collegelisa18 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I go to college in Boston and I'm 18.* There's a guy who lives in my building and I think he's really cute. He's very tall, athletic looking, I really like his nice blue eyes and big strong hands. I've said "hi" to him a few times and we have talked a little bit while waiting for the train together. He seems to be very intelligent and polite. He mentioned being recently divorced and having three small children in New York. I really feel attracted to him. He is smart, funny, looks amazing when he's jogging and he's good to his kids - visits every week. He was a computer programmer however when the economy tanked he switched to nursing. However I think he's about 50. He has mainly grey hair, but I think grey hair is kind of hot. No noticeable baldness! Is this normal or am I really weird? Have other women ever felt like this about a man who could be her father?* He just seems a lot more interesting to me than these college guys who want to go out and get drunk every night. I'm sick of hooking up with some guy and then seeing him two days later talking to another girl. I want a boyfriend, not a stupid frat boy! 2
Casablanca Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 He just seems a lot more interesting to me than these college guys who want to go out and get drunk every night. I'm sick of hooking up with some guy and then seeing him two days later talking to another girl. I want a boyfriend, not a stupid frat boy! Two things, first, don't sleep with them until you've had a few dates and have discussed exclusivity. Where are you meeting these guys? Frat parties? Yeah, that is what you'll find there...meet a guy in class or the library. Secondly, what is your relationship with your dad? That may or may not be a reason this 50 year old has caught your attention 1
Author collegelisa18 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 My father and I have always been very close. Maybe that's one reason why an older man feels right to me. He's more like my father. But so what?
edgygirl Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 My father and I have always been very close. Maybe that's one reason why an older man feels right to me. He's more like my father. But so what? No, IMO it's not normal to want a guy who is 32 yo than you. You just answered your question above. You have daddy issues. Ask your family for help in searching for a good therapist. You don't have to specify why you want to see one. I understand you are upset that you can't find relationship minded guys around your age, but there are some out there. Keep looking, you don't need an older creep that can't relate to women around his age and looks for innocent young girls. 2
StanMusial Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Its normal for women to want someone older as women mature at an earlier age. That being said, you are too young for this guy if he is 50. There are plenty of guys that are a few years older that are more suitable, you havwe plenty of time to find one. 1
Author collegelisa18 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 No, IMO it's not normal to want a guy who is 32 yo than you. Really? Other girls about 20 years old never feel very attracted to middle aged guys?
Treasa Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 He might not actually be 50. I know a lot of guys who start getting gray hair in high school. All that being said, being attracted to the occasional older guy doesn't mean you have daddy issues. If you were attracted to ONLY guys old enough to be your father, then I'd wonder. I've seen crazier things work out. You're both adults. Just be careful, and don't give up on guys your own age. You might just be looking in the wrong places. 1
ThaWholigan Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Really? Other girls about 20 years old never feel very attracted to middle aged guys? There are a significant portion who do, but it's not a majority. It's fairly common but not as much as mooted. Those girls tend to be attracted to a certain level of traits that older men tend to possess.
Smokeonthewater Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Interesting like men tend to say that's normal and women (especially older women) tend to say it's not. 32 years difference is a lot so it's quite likely that such a relationship will lead to problems in the long run. On the other side that can be true also for relationships where there are other differences (in status, socioeconomic conditions, education etc). Ultimately I think there are no absolute rules. Moreover, IMO a relationship doesn't need to last forever to be valuable. Most relationships end anyway after some time. It's up to the individuals concerned to evaluate if it can be good for them or not. You can spend a good and pleasant time with somebody and than things can change and the relationship will probably end. The end may come by mutual accord or it - often - results in one of the parts being hurt. That is part of life and there is no way to be certain that a new path will not lead to problems or suffering. My advice is to use your own brain and heart and don't follow the advice of other people, which may be obfuscated and clogged by their own issues. For instance, many adult men dream younger women, so they may enthusiastically advice you to go on b/c they may dream to be in a similar situation. And many women - especially older ones - may be bitter and frustrated b/c most men are sexually attracted by younger women, and for that reason they may try to divert you from such a relationship. I personally wouldn't like to establish a LTR with a 18 yo girl, coz you are still a teen and at your age people are still psychologically unstable. In a few years you probably will see things differently from now. I could be open to a STR if the girl agrees and she is mentally mature for her age, but I wouldn't expect it to last long. But that's me. In any case, whatever you choose, I wish you good luck
Treasa Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 There are a significant portion who do, but it's not a majority. It's fairly common but not as much as mooted. Those girls tend to be attracted to a certain level of traits that older men tend to possess. There are certain guys I know of who are younger and yet awesome and very dateworthy. 1
edgygirl Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 For instance, many adult men dream younger women, so they may enthusiastically advice you to go on b/c they may dream to be in a similar situation. And many women - especially older ones - may be bitter and frustrated b/c most men are sexually attracted by younger women, and for that reason they may try to divert you from such a relationship. Interestingly enough the only bitter people here on LS are not older women. It's younger guys who can't get girls and get bitter about women Funnily enough I also don't see any older women having issues attracting men, younger and older men. OP, read people's posts in other threads before taking any advice. You'll thank me for that.
