vixee Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Irrespective of my situation I want to understand one thing. Some MM after some time into their marriage (2 to 20 years) start hunting/enticing OW and try to bed them. So is this because W are main course at home and OW are their desserts? Or is it because they get a kick from OW and this helps them relax & make things more exciting at home? Basically, if they are not going to leave their W & kids why do they want to have an affair with other married women? Thanks.
BetrayedH Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I'm not sure you'll find an answer that's true for all MM but I think the short answer is about sex. Men crave external validation as much as anyone. The way to a man's heart isn't thru his stomach; it's thru his zipper. And how much more validating is it to have two women lusting after you rather than just one? Ever met a man who wanted to have a threesome with two women? Doesn't mean he wants to leave his wife, his kids, or his life. Just means that he wants "more" and he doesn't have the internal fortitude to stay faithful to the agreement he made. I'm sure he likes both women just fine but until he figures out how to get them to agree to him having them both, scamming one or both of them will have to do. But rest assured, if push comes to shove, the vast majority of the time the man will choose his wife and his life over the OW. Sadly with many, the OW is disposed of and he'll just find another OW for his ego stroke once the dust has settled. As is usual, the MM is the only one who wins. Both women (and the children) lose. What kills me is how many discarded OW then choose not to "betray" the MM by telling his BW. As if the MM deserves the loyalty of anyone. Just goes to show how powerful the lies and manipulation can be with a woman that probably just wanted an emotional connection, albeit desperately. 7
CantgetoveritNY Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I'm not sure you'll find an answer that's true for all MM but I think the short answer is about sex. Men crave external validation as much as anyone. The way to a man's heart isn't thru his stomach; it's thru his zipper. And how much more validating is it to have two women lusting after you rather than just one? Ever met a man who wanted to have a threesome with two women? Doesn't mean he wants to leave his wife, his kids, or his life. Just means that he wants "more" and he doesn't have the internal fortitude to stay faithful to the agreement he made. I'm sure he likes both women just fine but until he figures out how to get them to agree to him having them both, scamming one or both of them will have to do. But rest assured, if push comes to shove, the vast majority of the time the man will choose his wife and his life over the OW. Sadly with many, the OW is disposed of and he'll just find another OW for his ego stroke once the dust has settled. As is usual, the MM is the only one who wins. Both women (and the children) lose. What kills me is how many discarded OW then choose not to "betray" the MM by telling his BW. As if the MM deserves the loyalty of anyone. Just goes to show how powerful the lies and manipulation can be with a woman that probably just wanted an emotional connection, albeit desperately. Holy cow Betrayed! You make it sound so great for the MM that even I'm thinking I want to have an affair now. Lol.
BetrayedH Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Holy cow Betrayed! You make it sound so great for the MM that even I'm thinking I want to have an affair now. Lol. I think LFH did a better job than I in that regard. 1
Furious Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Irrespective of my situation I want to understand one thing. Some MM after some time into their marriage (2 to 20 years) start hunting/enticing OW and try to bed them. So is this because W are main course at home and OW are their desserts? Or is it because they get a kick from OW and this helps them relax & make things more exciting at home? Basically, if they are not going to leave their W & kids why do they want to have an affair with other married women? Thanks. Are you saying you would leave your marriage & kids for the MM, and are confused why most MM don't.
