Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 There's no equation for attraction, but there is a general one for creepiness. I think the rule is the older guy's age divided by 2, plus 7 = the min. age of woman he can date. So a 30 year old guy can date women who are 22 and up. Who came up with this "equation"? And who said this was the be all and end all in dating ages? I hate these stupid "equations" that some shmo made up and now people want to take for "gold". Why don't men just learn to appreicate women no matter their age instead of devising "equations" where they can "get away with" dating the youngest partner they can. What a novel idea! Men actually appreciating women no matter their ages! Shocking! 1
Anela Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 (Also, have you ever noticed that whenever we get these age-related questions, the hostility all comes from younger men and older women? Hmmm, I wonder why that is?) Because men my age are now saying that they "prefer someone younger". Not that they're all getting what they want. It disturbs me when men my age and older, are specifically aiming to date much younger women. It's different if two people meet and hit it off. My sister is married to a much older man, and she's happy, so that's good for her. I'm surprised that you made a comment like this. I know you have a younger girlfriend, but I'm still surprised.
stillafool Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I go to college in Boston and I'm 18.* There's a guy who lives in my building and I think he's really cute. He's very tall, athletic looking, I really like his nice blue eyes and big strong hands. I've said "hi" to him a few times and we have talked a little bit while waiting for the train together. He seems to be very intelligent and polite. He mentioned being recently divorced and having three small children in New York. I really feel attracted to him. He is smart, funny, looks amazing when he's jogging and he's good to his kids - visits every week. He was a computer programmer however when the economy tanked he switched to nursing. However I think he's about 50. He has mainly grey hair, but I think grey hair is kind of hot. No noticeable baldness! Is this normal or am I really weird? Have other women ever felt like this about a man who could be her father?* He just seems a lot more interesting to me than these college guys who want to go out and get drunk every night. I'm sick of hooking up with some guy and then seeing him two days later talking to another girl. I want a boyfriend, not a stupid frat boy! Do or did you have a good relationship with your father?
KathyM Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I think being attracted to someone who is much older than you is normal if the guy is good looking, but actually seriously considering dating the guy means you have daddy issues and are looking for some mature guy to take care of you, rather than a guy you can really relate to. I know I was attracted to older guys at that age (18), but I'm talking five to eight years older, not decades older. 2
Emilia Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I go to college in Boston and I'm 18.* There's a guy who lives in my building and I think he's really cute. He's very tall, athletic looking, I really like his nice blue eyes and big strong hands. I've said "hi" to him a few times and we have talked a little bit while waiting for the train together. He seems to be very intelligent and polite. He mentioned being recently divorced and having three small children in New York. I really feel attracted to him. He is smart, funny, looks amazing when he's jogging and he's good to his kids - visits every week. He was a computer programmer however when the economy tanked he switched to nursing. However I think he's about 50. He has mainly grey hair, but I think grey hair is kind of hot. No noticeable baldness! Is this normal or am I really weird? Have other women ever felt like this about a man who could be her father?* He just seems a lot more interesting to me than these college guys who want to go out and get drunk every night. I'm sick of hooking up with some guy and then seeing him two days later talking to another girl. I want a boyfriend, not a stupid frat boy! It sounds like the crush I had on Harrison Ford when I was your age. You will grow out of it
edgygirl Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Hahaha! I just realized I had the same crush! Harrison Ford So perhaps it is normal, lol. Still, I really agree with the things KathyM said above.
EasyHeart Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 It looks like a lot of people on this thread what to encourage what other people should think is 'normal". Hence the reason so many men are always trying to push that older men are "better" or that this young girl should "go after it" if she wants it. They don't care about this girl. They care about the fact that they are a man, and they haven't really grown any to really appreciate women, and thus, think there is something really great about some 18 year old crushing on someone older.Where did I say "that older men are "better" or that this young girl should go after it"? And if I only "care about the fact that they are a man, and they haven't really grown any to really appreciate women, and thus, think there is something really great about some 18 year old crushing on someone older", then why did I write "No, realistically he's not going to want to date you, and you probably don't want to date him."?
EasyHeart Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Because men my age are now saying that they "prefer someone younger". Not that they're all getting what they want. It disturbs me when men my age and older, are specifically aiming to date much younger women. It's different if two people meet and hit it off. My sister is married to a much older man, and she's happy, so that's good for her. I'm surprised that you made a comment like this. I know you have a younger girlfriend, but I'm still surprised.It was a rhetorical question. There's a big difference between a middle aged man coming to this board and saying, "I keep hitting on college girls and none of them will **** me. Why are they being such b*tches?" and an 18 year old girl wondering if she's normal because she has a crush on an older neighbor. In the former case, it's perfectly appropriate to beat up on the guy, but I don't understand what people think they are accomplishing by telling this nice-sounding girl that she's weird, has daddy issues and isn't normal. It's perfectly fine to tell someone like her that it's probably not a good idea for her to date her older neighbor, but I don't have a lot of tolerance for people trying to bully and shame other people by telling them that they're weird or not normal for having a simple crush. 1
FitChick Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 To the OP: when you are 38, he'll be 70. You could be changing his diapers along with your kids.' 2
stillafool Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 When I was 13 I had a crush on a 22 year old college boy that drove a red vette.
