Kahuna Cowboy Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Hello, Thank you in advance for reading and offering any help. I'm typically not one to seek out help, but this time is different and I really want this to work if it can. I took a year off dating, I was just running through the motions with women never really vested in serious dating or relationships. Just tired of the same old same old with women that I just could not connect with. Long story short after almost a year off, I felt ready. I tried an online dating site with a friend and I met really great girl. We hit it off instantly. Constantly texting, calling, all day for nearly a week. Then we met in person and it was no different, in fact it was even better! We dated for a few weeks and it was great. We connected on every level, for the first time ever I truly enjoyed being with a woman on every facet, I was not sitting there seeing an issue or warning and bargaining with myself that I can deal with that issue or this warning sign. That was a first for me. The only "issue" there was she wanted to take it slow, and has never really dated as most of her relationships developed out of friendships. I was in no hurry either so I was fine with it. On date one we cuddled a bit, kissed some but just sweet kisses, not open mouth or anything, held hands etc... It just felt natural for both of us. After a few weeks she was afraid things were moving too fast but I reinforced I was not pressuring her into anything and just letting it flow at her speed. She was okay with that and being things had not progressed from those simple forms of affection everything seemed okay and we were still vibing. And I thought it was cute how she was asking for all her friend's approval of me and they all loved me. The next night we went to a bar with friends and after we were both tipsy she made out with me at the bar. She intiated that and I just responded. The next day she apologized for the mixed signals but I told her I was okay with it as I really was digging her on every level and loved being with her. A few days later she threw a New Year's Eve party and we both drank way too much, at midnight we kissed, by 2am we were both in her bed making out, she was putting my hands in places so to speak, again escalated by her. That was the extent of New Years Eve. New Year's Day she invited me to dinner to her parents, and we went and it was nice. Her mom loved me as did her family. She went out of my way to hold my hand in front of them because I was being reserved and respectful to her family. We left there and went to my place, she stayed the night and we were intimate. It was great! I don't think sex after one month of knowing each other and 3 weeks of solid dating is out of line but I recognized that may have been fast for her. She escalated that night just as much as I did and she admitted it and even though it was great between us she said she was not quite ready to go there again right away. I agreed and was okay with it, I feel her on every level and I don't need regular sex right away, it just happened but we both enjoyed it. The next few days were fine, but that weekend I could tell even though she was truly busy as she had to work the weekend and had Pre existing plans already with friends for a birthday and concert no effort was made to see me. I knew something was a amiss. Then last Sunday I asked her of she was cool, and she hit me with the friend zone. I was crushed inside. I've truly never vibed with a girl like this before and to hear that just sucked. She said she would feel more comfortable backing off the dating title and seeing if things developed from a place of friendship. Said she really liked me on many levels too, have "husband like qualities", and there was something special between us. But she's not comfortable dating and felt like she had to force herself to feel things as fast I was. I guess I conveyed too much interest but I was just trying to be real with her and not play games, I didn't feel I needed too with her. Since then texts and calls are sparse, we both hurt and even she says she has not been the same since either. I'm truly at a loss how to proceed here. I'm trying to not text her and call and let her reach out when she's comfortable as I don't want to be clingy or anything. But I'm not sure if that's the right way to be. I really don't want to lose her, I'm 34 and she's 30, we both haven't seen anyone in nearly a year but she really is something special and if this can be salvaged I could really use some advice on ideas how to do that. Thank you.
todreaminblue Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 you say the sex was great but dont talk about her saying anything about it......just for clarification what was said by her about the sex..the fact she said she didnt want to and then did it is a bit of a flag....so if you can tell me what was exactly said not if its too graphic but along her line of thinking.... i dont know if i can help with salvaging but maybe some kind fo clue....other than the sex it seemed to be going"vibing "great so i think it has something to do with that.had she discussed her sexual history with you prior to having sex with you....also???..i will let you know now if a woman friend zones you just after sex....it was the sex that put you there normally....i have not done this ....i have dated from the friend zone but relationships took them out of it....became my best friend and partner instead...never put a guy back in never had too was always sure before hand it was further on from dating when i had sex............deb
Author Kahuna Cowboy Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 Hello Deb, She has not had that many partners, under 10. I however had much more am more experienced. She said "I've got skills and it was awesome". I'm confident it was not an issue of bad sex, but rather the act of it so fast in her mind that triggered the response.
todreaminblue Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Hello Deb, She has not had that many partners, under 10. I however had much more am more experienced. She said "I've got skills and it was awesome". I'm confident it was not an issue of bad sex, but rather the act of it so fast in her mind that triggered the response. Ok, well that knocks one theory down about the sex.I think it being too fast might have been the issue if that is the case give her some space to think but if you truly want to salvage anything, the only way to do it is to talk to her and have a conversation.I would suggest give her time and this depends i guess on how long you are willing to wait?. Do you know if she is meeting other guys online?. I think it would be a good idea on talking about whether you still want to go back to being friends even if that is fine for her,doesnt necessarily make it fine for you, obviously you aren't happy about it.Maybe she didn't want a full on sexual relationship and from that time she maybe thinking its going to happen all the time and be expected.That is a possibility.You know this girl what are your gut feelings? I hve tried to make this post coherent if you find it hard to understand, just let me know, and ill try to write it differently.
Misspennyapple Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I wa shocked when you said you're both in your 30s. I assumed you both to be early 20s while reading. Anyway maybe she's just not ready to commit to you so soon? If using a dating website maybe she's not ready to be done dating and exploring her options, and you sleeping together made her realize how quickly it was getting serious. She must like you if she still wants to be your friend, but she may just be enjoying being single and dating. I'm currently using a dating website and have been on a few dates with a guy. We kiss and cuddle and I've stayed over, but I don't want it to progress further yet because he's the first one ive met. It has only been a couple months. If I were you I'd keep going on dates or meeting women until you figure out what's going on with her.
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