I have never had a relationship and dont know how to see if ppl are interested

[leeutalkin2me]

I am 22/m and can honestly say i have never experienced or had a relationship with a girl before.

 

Throughout my school life i always felt that i was wierd, i neva talked out loud alot, when i did it was with friends who i was comfortable with, i found talking to any of the girls hard, on a one to one basis ok at best. I always worried about going to school each day incase i was asked to speak out loud, these years really put a downer on myself. I never had a girlfriend and sometimes in class a few girls would make fun of me saying they fancied me even though they were obviously joking because i was quiet.

 

I hoped that once id left school i could build my character and personality and start fresh.

 

When i started work in an office, i gradually met alot of girls, strange i worked with alot more girls than guys and got to know their friends, it was the first time i really built up friendships with females. I now have such good female friends that i am close to.

 

I have such problems with myself, alot of things depress me and really affect me. I have always suffered from no self confidence, i guess it startd from school feeling the odd one out, never having a special talent and being quiet. I do talk alot more than i did then, get along great with ppl and have a laugh.

When people start talking about nights out, drinking, partying etc i try to shy away from the conversation, ive worked in my office 5years and only been out twice, its a mixture of not be assure of myself, and feel i have to act happy n be happy to go out and party, it fills me with dread. Its my birthday soon and a colleagues so all talk is on nights out for those, and going out for meals, where i know their will be alot of ppl going, personally i dont do anything for my birthday n hate fuss, i do nothing at home. Most days i stay at home anyway, go on the internet and watch dvds, as i dont see many friends, just when i go to work

 

Over the years ive hit bad times, hating myself, thinking i dont have a life or a personality and why i cant be like everyone else, and problems at work. The last month has been really bad, this week ive had patches were i feel really down and seriously considered going to see my doctor about it,a sicknote and maybe meds or councelling as its gone on too long

 

A main reason i think thats getting me down when ifeel depressed is being alone.

 

I have never had a girlfriend, been asked out or asked anyone out before, i wouldnt know how to go about it and dont have confidence to do it.

 

This week i found out that a girl in the nxt office to me is off to australia for 4months, this year i went there for 5weeks alone and so kind have this in common. She has worked in our building over a year, i have always thought that she is wow, really pretty and just the kinda girl looks wise i would go for. We had only spoken a couple of times before this week, about nothing really, i had always tried to get into a position to speak to her as i thought she was nice. I was really depressed when i found out she was going to OZ, 1. jealous 2. wouldnt see her around. Its made me really down and moody at work, along with other problems at work thats getting me so down as well as the state of my life.

 

Twice this week this girl has given me such a boost, i have managed to talk to for quite a while about her trip and my trip. My work colleagues have seen us talking n made fun of me a little, but in a good way, as they say i have agroup of petite blondes that always make time for me n talk lol.

 

I just dont know how to tell if someone is actually interested in me in a relationship way, or just being friends and want to hear about my trip. Im so confused as i really like this girl, ive always managed to talk with her on a one to one as i would feel really embarrassed in front of my work friends because of the way they have her on my list.

 

We are all sure she is single, even if she was interested she is way out of my league for sure. I have seen lots of girls before and thought they are nice but neva made a move and im not learning from my mistakes, each time i just dont do anything, i have no idea how to see if they are interested, how to go about asking them out, never mind the daunting feeling of actually going out with someone for the first time and worrying about how to act and do.

 

I know i am probably just obessing about this girl imparticular but i need to do something about myself, she is at work for one more week before she leaves for Australia, even if she was interested this is the worst time to act or even have her in my head alot, wish she wasnt gonna b gone for long. Ive offered to take her friends place if she gets ill too lol.

 

all this build up of bad feeling and getting slightly closer to her is very bad timing, i would mind if she wasnt gonna be away for 4months, who knows we could get talking bout other things than australia, thats all we chat about at moment. Im probably even making this out to be bigger event than it is, she probs dont think its as big deal, ive given her my photos i took in oz, she took them home to look at over weekend so i know will see her again, i just know if she comes back with them while my colleagues r around i wont b able to talk to her freely like have done recently

 

Can anyone help me about relationships? Maybe i can sort my self out into a confident person for her coming back, if not for her, for me, i need to change myself. Do you think talking to a doctor about all my self confidence problems, depression with my life and work would be worthwhile?

