FailedFirstLove Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Everyone seems to have the same problems with these urges to contact or check on their exs! Maybe if we shared some ideas it may help others too? im really bad with these urges and sometimes i can't control it and i end up worse and regretting it more than ever! -what i try to do is visit this website! - watch youtube videos -text my friends -go out to movies or anywhere without internet!
MyAngel Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I get urges but I do NOT react to it. I do NOT contact. That's all. Nothing special, I just don't do it. Yes it's very hard 1
na49 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Posting here is probably at the top of my list. I also play a video game, if I get into it enough my ex doesn't pop into my head at all. Sometimes it's good to get really angry at playing a game lol. Catching up with friends is also helpful. These are all things that I do when I can't/am not going out. Going out with friends. Going to work. Hanging out with family are all helpful to me too. I need more ways to get rid of the urges when I'm home sitting around bored though.
stevie_23 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Ah yes. The urges. I am doing well today so far, but everyday is different. My only advice (which doesn’t even work for me some of the time, but whatever, lol) is… - Realise that checking up on your ex will not give you any closure, comfort or reassurance that they love you and still care, or any hope or sign that they plan to get back together with you (this applies more if you were the dumpee) - Realise that checking on your ex will instead often make you feel more alone, lonely, angry, resentful, upset, and any other variety of negative emotion - Realise that anything you read from your ex on public spaces such as Facebook or discussion forums online will most likely (to you, who will no doubt over-analyse any comments you find) come across as cold, like they’re having the best time ever without you, and like they’re perfectly fine. Depending how your relationship ended, they are most likely NOT fine. They will be grieving too, but it doesn’t mean they’re going to blab it all over public websites to their friends and family - Realise that reading deep meaning into every word they say is completely dysfunctional and not useful at all in terms of you ever letting go and being happy again. If they seem fine, you will feel hurt and angry. If they seem sad, you will feel hopeless and less alone in your own grief over the relationship. But either way, what good is it to know this stuff? If he’s happy, it shouldn’t affect your own happiness. If he’s sad, it doesn’t mean he’s coming back to you. If he wanted to talk to you, he would. Simple as that - When you feel the urge to check a site you know he posts on, try to keep in mind the above points and try to distract yourself with emailing someone else or looking at other websites, or even avoiding going online entirely until the strongest urge passes - If none of these work, maybe keep your check-ups to once a day only, and then slowly ween yourself off them. Go to every other day, then every few days. Eventually you will easier realise the above points, about how checking and knowing what he’s doing and feeling (which you DON’T know anyway. You only know what you see, and it’s inaccurate and not direct information), is NOT going to make you feel better
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