BetrayedH Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Holy cow Betrayed! You make it sound so great for the MM that even I'm thinking I want to have an affair now. Lol. I suppose for some it is great. I just couldn't handle all that double-life business, most of all the lying to my wife that I loved. I don't have it in me. Don't really want it either. Darn Mom raised me right. 5
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 So is this because W are main course at home and OW are their desserts? No...usually, although not always, sex has dried up at home.... many women go off sex, and there are legion reasons for that - some hormonal, some emotional. But whatever the reason, their H isn't getting any.... and rather than invest in an often gargantuan and hopeless effort to repair and salvage something intimate, it's often much easier - and a quieter life - if they simply look elsewhere.... Or is it because they get a kick from OW and this helps them relax & make things more exciting at home? That's also a possibility; I have read somewhere that a sexual affair outside the marriage actually brings renewed vigour to the domestic bedroom too... it seems to add as a tonic. Which may be a red flag if a husband has been in a sexless marriage for a while, but suddenly, their wife 'pumps up the volume' and becomes more forthcoming.... It's rarer the other way round, because it's not as common for men to lose their sex drive, although of course, it does happen.... Basically, if they are not going to leave their W & kids why do they want to have an affair with other married women? There are various reasons, psychological, emotional, and basic.... we all have 'animal instincts' and I have said this to the point that it's almost becoming the dead horse I flog, but if you strip away our heightened intellect, we're mammals. And broadly speaking (with very rare exceptions) mammals are not monogamous. We are not hard-wired to remain faithful to one single companion, but we're programmed to do so. So we invest in serial monogamy. Many partners but one at a time.... However, many people (evidently!!) can't stick to this premise, and enjoy the status of multi-partnership. Fundamentally, it suits them. They're happy to bed more than one woman, because if you remove all the mental, moral, social, religious and ethical complexities, they're only doing, after all, what comes naturally. My personal opinion is, that strict monogamy is a severe handicap, and one to which many people really shouldn't prescribe to, because they're incapable of staying faithful to one other, and only one. But if you make a promise to someone to stay faithful to them, to cleave to them, and know no other, then put your money where your mouth is. Vows: if you're gonna break 'em, then don't take 'em. 3
bentnotbroken Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Irrespective of my situation I want to understand one thing. Some MM after some time into their marriage (2 to 20 years) start hunting/enticing OW and try to bed them. So is this because W are main course at home and OW are their desserts? Or is it because they get a kick from OW and this helps them relax & make things more exciting at home? Basically, if they are not going to leave their W & kids why do they want to have an affair with other married women? Thanks. I would say not all MM hunt and/or entice. I believe there are some who are the prey and others who are just to...shall we say slow... to see the implications. By the way I feel the exact same way about MW. 6
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 bnotb, I agree it applies to women as well, but I stuck to the 'opinion of MM', because that's the way the question was posed. But it swings both ways. if you get my drift!! 2
bentnotbroken Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 bnotb, I agree it applies to women as well, but I stuck to the 'opinion of MM', because that's the way the question was posed. But it swings both ways. if you get my drift!! We cross posted. I didn't see yours until after I posted. 1
Bryanp Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Many people get bored and like variety in their lives.
Author vixee Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 I would say not all MM hunt and/or entice. I believe there are some who are the prey and others who are just to...shall we say slow... to see the implications. By the way I feel the exact same way about MW. Infidelity was always a crime for me.. still I was swayed ..and now I am dealing with these feelings that go in every direction...I still feel no one should betray their spouse..but now I kind of understand!!! And in some weak moments I feel I want to just stop fighting these feelings and follow my heart...but if I did that, then my heart will lead me to his bed!!! ...so I carry on fighting
bentnotbroken Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Infidelity was always a crime for me.. still I was swayed ..and now I am dealing with these feelings that go in every direction...I still feel no one should betray their spouse..but now I kind of understand!!! And in some weak moments I feel I want to just stop fighting these feelings and follow my heart...but if I did that, then my heart will lead me to his bed!!! ...so I carry on fighting Hmmmm:confused:
CantgetoveritNY Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 if you remove all the mental, moral, social, religious and ethical complexities, they're only doing, after all, what comes naturally. My personal opinion is, that strict monogamy is That's a whole lot'a removing! Might as well go all the way and have a lobotomy.
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 That's a whole lot'a removing! Might as well go all the way and have a lobotomy. Not so. Other countries/cultures have different opinions or standards on relationships, we cannot get our heads round. It's actually far simpler than a lobotomy. It's just comprehending that underneath all our differences, we're human animals and we react to the same instinctive behaviour - but we've just put different caps on it, on different levels. You were conceived in precisely the same way that a small pygmy tribe baby, from the deep hidden shadows of the amazon basin jungle, was. But our minds are so removed from one another, their way of life is incredible to us - just as ours is to them.