 

Ive always thought i cant have a relationship or have anyone respect me until i respect myself and still stand by that. some kind of female interest would probably do the wonders for believing in who i am

 

Luv to hear everyones opinions

 

Lee

 

Heres some links to posts ive made inthe past which give alot more background into me and can probably make u understand how i act now.

 

http://p082.ezboard.com/fmentalhealthgeneral.showMessage?topicID=9247.topic

 

http://www.trappedforums.com/index.php?showtopic=4408&hl=

 

http://www.trappedforums.com/index.php?showtopic=7306&hl=

[tokyo]

Lee,

you have to find something that you can be proud of, that you´re good in and that you like, do some sport, go in a chess club, become an expert about Australia, but do something. You should know what you want in your life, you have to have a vision of yourself, of how you want to be and then work on it. If you don´t know what to do at a party, then talk with a friend about it, get a book on how to overcome your shyness, take some classes about interpersonal communications and then go out and practice. Don´t take things so serious, sometimes I do that, too, and get angry at people, but usually nobody has the intention of harming you. When I was younger I also felt weird about going to parties, etc. You have to go and practice, that´s it It´s about practicing I hate doing presentations, but it´s getting better. Everybody is nervious, they only hide it better.

 

I have a good idea, try to take a rhetoric class. You will learn a lot about communication and also often they make videos. You will see how others perceive you and it´s usually totally different than what you expect. I remember I was tutor in a class last year, I was pretty nervious, a bunch of people that I didn´t know at all. But this year I talked with one of those students after a presentation I did in another class and he also talked about a rhetoric seminar that he had taken and he was also surprised how self-confident he appeared in this video. I started asking what he thought about me last year. And he said I looked pretty self-confident and he was therefore surprised that I was so excited about this presentation (I buggered this one - well, I have to keep on practicing ).

 

You have to find something to enjoy and love your life

[tokyo]

It just occured to me that having an animal is also nice. I think the reason why people are so often

depressed is that they have no one or nothing to care about. And you will meet people when you

walk your dog

[leeutalkin2me]

I think she finishes work next friday , im sure she flies on the 5th of september. I had thought all last week that friday was gonna b her last day so i was pretty down for more numerous reasons. She came to see me just before i was due to finish work and presumed she had come to say goodbye or to give me the opportunity to wish her a good trip, before i knew it half an hour had passed wiv us talking. Colleagues in the other room were trying to put me off, i could see them all close up to the window watching n making me know they had seen me talking with her and a guy on the photocopier made sure he got an eyeful of her too lol.

 

Yes she will be coming back to work after her 4months, im presuming as she wants to be in sydney for new year, she should be returning very soon in january.

 

I am gonna try n say to her before she leaves that if she is emailing ppl at work, that id like to b sent a copy to hear how things are going and what she is up to

Over the weekend, ive found a guide book i have on sydney and am gonna take that to work for her to see if she would like to look at it or even take it with her, it does have my home email address and mobile number in too lol, but not in a too obvious way, has other scribbled notes too. Gives her the chance just to send me a fun txt msg when she is away bragging about her holiday, cos i have joked to her that im really jealous of her, she came to see me on friday n said so do u still hate me in a non serious way n i said i didnt hate her n she said ok then dispised, the things that ran though my head when i said i didnt hate her, im glad i didnt spit something out like how could i hate you, that would have left a open ended question that could have been interpretated that i think she is lovely.

 

She probably does like me, im just afraid that we only talk because of the Australia topic, or maybe this is what has given us the opportunity to talk??tough one

 

When i emailed her last week when at work, i asked if she wanted to see my Oz photos n that i would bring them in for her, i got a reply back saying yeah she would, she was trying to see them when i came back and had them at work, i remember that exact event where she was in the office for sum reason and ppl were lookin, she did come over to see a couple acting interested, but i didnt have a clue she was that interested n that she had wanted to see them all,(i didntk now she was planning a trip to oz either).

