mutant Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 This is probably the most common advice that is dished out by close friends to dumpees after BU. The more subtle form of this advice is to "go out there, make new friends and get into nothing serious" does this work? I recently got out of a 4 year, emotionally abusive relationship where i suffered Erectile dysfunction (ED). I loved the ex dearly and never cheated on her. BU was 8 months ago,now NC 1 month after being strung along for 7 freaking months. I recently started dating 2 ladies one of whom I had sex with 2 weeks ago. My next door beautiful Neighbor who i have known and admired for about a year started flirting with me a week ago and yesterday we had amazing sex. These sex encounters are amazing but leave me feeling crappy the next day. Today I am back to wondering what my ex is up to and if she is experiencing similar roller coaster rides. I am starting to think I am better off not banging these ladies and i honestly dont know how to deal with this sexy neighbor. How does this work?
FailedFirstLove Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Self control and learning from your mistakes. There is no need for all of that just to gain a little satisfaction for a limited of time. It's not worth it. Don't do it. 1
LostOne1 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I will say sleeping around won't help. Or even dating for that matter. What you need is YOU time alone for awhile. Doing things you want to do and sorting yourself out. You will feel like you want to know what she is doing and what she is up to. That's normal and natural to do and you will feel urges to contact her. I think making new friends works. I've met many new people over my BU. It helps to meet and see new people and just hang out. But it still hurts too in some ways when you get home and realize they are just friends. And that the one special person you missed a lot is not around. 2
Author mutant Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 Self control and learning from your mistakes. There is no need for all of that just to gain a little satisfaction for a limited of time. It's not worth it. Don't do it. I don't think it's morally wrong to get laid after BU if it helps one get over an ex. However, in my case it doesn't and i will exercise more self control in future. Part of me wanted to ascertain that i no longer have ED. Is there anyone out there that can truly say that getting laid helped them get over an ex who they loved?
LostOne1 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I don't think it's morally wrong to get laid after BU if it helps one get over an ex. However, in my case it doesn't and i will exercise more self control in future. Part of me wanted to ascertain that i no longer have ED. Is there anyone out there that can truly say that getting laid helped them get over an ex who they loved? Perosnally would make me feel like crap. I thought about it and couldn't imagine any other women touching me. It just would feel wrong being with my ex always and now some random girl I don't know would be there... almost like replacing her, but it would be weird for me as a guy. I still had attachement towards my ex. For her I know she had no attachment so for her it was very easy to do so.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I don't think it's morally wrong to get laid after BU if it helps one get over an ex. However, in my case it doesn't and i will exercise more self control in future. Part of me wanted to ascertain that i no longer have ED. Is there anyone out there that can truly say that getting laid helped them get over an ex who they loved? oh i wasn't saying its morally wrong! people r free to do what they want. only that you did it twice and it didnt help! ive heard people say they dated and it helps for abit. but nothing about sleeping with others.
Author mutant Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 I will say sleeping around won't help. Or even dating for that matter. What you need is YOU time alone for awhile. Doing things you want to do and sorting yourself out. You will feel like you want to know what she is doing and what she is up to. That's normal and natural to do and you will feel urges to contact her. I think making new friends works. I've met many new people over my BU. It helps to meet and see new people and just hang out. But it still hurts too in some ways when you get home and realize they are just friends. And that the one special person you missed a lot is not around. I agree we shouldn't get into anything serious after BU because we may not allow ourselves to heal effectively. But what about no-strings attached sexual relationships? I think all post BU strategies have their "up and down" moments. For instance, NC has been a roller coaster for me. One day i am happy that my ex is somebody else's problem the next i wish she was mine. Does getting laid help one towards achieving indifference? Are there people out there that believe random sex after BU is one step towards the right direction? Also doesn't help when a hot neighbor shows up at your door looking sexy as ever and having baked you cookies.
itsmyfault Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Well you have been split for 8 months, I'd say as long as you keep no contact you could easily develop a relationship with either of these women. at 8 months you know now its over and all that remains is to flush your ex from your system. It's up to you really, your ex isn't coming back. You have an opportunity, You don't want to regret not making the most of it. life is to short. Now i should listen to my own advise also. You are probably thinking of your ex because the sex reminded you of the closeness you once shared? I think that will fade once you get into a relationship with one of them.
cavalier99 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I'm all for getting laid as much as possible after a a BU. Seems to help me and my confidence. I'm just not ready for a relationship with anyone. So I say bang the whole neighborhood test out the package and make sure it is is tip top shape. ...well maybe stick to the next neighborhood over! If you run into problem you need to be able to walk around with your head held up high.
