FailedFirstLove Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 She has ur number or email right? She can go out of her way a little if she wants u back. And u gotta make her work for it if its going to work out that way. If he doesn't she will see how easy it is and will dump u again next time. Knowing she just has to say. Please come back and you will be running into her arms.
LostOne1 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I agree in many ways, and in fact after one time I acted so friendly (non flirtatious) she bluntly said "I still love you so much." however at this point of NC I kinda see those were just breadcrumbs...if she really wanted to reconcile she would have done it by now. Me getting on my computer and then getting destroyed to see her doing so well (not that I want her to be a raging depressed alcoholic) isn't helping anybody. So yeah you better believe it is effecting me, so blocking her seemed pretty logical. Although I have to admit, I am effected by the fact of "What if she wants to reconcile and she can't contact me?" plus I would want to show her i'm surviving with a happy fb status or two. She doesn't need to see your status. If she REALLY wants to know about you.. she will dig up info some way or another. ANd if she really wants to reach you she WILL find a way. She can easily make a fake FB account and msg you.. or text you from another number. Trust me she CAN reach you if she needs too. So don't worry about that. Worry about showing her NO signs of your life so she is left wondering what is going on with you. She has ur number or email right? She can go out of her way a little if she wants u back. And u gotta make her work for it if its going to work out that way. If he doesn't she will see how easy it is and will dump u again next time. Knowing she just has to say. Please come back and you will be running into her arms. Agreed.. She has to work for it and make the effort now to come back chasing and saying she messed up and wants to work it out.
Author ActionJ623 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 She doesn't need to see your status. If she REALLY wants to know about you.. she will dig up info some way or another. ANd if she really wants to reach you she WILL find a way. She can easily make a fake FB account and msg you.. or text you from another number. Trust me she CAN reach you if she needs too. So don't worry about that. Worry about showing her NO signs of your life so she is left wondering what is going on with you. I see now, it's just ugh I thought I would regain some control and feel better but now all I can do is second guess myself...which is dangerous. I think about during our relationship and how she never initiated contact so what if she is doing the same thing now...still loving me but is just too scared now? But then I see myself going into that dark kinda false hope/use NC as a tool to get the ex back mode and I guess I rather get ready to move on. It's all kinda crazy when a person is such a big deal in your life then they are just gone like that
FailedFirstLove Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I see now, it's just ugh I thought I would regain some control and feel better but now all I can do is second guess myself...which is dangerous. I think about during our relationship and how she never initiated contact so what if she is doing the same thing now...still loving me but is just too scared now? But then I see myself going into that dark kinda false hope/use NC as a tool to get the ex back mode and I guess I rather get ready to move on. It's all kinda crazy when a person is such a big deal in your life then they are just gone like that Ahh. Same thought as me. I was worried about ohh his probably too scared to contact me anymore. An all that stuff... Still partially think that. But if I contact I wouldn't know what to say. And what I expect to gain from it? Rub in the face that his moved on? I think it wud hurt more than just stopping ur urges. I haf a feeling he will one day contact. Maybe few months. And I hope I wud ha moved on by then.
Sanctionne Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Blocking her was the best thing that you could do for yourself right now. Because of FB and my inability to control my urges from looking at my exes fb pg and the girl he started dating 2 wks after he dumped me it delayed the healings process. Finally after 3 months of NC from him I deactivated my acct for 3 wks and now that I'm back online I don't have as strong an urge to see what he is up to. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss... If she wants to reach you then she will find a way... Personally even if my ex tried to come back I couldn't be w someone that was able to move on so quickly. I don't care if he did it to keep himself from thinking of me or any of the other bs excuses ppl come up with. If you truly kove someone then you would never want to hurt them in that way. In addition I think it shows a lack of respect. It was his choice to leave, so now It's his prob not mine. Had he not moved on so fast I would more than likely take him back. But if he tried after being w someone else it would always be in the back of my head and the relationship would end again. Good luck to you
na49 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Thanks guys/girls for the encouragement. It feels terrible because now it really feels like she is gone...before it was like, "Maybe if I log in or check my phone she will text she's sorry and pour her heart out! She was just using these guys to get over me!" but now...idk it feels like I did something wrong blocking her out completely. I want to just turn back now and tell her how much I love her but I can't do that. Just a quick venting moment...and it really surprises how she can just move on and love all these other guys like I wasn't anything which makes it 100x worse. Maybe she thinks I have moved on & don't care and thats why she thinks she should move on...that's how it all feels right now. :( It's normal to feel that way but you have to realize something. She is dating someone else. Why do you think she cares whether or not you've moved on when she's moving on with this new guy? I know you guys were meant for each other, but that's the wrong way to go about this. You're worried about her thinking you've moved on??? You are trying to move on right? Right!? If you aren't, then unblock her and keep trying to "win her back" Show her you haven't moved on and let me know if she takes you back. Keep crying your eyes out. You're more attractive and desirable to her if you aren't crying like a baby and begging for her to come back. You look more like a man if you don't reply right away to every text she sends and tell her how much you love her. She won't realize what she's losing out on because you haven't left her alone. This isn't a movie. It's real life. That gooey "i love you we are meant for each other please come back :(" and having them come back, stuff doesn't work. If she has second thoughts at all, she'll find a way to reach out to you and give you her sob story and apologize etc. Also sorry if I'm being harsh. You just remind me so much of myself, that it's like I'm giving you this advice but also giving myself this advice. Chin up bud, it'll get better. 1
