone. I do like this woman and she's given me some good takeaways so far. told one friend about my A, and I could barely get the word out with her too.

 

Next session is in 2 weeks but I'm not sure I'm conveying how messed up my head is. I feel like I should be over it and just focused on my M, which I think is trickling to my IC and I'm not talking about the deep down things that are bothering me about the A & xMM.

 

I just wondering if my Counselor should be pushing me more to talk about it? Wondering what the IC experience is like for others? This is first time ever talking to a therapist

[ow9]

Broken, I completely agree. This week was session 3 of my IC. I found myself embarrassed to tell her certain things. But I'm not sure it's her; I think I'm embarrassed to say out loud (to anymore, or even to myself) some of the things I've done. I know that defeats the purpose of IC, but slowly, I'm getting there.

We've discussed my past. What I can do on "bad" days. But what I like best is how she makes me think things I wouldn't on my own. I said exMM will never contact me again and she made me rehearse what I would say if he called tomorrow. Which is great. You never know and now, I won't be blind sided. She also gives me "homework." Her homework is the reason I quit smoking and was able to compile an apology letter to the BS.

I'm right there with you Broken. I'm glad we've decided to go. I mean, IC can't hurt, right,?

[whichwayisup]

I'm pretty sure the embarrassment would be with anyone. I do like this woman and she's given me some good takeaways so far. told one friend about my A, and I could barely get the word out with her too.

 

Next session is in 2 weeks but I'm not sure I'm conveying how messed up my head is. I feel like I should be over it and just focused on my M, which I think is trickling to my IC and I'm not talking about the deep down things that are bothering me about the A & xMM.

 

I just wondering if my Counselor should be pushing me more to talk about it? Wondering what the IC experience is like for others? This is first time ever talking to a therapist

 

Start a journal, type it on computer and print it out or hand write it and each time you see the therapist, give it to her. It'll help her understand your frame of mind and where you're at/coming from.

[spice4life]

So I finally got started IC, and I've had 2 sessions with her. She focuses on family &marital issues, and recovering from infidelity.

 

The first session we talked a little about my background with H & my M, and then a rough outline of my A and what's been going on post DDay. It felt good to finally say it all out loud & she gave me some ideas on how to try to manage my obsessing on xMM.

 

The second session was a week later and we ended spending almost the entire time discussing some insecurities and disconnect I'm feeling from my family and in my role as his mother. She encouraged me to set some better boundaries with my mother (who watches my son while we work)

 

So my question for those if you in IC, do you talk about your A and xAP during all of your sessions? If so, does your counselor drive those discussions with questions for you?

 

I think I still have a lot of issues I need to work through on what drove me to participate in an A, plus all the roller coaster of emotions now, but in a way, I feel kind of stupid & shy to talk about it with a virtual stranger and since she didn't push me back to those topics, I went with it. I do still have some painful & illigical thoughts and insecurities post-A, and I am still thinking about xMM every day, but I am embarrassed to tell her.

 

Or is this normal as you're first starting with a new Counselor?

 

Thanks for sharing your experiences...

 

Hi, i'm a huge advocate for counseling.

 

Yes, those feelings are normal when you first start. Look at counseling as a place where you can be completely honest when talking about your feelings because she is not there to judge, she is there to support YOU. As a matter of fact, tell her you feel weird tellig her the thoughts you are having about your xMM and she will help you get in touch with why your feeling that way. Feeling uncomfortable sharing your feelings may be what lead you down the path to the affair to begin with. Put it out there and face it and she will help you work through it.

 

A good therapist lets you talk and they jump in when you are uncovering something that is the crux of why you made the choices you did. They turn on the light to help YOU see the motivations behind your actions. If you are serious about therapy resign yourself to the fact that it will take a while for you to work through the issues and dedicate yourself to it until you do. There are no easy and fast answers; it's going to take time. I view therapy as an investment in my emotional well being for a much healthier future.

 

Since it has only been a couple of sessions your therapist is still evaluating what you need and getti.g to know you. Be patient and completely honest with your feelings in therapy and have faith that it will help you figure it all out in time. Kudos to you for having the strength to face your issues! Thats not an easy thing to do. Good luck on your journey!

[Got it]

For me, therapy takes a few sessions before you even start touching the nitty gritty. I will come in with questions/topics to discuss and sometimes they would leave.

 

I found keeping a journal was very helpful to remember my feelings when I was there as well as patterns that became apparent to me as well.

[Silly_Girl]

I have to say, things that are urgent, that are debilitating or very negative, I hope you can find a way to broach them within 3 or 4 sessions. Do not feel foolish or embarrassed. Counselling is empowering, it's a tool YOU have chosen to use, for your sake. They will have heard all sorts, and probably a thousand times worse than anything you could share.

 

I am in to month 10 of weekly counselling. A few weeks back we started talking about some family/adolescent stuff that I was delighted to work through, and feel great about it, but it took that long for me to a) feel comfortable enough; b) have dealt with more urgent/important issues; c) be in the right frame of mind.

 

Interestingly I have found that really valuable stuff has happened after several months. All the 'in front of your face' stuff had been discussed and we came to more low-level yet significant things.

 

My first stint of counselling a long while ago was when MM had left me suddenly and I was in a grief-like state, so yes, my first few sessions were for her to get to grips with the basics of my current situation and me to talk about upset and anxiety that was dominant at the time. Over time that fell away and other matters came to the fore.

 

I really do think it's incredibly healthy and valid and hope that in time you feel a little bolder and can get as much as possible from it.

[PurpleGal]

I've been in IC for quite some time, and most recently began seeing a new therapist a couple of months ago because I was struggling with my recent separation. I take the gynecologist approach. If your therapist has experience (which they will have gained through training, if nothing else), they've probably heard a lot. As embarrassing or shameful as some of my thoughts or actions may have been, there are way worse things I could be sitting there telling her. In addition, there's a saying: Happiness is for the brave. It takes guts to get honest, even if it's not with someone in your regular life. It takes courage to reach out and admit you need help. Please don't ever let anyone make you think otherwise.

[jwi71]

I'm pretty sure the embarrassment would be with anyone. I do like this woman and she's given me some good takeaways so far. told one friend about my A, and I could barely get the word out with her too.

 

Next session is in 2 weeks but I'm not sure I'm conveying how messed up my head is. I feel like I should be over it and just focused on my M, which I think is trickling to my IC and I'm not talking about the deep down things that are bothering me about the A & xMM.

 

I just wondering if my Counselor should be pushing me more to talk about it? Wondering what the IC experience is like for others? This is first time ever talking to a therapist

 

Your experience parallels mine.

 

Embarrassed? Good! The last think I want is for you to be comfortable in IC - you SHOULD be uncomfortable. Good to look inside yourself, examine yourself in ways that rattle long held internal beliefs - or to look in the darker places for the first time.

 

 

Its ok to be ugly. To be shameful. To have guilt. To have done wrong.

 

Your IC has seen it 100000 times before. And likely already has good idea of HOW to help you grow and improve.

 

You know your IC is coming to an end WHEN you FELL comfortable - that no Q asked causes you concern or worry or guilt or shame - you've heard it before and settled on your truth.

 

You'll get there. Keep going.

 

I hated IC. Then I loved it.