Just blocked the ex and I feel worse :(

[ActionJ623]

I put a frowny because on day 16 of NC, getting others to finally get my stuff I got a good sense of finally moving on. I wished her the best but then I finally broke looked at her fb and she just talked about how she was in love with a guy 10 years older than her and she can't have him yet, and how much pain she is in and how nobody loves her. Like wow really?

 

Now this sunk in and reality hit and I wondered why I tortured myself so much so I just ended it there and blocked her. But now I wonder "what if she's sorry and wants to get back together? How will she contact me?" Well today has sucked because of that, then you have the friends that repeatedly make fun of me for wishing NC and telling them to STOP bringing her up. ""Wow man your such a P***y, man up!" Thats all I hear from them. Especially after getting my sis to get my stuff from her to maintain NC. Is this normal to feel so down after giving up on false hopes, and blocking her from my life?

Edited January 13, 2013 by ActionJ623

[AlisaMarie]

How was there any false hope? She stated she's in love with someone else. You did the right thing by blocking her, trust me. It takes more than a couple weeks to get over someone so keep your chin up. Someone will come along and make you forget about her when you're least expecting!

[sharkbite]

i agree with Alisa, if she is that open about "loving" someone else then she is moving on. Blocking her is the best thing to do, if she reeeeeeeeally wants you back to point that its worth taking her back after she is writing something like that then she'll go to all length to find your #, e-mail, facebook isn't the only way of contacting someone.......in fact i deleted mine altogether. good luck, and keep your chin up. You will get past this and you will join your friends at looking back on this relationship and laughing, thats what they want you to do......but it takes time.

[na49]

Is this normal to feel so down after giving up on false hopes, and blocking her from my life?

 

YES YES 100 TIMES YES. Holy crap. This is part of moving on. I'm still struggling with it today. It's when we finally start to realize, they moved on. We already know that they have, but it just hits us now that they really don't want us anymore. That they have found people that they love more than us. That their life didn't stop once we were out of it, while our life has sucked since they've been gone.

 

Your false hopes are going, and that's all you have left. So you're stuck with nothing to hold on to. No bread crumbs, no nothing. It sucks. It really sucks. It will suck for a long time, I can't even tell you how long, because I haven't gotten over this yet. but it really is for your own good. Looking at her facebook is toxic. Even I haven't done that in over 2 months, but have seen pictures of her and looked at her twitter. She looks happy as can be, I doubt I even cross her mind anymore honestly. She's having such a great time, probably so excited to get back to school with all of her new friends while I go back and have to start over completely.

 

No one feels sorry for us. We just have to keep going. They don't care about us anymore. They really don't. According to her, you don't love her (I know, it's frustrating as hell). So that's why she's writing that no one loves her.

[ActionJ623]

Thanks guys/girls for the encouragement. It feels terrible because now it really feels like she is gone...before it was like, "Maybe if I log in or check my phone she will text she's sorry and pour her heart out! She was just using these guys to get over me!" but now...idk it feels like I did something wrong blocking her out completely. I want to just turn back now and tell her how much I love her but I can't do that. Just a quick venting moment...and it really surprises how she can just move on and love all these other guys like I wasn't anything which makes it 100x worse. Maybe she thinks I have moved on & don't care and thats why she thinks she should move on...that's how it all feels right now. :(

[cavalier99]

Sorry man. Its rough.

 

Don't think about what she might think or not. Stop torturing yourself. She left remember? and doesn't deserve your thoughts..easier said than done:). Believe me she knows how you feel. She just doesn't care for you romantically anymore and is living her life. You need to kill all hope of getting back together or it will destroy you.

 

It was the right move blocking her. Stay NC! And it gets better. Don't second guess your decision! Good call

[FailedFirstLove]

I blocked mine from day 1!!! And avoid fb. It feels alot better not knowing. When I caved in and checked his friends I was so torn!!!! His photos are all happy and fun and party!!! While I was in bed crying my eyes out...

[cavalier99]

I blocked mine from day 1!!! And avoid fb. It feels alot better not knowing. When I caved in and checked his friends I was so torn!!!! His photos are all happy and fun and party!!! While I was in bed crying my eyes out...

 

Good move. I blocked mine on day 1 also. However there were a few email exchanged the 1st week. Don't go on their FB ...better to know nothing and let them disappear into oblivion.

[FailedFirstLove]

Good move. I blocked mine on day 1 also. However there were a few email exchanged the 1st week. Don't go on their FB ...better to know nothing and let them disappear into oblivion.

 

Oh I do not dare again. Even tho I get tempted to. The pain just aches for so long. And after that I cannot control myself. So I end up contacting him. Hoping it would hold me there in his memories. No way am I going through that pain again!