rocketman122 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I know a lot of guys who start getting gray hair in high school. at 16yo I started greying. from my father. OP. its ok if youre attracted to older men. not sure how much of a connection you could have with a 50YO though. there are 3 girls interested in me at the moment (work)who would want a relationship. none of them over 22. the thing that deterred me from pursuing was me worried we wouldnt have much in common. we have different mindsets. different interests. I see it with music, attitude, even with food. I have to say though that I have fantasized endless times of having my tongue deep in between their legs..mmm
FitChick Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 He lives in your building. How would you feel running into him, seeing him with other women, after he dumped you? If he has small children at his age, he is probably on divorce number two.
Smokeonthewater Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Interestingly enough the only bitter people here on LS are not older women. I'm new here so I will be more careful before giving sweeping judgements, but after reading some entries by the poster ThsAmericanLife on the locked thread about age gap, 'bitter' is the only adjective I can think of. 1
Casablanca Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Really? Other girls about 20 years old never feel very attracted to middle aged guys? 10 years older it happens, 20-30 years really just weird 2
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 10 years older it happens, 20-30 years really just weird Yeah, I agree. Since I was 20/21 I've mainly been interested in and dated men in their early to mid thirties. It wasn't an active seeking out of these men, just who I've happened to get along with (and to be honest, I really don't get approached by 20-something guys very often). But OP, I think being 20 and desiring a man in his fifties is concerning. At 25 I still would have zero interest in dating a man that old. You should do what makes you happy and I wish you luck, but proceed with caution. Are you interested in this guy as a fling, or as a serious relationship prospect?
Author collegelisa18 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 (edited) I'm looking for a boyfriend, an exclusive relationship. I'm sick of hookups. And things can go bad with boys my age. I was 16 and my boyfriend was 17. He took my virginity, refused to use a condom and I had an abortion. It was absolutely a nightmare. If this guy and I have a bad breakup, I guess I could move. And by the way he's not hitting on me in some pervy way. He's just polite and friendly. For all I know, he's not interested in being anything but a neighbor. And by the way, he's got an amazing sense of humor. He'll just start making fun of some story in the news and I swear he's better than David Letterman. I thought a lot of girls have crushes on older guys, at least occaisionally. But maybe it's just me! Edited January 13, 2013 by collegelisa18 1
rocketman122 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I'm looking for a boyfriend, an exclusive relationship. I'm sick of hookups. And things can go bad with boys my age. I was 16 and my boyfriend was 17. He took my virginity, refused to use a condom and I had an abortion. It was absolutely a nightmare. If this guy and I have a bad breakup, I guess I could move. And by the way he's not hitting on me in some pervy way. He's just polite and friendly. For all I know, he's not interested in being anything but a neighbor. And by the way, he's got an amazing sense of humor. He'll just start making fun of some story in the news and I swear he's better than David Letterman. I thought a lot of girls have crushes on older guys, at least occaisionally. But maybe it's just me! yes, a lot do. older men have more experience and on the whole, know how to treat a women better. no, its not only you.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Collegelisa18, This is a complex question for this board. A lot of older guys will try to tell it's normal because they want to believe that they have a shot with young college girls. They want to believe they have more worth then women young or old, no matter his own age. I would ask you to ask yourself about what kind of man you want to be with. Do you really want to be with a man that is 50 and would date someone 18? Do you think he would still want to date you if you were 50 yourself? What happens when you get older? Do you really want to be with a guy that is more interested in college aged girls? It's easy not to think about those things now while you are young. But there are certain men that do think a woman's worth is in her age. And just because right now you fit into that requirement, that doesn't me he is really valuing you. Now that isn't to say that all older men are like this. However, my experience has been that a large chunk of older men are. It's also been my experience that I grew so much from the age of 18-25, that I was a totally different person within those 5 years. Alot of women will tell you it's not normal because they don't understand how someone your age could like someone that age. They understand that you will forever be in a different emotional space then someone 30 years your senior because they have a little more life experience then you. I am one of those women myself. Guys your age might not be as mature as you, but I don't think not matter how mature you are in relation to guys your own age, that you will be a equal to someone who is 50. I dated older guys when I was younger and looking back on those relationships, I see all the