loversquarrel Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I don't think it's morally wrong to get laid after BU if it helps one get over an ex. However, in my case it doesn't and i will exercise more self control in future. Part of me wanted to ascertain that i no longer have ED. Is there anyone out there that can truly say that getting laid helped them get over an ex who they loved? Getting laid didn't help at all....in fact it effed me up more and in a sense placed a delay on the pain I was feeling. The old addage "You can run but you can't hide" applies to this type of pain, especially where you came out of an abusive relationship. You need time to heal and let the pain subside, if you don't you will get yourself trapped in a never ending cycle of avoidance. This is coming from a man who has lived this experience and witnessed many of his close friends react in the same way.
cavalier99 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Getting laid didn't help at all....in fact it effed me up more and in a sense placed a delay on the pain I was feeling. The old addage "You can run but you can't hide" applies to this type of pain, especially where you came out of an abusive relationship. You need time to heal and let the pain subside, if you don't you will get yourself trapped in a never ending cycle of avoidance. This is coming from a man who has lived this experience and witnessed many of his close friends react in the same way. Guess it depends. I have had a few adventures post BU and they were fun. But if you feel like crap after or it is your only focus... better to lay low for a while. I agree that you cant use it to mask you pain..only to up your confidence and let you know that you can still get out there and have fun without the EX.
Author mutant Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 Well you have been split for 8 months, I'd say as long as you keep no contact you could easily develop a relationship with either of these women. You are probably thinking of your ex because the sex reminded you of the closeness you once shared? I think that will fade once you get into a relationship with one of them. I don't think I can be emotionally available to any of these women. I am not yet ready to enter in a relationship with any lady at this stage. I have also not been serious with any of them and they know i am simply looking for fun. I'm all for getting laid as much as possible after a a BU. Seems to help me and my confidence. I'm just not ready for a relationship with anyone. So I say bang the whole neighborhood test out the package and make sure it is is tip top shape. ...well maybe stick to the next neighborhood over! If you run into problem you need to be able to walk around with your head held up high. This made me laugh. I have been flirting with ladies at the mall, coffee shops, at work and at every other opportunity. In most cases i've ended up getting their phone numbers. This has been a major confidence boost because I feel handsome and wanted. Lol
Mr.White Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Interesting. I am still going to look for post break up sex. It has been almost two months, and I seek a woman's special touch hehe. I feel like until you are completely over your ex sex will not be a good idea because from this song 'I am making love to you through her'. YIKES! So the singer basically had his ex in his mind while he was having sex with another girl. Shows that he was not over her. Good to know that they know you're only looking for fun! It will help keep both of you on the same page.
cavalier99 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I don't think I can be emotionally available to any of these women. I am not yet ready to enter in a relationship with any lady at this stage. I have also not been serious with any of them and they know i am simply looking for fun. This made me laugh. I have been flirting with ladies at the mall, coffee shops, at work and at every other opportunity. In most cases i've ended up getting their phone numbers. This has been a major confidence boost because I feel handsome and wanted. Lol I do the same. Been flirting a lot . Anything that builds up confidence is good. If doing this made me feel bad id stop. But seems to be OK for now. Lol. I don't see any reason i shouldn't have fun at least and get used to being single. Just not going to get involved with anyone yet.
Author mutant Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 Interesting. I am still going to look for post break up sex. It has been almost two months, and I seek a woman's special touch hehe. I feel like until you are completely over your ex sex will not be a good idea because from this song 'I am making love to you through her'. YIKES! So the singer basically had his ex in his mind while he was having sex with another girl. Shows that he was not over her. Good to know that they know you're only looking for fun! It will help keep both of you on the same page. Interestingly, i didn't go out looking for sex; it just came up naturally. For example, i suggested to my work collegue that i should give her a massage after she claimed she felt tired from doing monotonous office work. Her reply was " i am not sure about doing this today. How about next weekend at your place....and you better be good at it". That response suprised me because she' s quite irresistible and unless i chicken out this could be another "opportunity".
cavalier99 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Interestingly, i didn't go out looking for sex; it just came up naturally. For example, i suggested to my work collegue that i should give her a massage after she claimed she felt tired from doing monotonous office work. Her reply was " i am not sure about doing this today. How about next weekend at your place....and you better be good at it". That response suprised me because she' s quite irresistible and unless i chicken out this could be another "opportunity". Maaan. Stuff like that never happens to me. I'm jealous. 2
Author mutant Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 Maaan. Stuff like that never happens to me. I'm jealous. This doesnt occur to me often, that's why i was surprised. I bet its because she knows me well enough as a work-mate and feels at ease with me. I never flirted with any girl while i was dating the ex
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