[LostOne1]

I blocked mine from day 1!!! And avoid fb. It feels alot better not knowing. When I caved in and checked his friends I was so torn!!!! His photos are all happy and fun and party!!! While I was in bed crying my eyes out...

 

Sometimes I wonder if dumpers ACT it out on purpose. They assume dumpee will look up their FB etc.. So to feel better they show they have moved on and feel no pain at all. Maybe some of them do feel pain, but they don't want to show it at all. Otherwise it makes them look weak for making a decision and falling back. But then again it could be they are liking it without us too.

 

Thanks guys/girls for the encouragement. It feels terrible because now it really feels like she is gone...before it was like, "Maybe if I log in or check my phone she will text she's sorry and pour her heart out! She was just using these guys to get over me!" but now...idk it feels like I did something wrong blocking her out completely. I want to just turn back now and tell her how much I love her but I can't do that. Just a quick venting moment...and it really surprises how she can just move on and love all these other guys like I wasn't anything which makes it 100x worse. Maybe she thinks I have moved on & don't care and thats why she thinks she should move on...that's how it all feels right now. :(

 

Yeah I thought that way too. How can my ex go from obsessing over me to feeling nothing for me at all. It made no sense and maybe now it only makes part sense. But I've let it go now and just see it as I have no control over it. Some how she felt it was better to leave me. Maybe it was a game to have me feel how it feels to lose someone. So when she makes me feel that way I will want her more after and will do more for her. Maybe she thought that would work and it backfired on her.

 

No idea.. I just know I had a future with her and a life planned. Now it's gone and a new future has to exist. And sadly it will NOT involve her now and it may be tough and hard to accept. But I know at some point my heart and mind will fully accept it with time. With time feelings will fade and everything I went through won't hurt anymore. It will be a faded memory looking back at a tough time that made me strong.

[FailedFirstLove]

Sometimes I wonder if dumpers ACT it out on purpose. They assume dumpee will look up their FB etc.. So to feel better they show they have moved on and feel no pain at all. Maybe some of them do feel pain, but they don't want to show it at all. Otherwise it makes them look weak for making a decision and falling back. But then again it could be they are liking it without us too.

 

 

Its not fair,,, the dumpees shud be playing that game. but were too damn hurt to even think. But before when we broke up for abit he did tell me after that he acts like his all happy but suppresses inside... however i do beleive he is happy now. which he SHOULDNT BE =(

[LostOne1]

Sometimes I wonder if dumpers ACT it out on purpose. They assume dumpee will look up their FB etc.. So to feel better they show they have moved on and feel no pain at all. Maybe some of them do feel pain, but they don't want to show it at all. Otherwise it makes them look weak for making a decision and falling back. But then again it could be they are liking it without us too.

 

 

Its not fair,,, the dumpees shud be playing that game. but were too damn hurt to even think. But before when we broke up for abit he did tell me after that he acts like his all happy but suppresses inside... however i do beleive he is happy now. which he SHOULDNT BE =(

I agree.. the dumpees can't think straight from the pain.

 

If I had thought it straight. I would've let my ex WALK out the door then and there like she wanted too. I wouldn't have begged or pleaded. I did and it just gave her reassurance that it's okay to do what she is doing...

 

I messed up for sure chasing after her insetad of ignoring her and letting her chase me or just moving on. If SHE wanted to walk out.. I should have let her.

 

But I messe dup even with others gave me this advice too.

Now all I can do is LEARN from this and move on the hard way.

 

I won't lie I still do miss my ex, though I don't know if I love her anymore. I do know I miss having her around and spending time with her. But it hurts to know she could replace me so easily after 3 yrs.

[FailedFirstLove]

I agree.. the dumpees can't think straight from the pain.

 

If I had thought it straight. I would've let my ex WALK out the door then and there like she wanted too. I wouldn't have begged or pleaded. I did and it just gave her reassurance that it's okay to do what she is doing...

 

I messed up for sure chasing after her insetad of ignoring her and letting her chase me or just moving on. If SHE wanted to walk out.. I should have let her.

 

But I messe dup even with others gave me this advice too.

Now all I can do is LEARN from this and move on the hard way.

 

I won't lie I still do miss my ex, though I don't know if I love her anymore. I do know I miss having her around and spending time with her. But it hurts to know she could replace me so easily after 3 yrs.

 

i might as well tie my arms to the chair now... the urges keep coming. theres no point talking and hoping but sometimes its so bad! and i will probably regret it later and sometimes i just dont think of later, jsut what i want now! keep thinking of things i could possibly do to give it another chance, need to accept there is no chances!