things wrong with them now that I didn't see then. I see why these guys probably picked me and why I picked them. And it wasn't because these guys really valued me. They valued my youth. I think what would be normal is if you were attracted to someone 25. Being attracted to someone around the age of 50, at your age, is not the typical. A It sounds like you've had a rough time with boys your own age. But don't believe that all older men are mature and all younger boys are immature. It sounds like you just need to work on picking better boys. I have met younger men that are very mature and older men that never grew up. If someone refuses to wear a condom, then you leave. If someone treats you or your body in a way you aren't comfortable with , you leave. This won't be your last relationship and there will be someone else out there for you. Having a crush on an older guy is normal. I know that a lot of my crushes on older men were related to my own dad-issues. As I have gotten older, I have found more connection with men closer to my own age. I won't tell you not to date him. But I won't tell you it's a great idea either. If you are going to go older, I would suggest someone around the age of 25. Anything older then that is a little dicey in my book as well. 28 year old men should not be dating 18 year olds in my opinion. But no matter what you do, do not sleep with any man right away. You take all the time you need to figure out how you feel and what is best for you. If they wrongly pressure you, then you just walk away. You have the power to decide how you are treated and even if you are into a guy, and he treats you poorly, there will be another man out there to treat you better. Don't accept behavior from a man that you feel is disrespectful. 1
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I'm looking for a boyfriend, an exclusive relationship. I'm sick of hookups. And things can go bad with boys my age. I was 16 and my boyfriend was 17. He took my virginity, refused to use a condom and I had an abortion. It was absolutely a nightmare. Isn't there some kind of middle ground between 17 year old guys and 50 year old men? 5
Casablanca Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I'm looking for a boyfriend, an exclusive relationship. I'm sick of hookups. And things can go bad with boys my age. I was 16 and my boyfriend was 17. He took my virginity, refused to use a condom and I had an abortion. It was absolutely a nightmare. The problem seems to be your selection of boys. There are good guys your age, I was one of them who want to form a relationship...just weed out those who don't. Don't go past 2nd base with anyone until you're in a committed relationship and have known them for a couple months. 1
sweetkiwi Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I had a lot of pervy older guys on my back at 18. Now too but I certainly don't entertain any ideas of being with a man 20+ years my senior. Or even more than 5 lately. I think you are feeling an attraction, but you don't need to act on every attraction. And this is a case of which you should not act.
Author collegelisa18 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 I'm telling you, in most colleges today, it is very hard to find a boyfriend and actually go on a date. In Boston U, most students are female and a lot are really beautiful. I think I'm pretty cute, but not a pageant winner. And the hot guys are mainly jocks or frat boys who want to just get drunk and hook up. Is everybody else my age so turned off by men who just happen to be older, but are in great shape and really gentlemen?
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I'm telling you, in most colleges today, it is very hard to find a boyfriend and actually go on a date. In Boston U, most students are female and a lot are really beautiful. I think I'm pretty cute, but not a pageant winner. And the hot guys are mainly jocks or frat boys who want to just get drunk and hook up. Is everybody else my age so turned off by men who just happen to be older, but are in great shape and really gentlemen? I totally believe you that today, boys your age, don't really care too much about treating women well. I am sure there are many lovely young women around you everyday. But I doubt all the hot guys are mainly jocks or frat boys. I bet there are lots of young men your age you are over-looking perhaps for the same reasons you might feel over-looked yourself? Are you just looking to date older because you feel like you have no options to date men your own age even though that's what you really want? Or are you truly interested in dating older men? Have you tried looking past the jocks and frat boys to men that might not intially stand out but just might be really fantasitc finds? I bet there are guys like that around that you aren't seeing maybe? 1
Casablanca Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I'm telling you, in most colleges today, it is very hard to find a boyfriend and actually go on a date. In Boston U, most students are female and a lot are really beautiful. I think I'm pretty cute, but not a pageant winner. And the hot guys are mainly jocks or frat boys who want to just get drunk and hook up. What about the cute guys? Boston U has 30,000 students including graduate school, there are good guys there. They may not be 10/10 hot, but I'm sure you can find yourself a good cute boy who isn't some jock or frat boy. FIND A DIFFERENT CROWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...if you hang around jocks and frat boys, you are mostly only going to find guys who want nothing but to hook up
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