paige92 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months. He is 24, I'm 20. According to him, I am his second serious girlfriend and the 6th woman he has slept with. He is my second boyfriend, and I also lost my virginity to him. I love him, and I do believe that he loves me, too. My boyfriend is in the military and stationed four hours away from me. It has been difficult to start out "long distance" and to build trust, but he has put tremendous effort into making our relationship work. He makes the drive to me at least every other weekend, sometimes every week. I feel that he has been honest with me up until now. He is currently in another state completing his deployment training. He has been there for a week, and a few days ago I noticed that his best friend (who is in the same company) posted on Facebook saying that there is a Hooter's across from their hotel. Friday night my boyfriend stopped texting me, so I sent him a text around 11 p.m. saying "Just wanted to say goodnight and I love you". He replied saying he was out with the guys, and he would talk to me the next day. I can't explain why, but I had a bad feeling. So the next day, I did the nosy thing and logged onto his online account for AT&T (we're on the same phone plan) and looked at who he had been texting. There was a number I hadn't seen before, and it happened to be from the area in which he is doing his training. I looked the number up on Facebook, and it belongs to a waitress at the Hooter's restaurant across from his hotel. He sent the first text at 4:30 a.m. Saturday morning. There was no reply, and he texted again at 8:30 a.m. She replied at noon and they texted back and forth until 3 p.m. I haven't seen anything else yet. He does not know that I know, and I have been playing everything calm. He is coming home next weekend, and my plan as of now is to keep quiet until I can read the messages. I can't stop thinking "I can't believe I shared my first time with someone who would do this." I feel stupid because I desperately want this to be nothing, but then I take a step back and the situation is so obvious I feel sick. I guess I'm asking for advice. Anything, really. I've never been in this situation and would appreciate some insight. Thanks.
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Well, on the face of it, he's angling for a bit on the side... he made 2 attempts and got a response the second time... I know it hurts, but I think when all is said and done - you know how this is going.... By all means wait and check the texts... 'Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst', as they say..... However, don't look upon the loss of your virginity with him as a bad thing. It had to happen some time, and at the time, he was 'Mr. Lovely'... so that doesn't change anything - he's just transformed into 'Maybe not so Mr Lovely after all'... Don't grieve the loss. He'll be doing that soon enough. I can't think of any single, possible explanation as to why he should have been texting her at all. Other than he's about to be kicked into next month..... 1
tigressA Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 He texted this chick at 4:30 in the morning. When a guy prioritizes texting a girl he just met over sleep, or texting his own girlfriend, something is seriously wrong. You don't have to read the messages to understand that. As for what to do, I think you know, but I understand not wanting to. I understand hoping that if you stuff this down and forget about it, that it will all work out and you'll keep being happy together. But like TaraMaiden said, there's no reason at all why he should've been in contact with her, why he should've even obtained her number. These are deliberate acts oriented toward one goal, which is getting side action. I say break up with him ASAP. You can wait until he comes home, but I don't see the need. The sooner you do it, the sooner you can begin healing. It really sucks knowing the first man you were intimate with has done this, but being in denial about what he's doing and what kind of man he is in hopes that you can continue this relationship will cause you even more pain and heartbreak down the road. Trust your gut now and take care of you. 1
IT Geek Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I looked the number up on Facebook, and it belongs to a waitress at the Hooter's restaurant across from his hotel. Hmm....and how did you do this? Facebook has no reverse number lookup that I'm aware of. 1
edgygirl Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Hmm....and how did you do this? Facebook has no reverse number lookup that I'm aware of. I thought the same thing. Something is off in this story.
Author paige92 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 Hmm....and how did you do this? Facebook has no reverse number lookup that I'm aware of. I just copied her number and pasted it into the search bar. The search came back with her page. She has her number listed on her account.
tigressA Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Hmm....and how did you do this? Facebook has no reverse number lookup that I'm aware of. It most certainly does. Just tried it myself with a friend's phone number. Has a reverse email lookup too--I've used that before to find someone and friend-request them. Carry on.
edgygirl Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Your bf doesn't seem very smart using a cellphone from a joint account with you to text other girls. It's like buying lingerie for another woman with a joint credit card. Spare yourself and dump him before things evolve to that. Because they will. 3
IT Geek Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I just copied her number and pasted it into the search bar. The search came back with her page. She has her number listed on her account. She has her phone number listed as public on FB? What an idiot.
MrCastle Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I have to echo the sentiments in this thread but I will also go further and mention what surprisingly has not been mentioned yet. The long distance thing. People--please. Stop doing this. Relationships are hard enough and are tough to maintain when you live close to each other. Stop agreeing to get into LDR with people. Spare yourself the heartache. Seriously.
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