[ActionJ623]

I agree.. the dumpees can't think straight from the pain.

 

If I had thought it straight. I would've let my ex WALK out the door then and there like she wanted too. I wouldn't have begged or pleaded. I did and it just gave her reassurance that it's okay to do what she is doing...

 

I messed up for sure chasing after her insetad of ignoring her and letting her chase me or just moving on. If SHE wanted to walk out.. I should have let her.

 

But I messe dup even with others gave me this advice too.

Now all I can do is LEARN from this and move on the hard way.

 

I won't lie I still do miss my ex, though I don't know if I love her anymore. I do know I miss having her around and spending time with her. But it hurts to know she could replace me so easily after 3 yrs.

 

I feel the exact same. I should have just let her go like she wanted to. But 1 night of NC and the next morning she tells me, "I love how you're giving up on us so easily while I fight for us." Along with 5 other text on how she still loves me. But I still stay around for 2 months with the false hope, to help her ego I guess, all the while she is just feeding me with false hope. Now I'm taking control with the NC but she still sees me as chasing her but I guess only time will tell her i'm serious and done with this. I should have just left from day 1, but I learned the hard way. I will definitely be a NC no stringing along force to be reckon with after my next break up.

[FailedFirstLove]

 

I feel the exact same. I should have just let her go like she wanted to. But 1 night of NC and the next morning she tells me, "I love how you're giving up on us so easily while I fight for us." Along with 5 other text on how she still loves me. But I still stay around for 2 months with the false hope, to help her ego I guess, all the while she is just feeding me with false hope. Now I'm taking control with the NC but she still sees me as chasing her but I guess only time will tell her i'm serious and done with this. I should have just left from day 1, but I learned the hard way. I will definitely be a NC no stringing along force to be reckon with after my next break up.

 

Great thinking! but please know you are most liking going to go back and forths! one minute i was like IM DONE! the next i was in tears wanting him back. just dont give into your bad days and weak moments =]

[LostOne1]

 

i might as well tie my arms to the chair now... the urges keep coming. theres no point talking and hoping but sometimes its so bad! and i will probably regret it later and sometimes i just dont think of later, jsut what i want now! keep thinking of things i could possibly do to give it another chance, need to accept there is no chances!

Oh trust me.. DO NOT contact the ex. I did it a lot and it was the WORST feeling ever. And things always heated up and we would fight more and more.

 

It was NOT worth it My biggest regret is just NOT giving my ex space. I wish I just said you know what.. take all the space you need I'm giving you ALL the space you can ask in the world. I'm moving on so enjoy your space you'll have lots of it from now on.

 

And then just never talk to her and go on NC. If she really wants me then she woulda reached out to work it out. But instead I pleaded like a dog and it just didnt help. There might not be a second chance at all. Most of the time there isn't and if there is its months or years down the road.

[LostOne1]

 

I feel the exact same. I should have just let her go like she wanted to. But 1 night of NC and the next morning she tells me, "I love how you're giving up on us so easily while I fight for us." Along with 5 other text on how she still loves me. But I still stay around for 2 months with the false hope, to help her ego I guess, all the while she is just feeding me with false hope. Now I'm taking control with the NC but she still sees me as chasing her but I guess only time will tell her i'm serious and done with this. I should have just left from day 1, but I learned the hard way. I will definitely be a NC no stringing along force to be reckon with after my next break up.

That's one of the reasons why I didn't want to go NC. I felt if I show I am ignoring her then it's like that I don't care for her.

 

SO I felt like either way I can't win.. she has ALL the power at the end of the day. Either I don't go NC and beg her and she feels good. Or I go NC and leave her alone and she says you didn't care to show me you loved me and us..

 

Either way we lose/lose and my ex would win/win.

 

I had no chance at all. Though NC STILL would be the better way, because you would heal faster than holding on and suffer.

[LostOne1]

 

Great thinking! but please know you are most liking going to go back and forths! one minute i was like IM DONE! the next i was in tears wanting him back. just dont give into your bad days and weak moments =]

Yeah I still have those days from time to time. In fact I am having one today and a few days ago. I crashed into her after 6 months and it was odd. I didn't feel much then but a day after I felt it a bit. I was more nervous when I saw her than hurt or mad.

 

I guess going on her FB today was BAD lol.. but I'm just realizing I need to let it go so she has no influence or control over me anymore.

[FailedFirstLove]

Yeah I still have those days from time to time. In fact I am having one today and a few days ago. I crashed into her after 6 months and it was odd. I didn't feel much then but a day after I felt it a bit. I was more nervous when I saw her than hurt or mad.