I dont know why she didnt ask me though, granted we didnt really know each other or spoken before, surely she knew my name and could have emailed me if she wasnt sure about asking in person. To me she doesnt seem the shy type

 

It would be nice to see her outside work, to go down the town, a couple of drinks after work in a quiet place where we can talk, to me that would be perfect with any pretty female, just a bit of company thats all. I dont think i have it inside me to ask her if she wants to go somewhere after work just to talk, it sounds too much like a date, and she might think so too, with it being her last week she probs has packing to do so thats her excuse.

 

I cant just come out and ask her something like that.

It would make my year if she suggested we talk somewhere and did, then again if i was invited somewhere and lots of ppl from her office were there, like a farewell gathering i dont think i would go, too many people.

 

Lee

[leeutalkin2me]

In the case of this girl at work, i saw her just before i left tonight, infact i didnt see her for most of the day and it was total luck that i bumped into her on my way down the corridor to go home. To be honest i was testing to see if she would contact me before i left considering it was her last day, she hadnt but maybe i was supposed to say have a good trip and so it was my fault. Anyway had a little chat, wished her well, she thanked for me for the book i gave her again, i asked if she wud b emailing work when she is away n i said well add me to the list as id like to know what she gets up to, she said she would and would sent pics. Im happy that we parted on good terms. At first when i bumped into her i headed down the corridor but turned back to wish her a good trip n then talked, i think she may have been waiting for me to say it, rather than her say anything, i wudnt have been happy if we hadnt spoke before she left.

On drive home felt good, sad that she is gonna b gone but at least she will contact me while she is away i thought. I admitted to someone at work today, when i was askd who in the building would u say is a babe, and i said Gill, im sure it must have been obvious what i thought of her.

I thought during my drive home that i really do wanna improve myself and should go to the doctors, nxt friday is my birthday, and ppl from work are going out down the town to the pubs that night for someone in my offices birthday in a couple of weeks and im expected to go even tho they know i always say no. i did consider it when i was feeling good on way home but think will see what happens at the doctors, although by then my feeling good and new determination will have gone and probs not go out on the nightout anyway.

Its strange, if i do get some help and change i should thank gill, even if nothing happens with us when shegets back, even though it would be great if i was so lucky. I think as time passes i will gradually get over gill not being here, well in the back of my mind and hopefully focus on improving myself mentally and physically.

 

I do know i need to get my life on track, but i think some kind of treatment is needed before that stage, just to get the basis in my head in line.

 

I may feel totally different once the weekend is gone and im back at work and end up shying away form things again, and letting things eat up inside me about who i am, and wanting someone special. I do need to help myself though.

 

Just thought id add this and see what you think

Lee

[manofmystrey]

Lee

 

First off dude, you need to find something u like to do and then get good at that.

 

I am not expert on the topic but dude u need to get more confident in urself. The best way to do that is get a confident walk. As the bee gees said "You can tell be the way I use my walk that I am a ladies man."

 

I have more female friends then I have guy friends and they have all told me the one thing that they like most is men that have a condident walk. That makes the world of a difference. If you present urself as shy, or scard or unsure of urself people will see that and that alone will deture woman from taking a notice in u.

 

You have perfect weapon on ur side. You work with all woman that take time to want to help u and talk to u. I was u I would sit the ones u feel the most comfratable with and get them to help give u a make over. Start talking to them heck take them out so others can see u with hot woman and that way u will get more comfy being out with the oppisite sex and also u will get more comfy in urself being around others. Then when u are out u will start meeting their friends and things like that. U dont have to go clubbing, go for coffee, lunch, dinner, paintballing.......... But dude get out of the office..............

 

The girls at work like u they like to hang with u. If they invite u go, even if u feel a little akward at first but a few times later u will get more comfy and when the girl u like gets back from her trip u will be more confident and comfy and then u can ask her out.