2.50 a gallon Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Prior to my marriage I was a major pussy hound. However married women were totally taboo Shortly after the break up of my marriage I had a revenge affair with one of the OM's wifes. To be honest our times together were some of the most erotic encounters I had ever had in my life. This in turn led me down the dark path to seducing several of my married co-workers. There was just something extra exciting about boinking another man's wife and getting her to do some sexual acts she refused to try with her husband. And also I found married women to be easy all you had to do was become their friend, then mention how badly my marriage had gone and before long they were telling me how unhappy they were in their marriage. And the game was on. This period only lasted about 6 months, then I went back to pursuing single women. But ever since, married women were no longer taboo, and remained on my menu until I met and fell in love with my current lady, at which time I ended all extra curicular activities
Author vixee Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Prior to my marriage I was a major pussy hound. However married women were totally taboo Shortly after the break up of my marriage I had a revenge affair with one of the OM's wifes. To be honest our times together were some of the most erotic encounters I had ever had in my life. This in turn led me down the dark path to seducing several of my married co-workers. There was just something extra exciting about boinking another man's wife and getting her to do some sexual acts she refused to try with her husband. And also I found married women to be easy all you had to do was become their friend, then mention how badly my marriage had gone and before long they were telling me how unhappy they were in their marriage. And the game was on. This period only lasted about 6 months, then I went back to pursuing single women. But ever since, married women were no longer taboo, and remained on my menu until I met and fell in love with my current lady, at which time I ended all extra curicular activities Interesting!! What was so special about your current lady that made you quit ?
TaraMaiden Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 She puts him first. As he does her. That's what Love is all about: Like the Tripod of Trust, Communication and Respect, Love itself is made up of three components: Storge, Philos and Eros. STORGE is the warm affection, the familiar warm feeling of companionship, the agreement that this company is ideal, and you both feel content in one another's presence. PHILOS is the mental connection, the intellect, the cerebral connection that keeps you 'on the same page'; the factor that ensures you always have something to talk about, because stimulating conversation is always possible. It's always finding each other 'interesting'. EROS is the physical, the sensual, the intimate, the willingness to commit your vulnerability to them, and share private moments that may bring whatever you find in them, to make your connection singular. This type of connection may fluctuate and vary in time, but is always precious, even in memory... The main quality, the cord that binds these three, is AGAPE. Agape, is Unconditional Love. It's the Love that always puts the other first. It's the Love that knows no bounds and releases, and gives wings to the other's spirit. When we find these three components, and bind them ourselves, with the Agape we develop, there is nothing to break the tie that binds. Even dying is part of it, and Agape transcends the ordinary.
Author vixee Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 She puts him first. As he does her. That's what Love is all about: Like the Tripod of Trust, Communication and Respect, Love itself is made up of three components: Storge, Philos and Eros. All this sounds too good to be true! It must be rare, I hate to admit but I haven't felt so strongly for anyone ever !
TaraMaiden Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 You did, once, when you fell in Love with your Husband - all those feelings and qualities were present. But it seems neither of you did enough to cultivate and maintain them. That's what people don't get. It's bloody hard work, but the rewards are matchless.
nofool4u Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Basically, if they are not going to leave their W & kids why do they want to have an affair with other married women? Because they simply want the excitement of f****g a new face. They cannot forsake all others. They have want the thrill of the conquest. In a nutshell its simple selfishness in which there are way to many woman too weak to tell these jackasses where they can stick it, other than in themselves.
2.50 a gallon Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 vixie What make her so special? She is the most sweetest, kindest, most giving, non selfish woman I have ever met. She gives to me for the joy of giving. Such as doing all of my laundry and then folding it and putting it away. She actually likes doing this. I in turn do the same for her. Other than Thanksgiving and Christmas day, when she bakes the turkey, I do over 90% of the cooking and dish washing I am quite capable of baking a turkey, but she makes this killer dressing, and that is coming from one who has never liked the dressing. And there again, she knows how much I love her dressing, and even though it takes her hours in the early morning to prepare she loves doing it for us. That and we have so many mutual interests, cats, dogs, baking cut out cookies for each holiday, etc. She knows how much I like football and car racing and never complains that I hog the tv to watch these events. In fact quite often she will watch them with me. I could go on and on, but you get the drift. And at the same time, in the looks department she is a knock out. She is a grandmother of a teenager, a couple of years away from turning 60, that has not accidently held onto her hour glass figure. And oh them legs. She is all woman, she knows how I react to her great figure and purposely wears something like leotards around the house, to catch me eye. There is one mystery though. About 10 years back she bought a hot bikini from a catalog, modeled it for me once, which I went crazy over and has never worn it since, no matter how hard I a beg. However during the summer at least once a week she will do some house cleaning in her under ware. I am retired, and I ask you, how many other retirees get to live their retirement years with a gal who is still eye kandy? We have now been together over 17 years, we still flirt and I still think that I have found the prettiest gal in the world 1
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