 

I guess going on her FB today was BAD lol.. but I'm just realizing I need to let it go so she has no influence or control over me anymore.

 

 

im having my weak moment now... im so tempted to check his friends fb. my ex is blocked. and i wanted to give myself the excuse that i needed to go delete his friend, but then i wud have to go look on his page! i really need to have more self control and just stop the urges.

 

ill be a wreck if i check it =.= so much fun his having. partying away having the life, while im stressing out on a break up forum....

[LostOne1]

 

 

im having my weak moment now... im so tempted to check his friends fb. my ex is blocked. and i wanted to give myself the excuse that i needed to go delete his friend, but then i wud have to go look on his page! i really need to have more self control and just stop the urges.

 

ill be a wreck if i check it =.= so much fun his having. partying away having the life, while im stressing out on a break up forum....

Well think of it this way... is your ex worth it? Why care what he is doing? If he's having fun and your suffering then screw him. My ex is having fun without me for months now at least 6 months. Half a year and she didn't even give a **** about me. So why should I care about her?

[FailedFirstLove]

Well think of it this way... is your ex worth it? Why care what he is doing? If he's having fun and your suffering then screw him. My ex is having fun without me for months now at least 6 months. Half a year and she didn't even give a **** about me. So why should I care about her?

 

When im not in my right mind i think his worth it =.= and i dont want him to have fun without me! =( argh im such an idiot to keep caring. he doesnt give a **** about me. When he needed something he just got his friend to call me...! doesnt care for one second. but why do i care so much!!!! and the last thing is friend said to me was " dont do anything stupid" wth is that suppose to mean?

 

sometimes i think ohh ill just see all the stuff his doing and having fun then ill make myself angry and get over him faster! doesnt work that way does it. causes pain, pain and more pain

[ActionJ623]

Every time I checked my ex's facebook it was like revisiting the breakup over times about 100%. She was always taking pics with her friends smiling, having a great time and oh here's the good part, she was always next to the guy she told me she liked looking like she was the happiest she has ever been! Posting statuses about true love, and how somebody would save her and actually love her for who she was eventually. Oh well I guess I just don't count then, I don't know if she just plays dumb to my feelings about her or is...idk. It got to a point where I was just like....why am I doing this to myself? I could be having a great day then I see, "Had a great time out dancing!" then I imagine her dancing with a good guy and my day is ruined BAAM! just like that. I would be a sad, pissed off person the rest of the day. I guess with this step I'm reaaaalllly stepping a huge step from previous clingy "please talk to me and dont go" behavior...but it still hurts like hell.

[HaveFaithxx]

I have read hundreds of messages where people write that NC is so difficult. I agree that it is in the beginning, but I really don't understand the urge to contact someone when they are not making any effort to contact you.

 

I mean if someone doesn't contact you, they aren't thinking of you; therefore, they don't care about you very much. So why would you want to contact them? Whenever I catch myself wondering if my ex still thinks about me or misses me, then I think about this old classmate of mine. I have him on facebook, he's a nice enough guy and we hung out after lectures at uni sometimes. That was about three years ago. SInce then I have met him twice. Every few weeks to a month he sends me a message to see how I am doing and wants to chat. Lots of times I ignore him, even though he's a nice person etc I just don't care about him so much. That is how your ex feels about you! I know you are going to say it's different because you were so close, you shared so much, he/she at one point said they wanted to marry you etc.... But feelings change, and for some people really fast. Look around you, people are breaking up all the time, falling in love more than once in their life, 50% of marriages fail etc.

 

Some people are really scared to go completely NC. And it seems here that that means you block them from your email, FB, phone etc. For me that would be really hard; I would go nuts and think about them more. It would also show that person that I care enough to do that. That they are getting to me. I don't have my ex on facebook, but I don't block him from anything. For me it gives me comfort that he can contact me if he wants to. But in order to do this you really have to be strong I guess. Breadcrumbs would hurt, but I don't really look into messages from my ex if he wrote "how are you". It would not get me wondering if he misses me or loves me etc. It just means: "how are you".

 

Almost all my exes have contacted me after some time apart. For most of them, it was to get back together. For some, it was just to apologize. For some, it was just to start a friendship. But all of them regretted breaking up with me. It always took less than a year. When I did finally hear from them, I was happy, because I had moved on and didn't want them back and was happy to become friends with them. But in all cases, I completely left them alone. I would never ignore a message from an ex, even if it hurts. I have read many posts from others saying that they regret breaking up with their ex but are too scared to contact them.