Author ActionJ623 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 It's normal to feel that way but you have to realize something. She is dating someone else. Why do you think she cares whether or not you've moved on when she's moving on with this new guy? I know you guys were meant for each other, but that's the wrong way to go about this. You're worried about her thinking you've moved on??? You are trying to move on right? Right!? If you aren't, then unblock her and keep trying to "win her back" Show her you haven't moved on and let me know if she takes you back. Keep crying your eyes out. You're more attractive and desirable to her if you aren't crying like a baby and begging for her to come back. You look more like a man if you don't reply right away to every text she sends and tell her how much you love her. She won't realize what she's losing out on because you haven't left her alone. This isn't a movie. It's real life. That gooey "i love you we are meant for each other please come back :(" and having them come back, stuff doesn't work. If she has second thoughts at all, she'll find a way to reach out to you and give you her sob story and apologize etc. Also sorry if I'm being harsh. You just remind me so much of myself, that it's like I'm giving you this advice but also giving myself this advice. Chin up bud, it'll get better. Don't feel bad about the harshness man, I didn't think you were harsh, but I guess it's just the truth and it's not meant to be always what I want to hear. I rather be surrounded by people that tell me how it is than "yes men." (Quick historical lesson "yes men" were referred to the king/queen's councilors who were so afraid of their lords they agreed with all their decisions and told them exactly what they wanted to hear..sorry I thought it was kinda interesting ) But I feel better already today, and I guess ups/downs are part of moving on. I shouldn't care what she thinks and just need to let go. NC is being maintained admirably right now and I think I made the right decision.
LostOne1 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Don't feel bad about the harshness man, I didn't think you were harsh, but I guess it's just the truth and it's not meant to be always what I want to hear. I rather be surrounded by people that tell me how it is than "yes men." (Quick historical lesson "yes men" were referred to the king/queen's councilors who were so afraid of their lords they agreed with all their decisions and told them exactly what they wanted to hear..sorry I thought it was kinda interesting ) But I feel better already today, and I guess ups/downs are part of moving on. I shouldn't care what she thinks and just need to let go. NC is being maintained admirably right now and I think I made the right decision. Give it time man me and na49 have had some time to digest things. But time will help you a lot. It will get easier and then it becomes more of a good day bad day thing. There is no point in caring about what she thinks... I mean do you care what random strangers think of you? Probably not, well SHE is now a RANDOM STRANGER. She is not going out with you and so treat her as a random stranger. And what did I say... we probably don't care about what random strangers think of us right? So now you shouldnt care about what she thinks of you....
Author ActionJ623 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 I think I'm just really scared of not finding someone that I can click with on all fronts like I did with my ex. She's not going through this, and she probably can't imagine how I feel exactly but she's off living it up with her crushes and guy friends It just all sucks and I miss her so much. I have to let reality sink in and realize she's gone and I cant change that, just let time take its toll. She is remaining blocked.
LostOne1 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I think I'm just really scared of not finding someone that I can click with on all fronts like I did with my ex. She's not going through this, and she probably can't imagine how I feel exactly but she's off living it up with her crushes and guy friends It just all sucks and I miss her so much. I have to let reality sink in and realize she's gone and I cant change that, just let time take its toll. She is remaining blocked. I sometimes feel that way too. I feel like I clicked so well with her and we just hit it off so well. We had SOO much in common, and I won't find someone with that connection. But we have to fight that fear, which is why we need to meet new people. To see what else is out there. I'm sure my ex thinks she can do better OR she thinks she doesn't need a guy. That she is already better off herself. I miss my ex a lot too no doubt about that. I know we went through ****, but I'd give her a big hug now if I could still.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Since today wud have been our 4th year exactly. Would sending a text really set me back? I'm not sure what to say but I'm just so tempted
Author ActionJ623 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 I would say a big no to the text. I mean it's over so I don't see the need to keep up with the anniversaries, are you gonna text/call him on what would have been your 15th year together? It would set you back but if you choose to do so the world won't end but you may feel considerably bad and stupid afterwards. I've contacted my ex when trying to go NC and i've always regretted it, just let NC take its course. Today I felt noticeably better and have kinda started to stop counting my NC days which is pretty cool (Almost week 3!). She's starting to become just a happy memory which, in a way, makes me sad at how two people after sharing so much must go through this. It's still hard but hang in there i'm going through the same urges as well 1
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