Author collegelisa18 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 The second was a guy I worked with for a year - I was 22 and he was 49. And married. I fell for him pretty hard and was attracted to him physically and personality-wise. But what is this man is the one true love of your life and now you'll miss your chance forever?? Wouldn't it be totally worth it, even if you can only be his mistress? Email him a valentine with a nude pic.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I find it scary how so many people are willing to live their lives based on what "most people" supposedly do. Do what you want to do as long as it dose not impinge on anyone else's rights. All sorts of odd couples that are not what most people would do get together and live happy lives.
the_entertainer1 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 But what if this man is the one true love of your life and now you'll miss your chance forever?? Wouldn't it be totally worth it, even if you can only be his mistress? Email him a valentine with a nude pic. From what I've read on the forums here, it's hardly ever worth being someone's mistress. Him always putting someone else before you? Sometimes having to basically ignore you in public situations? And the guilt of it all? I deserve better than that! As much as I like him, I don't want to interfere. He's already married to someone and I respect that. Besides, I don't want all of the baggage that would come from that. To quote Yoda (and I don't even like Star Wars): "Much to learn you still have" I know I'm not much older than you, but I do have lots of experience working with a large range of people, of all different ages. Some things you know not to mess with. Your Valentine's idea did make me smile though So, have you decided if you're going to actually do anything about this older guy that you like?
DirtyDancing Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Yes, it's normal. You can't control who you are attracted to, it's a function of biology that doesn't take into account age, color, size, language, ethnicity, or anything. When I was 18, I dated a 33 year old man and I was very attracted to his sophistication and maturity. I learned a lot from him. As I go through my twenties, I am consistently attracted to men who are older than me, even if it's just 3 or 4 years older, I always prefer an older man. I've turned down guys who are younger than me for that reason...maybe it's the maturity factor. With that being said, there are some things older men can offer that younger men can't, and certainly vice versa!
darkmoon Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 why waste your bloom of youth on a man who can - get a buzz out of feeling he knows best? prefer living together, avoiding a bad second experience of marriage and divorce? prefer the look of girls, but sees older women as less nice? have you discussed his povs about these minefeild/s?
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 You're 18 he is 50... NOT OK! If you said 35 maybe but 50? HELLS NO find a hottie your age
ImNotOliver Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I’m a man in my 50’s and throughout most of my forties I had a relationship with a woman who was 20 years and 20 days younger than me. When we first met, even though I greatly liked her, I felt that our age difference would be a deal breaker. Yet, as we got to know each other it didn’t seem to matter all that much. She used to complain about the lack of maturity in guys her age though. I’ve noticed that in old cemeteries, on gravestones of couples next to each other, of those 100 years ago and more, the man tends to have been 10 years older than his wife.
charlietheginger Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Alot of men dont mature untill age 28 to 32. If a guy takes care of himself that age bracket Is supposed to be his most attractive phase in His life. His body has matured along with his Muscular structure. A good example is david beckham . Beckham Was chubby faced untill his early 30s his face Became very lean. jonny depp was the same way In his early years his face was rounder. Not untill Later did his face become more sculpted. Lots of men develope a more defined face women Also. Many women are very soft faced while younger Then around age 28 35 develope a leaner more structured Face. It's perfectly normal as a young woman be attracted To a mature man
Author collegelisa18 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 I think it's mainly the embarrassment that's stopping me from making a move on this guy. What will all my girlfriends say? Probably what you're saying. "What do you have in common?" "Do do you have 'Daddy Issues'?" By the way Daddy Issues is not yet an accepted diagnostic category.
fishtaco Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 One of my favorite quotes: Opinions are like *******s, everyone's got one. I bet there are people on this very forum, that will find seeing a couple in a large-age-gap relationship more palatable than a same-sex relationship, or an inter-racial relationship. My point, everyone's got a different opinion of what's okay and what's not okay. Let's face it, if you don't want people to talk, be in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender, less than 5 years apart, same ethnicity, and same social-economic bracket. Even then people will still talk smack. Large-age-gap is not the norm, but I see it often enough. Is it an indication of some deep-seated problem? Maybe, maybe not. If you're obsesses about it, then I say chances are higher that there are other issues, just like if you were obsessed about anything else. If this is just a one-off thing, I don't see the big deal. Plus, let's say it does stem from some issues. Well, those issues are the negatives that need to be addressed, the large-age-gap relationship, other than being a gossip starter, doesn't do much of anything else. You do what you have to do. Don't pay too much attention to other people. This is your life, they're not the ones living it. 1
AlexDP Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Collegelisa18, This is a complex question for this board. A lot of older guys will try to tell it's normal because they want to believe that they have a shot with young college girls. They want to believe they have more worth then women young or old, no matter his own age. Is there a topic in this world that doesn't come down to men lusting after young and beautiful woman for you? Are you a retired beauty queen? Has your beauty faded and are you now insecure? Really, what is this about?
Author collegelisa18 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 So long as he's cute and honest, I'm so much against lust for young, beautiful women.
Casablanca Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 By the way Daddy Issues is not yet an accepted diagnostic category. Some may accept it, some may not, but I do believe daddy "issues" can cause a woman to date someone as old if not older than their dad.
Author collegelisa18 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 So long as he's cute and honest, I'm so much against lust for young, beautiful women. "NOT so much" sorry
stillafool Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I'm sorry, but dozens of good guys who are single aren't exactly sitting around waiting for me show up and date them. Neither are 50 year olds. It would seem you would have an easier time getting a younger man than a 50 year old. Most of them are married, parents and grandparents and don't hang out at places young people do. I can tell you that if you like older men that is your choice but remember you really only have a short window to date really, really young guys and this is it. You don't want to wake up at 35-40 with a 82 yo husband and lusting after a 21 year old guy because you missed out on this when you had the chance.
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