 

For me, the best "revenge" is to act like I am over them. And especially to be as friendly as I can towards them. It really gets to them because they see what a wonderful person they lost. But, it's not easy I admit.

 

I know every situation is different, so what I do can't be applied to other situations. I read that some ex's send texts that they miss you and then you reply and then you don't hear anything back. That is soooo cruel, and nothing I have experienced.

 

I see my ex almost everyday at school. It hurts like hell when I see him still. He avoids eye contact with me, and tries to avoid being in the same room as me. I just let him be. I just tell myself that if he doesn't value me, then he is not worth it. It gets easier. Hope this helps a little.

[LostOne1]

 

When im not in my right mind i think his worth it =.= and i dont want him to have fun without me! =( argh im such an idiot to keep caring. he doesnt give a **** about me. When he needed something he just got his friend to call me...! doesnt care for one second. but why do i care so much!!!! and the last thing is friend said to me was " dont do anything stupid" wth is that suppose to mean?

 

sometimes i think ohh ill just see all the stuff his doing and having fun then ill make myself angry and get over him faster! doesnt work that way does it. causes pain, pain and more pain

Well he wants to show he's happy otherwise his decision he made would be wrong.

 

if I BU with someone I'd WANT to show I am happy otherwise it would prove to me that I made a bad decision. If you show NO feelings back or any contact back.. it will make him feel more like **** over time wondering why you haven't gone and begged him. Maybe you are doing BETTER off without him.

 

I didn't understand this back when my ex BU with me. If I HAD.. I think my ex would be chasing me right about now

[ActionJ623]

I have read hundreds of messages where people write that NC is so difficult. I agree that it is in the beginning, but I really don't understand the urge to contact someone when they are not making any effort to contact you.

 

I mean if someone doesn't contact you, they aren't thinking of you; therefore, they don't care about you very much. So why would you want to contact them? Whenever I catch myself wondering if my ex still thinks about me or misses me, then I think about this old classmate of mine. I have him on facebook, he's a nice enough guy and we hung out after lectures at uni sometimes. That was about three years ago. SInce then I have met him twice. Every few weeks to a month he sends me a message to see how I am doing and wants to chat. Lots of times I ignore him, even though he's a nice person etc I just don't care about him so much. That is how your ex feels about you! I know you are going to say it's different because you were so close, you shared so much, he/she at one point said they wanted to marry you etc.... But feelings change, and for some people really fast. Look around you, people are breaking up all the time, falling in love more than once in their life, 50% of marriages fail etc.

 

Some people are really scared to go completely NC. And it seems here that that means you block them from your email, FB, phone etc. For me that would be really hard; I would go nuts and think about them more. It would also show that person that I care enough to do that. That they are getting to me. I don't have my ex on facebook, but I don't block him from anything. For me it gives me comfort that he can contact me if he wants to. But in order to do this you really have to be strong I guess. Breadcrumbs would hurt, but I don't really look into messages from my ex if he wrote "how are you". It would not get me wondering if he misses me or loves me etc. It just means: "how are you".

 

Almost all my exes have contacted me after some time apart. For most of them, it was to get back together. For some, it was just to apologize. For some, it was just to start a friendship. But all of them regretted breaking up with me. It always took less than a year. When I did finally hear from them, I was happy, because I had moved on and didn't want them back and was happy to become friends with them. But in all cases, I completely left them alone. I would never ignore a message from an ex, even if it hurts. I have read many posts from others saying that they regret breaking up with their ex but are too scared to contact them.

 

For me, the best "revenge" is to act like I am over them. And especially to be as friendly as I can towards them. It really gets to them because they see what a wonderful person they lost. But, it's not easy I admit.

 

I know every situation is different, so what I do can't be applied to other situations. I read that some ex's send texts that they miss you and then you reply and then you don't hear anything back. That is soooo cruel, and nothing I have experienced.

 

I see my ex almost everyday at school. It hurts like hell when I see him still. He avoids eye contact with me, and tries to avoid being in the same room as me. I just let him be. I just tell myself that if he doesn't value me, then he is not worth it. It gets easier. Hope this helps a little.

 

I agree in many ways, and in fact after one time I acted so friendly (non flirtatious) she bluntly said "I still love you so much." however at this point of NC I kinda see those were just breadcrumbs...if she really wanted to reconcile she would have done it by now. Me getting on my computer and then getting destroyed to see her doing so well (not that I want her to be a raging depressed alcoholic) isn't helping anybody. So yeah you better believe it is effecting me, so blocking her seemed pretty logical. Although I have to admit, I am effected by the fact of "What if she wants to reconcile and she can't contact me?" plus I would want to show her i'm surviving with a happy fb status or two.